I was lucky and had the house show off. Matt said he wanted to go out for brunch. Me, him, and Matt. A family thing. Like I said, I'd like to say mine and Matt's relationship wasn't effected, but it was. Which is harsh and hard to deal with since we have to try and raise a son normal in this environment. If it wasn't hard enough, now we have to sift through all the bullshit.
Matt came to my room with Matthew around 11:30. We went to a diner. It was a cute diner. All we got for Matt was dry cereal, he's such a mess. He can't keep anything in his mouth, it's hard to take him out. Just last week, Paul, Matt, Stephanie, and myself all went out for dinner, and little Matt came along. What a mess this child makes.
"You did incredible last night." Matt said.
"Thank you." I smiled.
"Come along way. You really pushed yourself to really make something of yourself."
"Want to show the world what I can really do." I looked at Matthew. "You know, he's not that bad anymore." I smiled.
"Yeah, he's moving right along." He said. "It took a lot of guts to go out there with Chris. Didn't think you'd face Jeff."
"When I told Chris I'd go out, I didn't really think about it. You know how my mouth does things without me knowing. Then, I walked down that ramp and saw Jeff. I wanted to turn around and walk back."
"You handled yourself well." I smiled. "You did."
"Never again." I said. "I wanted to throw up."
"Glad you didn't." He finished eating and I did too. "You were a professional."
"Yeah, just doing my job."
After, Matt and I didn't want to go back to the hotel right away. The two of us had the house show off. Matt wanted to take Matthew to a park. I wasn't in any mood to go back. It was very calming, in a way, to see all the little kids running around.
"He's getting big." Matt said.
"He looks like you." I replied. "Matt, no, don't eat the sand." I picked him up. "He looks just like you."
"He's got Jeff's eyes. Those are Jeff's eyes." He pointed out. "He's a Hardy, no mistaking that."
"He is, he sure is." I said.
We spent an hour there. Matt wanted to fix Team Xtreme in and out of the ring. It was hurting him too. He knew it was partly his fault. He's been trying to put an end to it. He told me he knew Jeff still loved me. He said that his relationship with Jeff may be tainted, but it was still there, and Jeff hasn't lost faith. According to Matt, I was still in the picture. I didn't know how much of that I actually believe.
"He has a match tonight." Matt said. "The arena's about an hour away. If we leave now, we'll make it."
"I don't know, Matt." I said.
"No one's saying you have to run out."
I slowly gave in. I wanted to see him, but it was so hard to. I wanted to see him, but I knew he didn't want to see me. But, Matt insisted that he didn't hate me. I mean, he did say a lot of things, but he never once said he hated me. I guess that's a start.
We pulled up to the arena and Jeff was just walking out. I went to the curtain and watched on the monitor. Matt was holding Matthew and talking to someone. Jeff had Edge and I wanted to make an impact. I grabbed a steel chair and ran out. No one knew I was ever here. Jeff thought I was going to hit him. The three of us looked at each other. Then, I nailed Edge in the head. I dove out of the ring before the ref could even see it. Jeff got the win over Edge. Jeff looked at me weirdly as I walked backwards up the ramp.
"What was that?" Matt asked me.
"Spur of the moment thing." I answered. "Can be please get out of here." I took his arm and dragged him.
I ran to the car and waited for Matt. He settled Matthew into his seat, slowly. I was itching to get out of there. Matt did finally get into the car, but he didn't start the car up right away. I shot a look at him.
"Calm down, Jeff isn't going to kill you." He said.
"You don't know that! Why did I do that? What was I thinking?"
"You were being noble, chill out." Matt finally turned the car on and we left. Matt pressed play on the tape player and "Betterman" began to play. It was the song that started it all. I turned my head.
"He's not going to be mad." Matt said after a few minutes. "Why are you so worried?"
"I just am." I snapped back.
"Woah, calm your buns."
"Do we have to listen to this song?" I asked angrily. I put on "Immortality".
"Something's bothering you." Matt said. "What?"
"Nothing that I want to talk about." I said snotty.
"When you want to talk, I'm here."
I looked at him. "Do you have to be so Goddamn nice all the time?"
"Des, what's wrong?" He put his hand on mine. I took my hand away. "All right."
"Don't you get it?"
"Get what? What's wrong?"
"The song, what happened." I said. "You're still so freaking nice."
"I want to keep this family together. And, what song are you talking about?"
"'Betterman'. Matt, don't you get it?"
"Destiny, I'm sorry." Matt said. "You need to calm down." We stopped at a light and he looked at me. I looked back, right in the eyes. "Chill." He took my hand again. "It's going to be all right." I let out a sigh, and then we went. "You don't mind taking the long way, do you?" He asked me. "I want Matthew to fall asleep."
"Not at all." I answered.
"Because, if you want me to go back-"
"Trust me, Matt, I am in no rush to get back."
I fell asleep before my baby did. Matt carried me to his room. I woke up in one of the beds. In the bed next to me was a sleeping Matt. Matthew was on Matt's chest eating his father's hair. I smiled and pulled the covers over my shoulder and watched. Matt didn't even notice, he was out. I smiled and waved to my year old son, but he just kept eating Matt's hair.
I rolled over on my back and lifted my leg up having my knee touch my nose. I laid like that for a while. I felt the good burn in the back of my leg.
"Oh my, God." I heard Matt yell. I looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me my hair was the main course." I shrugged. "Put that down, you're hurting me." I put my leg down.
"Needed a good stretch." I said. I pulled my other leg up.
"Stop!" Matt covered his eyes.
"I'm done, you can look now." I laughed.
"Don't do that around me again."
"Oh chill." I rolled over and faced him. "I'm sorry about before."
"It's all right." He said. I pulled the covers off myself. "I almost forgot how beautiful you are."
"Matt."
"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear that."
"It's all right." I said. He got up and kept Matthew on the bed.
"Can I ask you something? You may not want to hear it." He said. "Have you ever, once, thought about us as a family, as more than juggling Matt back and forth?"
It caught me off guard. "Have I? Yes, I have. Are you trying to tell me something?"
"I don't know. I do know I was raised to do the right thing. And, for a year and a half I've been debating on how to do the right thing. What's best for Matthew."
"I want what's best for Matt, too." I said. "I do, but, Matt, are you sure?"
