Mark was concerned about me, and I did feel bad about. But, I was so out of it, so far gone that I couldn't feel a single emotion that was guilt and pain. I went back to my own room that night. I passed out on my bed and didn't bother changing. My head was really starting to hurt and the bleeding wasn't stopping. But, at that point, I didn't care.
The following morning, I woke up and the pillow my head was rested on was red, and I was feeling weak. Not a good sign. I knew I was in trouble, and I knew I needed help. If I wasn't feeling so lousy about everything, I probably wouldn't have wanted the help. But, I knew I needed it. I called Chris.
"Des, what's wrong?"
"Come to my room, please." I begged, sounding out of it.
"I'll be right there. You gave me a key last night." I just hung up and laid back down. Not even a minute later, but what seemed like forever, Chris came running in. I was on my bed, arm over the edge. "Destiny? What happened?" He saw the pillow. "Destiny, what the hell?"
"My head." I answered. "I hurt it in the match."
"Right. I'm getting you to a hospital to get stitched up. Who knows how much blood you lost all ready."
He picked me up and carried me out the room, like a groom carrying his bride. As we walked down the hall, we ran into Dwayne. Chris told DJ what happened. DJ said it was typical it'd take me 24 hours to ask for help. DJ let us go and said he'd tell Matt what happened, and a few others.
I got stitched up and had to stay there for a few ours, maybe over night, to regain the blood I had lost. Naturally, when I came around, I wanted out.
"You scared me today, you know. Thought something really serious was going to happen to you." Chris said.
"I'm sorry." I replied. "I guess I took a harder bump than I thought."
"Sure looks like it."
"I'll be fine for Unforgiven, right?"
"Typical you, always worried about the gig. Yes, you'll be fine. You might get out tonight. If not, you're staying over night."
"Please." I said. "I'm fine. I can leave now."
"Not until that IV bag runs out and the doctors say you can go. You don't want to leave early and pass out during the match."
"Yeah, yeah." I sighed. "How many did you tell?"
"Dwayne. Told him to tell Matt."
"And the rest of the federation."
He laughed. "Yeah, probably." He smiled again. "You handled yourself well in the match."
"I didn't think so. I wanted to walk away."
"It was hard for you, I could see why you would."
"I couldn't take it."
"What made you come back?" Chris asked.
"I wasn't going to be a quitter. I wasn't going to let it beat me. I knew I was better than that."
"Sounds like you." Chris leaned back in the chair. "You surprised a lot of people. No one thought you'd walk out like that, and no one thought you'd take Jeff out like that, not even Jeff."
"I bet." I smiled knowing I had done something no one thought I'd ever do.
"The guys in the back were happy for you. They were sort of glad you did it."
"Really? I figured the guys would be on the side of their own sex."
"No, they were happy you faced him like that. I'll be honest, not many thought you'd do that. They knew you'd do something, but they had no idea it'd be like that."
"Spontaneous, I like it."
"That is a good word to describe you."
Chris showed no intentions on leaving the hospital. I was really glad he decided to stay with me. We got off wrestling and started talking about life. He mentioned that he was happy to have the week after Unforgiven off. He told me that Vince had mentioned something would happen with him at Unforgiven that would cause him to be gone for a week.
"So, wait, you're involved in a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the Euro Title?"
"Right, naturally, I'm not going to win, I have double gold all ready. But, Show's in this match as well as Bradshaw. So, it'll work out."
"What's going to happen with me?"
"Dunno. You've got your singles title. After you win at Unforgiven, you'll take that for a week. We've been talking about you winning at stuff, you are supposed to win, right?"
"Don't know. Vince made the match in my favor, sort of. Whoever gets out of that cage wins. There is no winner slated."
"Wow, that's big. He doesn't do that often."
"He wasn't supposed to. But, he knew he could get a better match if we were really fighting hard for it."
"So true."
"It's going to be a lot harder on our bodies. I mean, we've really got to push for this. No one's taking the falls. This is as real as pro wrestling gets."
"Sort of like last Unforgiven."
"Exactly." I said. "That street fight, that was real. There was nothing fake about it. Now, I get to do that again, inside a steel cage. You thought last year was rough? Wait until Sunday."
Last year at Unforgiven, a hardcore tag team match was held for the WWF Tag Team and Women's titles. There really was no set deal with Amy and myself. Matt and Jeff had a basic idea with both Dudleyz. Matt and Jeff knew they'd retain the titles, but the match was very loose. Amy and myself can't talk about matches. There's just no way. We give our ideas to the writers and they send it to the other. This Unforgiven, like last, there was none of that. Whatever was done in the ring, would be done out of no where. No plans, nothing.
