A/N: I got a very good response for this fic. As such I'm trying to get a new chapter that sets the tone of future chapters better. I know where I'm going with three of my four characters, and the fourth is something of a wildcard at this point. I should have planned the character better, but so far lack of planning hasn't stopped me. I'm including character flashbacks/flashforwards, to help explain my original characters. Praise my betas, because it's their steady support that keeps my dribbles worth reading. If they are, that is. So, cheerio Ultrawoman and Ezekeiel Rage, my betas.
Disclaimer: I've decided my fics need more nudity. Sex sells, right? Well get ready. This fic is going to be nuderama. Or not. It's all relative.
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Confusion and perplexity
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"Greetings once more, gentle viewer. It is I, Annalisa Mevirium Telomire, 'coding once more for our archives. This tekcode is The Training and Inspiration of Jelts VI. On this special day, Monday the 12th of January 2363CE, we have been given an exclusive privilege not given to any other before. We will be listening in to one of General Spike's famous educational/inspirational speeches."
"You're all going to die. Simple fact. If you thought any different, then you're a bloody idiot. If you're here, that means you want your death to mean something. That's good. If you can manage to come back alive, that's better. Then we get to use you again.
Make no mistake, we're not heroes. We're idiots.We run out into the most hazardous environment that this world has ever seen to distract the largest bloody demon army this world has ever seen, on the off chance that we'll be able to bring more people or supplies in.
I can smell fear on a lot of you. Good. Fear keeps you alive. Fear will keep you alert. There's more out there to worry about than the bloody demons. Those are the easy part. Quick, simple evisceration is more than a lot of us get.
Keep an eye on the sky. It's always cloudy, but you need to learn how to distinguish between cloud and smog if you plan to make it out alive. The rain won't hurt the demons, but it well cause permanent erosion of your skin. Nothin' uglier than a rain victim,
Learn to separate between night and day. It'll always look the same, but during the day... the sulphur pits belch out more fumes during the day. The demons are less active during the day. Take it from a creature of the night.
Never have any regrets before leaving, because chances are you won't be coming back.
Lastly, get killed, not injured. I don't ant to be dragging your worthless carcass back so you can die here.
Now get the bloody hell out of my sight."
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Annalisa opened her eyes reluctantly. Being woken by a draught when you're lying on a cold, hard floor is not pleasant, and for some reason her body was encased in coarse materiel. Her bleary vision came to rest on a large bay window, and for a moment she looked lethargically out at the night sky.
"Mekh!" she screeched, scrambling away from the window as fast as she could until she tripped over the prone form of Angel, who grunted surlily at being woken up. "Angel! Angel! We're in the open! We're in the outside! Wake up, we're all in danger!"
"Wha?" Angel asked groggily, looking around blindly for a second. "Anna, calm down. Outside isn't as dangerous here." The ex-vampire pushed himself to his knees. "I don't think," he muttered under his breath, scratching the back of his head lazily. He looked at the hyperventilating young woman. "Okay, calm down. Panicking isn't helping anybody. We need to find everyone, make sure we're all okay."
Annalisa made a strenuous effort to calm herself and reminded herself that a good tekcoder was observant of his or her surroundings at all times. Looking at herself first, she noticed she was wearing what appeared to be surprisingly colourful - Blue pants? Yellow top? Craziness - yet unpleasantly coarse clothing. The fact that she was wearing clothing, always a plus.
Her state of dress determined, she expanded her realm of awareness outwards. It looked like she was in some kind of old building, made, apparently, of stone. Despite it's primitive construction it gave a sense of opulence. Thick red draperies hung on the sides of the windows, like vivid copies of the ones found in Spike's or Angel's War Rooms back home.
The moonlight cast an odd pattern of shadows across the floor, not helping to calm Anna who'd been taught from an early age to expect the monsters in the dark. One particular silhouette was looking particularly suspicious and dense, until it shifted slightly and began to snore. She'd recognise that painful, grating sound in any time or place. Crossing the floor on her hands and knees - after all, it was better to be safe than dead - she gave the shade a hard poke in the back.
"Angemina Yuspike!" The lump refused to move, so Anna gave it a sharp kick with the toe of her surprisingly stylish footwear. "Attention soldier!" Anna barked loudly.
Angemina sprung to her feet, immediately looking around for the danger and there was a groan from across the large room. Four curious glances - because Angel had found and woken Marelatoy just moments before Annalisa began barking orders - showed a groggy Derekthel on his knees, obviously still mostly asleep, trying to salute.
The five travellers gathered together in the middle of the large room, Derekthel and Angemina glaring balefully at Annalisa for waking them - they were always churlish after waking up, which was really inconsiderate of them because it's not like it was safe for them to be waking two of the most deadly fighters left on Earth - and worrying about where their sixth member was. The issue was soon resolved.
"Bloody HELL!"