"I don't know. I just want what's best for him."
We didn't come up with anything. We danced around it. Knowing we were both working in the best interest of Matthew. He was our top priority in life. And, whatever decision we were to make, it would be for him. We didn't care, it was all about our son. When I left, I was very confused. I didn't know what was going on. I went to Paul's room. I knocked twice. I heard footsteps and Paul opened the door.
"Hey hun." He said. I walked in. He was alone. "What's up?"
"Matt and I were talking about the best interests of Matthew." I answered.
"Parents normally want what's best for their children."
"He wants to be a family." I said.
Paul looked at me for a few seconds. "Did you?"
"He didn't officially ask."
"Would you?"
"I don't know. It would be best for Matthew. He'd have both his parents. Handing him off like this isn't healthy."
"This is a major thing here. I mean, a huge step. Are you sure?"
"I don't know what I'm sure of."
"You have to think about all this. I mean, really think." He looked worried.
"I will. I am." I said. "I'm still in shock over it."
"As am I." He said back down. "I should talk to him."
"No, Paul, don't." I looked at him. "Please, don't."
"If that's what you want."
"That's what I want."
I knew Paul was very uneasy, to say the least. And rightfully so. Someone wanted, or was considering for the sake of our son, marriage, with his daughter. Paul was acting like any father would. He was nervous, for my sake. And, for the first time, I didn't mind. Because, I was completely scared senseless.
I stayed with Paul for a while. Stephanie came back. She knew instantly that something was up. I told her that I would tell her when I felt the time was right. I told them that I was going to leave, and when I walked out I saw Matt. He putt Matthew down, looked at me, and smiled weakly. It was awkward.
"This isn't what I wanted to happen." He said.
"Me either." I looked down. "It's a big step."
"You don't think I know that? Destiny, it isn't any easier for me. I've been toying with this since you came back with Matthew for the first time. I've been thinking about doing the right thin. I haven't been feeling good since Unforgiven. I've been depressing, even suicidal. The only time I saw any light was when I was with you and Matt, when we are a family. I don't want you to do anything out of pity for me. But, I know this is the right thing."
I didn't say anything. I went to him and hugged him. "You don't have to be alone anymore, Matt. Not anymore. We are a family." I ran my hand through his ponytail. I could tell he was crying. "You can always talk to me." I rubbed his back. "Everything's going to be all right. I promise."
I heard Matt sigh. A long, hard sigh. I looked down at Matthew. He was eating his shirt.
"I'm sorry." Matt said.
"Don't apologize. You can't help it. It was traumatic. I flirted with suicide, I have. But, we're going to make it, as a family."
"I was just raised to do the right thing." He wiped his eyes.
"I want to do what's right, too. It will be best for Matt." I looked down at him again. "It's getting late. We'll talk in the morning."
"All right." He said. "I'm still keeping him."
"Ok." I saw Matt turn to go to his room. "Oh, and Matt." He looked at me. "Don't be afraid to call."
He nodded and I went to my room. I saw Jeff coming down the hall. He looked at me, like he wanted to say something, probably about the match, but didn't say it. I went in my room. I started thinking about what I did, and what was going on with Matt. I started crying again. I cried so much in the past year. So many tears stained my pillow at night. I've thrown up so many times because I couldn't cry anymore, and I had to get something out. There have been so many times where I have woken up screaming, running out to the balcony or out the room because I couldn't breath. My life was a living Hell after Unforgiven. And that act I put on in front of the cameras and to all of the guys backstage was just that, an act. I tried hard to keep my spirits up and show everyone I was all right, and I can bet that most of the time they saw through that. But, I never let my fans know what was really going on.
I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't sleep. I started crying again because I wanted to sleep. I finally gave up on sleep. I sat up in my bed and screamed, "why! Why, God, why!?". I knew I wouldn't get an answer. I laid back down and put my head under a pillow. I started bawling. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I was ready to put my fist through the mirror. When I got back in bed I took out a notebook of Jeff's poetry. I had him copy all of his poems into a notebook for me awhile back and he did. His poetry always made me feel better. I did manage to get in four hours, maybe.
"You all right?" Stephanie asked me. I was falling asleep at the airport.
"Didn't sleep much."
"Again?" My insomnia was know throughout the federation. The seriousness of it, however, was not known.
"No big deal." I said. "Hey, don't worry about me."
"I do. What did you and Paul talk about?"
"Matt wants us to be a family." I said.
"How sweet."
"No, he means officially. With rings and everything."
"Oh, oh! Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do. I want what's best for Matt, he's my main priority."
"He should."
"And, since he is, doing this doesn't seem like a bad thing."
"You're willing to do that?" She asked.
"For Matthew, yes. Anything for him."
"I think you really should think this over, with Matt. This is a decision that will forever effect the three of your lives, good and bad."
I nodded. Our flight was called. I walked to my seat. I leaned my head back in my chair. Jeff walked by and nodded at me. I responded with my own nod. When he walked past, I sighed and put my diskman on. I asked Adam to make me a CD. I didn't really give him a list, he knew what I liked and put things on it. I hadn't listened to it yet, until now. The first song on there was The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go". I died. I always sang it, so I knew why it was there. But, I never realized what it actually meant, until now.
I was able to get some sleep on the plane. I sleep more on planes than in bed. Probably because I knew a lot of people was there. I wasn't alone. It was a weird sleeping habit that would always catch up to me by the end of the week.
"You look like you could use a friend." Stephanie said.
"Hey, hun." I moved my things over. "Make yourself comfortable."
"How you doing?" She asked.
"All right." I answered.
"You sure? I see you try and look happy, but deep down, I know you're not."
"I am, really." I said.
"Put and thought into Matt's offer?"
I stayed quiet for a few seconds. "Want to be a maid of honor?"
"Destiny! You, you sure? You really sure?"
"By sure, do you mean I love him? No, I don't. But, I love my son more than life itself. I'll do anything for him."
"But marriage?"
"For Matthew, anything's possible. If I have to marry Matt, I'll marry him. We both know what's in it. I know it sounds crazy, but look at it from my point of view."
"But, you're sacrificing ever finding your true love."
"I found him, and I messed up." I said.
"You don't know that. Jeff may not be the One. And, if he is, maybe hope isn't all lost."