"I'll admit, I am nervous about it." Chris said. "We've seen how you two can be around each other."
"Hey, the only one that's going to be totally messed up is Amy. I'll be fine."
"Don't over work yourself." He warned. "I'd feel better if you didn't."
"I have to do what I have to do. No one knows what's going to happen in that match. I don't know what's going to happen. I can't make any promises. Just that I'll leave the champion."
"That attitude of yours isn't going to leave you. Don't let it." Chris said. He put his foot on my bed. "I can't be there for you. Your match is after mine."
"I don't want anyone there. I want to do this myself, all by myself. I don't want anyone there to help me along the way. If she wants to bring anyone out, let her. I'll take them on too. This isn't about gold. This is about pride and honor. This is about domination."
"Chill before all this blood boils." He pushed the IV bag. We laughed.
But, that's what it was about. Pride, honor, domination, proving who was the best. I believe it was the Hitman who said, "I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be". Wise words from Mr. Hart. And, like Brett Hart, I am the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. Since day one, the two of us have fought to prove who was the best, who was the biggest, and who was the nastiest.
Chris spent the night in the bed next to me. He didn't say anything about staying, and it looked like he didn't mind in the least. He did leave for a short period of time, to get our things. I had to stay over night, if it didn't seem obvious all ready. When he came back he said that most of the federation was on him about me. I laughed, knowing that when he told DJ, everyone else would find out one way or another.
"Everyone loves you." He said. He brought back a pizza and we were eating it.
"Sometimes I wonder why."
"Please." Chris said. "Since you got here, since that year and a half ago, it's been great. You defiantly liven up the backstage. You're, uh, defiantly different."
"Different, I like that." I said. I smiled.
"It is true. You are a little weird." He told me. "I can handle weird, I can handle nutty. But, do you know how hard it is to be in the ring with someone that I know can kick my ass."
"I don't know about that." I said.
"Oh, you do. You know you do. Before a houseshow, we have to lockup." He saw me smile. "What, I'm serious."
"Ok, ok." I replied. "I'll do it."
"After Unforgiven. I don't want to be put out of action before I have to."
"Oh, like I could do that much damage to you?"
"You probably could." He said. "I think you underestimate your power."
"Maybe." I was looking down pulling cheese of the pizza I wasn't eating. "I can't wait to go home."
"I know that." Chris replied. "And, I know if I wasn't here, you'd have signed out AMA."
"Probably." I laughed. "I don't believe it, Unforgiven's only a few days away."
"I know, it's crazy. It feels like we were just at Summer Slam." Chris replied. "Time flies."
"You're telling me. It's all ready been a year. A whole freaking year." I looked down.
"But look what you have done in that year. I don't think you would have done all of that if you were with Matt and Jeff still."
"I'd happily give all of this up just to be apart of that again. All those belts I won, all the firsts. I'd give them all back."
"No you wouldn't. Look at what you've got because of it."
"I don't care! I could have done it either way. But, if I had to choose between all of this and being back with Matt and Jeff, I'd choose Matt and Jeff." I said. "I'm not saying our deal isn't good. Because it is. Tag Team Champs baby, but-"
"Des, I know what you mean. You're not offending me." He told me. "Team Xtreme. Matt, Jeff, and Destiny. There's nothing better. Everyone knows it. There's no chance in hell anyone could recreate it."
"Now, who knows if that magic will ever show again." I sighed. "So, what's the deal with you leaving for a week?"
"Vince is giving me some time off. I'm supposed to get really hurt in that match. And, I'm going home."
"Lucky you." I replied.
"I know." He smiled. "Don't get the Euro title, but hey, I get to see my wife."
"That's what it's all about, right?"
"Of course." He answered. "Miss her."
Chris and I talked for a while. And, I soon drifted off. I felt Chris kiss me lightly on the cheek. I'd like to say I slept good, or slept that much at all. But, I didn't. I saw Chris, out cold, sleeping. Everything was on my mind. The only good thing I could think of was getting in that ring on Sunday and beating Amy's ass. It was the only thing that was going to keep me sane. Life was too complicated for me. The only thing I found comforting was being in that ring. And, I almost lost that on Smackdown.
Smackdown was on my mind heavy. The fact that I almost left a match killed me. I nearly walked out on my dream, on my match, my title defense. Things were so low, at their lowest for me to walk out. It bothered me so much that the idea was in my head. And it was driving me crazy.
"You're finally up." Chris said. He was channel surfing.
"I wasn't really sleeping." I replied. "Anything good on?"
"Nope." He answered. "Bullshit news."