Everyone let out a breath they hadn't realised they'd been holding when they heard the familiar expletive come from up the stairs. The relief was quickly replaced with shock when Spike appeared at the head of the stairs. Naked as the day he was born. Angemina quickly turned her back, her face beet red, and Angel, after a brief minute of complete and utter confusion, looked around for something to clothe his erstwhile friend with, but Derekthel, Annalisa and Marelatoy all stared at the naked man unabashedly. The view was really too good to pass up.
"Those bloody pillocks have a sense of bloody humour," Spike complained sourly as he ambled down the stairs, clearly not self-conscious about his body - and why should he be? Smooth, pale, unblemished skin covered clearly defined and oh-so-obviously rock-hard abs, and several other features were nothing to turn one's nose up at, either… The three riveted to Spike's descent titled their heads to the right simultaneously.
"Well, Spike," Angel began, tossing him one of the heavy drapes he had torn from the window, "it probably wasn't the best idea to call them a 'nancy-boy' and a 'tart' and suggest they 'climb down off their high-horse before someone shoves a bloody rail-road spike up their bloody asses'."
Spike scowled as he wrapped the heavy cloth around him like a toga - deeply disappointing three of his companions - and loftily ignored Angel's wisdom. Like he did every single time the other vamp-- man was right. Looking around the giant room, Spike began to frown. "Angel, do you recognise this place?"
"No, I've never- wait a minute…" Angel murmured, looking around, his brow furrowing thoughtfully.
"Can I look yet?" Angemina squeaked, still entirely red-faced and looking at the far wall.
"Yeah, love," Spike muttered looking around as intently as Angel.
"The mansion!" Angel declared suddenly, causing four of the others to look at him in confusion.
"Of course!" Spike exclaimed, not very helpfully.
"What mansion?" Marelatoy asked, hating to be out of the loop even more than the others.
"It's where I stayed in Sunnydale when I was evil and after I came back from Hell," Angel supplied, as Spike looked around with nostalgic fondness painted on his face.
"Look, what the Mekh is going on here?" Marelatoy demanded, exasperated. Angel and Spike ignored her.
"We need to go out and see when and where we are," Angel declared.
Spike rolled his eyes. "Obviously, Peaches, but we can't all go traipsing around out there, can we?" At Angel's blank look, he pointed at his own unclothed situation, smirking when the other man's eyes widened. "Should probably split into two groups."
"Right. I'll go find a newspaper or something, get you some clothes and maybe grab something to eat," Angel listed, counting off on his fingers. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "I'm hungry! I'm hungry!" he repeated joyously, his grin matched only by the one on Spike's face.
"You've been hungry before," Derekthel inserted dryly, a little amused at the almost childish glee of the two former vampires.
"No, I'm hungry," Angel stressed. "As in, I want food. I'm human!"
"Yeah, well, you'd best be going. Standing about here like a big poofter's not helping anyone, is it?" Spike muttered, not fooling anyone with his gruff exterior but still earning a dirty look from the other ex-vampire. They all knew he was as happy as Angel, and Angel was so happy he was emoting.
"I'll go with you, Angel!" Angemina declared excitedly, completely oblivious to the slight look of panic on the former vampire's face. "You're human now, so I'll have to protect you."
Spike sniggered into his hands. "That means Derek's with me, then. Can't take all the fighters with clothing off together."
Angel sighed and consigned himself to the fact that the boisterous young slayer would be accompanying him on his exploratory mission.
XXX
Derekthel winced and shifted himself again, and again. Whatever these pants were made of, they were rough and uncomfortable. Still, better that he had bad pants than no pants like Spike. Although pants-less Spike was a plus for him. The once-vampire was not really his type, but what man or woman ever turned down a chance for eye candy like that?
Derekthel shifted again only to notice a particularly uncomfortable and hard square pressing unpleasantly into his rear. This was the last straw. Here he was, in some alternate dimension, wearing really scratchy stuff, sitting alone in the main room of a giant stone and marble place that isn't highly defensible with no obvious weapons lying around, alone because everyone else decided to do a little recon without him and someone had to wait for Angel and Angemina and since he was the only fighter who was clothed in the house he was the one who had to wait and now there was some malfunction with his pants and they were pressing into his ass painfully and he COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
With a scream of rage, he slammed his chair into the floor over and over, splintering the wood beyond recognition and drawing everyone left in the house to him. Derek looked around with wild eyes, gripping the fragments of chair in his fists.
"What the bloody hell happened?" Spike asked roughly, still dressed in his curtain.
Derek continued to stare around blindly.
"He doesn't deal well with pressure," Marelatoy informed the others, recognising the hallmarks in her old friend. Spike looked at her askance.
"He used to run into uncovered territory to fight with bloody demons strong enough to tear him into little fragments smaller than a sodding nemmil," Spike said incredulously.
Marelatoy sighed. "Yeah, but he knew what to expect then. We're in a world we're unfamiliar with. None of us know what the rules are here," she said softly, prying the demolished chair from the dazed Derek, who sat down slowly only to jump up with a yelp when his pants malfunction kicked in again. "What's wrong?"