"He was, and it is." I said. "Matt and I get along, well. It makes sense. No one could ever understand. If you had a child of your own."
"I couldn't imagine that." She said. She sighed. "If that's what you want, I'll be right by your side."
I hugged her. "Thank you."
"You have to really talk to Paul. Tell him you want to do this."
"Right now, that's the last thing I want to do. I have to talk to Matt."
She nodded, and understood. She always understands. We had another house show to go to. This time, I had to go. I figured I'd ask Matt to dinner after the show was over. We needed to talk. Stephanie said she'd watch Matt.
When we got off the plane, I met up with Chris. He was talking to Buh-Buh Dudley, holding the belt around his shoulder. I shook my head and laughed then walked over to them. I put my hands on my waist and Chris put his arm around me. I smiled.
"Yup, boys, the new tag team reign is in place." Chris said. "Sorry, but no one can take these belts from us."
"Sorry to bust your bubble, but we've got a shot on Smackdown." Matt said walking over. My face grew white.
"Just bring." Chris said.
"Have to steal catch phrases." Matt said.
"Here's one of my own, please shut the hell up." The two laughed and shook hands.
I couldn't fight the Hardy Boyz. No chance in hell. I couldn't get in the same right as Jeff. I actually started shaking. It was horrible. Chris noticed and excused us. He brought me to a chair and said, "I didn't know." He looked at me. "If I did, I would try to change it."
"I'm sure Matt tried. They deserve it."
"I'll do most of the match." He said.
"No, no. If I'm going to have to be in there, I have to make the best of it. Besides, once it's made public, it'll be the most talked about the match. First time in a year."
I don't count Chris's title match. I didn't fight Jeff, I was just there. Now, I had to. I worried if Jeff would take out the year's aggression on me. I'd be Jeff's personal punching bag. It scared me. Many underestimated Jeff's power. He had power, it just didn't show like with Triple H or the Undertaker. But, he could kill someone just as easy.
"Sure you can do this?" Chris asked.
"I've got a week to get it together." I said. "I'll be fine."
He walked away. I sighed and walked to baggage claim. Stephanie was there getting her things. I stood right by her. She didn't notice at first.
"You scared me." She said placing her hand on her chest. "Have you talked to Matt or Paul yet?"
"I don't know what I'll tell Paul. I told him Matt offered it. I don't want to talk to him yet. I want to sort through it first, really talk to Matt. Make sure we're clear on it all. I don't want anything to happen if we're not clear on why we're here."
"I won't say anything." She replied. "I won't."
"Thank you."
I got my things and smiled. I went to find Chris again. He had just rented a car and was talking to Paul. I walked over and dropped my bags. I looked up at the two of them and said, "I don't see any of you so quick to help a lady. Geeze."
"I don't see a lady." Chris replied.
"Up yours." I said. I smiled. "You ready hunny?"
"Oh, yes love." Chris answered. We laughed.
"You two are unreal." Paul replied.
"I know." I said.
"Des, you doing anything after the show?" Paul asked.
"Yes, I might." I answered.
"All right, I'll talk to you later." He said.
When Chris and I got our car, my mood changed. Well, it didn't just change, the act was lost. Chris noticed right away, he always notices. We pulled out of the airport and he said, "what's on your mind?"
"The match." I answered. "The final week before Unforgiven and I have to face Jeff."
"I know you. I've been working with you for two years. I've been right by your side for almost a year. I know how you are in the ring. I know you always have your head on straight, you're focused. And, at Smackdown and Unforgiven you will be just that, focused." He said. "I have no doubts you'll do just fine."
Vince wanted to meet with us, and the Hardy's about the match. He was considerate, meeting with both teams separately. He told us who would win, and some ideas on how it should be done. But, like always, the match was up to us.
"All four of you can fly pretty well. I like that. The match should show off your high flying ability. But, I know what kind of ground wrestlers you are. And, I like that too. Don't be afraid to show off how well you can grapple as well."
"You got it, Vince." Chris said.
"Destiny, fans haven't forgotten about Team Xtreme, and you and Jeff. In the back of their minds they want a reunion. They never got a straight answer. All they know is that the title defense after Unforgiven last year was ugly at best." Vince said. "I would like you to try and show some compassion, some resentment in fighting. You and Matt are going to hook up first, and I told him the same thing. Hesitate."
"What about Jeff?" I asked nervously.
"I don't know." He answered. "I didn't tell him anything. I'm sorry, but it's not easy to deal with all this. I'm not placing any blame on anyone. But, I don't know Jeff's game plan. I told Matt to keep an eye on him, tell him that he's got to stick to the game plan."
"If things get too rough, I'll get in there." Chris said.
I was a wreck after the meeting. No one knew Jeff's game plan, and I had a feeling that the game plan we just discussed would go out the window. The whole match was a mystery. Vince couldn't even tell if Jeff was comprehending what he was saying.
"I'm going to talk to Matt about the match. Want to come?" Chris asked.
"No, I'm going to back to my room and lay down. I have a headache from the flight."
"I'll take notes."
I went to my room, laid down, and cried. Why was I still here? Anyone smart enough would have stopped, or at least taken a little time off. But, I kept going, full force. I guess that why I'm such a good wrestler and I'm so successful. I just keep going. I used my pain in the ring.
I knew that the match would be nothing short of hell. I had no one to blame but myself. I messed up, I screwed up, I deserved it. I knew the emotional bar would be raised. I knew what I had to do, but it was going to be so hard to do it. My mental and emotional state about Jeff was horrible. I didn't know how I was going to do this.
After twenty minutes of crying, I threw up. I washed my face with cold water. God did I look like hell. I leaned against the tub. I thought if I die now, it would be all right. I won nearly every title, I was a champion, a double champion. I was on top of my game. But, just before I was preaching about what was best for Matthew.
"Des, I'm going to lunch, want to come?" Stephanie called through my door.
"Give me one-second." I dug through my makeup and made myself look normal. I opened the door and let Stephanie in. I changed my shirt and grabbed my wallet and we left. "Where are we going?" I asked.
"Don't know. Figured you would."
"I want ice-cream." I said. "A big sundae, all to myself." So, we went to a diner down the road.
"Damn, Destiny." Stephanie said. "How do you stay in good shape?"
