Loser
About the Book
I am not a professional writer; therefore, that explains my crappy story. With that kind of attitude, I expect no one to read this rather lame story, but never the less, I write this to express my own thoughts.
This book is not your typical play or something, but it is written in dialogue form. What is not so typical about this story is that I create the characters, and from time to time, each character will give out their aspect towards the situation. I thought this would be a more fun approach. Enjoy!
Well, what are you waiting for? Start reading! … Oh! I know… you want me to give you a summary of this story? Well! Honestly, did you think I would tell you about this story so you wouldn't have to read this boring piece of crap? Well, if you really want to read, be my guest, if not, well, so be it.
Prologue
The strong winds started to blow over Garvey Avenue as I walked home. I look over at the sign that greeted incoming tourist that came to our town. "Welcome to Friendly El Monte" I would laugh whenever I saw this sign because I always wondered, where's the friendly people in this town? Anyways, I started to laugh at myself as I reminisce about my "life". Life, a funny word it is; you hate it, but you got to live it for some reason. I thought to myself, "Why do I live? I am just this pathetic twelve year old boy named Mikewho doesn't know jack shit about anything that goes around him." I continued walking with a deep sigh and noticed this crippled dog. He started to walk with me, limping; you just couldn't help but to feel sorry for the hurt creature. Just when I let my guard down to pet it, it snaps at me. A flash goes on my mind, I remember about the time where my "friend" had done the same to me as I started to trust him… Why can't I learn to never trust again… I am meant to live this world… alone… as a loser to be taken advantage of… What the hell did I do in my past life to deserve any of this?
Chapter One
Ann Doung: What an interesting Name.
"Wake up you god damn stupid kid!"
"Alright… I'm awake…"
I moaned a bit and looked over at the alarm clock, it was 7:30 and classes start at 7:45. After punching the stupid alarm clock I got from Target but seems like 99 cent store quality, I got out of my bed, washed up and put on my clothes. I ran down the stairs, but trip on the way running down, but I don't care. I ignored my brothers and sisters laughter and bolted out the door because I was already late. I wondered why they were still sticking around…
When I got to Columbia Middle School, I noticed only a few people standing around and talking outside and thought I was really late. So I ran to my class but on the way, I noticed our school clock, it displayed 6:50. "Typical stupid idiot… Must have set the alarm wrong… god what a dumb ass I am!" I said to myself.
I decided to walk to the bakery across the street sense I haven't had my breakfast yet. I didn't know what I felt like eating so I just grabbed a blueberry muffin. I looked around to see if anyone else was as stupid as me, but I only saw a few adults getting ready for their day. Who else would be as stupid as me? Apparently, no one! So I sat at the table in the back, which is where I always sit. Why the back? Well I hate people staring at me, so I don't want to sit in the front where people will look at me as they come and go.
When I finished up my muffin, I noticed a few kids walking back and fourth outside, so I looked at my watch. 7:30 it displayed. I didn't know whether or not to believe it, but eh… I'm always having bad luck so yeah... I decided to go to school anyways. As I walked to school, I noticed someone at the front door. It was Amir. Amir was one of those Mexicans who loved to pick on the weak. Every day, he would come up to me and shove me or give me a hard time by not letting me through the door. Amir was an odd fellow though, for sometimes he's quite a nice guy. If you hang out with him for a while and talk about stuff that you both had interest in, he'd sit there and talk to you for a bit. Funny little bully, isn't he?
As usual, he kind of messed around with me by telling me to go home and all this stuff, and as usual, I just pushed away the door and walked along. My watch turned out to be somewhat right because the homeroom bell rang, which signaled it was about 7:40. Every morning I would walk to my homeroom and put my head down, it's been a tradition sense my first day as a sixth grader, but today, I felt I had a lot of energy so I decided to go walk around the room to look for some familiar faces. Before I got up, the tardy bell rang so I had to sit back down.