"…there's something wrong with my pants," Derek said in an embarrassed tone. Annalisa, Marelatoy and Spike all looked directly at his groin. He threw them all a dirty look and said, "The back of my pants!" He spun to point out exactly where his pants were misbehaving only to feel Spike press his hand against his ass. "Hey!"
"You have a wallet?" Spike asked, pulling out a small square-shaped leather item from somewhere in the vicinity of Derek's ass.
"A what?" Annalisa asked, and if there'd been a moment where her desire for a tekcorder had been any more apparent Derekthel had missed it.
Spike ignored her in favour of unfolding the leather item and looking at the insides. "You have credit cards," Spike said, sounding very amused as he pulled out a shiny, green card and throwing it to Derekthel. It listed his name as Derek Shawai, or possibly American Express. It was a little unclear on that particular point.
"Great, but what the Mekh are they for, why do they have my name on it and why were they in my pants?" Derek asked, already far out of his depth and feeling the insidious creep of panic begin again.
"Look, if we're where Broody Boy and I think we are, the world is a very different place," Spike began, wadding his curtain beneath him so he could sit comfortably. "There aren't nearly as many demons and all the Hellmouths are closed. Humans fight amongst themselves more than against demons. Point of fact, most humans don't even know demons exist."
"Then how do they protect themselves?" Marelatoy asked curiously.
"They don't," Spike replied bluntly. "You have to buy things in this kind of world, exchange pieces of paper and metal for items or services. You get these bits of metal and paper, called money, by supplying an item or service."
Derekthel, Marelatoy and Annalisa looked at each other for a moment. "But that's so primitive," Annalisa complained. Spike just shrugged.
"Turn out your pockets," Spike ordered. Everyone else stared at him blankly, and he sighed heavily. "Check just below the waistband of your pants. There should be an opening in the fabric. It's called a pocket."
A perusal of these 'pockets' turned out two wallets, one for each of the girls, a small metal ring with a collection of metal shards Spike called 'keys' and two tiny black and silver plastic case that Spike called a 'cell phone'. Spike had wandered off to find where 'those bloody wankers put my stuff' and left Derek and the others to rummage through their new stuff.
"Hey!" Annalisa complained sharply. "This says my name is Anna Telomire! They cut off most of my name!"
"You think that's bad?" Marelatoy asked sourly. "I'm Mary Tyverley. What the Mekh kind of name is 'Mary', anyway?"
"Hey, ladies? Either of you know what a 'library of Sunnydale' is?" Derek asked, looking at one of the cards from his wallet. They shook there heads. "Argh! This is infuriating," Derek declared in disgust, before gathering up the items and returning them to his pockets. "Let's find Spike."
Derek waited for the girls to grab their stuff as well before getting up and walking briskly in the direction Spike had gone. They wandered through the hallways listening for some sounds of life, peeking into the occasional room. Whatever kind of world they found themselves in, it was far more given to extravagance than their own time.
After a twenty minute search - revealing rooms with various items and clothes, one of which was clearly Angemina's due to the unhealthy number of weapons displayed on the wall - the finally came across a sound in the silent mansion; the patter of falling water.
Quelling the instinctive wave of panic -- after all, new dimension -- Derek opened the door the sound emanated from. The room's interior was far darker than all of the other outfitted rooms, barring one that was probably Angel's, with black and red being the only colours in the dramatic room. Stepping in, the drumming of water on hard surface grew louder, originating from behind the second door in the room.
Derek pressed an ear to the door -- because no amount of logic was going to change a lifetime of self-preservation and Derek was the designated risk-taker with Angemina absent -- and he heard Spike humming in a low tone.
"Spike?!" he called out, unable to keep the panic from his voice. It could be raining in there.
"Just a sec'," the ex-vampire called back, the splash of water dwindling after a time.
There were a few thuds and a muffled curse or two then the door swung open suddenly to reveal a glistening Spike. From somewhere he'd found a black pair of the same pants that Derek and the others wore, but he was still topless -- by choice or lack of tops was unclear -- and small beads of water dampened his pale skin. He was loosely towelling his head.
Derek and the girls' gazes only shifted away from Spike's lean hip-bones and well-defined muscles when he let the towel dropped away from his head. Three pairs of eyes snapped towards Spike's hair, which was now peroxide white.
After a lengthy explanation about peroxide and other hair products, including a lot of insinuations about Angel that Derek found vaguely intriguing, the housebound four returned to the main room and sat on the couches there, waiting for the return of Angie and Angel.
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A/N: Well, there we go. Chapter two done. Later than it could have been, but I've had boyfriend issues (now I don't have one) on top of my natural laziness. I can't believe that over five thousand words aren't enough for me to show what I want the story to be exactly, but we'll figure it all out eventually. I'm tired and my betas didn't get to check all of this (unless you wanted to be waiting for another week) so deal with my typos. I'm beginning to want to do a collaborative piece so I don't have to do so much active thinking… Well, read and review, let me know what you think or what you want me to update. I'll get around to stuff eventually.