"I'll go to the hotel and throw this up." She looked at me. "I'm kidding." I wasn't. "I work it off."
"Very well too." She had a salad. "I know this isn't your favorite topic to talk about, but what are you going to do?"
"I told you, I'm going through with it. Matthew means everything to me. Matt and I both know what's at steak, but what else do we do? It's all ready bad enough both his parents are WWF Superstars and are never home. He's been on the road since the day he was born. And, when we're off, he's in New York with me while his father is in North Carolina. At least he'll have some sort of normalcy if we go through with it. His parents will be together, under one roof." I answered. "I know what we have ahead of us. Matt and myself being in the World Wrestling Federation is hard, there's no time. And, I don't know where we'll be in this business by the time Matt's ready for school. I'm willing to put my career on the line, only working on televised shows. But, he means more to me than anything, and I'll do anything so he doesn't go through what I did."
"Your intentions are noble, very noble. You're doing more than any parent would. You doing what's right, not caring about tomorrow. Live for the moment, isn't that right? You'll always live by that. If it feels right, you're going to do it. If it feels right, I'm right there by your side."
"Thank you. You have no idea how badly I'm going to need you." I said. "I've got a Tag Team Title defense on Tuesday against Matt and Jeff."
"Ouch, harsh."
"I know. You're father talked to Chris and myself about it. It won't be easy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get into the match. How am I going to do it?"
"You will. I believe in you."
"We retain the belts, but I don't care about that. I just have to get through the damn match."
"It'll be just fine." She smiled. "Trust me."
I did finish that sundae myself. We got back to the hotel. Stephanie and I talked for a little outside my room. She told me again that the match was going to go just fine. When I went into my room, I threw up that sundae. A few minutes later, Chris knocked. I opened the door and he walked in.
"Took noes." He put them on my bed.
"What did Jeff say?"
"Not much, as usual. Matt's got his eye on him, though. I'll be honest, no one knows what's going on in his head. Will he follow the game plan? I don't know. Should you worry? Probably. Go out expecting everything."
"That's good news." I said sarcastically.
"If you stay focused, you'll be fine."
I sat on the bed and read over Chris's notes. I was going to be the one to pick up the victory. Chris made a big notation that it was Matt's idea. I'd do a Moonsault to him after Chris did the Walls Of Jericho. I'd be doing a Destiny Drop to Jeff, then Matt was going to break it up. Then, I'd be a victim of a Twist Of Fate and Swanton Bomb before being saved by Chris. Who knew if this would work.
"It won't be that bad." Chris said. He was folding papers, trying to make something. "We tried to keep you and Jeff far from each other." He pointed to the notes. "See, you're hardly in the ring together."
"Guess that's a good thing."
"If it gets too rough, tag me in. Matt expects it." I nodded. "We have single title defense on RAW."
"Cool, who do I get?"
"Molly. I've got Edge. Better be at ringside."
"If you're there for me." I said. "And, I won't use a chair."
"Got ya." He smiled. "Want to know something cool?"
"Sure."
"As Vince told me about our matches, two minutes ago, he also mentioned entrance music. We're using mine, so are you. When we tag, we got a video for the both of us. I keep my video, and you get one, to my music."
"That's what's so cool? Wow, Chris, I'm amazed."
He threw a pillow at me. "You're too much. I don't know how your husband will be able to handle you."
I smiled. If he only knew. Chris stayed with me for a good part of the afternoon. We talked about the match, going over the notes. He kept telling me to chill out. He left around five. Then, it was off to the house show. I had Crash Holly. I came out alone, neither Chris and I didn't feel like joining the other to ringside. The new music and video played. The match wasn't that big. I won. After, as I was walking backstage, I saw Jeff.
"Going to be using chairs in Chris's match?" He asked.
"No, I'm not going to be there." I answered. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
And that was that. My son was running around the locker room, well trying to, holding on to the bench as he walked. Matt was watching him and talking to Jay. I walked in and picked my son up and sat down.
"He's almost walking." Matt said.
"He's going to be touch." Jay said. "He tripped at it didn't even phase him."
"Oh, no, not another wrestler." I said. I raised my son up and looked him in the eye.
"Oh, he will be. He was raised in it." Jay replied. "Next high flyer."
"That's just what I need, worrying about my son breaking his neck." I said.
"But he's got it easy. His parents are Matt Hardy and Destiny Diaz. The best female wrestler around, and one from the best tag team ever. The WWF can't wait for this kid to grow up."
"Like Dwayne, huh?"
"DJ's third generation. He'll be second." Jay said.
"I know." I put my son down. He was walking along, one hand on the bench, and he tripped, and got right back up.
"What did I tell you?" Jay said. He crawled to Matt and started playing with him.
"You said a while ago you didn't want him to be a pro-wrestler." Matt said. "When you first said it, I thought you were crazy. But now, I see where you're coming from."
"I know what we do, and God, do I love it, but I'd be too afraid he'd get very hurt."
"There's always that risk. He's a year old. Him becoming a superstar is far way."
I laughed at Jay. He really liked having Matt around. He always wants to baby-sit. I think Jay was getting to that point in his life where he wanted to settle down, have a family. He'd hint on it, and deny it up and down when we'd ask, but he was looking for that stability in his life.
"This'll be you one day, Jay." Matt said. "A father."
"Not yet." He said. "When I'm done here in the WWF."
"You'll make a great father." I told him. I picked up my son.
"He got big." Jay said. "I remember the day you brought him here. He was this big." He smiled.
"He's not a baby anymore." I looked at him. "Matt, are you doing anything after the show?"
"Nope." He answered.
"Good, could we maybe go get a drink or something, I really need to talk to you." I said.
"Sure, when I'm all done, we'll go."
"All right, cool. Steph said she'd watch Matt."
"I'll do it!" Jay said. "I'll do it."
"Sure?" I asked.
"Hell yeah. I'd love to watch the little guy." He smiled and took him from me.
"All right." I said.
After Matt's match we went to get drinks. I didn't come right out and say what I wanted to, and Matt knew why we were there. It was hard to come out and just say, Matt, let's get married. It wasn't like that. I wanted to make sure Matt was on the same page. I was willing to do it.
"We both know why we're here." I finally said.