"Ok, welcome back to Columbia Middle School. I hope you all had a wonderful summer, but now we got to get back to our work and studies. This year, your homeroom teacher will be me, Mr. Skull… blah blah blah balh… blah blah blah blah.. blah blah blah! hahahahahah! blah blah blah blah.
I kind of dozed off… what am I saying... I definitely dozed off during his welcome speech. I was just about to fall asleep when he had to take attendance. (Damn).
"John Arceo"
"Diane Breneska"
"Cindy Cathan"
"Angie Diaz"
"Ann Doung"
I looked up when I heard the name "Ann Duong". I don't know why… I just did… Not like I knew her… but I felt like there was something I should pay attention about her. NAH! Probably not… probably just my stupid little mind. So I just ignored that thought and raised my hand to show I was here when he called my name.
History, Science, Reading and Language Arts, Art and Math seemed to go through really fast because I had some pretty interesting teachers. But what was also interesting was that I had that Ann girl in all my classes so far. As the day progressed, I noticed how beautiful she was. Realistically, she was just this average looking schoolgirl, but something about her really caught my eye.
The lunch bell rang so I went over the cafeteria, got my lunch and sat at the table where I always sat at. I looked around and it seemed like there's quite a few more loners joining us at the loner table this year. As I was about to take a bite out of my hamburger, I noticed someone sitting next to me.
"Hello" Ann.
I kind of jumped out of fear and banged my leg on the table loudly because no one ever sat next to me during lunch.
"Hehe… sorry… So… what's your name? Ann
"Mike" Mike
"Hi Mike, my name is Ann. What you doing eating lunch all by yourself?"
"Because everyone picks on me and talks shit about me behind my back. Is that why you're here? Because if it is, please go away." Mike
"No, it's not why I'm here…I'm different. I got nothing against you so why would I make fun of you?" Ann
"…Sorry" Mike
"It's okay… Anyways… can I ask you something?" Ann
"Fire away" Mike
"Um… What do you think of me? Like you think I'm ugly, cute, what?" Ann
"… I wonder why you would think ugly first, when you're not at all." Mike
"So… you think I'm cute? Hehehe. No wonder you keep on staring at me during class. Hehehe." Ann
"Um… no comment... I got to go… See you around" Mike
Chapter Two
Wow… What a feeling!
I threw away my trash and ran out to the hallway where I would always go to think sense it's always so empty. I can't believe I just said that… what the hell was I thinking… I never opened myself to anyone… I'm always afraid of someone hurting me… Why her…. How can she change that feeling? sigh… I don't know the anything about her than her name… and yet she opened me up like nothing…
After my seventh period, which was P.E., I decided to walk home. On my way out, I heard someone screaming "Hey Mike! Wait up!" It was Ann. I don't know why, but I thought I'd be polite and wait for her.
"Hey" Ann
"Hey" Mike
"Where are you going?" Ann
"Home" Mike
"You want to go get something to drink? I heard this new shop opened a few blocks away." Ann
Before I could give an answer, she grabbed my arm and started pulling me. I guess I had no other choice. Preppy little girl I guess.
"So… what are you planning to do after school and everything?" Ann
"Well… I guess I want to become a teacher or something. How about you?" Mike
"I guess I want to become an Artist or something." Ann
"I always loved to draw… but I suck" Mike
"Hehehe… Anyways, I take it that you're single?" Ann
"Is it that obvious?" Mike
"I don't know… Come on, were almost at the shop" Ann
It seemed to be one of those cheesy Chinese tea places, but it seemed pretty okay. As we continue to walk in, this hostess greeted us and led us to this table.
"So…" Ann
"So…" Mike
"Okay…. Um… so… why did you run off when I asked you if I was cute during lunch? Is it because I am that ugly? You know--" Ann
"Look… I dint run off because I thought u were ugly, if anything, it's quite the opposite. I really think you are the most beautiful girl I ever met. There…I said it" Mike
I was so shocked after I realized what I said. I felt so embarrassed that I turned bright pink and looked away. She on the other hand, chuckled.