"Wonderful." I sighed. "When do I leave?"
"Soon?" Chris said. "I don't know."
"You're so helpful!" I smiled. "I can't believe you stayed all night."
"I wasn't going to leave you here alone." He said. "I told you, you would have left AMA."
"Oh yeah, right." I replied.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to find someone and try and get you out of here."
"Yeah!"
Chris smiled and left the room. I sat up and started looking for something to watch. I gave up. I pulled my knees into my chest. I took a deep breath and let out a deep, long sigh. I wasn't sure of what to make of anything anymore. Nothing made sense to me. I was slowly drowning in my own tears, and no one was noticing.
Chris came back ten minutes later with a doctor. He said I was fine, cleared me, and we left. I didn't say anything at first. I didn't really know what to say. There was no doubt something was on my mind. But, I wasn't sure on how to get it out, and make sense.
"Talk to me." Chris said. I looked at him. "Oh, don't give me that. You know there's something going on inside your head."
"Always something going on inside my head." I told him. "I can't make sense out of it, out of anything."
"Sounds complicated."
"No shit." I said with an attitude. "Sorry."
"Don't be." He replied.
And that was it. When we got back, everyone was on me. I expected it. I told everyone it was no big deal and to leave me alone. My social desire died, and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I went straight to my room. I put my things down and sat in a chair looking out the window. I felt tears rise up and didn't hesitate to let them out. I cried, for about a half hour, straight.
"Des? Can I come in?" Stephanie called through the door. I opened it. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know." I cried. My head was in her lap.
"Oh baby." She pulled me into her. "Even will all the success in the world, you're still miserable."
It was true. I don't think a woman could get any better than me. But, I was willing to give it all up for some normalcy. I was getting more and more lost, more and more confused, pushed further and future from the course. I was loosing touch on who I was.
"Des, I'm always here for you. No matter what you do."
"Thank you."
She brushed my hair with her fingers. "I know that you're not feeling well, that you're off somewhere. And, things with Paul aren't helping. A lot of things aren't helping. But, you have me."
"I need you."
"Then, I am here. I will always be here."
I looked at her and smiled. She went on, saying how she'd be there for me and everything. Stephanie was defiantly something special in my life, and I needed her, more than anything. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for her. Same thing with Chris. Since we formed the tag team, he's become my best friend.
Within this past year, I found myself opening up to more people. My motto still remains DTA, but I was now opening up more to these guys. I wouldn't run down to Dj's room and tell him everything that happened. But, I was beginning to trust the members of the once unbreakable alliance. It did take a while.
Chris returned to my room and Stephanie left. I was curled up on my bed in one of Chris's big long shirts, one that was long on him, and my underwear. I didn't care what I looked like, and Chris had seen nearly everything he could on me. Nearly. He sat down in a chair opposite me. He put his crossed his leg and slouched down.
"How are you?" He asked. I shrugged. "What's up?"
"I can't do this anymore. I've been nonstop for a year. I don't know anything anymore. I've been running around for so long I've lost touch with reality. I don't know who I am, I don't know why I'm here. Why would the WWF want me?"
"Because you're the best we have." Chris answered.
"I don't feel like it. I feel empty, I feel lost."
"You need this break more than I do." Chris said. "I'll talk to Vince, give it to you."
"No, Chris, don't. I don't want you to miss out on time with your wife because of me. You deserve it. I'll be fine."
"You need a break. You're clearly cracking. Unforgiven, you go in, kick ass. Take all of this frustration out on Amy, I know you will. Then, take a long need vacation."
"I guess I could leave for a week."
"I was thinking maybe longer. Come back at No Mercy."
"No Mercy? A whole month?"
"Destiny, you are mentally, physically, and emotionally burned. You need this. Take if off. Vince'll give it to you, I know he will. You need this. Look at yourself. Walking out on matches. Crying, laying around. This isn't you."
He was right, it wasn't. This wasn't me at all. I needed that month. I had nearly no time off since Unforgiven last year. My career took off and there was just no time to have a vacation. I needed to go to McMahon and ask him for my month. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have it.
I started dozing off and fell asleep. I was out for a while. When I woke up, Chris was talking to someone. I pretended I was still sleeping so I could hear what was going on. Matt was in there.
"She needs it, look at her." Chris said.
"I know." Matt replied. "Jay and I could handle Matthew while she takes the time off."
"Right. How you holding up?"
"All right, I guess." Matt answered. "Trying to balance a lot."
"I know. Anything with Paul start up?"
"Not yet. If it does, I'm willing."
"It wasn't smart of you to go after him like that."
"I know." Matt said.