"I had a feeling." He replied. "I know I might of thrown the subject out like that, I never intended to. I just-"
"Matt, it's all right. If you were serious about it, so am I." I said. "I want to do this."
Matt came to my room with Matthew around 11:30. We went to a diner. It was a cute diner. All we got for Matt was dry cereal, he's such a mess. He can't keep anything in his mouth, it's hard to take him out. Just last week, Paul, Matt, Stephanie, and myself all went out for dinner, and little Matt came along. What a mess this child makes.
"You did incredible last night." Matt said.
"Thank you." I smiled.
"Come along way. You really pushed yourself to really make something of yourself."
"Want to show the world what I can really do." I looked at Matthew. "You know, he's not that bad anymore." I smiled.
"Yeah, he's moving right along." He said. "It took a lot of guts to go out there with Chris. Didn't think you'd face Jeff."
"When I told Chris I'd go out, I didn't really think about it. You know how my mouth does things without me knowing. Then, I walked down that ramp and saw Jeff. I wanted to turn around and walk back."
"You handled yourself well." I smiled. "You did."
"Never again." I said. "I wanted to throw up."
"Glad you didn't." He finished eating and I did too. "You were a professional."
"Yeah, just doing my job."
After, Matt and I didn't want to go back to the hotel right away. The two of us had the house show off. Matt wanted to take Matthew to a park. I wasn't in any mood to go back. It was very calming, in a way, to see all the little kids running around.
"He's getting big." Matt said.
"He looks like you." I replied. "Matt, no, don't eat the sand." I picked him up. "He looks just like you."
"He's got Jeff's eyes. Those are Jeff's eyes." He pointed out. "He's a Hardy, no mistaking that."
"He is, he sure is." I said.
We spent an hour there. Matt wanted to fix Team Xtreme in and out of the ring. It was hurting him too. He knew it was partly his fault. He's been trying to put an end to it. He told me he knew Jeff still loved me. He said that his relationship with Jeff may be tainted, but it was still there, and Jeff hasn't lost faith. According to Matt, I was still in the picture. I didn't know how much of that I actually believe.
"He has a match tonight." Matt said. "The arena's about an hour away. If we leave now, we'll make it."
"I don't know, Matt." I said.
"No one's saying you have to run out."
I slowly gave in. I wanted to see him, but it was so hard to. I wanted to see him, but I knew he didn't want to see me. But, Matt insisted that he didn't hate me. I mean, he did say a lot of things, but he never once said he hated me. I guess that's a start.
We pulled up to the arena and Jeff was just walking out. I went to the curtain and watched on the monitor. Matt was holding Matthew and talking to someone. Jeff had Edge and I wanted to make an impact. I grabbed a steel chair and ran out. No one knew I was ever here. Jeff thought I was going to hit him. The three of us looked at each other. Then, I nailed Edge in the head. I dove out of the ring before the ref could even see it. Jeff got the win over Edge. Jeff looked at me weirdly as I walked backwards up the ramp.
"What was that?" Matt asked me.
"Spur of the moment thing." I answered. "Can be please get out of here." I took his arm and dragged him.
I ran to the car and waited for Matt. He settled Matthew into his seat, slowly. I was itching to get out of there. Matt did finally get into the car, but he didn't start the car up right away. I shot a look at him.
"Calm down, Jeff isn't going to kill you." He said.
"You don't know that! Why did I do that? What was I thinking?"
"You were being noble, chill out." Matt finally turned the car on and we left. Matt pressed play on the tape player and "Betterman" began to play. It was the song that started it all. I turned my head.
"He's not going to be mad." Matt said after a few minutes. "Why are you so worried?"
"I just am." I snapped back.
"Woah, calm your buns."
"Do we have to listen to this song?" I asked angrily. I put on "Immortality".
"Something's bothering you." Matt said. "What?"
"Nothing that I want to talk about." I said snotty.
"When you want to talk, I'm here."
I looked at him. "Do you have to be so Goddamn nice all the time?"
"Des, what's wrong?" He put his hand on mine. I took my hand away. "All right."
"Don't you get it?"
"Get what? What's wrong?"
"The song, what happened." I said. "You're still so freaking nice."
"I want to keep this family together. And, what song are you talking about?"
"'Betterman'. Matt, don't you get it?"
"Destiny, I'm sorry." Matt said. "You need to calm down." We stopped at a light and he looked at me. I looked back, right in the eyes. "Chill." He took my hand again. "It's going to be all right." I let out a sigh, and then we went. "You don't mind taking the long way, do you?" He asked me. "I want Matthew to fall asleep."
"Not at all." I answered.
"Because, if you want me to go back-"
"Trust me, Matt, I am in no rush to get back."
I fell asleep before my baby did. Matt carried me to his room. I woke up in one of the beds. In the bed next to me was a sleeping Matt. Matthew was on Matt's chest eating his father's hair. I smiled and pulled the covers over my shoulder and watched. Matt didn't even notice, he was out. I smiled and waved to my year old son, but he just kept eating Matt's hair.
I rolled over on my back and lifted my leg up having my knee touch my nose. I laid like that for a while. I felt the good burn in the back of my leg.
"Oh my, God." I heard Matt yell. I looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me my hair was the main course." I shrugged. "Put that down, you're hurting me." I put my leg down.
"Needed a good stretch." I said. I pulled my other leg up.
"Stop!" Matt covered his eyes.
"I'm done, you can look now." I laughed.
"Don't do that around me again."
"Oh chill." I rolled over and faced him. "I'm sorry about before."
"It's all right." He said. I pulled the covers off myself. "I almost forgot how beautiful you are."
"Matt."
"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear that."
"It's all right." I said. He got up and kept Matthew on the bed.
"Can I ask you something? You may not want to hear it." He said. "Have you ever, once, thought about us as a family, as more than juggling Matt back and forth?"
It caught me off guard. "Have I? Yes, I have. Are you trying to tell me something?"
"I don't know. I do know I was raised to do the right thing. And, for a year and a half I've been debating on how to do the right thing. What's best for Matthew."
"I want what's best for Matt, too." I said. "I do, but, Matt, are you sure?"
"I don't know. I just want what's best for him."