"You know… just because I have some interest in you doesn't mean you got to laugh okay?" Mike
"Quite the opposite, I'm laughing because now I know how it is to feel liked, and quite frankly, I like you too." Ann
At that moment, she grabbed and held my hand. From that moment on, we both finally found something together, how it's like to be loved. I never wanted to let her go from that day on as well… I felt so safe…like its okay to be loved….
Chapter 3
Love's Prophesy
From that day on, our love grew more and more. Each passing minute, we seemed to find something that we both have an interest in; cars, music, same political views, everything seemed to be perfect. Each new day brought something new to learn. I'm not going to lie and say each one of our days together were perfect; for that's virtually impossible.
One Week Later
As I was walking to school that morning, my life seemed to be so perfect. Nothing can stop me from being happy, because I remembered it's our one week anniversary today. I know that seems like such a short time, but it was special. I couldn't afford much, after all I have no job, but I had this necklace for Ann which caught my interest while walking around the mall.
"Happy 1 week anniversary Hun!" Ann
"Hehehe... Happy one week!" Mike
"Look at what I got for you! I don't know if you'd like it, but its one of those rings you wanted!" Ann
"It's perfect… hehe…" Mike
"Hm….what are you hiding behind your back?" Ann
"It's your present! It's a necklace. I hope you like it." Mike
"Well duh, I can see that it's a necklace. Hehehe… just kidding. I love it!" Ann
The bell rings
"Well, we better get to class before we get marked late or something" Mike
"Okay" Ann
It was during class that I realized that I laughed. Me. I finally laughed. What an overwhelmingly good feeling it is to feel happiness, to feel joy!
The rest of the day, we just stared at each other, ignoring whatever the teacher said. She is such a wonderful girl to get along with, and also she was like whoa on cuteness. What more can a guy ask for?
After School
We decided to go to this park that hardly anyone went to during school days just so we can sit and talk. I brought up of the topic of relationships… I wondered if she ever been with anyone and fell in love with before. She has been with someone before, no shock there, but what shocked me was that she never felt the kind of love she had for me.
"Mike? Promise me something." Ann
"Name it." Mike
"Well… when if I die earlier than you… I want you to go out there and find someone else… you are destined for a greater love" Ann
"What greater love?" Mike
"It may take years, or it may just take minutes after my death… you will find someone with a stronger love" Ann
I wondered what she meant about this, but before I can even think, next thing I knew that her lips were touching mines. It seemed like hours before letting go. I opened my eyes again, only to find Ann in tears.
"What's wrong?" Mike
"I….. I can not do this….. I can't delay your fate any longer….. You are meant for some other girl… I just feel it….Please, don't follow the same path I am going to take… I love you Mike… Please, don't hate me for this, it's for the best" Ann
Before I can say another word, she had stabbed herself through her throat.
I held her until the ambulance came… I stayed with her all the way to the hospital… despite it was an obvious fact that she's gone… I don't hate her… I hate fate for taking her away from me. I hate everything happening so fast… all I ever want in life is a 2nd chance to stop all this insanity, all this void in my life. Nevertheless, I must believe in what she says… I love her with all my heart… so I must obey obediently.
God damn it… why must you take everything I love away from me… fuck… everything I love… everything I worked for… I have lost… you owe me bitch… you owe me big…
Chapter 4
Depression
I didn't want to believe that she was gone, but she was always nowhere to be seen. At times I would hear her voice… so I happily quickly turn around… just to find out it's just my stupid mind playing tricks on me and I collapse in tears.
It was finally the day of her funeral; her mother had invited me to come after I explained everything about us. I looked over at my alarm clock, 4:30 it displayed; I decided I should get at least an hour of sleep before I go so I can see her face clearly ever sense the hospital. I dreamt that we were back together once again, happily laughing at each other walking down a street holding hands tightly to make sure we'll never leave each other again. I woke up with a stream of tears flowing down my face, realizing that she is gone. It as only 4:45, but the dream seemed like us walking down that road for hours.