"What does Jeff really think about this?"
"This whole marriage? He's taking it better than I thought. Of course he's angry, and of course he's hurt. But, I explained why I was doing it. It's the way we were raised. You have to take responsibility for what you've done. It took me almost a year to grow the balls to do that."
"It is a noble thing." Chris said. "Give you that."
"I know. You have the number one contender shot for the Euro Title don't you?"
"Sunday, yes? What about you?"
"Table elimination match with the Dudleyz." Matt answered. "Nothing knew."
"Yeah, but the fans love it." Chris replied.
"That they do. Bodies going through tables, the love it." Matt laughed. "I have to head out. Get Matthew. I'll be back around later."
"All right, see ya later." As Matt left, I got up. "Hey you. You just missed Matt."
"I did?" I asked as if I didn't know.
"Yeah, he just left. He's taking your boy out."
"I'll do it." I said getting up.
"No, you stay here." Chris told me. "I don't want you doing much of anything until Unforgiven."
"C'mon." I said. "I'm not a child, I can do things you know."
"I know that. But, I just feel better if you rest."
"I'm going to find Stephanie and go out to lunch. Can I do that all mighty master and God?"
"Don't mock me." He told me. "Fine, get out of here."
I smiled and went to Stephanie's room. I didn't want to knock, in fear that Paul would open. But, I had to. Stephanie opened the door and stepped outside. I told her I wanted to go to lunch and she jumped at the idea. She grabbed her purse and we left.
"Has Paul said anything to you?" I asked on the drive over.
"No, sorry, he hasn't." She answered. "He'll come around. He loves you."
"I hope he still does. I can't lose anymore people I love."
"You won't."
"I'm thinking of taking a month off. Chris persuaded me."
"You need it." She told me.
"Leave after Unforgiven and come back at No Mercy." I said.
"You really need it." She repeated. "Calm down, cool off."
"Exactly."
Stephanie and I went sat at a table and ordered. We didn't talk much about my decision to leave for a month, or anything. We didn't really talk about wrestling that much.
"Maybe I'll come out and see ya." Stephanie said.
"That'd be nice. I'll give you my tour of NYC." I told her. "Go shopping."
"Sounds good to me. You know I'm up for shopping."
"Why don't you bring your brother along?" I asked. "I haven't seen him in a while. I miss the little guy."
She laughed. "I'll see what he's doing." She laughed again. "We could always play a trick on him, again."
"We do each time we see him. Doesn't it get old?" I asked.
We looked at each other and shook our heads. "Nah." We said together, and laughed.
Unfortunately for us, Shane was busy. But, we still had other plans. Stephanie told me that she would defiantly come out to see me. She also to me not to worry about Matthew. That her, Matt, and Jay would make sure he was all right. I felt guilty about leaving him while I went home to cool off. Stephanie reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
"What do you plan to do for the whole month?" Stephanie asked.
"Well, if I get it, I don't plan to do much. I'm just going to hang out, rest up. Put my life back in order. So, when I come back I have a clear head and I can put my career in full force again."
"Sounds good. Are you going to think about maybe talking to Jeff?" She asked. "You're going to marry Matt, you should bury the hatches with Jeff, he'll be family."
"Everyday I think about talking to Jeff. Everyday I almost do it. And, everyday I can't." I answered. "I do, however, plan on trying to fix mine and Paul's relationship. He's my father, and I have to have him in my life."
"All right." She said. "I can help with that."
"I need it." I replied.
"Also, I could help with Jeff." She hinted.
"I don't know about that." I replied. "If it's going to happen. I want to be the one who does it."
"Fair enough."
"I don't want anyone to do the dirty work for me. I messed up, and the same goes for Paul too. I want to be the one who fixes it. And, I know it's taking me an awful long time to fix anything with Jeff, and again it's my fault. But, I have to feel when the time's right, ya know? Everyone's rushing me into things, and telling me not all hope is lost. Maybe it's not. But, it's for me to decide, and when I decide to find out, I'll find out."
"I understand." She said. "When you feel right, do it. And, if you don't, don't. But, I think you should. Only because one day, you will be family, and Matthew will want to know his uncle, and he's got some uncle in Jeff. And, as he gets older, and the relationship you and Jeff have doesn't get better, he'll know. I'm only saying this out of the interest of Matt, which is why you and Matt are getting married in the first place. For Matthew."
"Exactly. And, I don't think I have ever really thought of it in that way. And, knowing that, it should make me want to do it, but it's not."
"Don't rush into it. And, like you said, I guess the same goes for Paul as well."