We didn't come up with anything. We danced around it. Knowing we were both working in the best interest of Matthew. He was our top priority in life. And, whatever decision we were to make, it would be for him. We didn't care, it was all about our son. When I left, I was very confused. I didn't know what was going on. I went to Paul's room. I knocked twice. I heard footsteps and Paul opened the door.
"Hey hun." He said. I walked in. He was alone. "What's up?"
"Matt and I were talking about the best interests of Matthew." I answered.
"Parents normally want what's best for their children."
"He wants to be a family." I said.
Paul looked at me for a few seconds. "Did you?"
"He didn't officially ask."
"Would you?"
"I don't know. It would be best for Matthew. He'd have both his parents. Handing him off like this isn't healthy."
"This is a major thing here. I mean, a huge step. Are you sure?"
"I don't know what I'm sure of."
"You have to think about all this. I mean, really think." He looked worried.
"I will. I am." I said. "I'm still in shock over it."
"As am I." He said back down. "I should talk to him."
"No, Paul, don't." I looked at him. "Please, don't."
"If that's what you want."
"That's what I want."
I knew Paul was very uneasy, to say the least. And rightfully so. Someone wanted, or was considering for the sake of our son, marriage, with his daughter. Paul was acting like any father would. He was nervous, for my sake. And, for the first time, I didn't mind. Because, I was completely scared senseless.
I stayed with Paul for a while. Stephanie came back. She knew instantly that something was up. I told her that I would tell her when I felt the time was right. I told them that I was going to leave, and when I walked out I saw Matt. He putt Matthew down, looked at me, and smiled weakly. It was awkward.
"This isn't what I wanted to happen." He said.
"Me either." I looked down. "It's a big step."
"You don't think I know that? Destiny, it isn't any easier for me. I've been toying with this since you came back with Matthew for the first time. I've been thinking about doing the right thin. I haven't been feeling good since Unforgiven. I've been depressing, even suicidal. The only time I saw any light was when I was with you and Matt, when we are a family. I don't want you to do anything out of pity for me. But, I know this is the right thing."
I didn't say anything. I went to him and hugged him. "You don't have to be alone anymore, Matt. Not anymore. We are a family." I ran my hand through his ponytail. I could tell he was crying. "You can always talk to me." I rubbed his back. "Everything's going to be all right. I promise."
I heard Matt sigh. A long, hard sigh. I looked down at Matthew. He was eating his shirt.
"I'm sorry." Matt said.
"Don't apologize. You can't help it. It was traumatic. I flirted with suicide, I have. But, we're going to make it, as a family."
"I was just raised to do the right thing." He wiped his eyes.
"I want to do what's right, too. It will be best for Matt." I looked down at him again. "It's getting late. We'll talk in the morning."
"All right." He said. "I'm still keeping him."
"Ok." I saw Matt turn to go to his room. "Oh, and Matt." He looked at me. "Don't be afraid to call."
He nodded and I went to my room. I saw Jeff coming down the hall. He looked at me, like he wanted to say something, probably about the match, but didn't say it. I went in my room. I started thinking about what I did, and what was going on with Matt. I started crying again. I cried so much in the past year. So many tears stained my pillow at night. I've thrown up so many times because I couldn't cry anymore, and I had to get something out. There have been so many times where I have woken up screaming, running out to the balcony or out the room because I couldn't breath. My life was a living Hell after Unforgiven. And that act I put on in front of the cameras and to all of the guys backstage was just that, an act. I tried hard to keep my spirits up and show everyone I was all right, and I can bet that most of the time they saw through that. But, I never let my fans know what was really going on.
I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't sleep. I started crying again because I wanted to sleep. I finally gave up on sleep. I sat up in my bed and screamed, "why! Why, God, why!?". I knew I wouldn't get an answer. I laid back down and put my head under a pillow. I started bawling. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I was ready to put my fist through the mirror. When I got back in bed I took out a notebook of Jeff's poetry. I had him copy all of his poems into a notebook for me awhile back and he did. His poetry always made me feel better. I did manage to get in four hours, maybe.
"You all right?" Stephanie asked me. I was falling asleep at the airport.
"Didn't sleep much."
"Again?" My insomnia was know throughout the federation. The seriousness of it, however, was not known.
"No big deal." I said. "Hey, don't worry about me."
"I do. What did you and Paul talk about?"
"Matt wants us to be a family." I said.
"How sweet."
"No, he means officially. With rings and everything."
"Oh, oh! Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do. I want what's best for Matt, he's my main priority."
"He should."
"And, since he is, doing this doesn't seem like a bad thing."
"You're willing to do that?" She asked.
"For Matthew, yes. Anything for him."
"I think you really should think this over, with Matt. This is a decision that will forever effect the three of your lives, good and bad."
I nodded. Our flight was called. I walked to my seat. I leaned my head back in my chair. Jeff walked by and nodded at me. I responded with my own nod. When he walked past, I sighed and put my diskman on. I asked Adam to make me a CD. I didn't really give him a list, he knew what I liked and put things on it. I hadn't listened to it yet, until now. The first song on there was The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go". I died. I always sang it, so I knew why it was there. But, I never realized what it actually meant, until now.
I was able to get some sleep on the plane. I sleep more on planes than in bed. Probably because I knew a lot of people was there. I wasn't alone. It was a weird sleeping habit that would always catch up to me by the end of the week.
"You look like you could use a friend." Stephanie said.
"Hey, hun." I moved my things over. "Make yourself comfortable."
"How you doing?" She asked.
"All right." I answered.
"You sure? I see you try and look happy, but deep down, I know you're not."
"I am, really." I said.
"Put and thought into Matt's offer?"
I stayed quiet for a few seconds. "Want to be a maid of honor?"
"Destiny! You, you sure? You really sure?"
"By sure, do you mean I love him? No, I don't. But, I love my son more than life itself. I'll do anything for him."
"But marriage?"
"For Matthew, anything's possible. If I have to marry Matt, I'll marry him. We both know what's in it. I know it sounds crazy, but look at it from my point of view."
"But, you're sacrificing ever finding your true love."
"I found him, and I messed up." I said.
"You don't know that. Jeff may not be the One. And, if he is, maybe hope isn't all lost."
"He was, and it is." I said. "Matt and I get along, well. It makes sense. No one could ever understand. If you had a child of your own."