When I got to the temple, I saw here, lifeless. I stood there at the doorway, in fear of what I may do if I get any closer. Slowly, with some motivation knowing I'll never have another opportunity of seeing her again, I walked up by her side. I stood there, looking at her beautiful pale face. Shit, she was still beautiful like hell, even though she's dead. I couldn't help but to just let one tear drop on her. As soon as that one tear dropped on her, I pulled away because I didn't want any more tears on her; she didn't deserve any more of my tear drops.
"God damn you… Why… Tell me why the hell did you let her take her life away? She was my only daughter I had!
I turned around to hear Ann's father scream at me.
"I couldn't stop her. You think I want her dead you god damn bastard? Fuck! You think that I don't want to turn back time and stop her from this stupid foolish act!"
At that moment, I fell on the ground and passed out. I ended up being back at my house and I lay there silently, heartbroken.
Endless times I thought about taking away my life, but every time I had tried, the last memory of Ann keeps on coming into mind. "Please, don't follow the same path I am going to take"… God damn it … how can you expect me to just sit here and live my life without you. I want you back in my life so badly right now…
I was too depressed to eat, too depressed to go out, and too depressed to live life... but still, I try to be as happy as I can; at least I try to for Ann. I'm sorry Ann, but always in the end, I fail to be happy.
It was such a lonely first day of school. For every class I attended, I hardly knew anyone. All day, I did what I did everyday; think of Ann's last words. I couldn't help but to wonder who she meant by the one; how could she tell the future.
Day by day… everything got worse… some days, I couldn't even move.
One morning while laying there in my pool of tears, I finally took in what Ann told me; all she wanted was for me to be happy, and I wanted her to be happy too. If I were a dead spirit, I wouldn't want to see someone I love be like how I am right now. So up I went and I tried to live life to its fullest degree possible.
Chapter 5
New Love
It's already May 15th, lucky me all my classes were easy, so I was passing most of them with A's. Every day, I talked to more people, and they were shocked; who can blame them? I was always the quiet depressed guy sitting in the back corner, always working alone.
As I walked to my piano class this girl bumped into me as she was running to class sense the tardy bell rang. It was Jennifer Tong and along side her was Betty Chao. These two are such an impossible to separate pair. I knew them ever sense 7th grade but yet I never talked to them. Whenever I saw one of them around school, I can always expect to see the other being somewhere nearby.
"Sorry Mike" Jennifer
I sighed slowly then said "Here, let me help you"
"No, your going to be late" Jennifer
"I don't care, besides, aren't I already? So what's another 30 seconds?" Mike
"Sorry for the trouble…" Jennifer
As I picked up her books, I noticed she had a picture of her hugging this rather handsome guy as her bookmark.
"Heh… your b/f?" Mike
"Yeah…" blush Jennifer
"Lucky guy… just one thing through, don't take one second of your relationship for granted, for who knows what's waiting in life." Mike
She just stared at me oddly and we went to class. I was walking ahead of them and I noticed Betty whispering something about me liking Jennifer or something. I just thought it was my mind playing tricks on me again so I ignore the comment. Besides, she already has her b/f.
When we got to class, Mr. Toles, our piano teacher, excused us sense it was only a 5 minute tardy. I had just realized me and Jennifer only sat about two seats across from each other. I couldn't help but to get the feeling I was getting stared at, but I just ignored it.
The day was finally over so I went home and did all my homework. 9:30 the clock displayed. Sense there was nothing else to do; I just decided to go to sleep. I never needed to think about Ann again, because she is always in my dreams.
The next day was odd. I was eating my usual lunch of the spicy chicken burger, or shall I say processed newspaper with imitation pepper, with my old friends sense I known sense elementary school. Jennifer pops out of nowhere and sits down next to me, in tears. Not very obvious ones, but you can tell she was crying.