"I couldn't imagine that." She said. She sighed. "If that's what you want, I'll be right by your side."
I hugged her. "Thank you."
"You have to really talk to Paul. Tell him you want to do this."
"Right now, that's the last thing I want to do. I have to talk to Matt."
She nodded, and understood. She always understands. We had another house show to go to. This time, I had to go. I figured I'd ask Matt to dinner after the show was over. We needed to talk. Stephanie said she'd watch Matt.
When we got off the plane, I met up with Chris. He was talking to Buh-Buh Dudley, holding the belt around his shoulder. I shook my head and laughed then walked over to them. I put my hands on my waist and Chris put his arm around me. I smiled.
"Yup, boys, the new tag team reign is in place." Chris said. "Sorry, but no one can take these belts from us."
"Sorry to bust your bubble, but we've got a shot on Smackdown." Matt said walking over. My face grew white.
"Just bring." Chris said.
"Have to steal catch phrases." Matt said.
"Here's one of my own, please shut the hell up." The two laughed and shook hands.
I couldn't fight the Hardy Boyz. No chance in hell. I couldn't get in the same right as Jeff. I actually started shaking. It was horrible. Chris noticed and excused us. He brought me to a chair and said, "I didn't know." He looked at me. "If I did, I would try to change it."
"I'm sure Matt tried. They deserve it."
"I'll do most of the match." He said.
"No, no. If I'm going to have to be in there, I have to make the best of it. Besides, once it's made public, it'll be the most talked about the match. First time in a year."
I don't count Chris's title match. I didn't fight Jeff, I was just there. Now, I had to. I worried if Jeff would take out the year's aggression on me. I'd be Jeff's personal punching bag. It scared me. Many underestimated Jeff's power. He had power, it just didn't show like with Triple H or the Undertaker. But, he could kill someone just as easy.
"Sure you can do this?" Chris asked.
"I've got a week to get it together." I said. "I'll be fine."
He walked away. I sighed and walked to baggage claim. Stephanie was there getting her things. I stood right by her. She didn't notice at first.
"You scared me." She said placing her hand on her chest. "Have you talked to Matt or Paul yet?"
"I don't know what I'll tell Paul. I told him Matt offered it. I don't want to talk to him yet. I want to sort through it first, really talk to Matt. Make sure we're clear on it all. I don't want anything to happen if we're not clear on why we're here."
"I won't say anything." She replied. "I won't."
"Thank you."
I got my things and smiled. I went to find Chris again. He had just rented a car and was talking to Paul. I walked over and dropped my bags. I looked up at the two of them and said, "I don't see any of you so quick to help a lady. Geeze."
"I don't see a lady." Chris replied.
"Up yours." I said. I smiled. "You ready hunny?"
"Oh, yes love." Chris answered. We laughed.
"You two are unreal." Paul replied.
"I know." I said.
"Des, you doing anything after the show?" Paul asked.
"Yes, I might." I answered.
"All right, I'll talk to you later." He said.
When Chris and I got our car, my mood changed. Well, it didn't just change, the act was lost. Chris noticed right away, he always notices. We pulled out of the airport and he said, "what's on your mind?"
"The match." I answered. "The final week before Unforgiven and I have to face Jeff."
"I know you. I've been working with you for two years. I've been right by your side for almost a year. I know how you are in the ring. I know you always have your head on straight, you're focused. And, at Smackdown and Unforgiven you will be just that, focused." He said. "I have no doubts you'll do just fine."
Vince wanted to meet with us, and the Hardy's about the match. He was considerate, meeting with both teams separately. He told us who would win, and some ideas on how it should be done. But, like always, the match was up to us.
"All four of you can fly pretty well. I like that. The match should show off your high flying ability. But, I know what kind of ground wrestlers you are. And, I like that too. Don't be afraid to show off how well you can grapple as well."
"You got it, Vince." Chris said.
"Destiny, fans haven't forgotten about Team Xtreme, and you and Jeff. In the back of their minds they want a reunion. They never got a straight answer. All they know is that the title defense after Unforgiven last year was ugly at best." Vince said. "I would like you to try and show some compassion, some resentment in fighting. You and Matt are going to hook up first, and I told him the same thing. Hesitate."
"What about Jeff?" I asked nervously.
"I don't know." He answered. "I didn't tell him anything. I'm sorry, but it's not easy to deal with all this. I'm not placing any blame on anyone. But, I don't know Jeff's game plan. I told Matt to keep an eye on him, tell him that he's got to stick to the game plan."
"If things get too rough, I'll get in there." Chris said.
I was a wreck after the meeting. No one knew Jeff's game plan, and I had a feeling that the game plan we just discussed would go out the window. The whole match was a mystery. Vince couldn't even tell if Jeff was comprehending what he was saying.
"I'm going to talk to Matt about the match. Want to come?" Chris asked.
"No, I'm going to back to my room and lay down. I have a headache from the flight."
"I'll take notes."
I went to my room, laid down, and cried. Why was I still here? Anyone smart enough would have stopped, or at least taken a little time off. But, I kept going, full force. I guess that why I'm such a good wrestler and I'm so successful. I just keep going. I used my pain in the ring.
I knew that the match would be nothing short of hell. I had no one to blame but myself. I messed up, I screwed up, I deserved it. I knew the emotional bar would be raised. I knew what I had to do, but it was going to be so hard to do it. My mental and emotional state about Jeff was horrible. I didn't know how I was going to do this.
After twenty minutes of crying, I threw up. I washed my face with cold water. God did I look like hell. I leaned against the tub. I thought if I die now, it would be all right. I won nearly every title, I was a champion, a double champion. I was on top of my game. But, just before I was preaching about what was best for Matthew.
"Des, I'm going to lunch, want to come?" Stephanie called through my door.
"Give me one-second." I dug through my makeup and made myself look normal. I opened the door and let Stephanie in. I changed my shirt and grabbed my wallet and we left. "Where are we going?" I asked.
"Don't know. Figured you would."
"I want ice-cream." I said. "A big sundae, all to myself." So, we went to a diner down the road.
"Damn, Destiny." Stephanie said. "How do you stay in good shape?"
"I'll go to the hotel and throw this up." She looked at me. "I'm kidding." I wasn't. "I work it off."
"Very well too." She had a salad. "I know this isn't your favorite topic to talk about, but what are you going to do?"
"I told you, I'm going through with it. Matthew means everything to me. Matt and I both know what's at steak, but what else do we do? It's all ready bad enough both his parents are WWF Superstars and are never home. He's been on the road since the day he was born. And, when we're off, he's in New York with me while his father is in North Carolina. At least he'll have some sort of normalcy if we go through with it. His parents will be together, under one roof." I answered. "I know what we have ahead of us. Matt and myself being in the World Wrestling Federation is hard, there's no time. And, I don't know where we'll be in this business by the time Matt's ready for school. I'm willing to put my career on the line, only working on televised shows. But, he means more to me than anything, and I'll do anything so he doesn't go through what I did."
"Your intentions are noble, very noble. You're doing more than any parent would. You doing what's right, not caring about tomorrow. Live for the moment, isn't that right? You'll always live by that. If it feels right, you're going to do it. If it feels right, I'm right there by your side."
"Thank you. You have no idea how badly I'm going to need you." I said. "I've got a Tag Team Title defense on Tuesday against Matt and Jeff."
"Ouch, harsh."
"I know. You're father talked to Chris and myself about it. It won't be easy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get into the match. How am I going to do it?"
"You will. I believe in you."
"We retain the belts, but I don't care about that. I just have to get through the damn match."
"It'll be just fine." She smiled. "Trust me."
I did finish that sundae myself. We got back to the hotel. Stephanie and I talked for a little outside my room. She told me again that the match was going to go just fine. When I went into my room, I threw up that sundae. A few minutes later, Chris knocked. I opened the door and he walked in.
"Took noes." He put them on my bed.
"What did Jeff say?"
"Not much, as usual. Matt's got his eye on him, though. I'll be honest, no one knows what's going on in his head. Will he follow the game plan? I don't know. Should you worry? Probably. Go out expecting everything."
"That's good news." I said sarcastically.
"If you stay focused, you'll be fine."
I sat on the bed and read over Chris's notes. I was going to be the one to pick up the victory. Chris made a big notation that it was Matt's idea. I'd do a Moonsault to him after Chris did the Walls Of Jericho. I'd be doing a Destiny Drop to Jeff, then Matt was going to break it up. Then, I'd be a victim of a Twist Of Fate and Swanton Bomb before being saved by Chris. Who knew if this would work.
"It won't be that bad." Chris said. He was folding papers, trying to make something. "We tried to keep you and Jeff far from each other." He pointed to the notes. "See, you're hardly in the ring together."
"Guess that's a good thing."
"If it gets too rough, tag me in. Matt expects it." I nodded. "We have single title defense on RAW."
"Cool, who do I get?"
"Molly. I've got Edge. Better be at ringside."
"If you're there for me." I said. "And, I won't use a chair."
"Got ya." He smiled. "Want to know something cool?"
"Sure."
"As Vince told me about our matches, two minutes ago, he also mentioned entrance music. We're using mine, so are you. When we tag, we got a video for the both of us. I keep my video, and you get one, to my music."
"That's what's so cool? Wow, Chris, I'm amazed."
He threw a pillow at me. "You're too much. I don't know how your husband will be able to handle you."
I smiled. If he only knew. Chris stayed with me for a good part of the afternoon. We talked about the match, going over the notes. He kept telling me to chill out. He left around five. Then, it was off to the house show. I had Crash Holly. I came out alone, neither Chris and I didn't feel like joining the other to ringside. The new music and video played. The match wasn't that big. I won. After, as I was walking backstage, I saw Jeff.
"Going to be using chairs in Chris's match?" He asked.
"No, I'm not going to be there." I answered. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
And that was that. My son was running around the locker room, well trying to, holding on to the bench as he walked. Matt was watching him and talking to Jay. I walked in and picked my son up and sat down.
"He's almost walking." Matt said.
"He's going to be touch." Jay said. "He tripped at it didn't even phase him."
"Oh, no, not another wrestler." I said. I raised my son up and looked him in the eye.
"Oh, he will be. He was raised in it." Jay replied. "Next high flyer."
"That's just what I need, worrying about my son breaking his neck." I said.
"But he's got it easy. His parents are Matt Hardy and Destiny Diaz. The best female wrestler around, and one from the best tag team ever. The WWF can't wait for this kid to grow up."
"Like Dwayne, huh?"
"DJ's third generation. He'll be second." Jay said.
"I know." I put my son down. He was walking along, one hand on the bench, and he tripped, and got right back up.
"What did I tell you?" Jay said. He crawled to Matt and started playing with him.
"You said a while ago you didn't want him to be a pro-wrestler." Matt said. "When you first said it, I thought you were crazy. But now, I see where you're coming from."
"I know what we do, and God, do I love it, but I'd be too afraid he'd get very hurt."
"There's always that risk. He's a year old. Him becoming a superstar is far way."
I laughed at Jay. He really liked having Matt around. He always wants to baby-sit. I think Jay was getting to that point in his life where he wanted to settle down, have a family. He'd hint on it, and deny it up and down when we'd ask, but he was looking for that stability in his life.
"This'll be you one day, Jay." Matt said. "A father."
"Not yet." He said. "When I'm done here in the WWF."
"You'll make a great father." I told him. I picked up my son.
"He got big." Jay said. "I remember the day you brought him here. He was this big." He smiled.
"He's not a baby anymore." I looked at him. "Matt, are you doing anything after the show?"
"Nope." He answered.
"Good, could we maybe go get a drink or something, I really need to talk to you." I said.
"Sure, when I'm all done, we'll go."
"All right, cool. Steph said she'd watch Matt."
"I'll do it!" Jay said. "I'll do it."
"Sure?" I asked.
"Hell yeah. I'd love to watch the little guy." He smiled and took him from me.
"All right." I said.
After Matt's match we went to get drinks. I didn't come right out and say what I wanted to, and Matt knew why we were there. It was hard to come out and just say, Matt, let's get married. It wasn't like that. I wanted to make sure Matt was on the same page. I was willing to do it.
"We both know why we're here." I finally said.
"I had a feeling." He replied. "I know I might of thrown the subject out like that, I never intended to. I just-"
"Matt, it's all right. If you were serious about it, so am I." I said. "I want to do this."