"What's wrong?" Mike
"Nothing…" Jennifer
Before I said another word, she dragged away from my friends and we ended up sitting outside of the Health and Safety class, which was totally sealed off area, but we managed to slip in.
The next thing I knew, she was hugging me, and I had no choice but to hold her back. I mean, what else can I do? It was then that I realized that perhaps I do have some feelings for her?
"Why me… why not any of your friends… especially why not your b/f?" Mike
"Because none of them give me the same feeling… because that son of a bitch cheated on me and I caught him in the act!"
She started to cry even harder. I hesitated for a while, remembering everything about Ann, but I eventually gave in. Perhaps this is the one she meant… So why not give it a shot… Ann never wanted me to be sad… Maybe this is the end to the sadness…
Chapter 6
Stupid Heart
We spent more and more time together, but we can never go out. She lived too far, which wasn't a problem for me, but the real problem was her parents. It was one of those relationships that are restricted from progressing too far because of parenthood. But still, she would reassure me every day that she loves me.
What a joke.
One cloudy afternoon, when I tried to look for her, I saw her, giving a kiss to her ex. When she was done, she looked over in horror.
"Mike…I'm sorry"
We tried to avoid each other as much as possible, but eventually her ex broke up with her again. Once again, she came crying to me, but I just walked away. I didn't want my heart broken any more. Hasn't it been broken enough already?
Chapter 7
Summer School
Summer School is now in session. I don't know why I chose the combination of Computer Applications and World History B. I thought it might be a bit easier on my schedule for my sophomore year. Besides, I wanted to take World History A then transfer to Piano II during my sophomore year. But in top of that, I had more than what other kids had. My dad forced me to take this writing profession class which helped me on my vocabulary and essay writing skills.
My Computer Applications teacher was Mrs. Williamson, a rather, um… peppy teacher. All we basically did from day to day was type and learn vocabulary. "You must learn vocabulary to strengthen your knowledge as you talk to your bosses one day". At the end of the day, everyone would have to write an evaluation on what they learned, how they felt, etc. Eventually one day I got fed up with the vocabulary words and said why the hell we have to learn these ridiculous words most of us wont use because most of the class was filled with rather… stupid… people. When Mrs. Williamson read it, she gave her famous preach about we must know these words. But eventually, me, along side with Duy Chu and Luis Aguilar had finished up the years work early and were assigned to work on other various tedious projects. One day, Duy wanted to listen to my CD's so yeah, I gave him one of my brother's CD's. Only problem was that it has two songs which got us in a shitload of embarrassment. There was one song, which was the friend's theme, which attracted Mrs. Williamson over, and she kind of danced to it. I know, Weird, but yeah. She stuck around thinking the next tract was something similar, but she was dead wrong. It was a little comedy clip of Elmo in a porn clip going "Hahahaha Hahahaha! That tickles!" every time the girl moans. Yep…
But second period of the summer class was not so fun. World History B wasn't boring at all sense we had a pretty funny teacher that told us tons of fun war stories so we get the idea. The problem was that Jennifer sat about 3 seats in front of me... I didn't really mind Jennifer that much anymore, but it's just awkward whenever I saw her or she saw me. It took a while, but I eventually got the hang of not noticing her.
When I got home one afternoon, I was bored, so I decided to go online and chat with some people. Only problem was I was a new AIM user and I didn't have much people to talk to so I tried the people search thing. I didn't know why I typed in search for Catherine, but I guess it was fate. I selected one of them and started talking to her.
It was very awkward talking to her at first, but as the time went on, it gotten very fun and easy to talk to her. She was this 13 year old girl in Orange County, 5'4, black hair. That was the way she described herself. I know it is creepy to trust someone online, but eh, what harm can come of it. Not like I'll ever meet her. Eventually, she branched out and introduced me to some of her friends.
Anna Pulido was perhaps one of the greatest friends I ever came to have. It just happens that she is Deanna's (my cousin) friend. She was 13 at the time as well, had pretty long hair and everything. . The more we talked, the more we seemed to connect.