"Paul is a different story, in it's own way. Paul is angry at me because of my choice to marry Matt. And, it's all a misunderstanding. And, if the two of us, and maybe even Matt, can talk about it. I'm sure it'll work itself out. I'm willing, it's Matt and Paul I'm worried about."
"Paul is. He won't admit it, but he is. He knows he was wrong."
Stephanie told me that she'd talk to Paul as soon as we got back. And, before I left, things would work themselves out. I wanted to believe her, and part of me did. But, something inside me said I was once again screwed by my own faults. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter"
The following morning, I woke up and the pillow my head was rested on was red, and I was feeling weak. Not a good sign. I knew I was in trouble, and I knew I needed help. If I wasn't feeling so lousy about everything, I probably wouldn't have wanted the help. But, I knew I needed it. I called Chris.
"Des, what's wrong?"
"Come to my room, please." I begged, sounding out of it.
"I'll be right there. You gave me a key last night." I just hung up and laid back down. Not even a minute later, but what seemed like forever, Chris came running in. I was on my bed, arm over the edge. "Destiny? What happened?" He saw the pillow. "Destiny, what the hell?"
"My head." I answered. "I hurt it in the match."
"Right. I'm getting you to a hospital to get stitched up. Who knows how much blood you lost all ready."
He picked me up and carried me out the room, like a groom carrying his bride. As we walked down the hall, we ran into Dwayne. Chris told DJ what happened. DJ said it was typical it'd take me 24 hours to ask for help. DJ let us go and said he'd tell Matt what happened, and a few others.
I got stitched up and had to stay there for a few ours, maybe over night, to regain the blood I had lost. Naturally, when I came around, I wanted out.
"You scared me today, you know. Thought something really serious was going to happen to you." Chris said.
"I'm sorry." I replied. "I guess I took a harder bump than I thought."
"Sure looks like it."
"I'll be fine for Unforgiven, right?"
"Typical you, always worried about the gig. Yes, you'll be fine. You might get out tonight. If not, you're staying over night."
"Please." I said. "I'm fine. I can leave now."
"Not until that IV bag runs out and the doctors say you can go. You don't want to leave early and pass out during the match."
"Yeah, yeah." I sighed. "How many did you tell?"
"Dwayne. Told him to tell Matt."
"And the rest of the federation."
He laughed. "Yeah, probably." He smiled again. "You handled yourself well in the match."
"I didn't think so. I wanted to walk away."
"It was hard for you, I could see why you would."
"I couldn't take it."
"What made you come back?" Chris asked.
"I wasn't going to be a quitter. I wasn't going to let it beat me. I knew I was better than that."
"Sounds like you." Chris leaned back in the chair. "You surprised a lot of people. No one thought you'd walk out like that, and no one thought you'd take Jeff out like that, not even Jeff."
"I bet." I smiled knowing I had done something no one thought I'd ever do.
"The guys in the back were happy for you. They were sort of glad you did it."
"Really? I figured the guys would be on the side of their own sex."
"No, they were happy you faced him like that. I'll be honest, not many thought you'd do that. They knew you'd do something, but they had no idea it'd be like that."
"Spontaneous, I like it."
"That is a good word to describe you."
Chris showed no intentions on leaving the hospital. I was really glad he decided to stay with me. We got off wrestling and started talking about life. He mentioned that he was happy to have the week after Unforgiven off. He told me that Vince had mentioned something would happen with him at Unforgiven that would cause him to be gone for a week.
"So, wait, you're involved in a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the Euro Title?"
"Right, naturally, I'm not going to win, I have double gold all ready. But, Show's in this match as well as Bradshaw. So, it'll work out."
"What's going to happen with me?"
"Dunno. You've got your singles title. After you win at Unforgiven, you'll take that for a week. We've been talking about you winning at stuff, you are supposed to win, right?"
"Don't know. Vince made the match in my favor, sort of. Whoever gets out of that cage wins. There is no winner slated."
"Wow, that's big. He doesn't do that often."
"He wasn't supposed to. But, he knew he could get a better match if we were really fighting hard for it."
"So true."
"It's going to be a lot harder on our bodies. I mean, we've really got to push for this. No one's taking the falls. This is as real as pro wrestling gets."
"Sort of like last Unforgiven."
"Exactly." I said. "That street fight, that was real. There was nothing fake about it. Now, I get to do that again, inside a steel cage. You thought last year was rough? Wait until Sunday."
Last year at Unforgiven, a hardcore tag team match was held for the WWF Tag Team and Women's titles. There really was no set deal with Amy and myself. Matt and Jeff had a basic idea with both Dudleyz. Matt and Jeff knew they'd retain the titles, but the match was very loose. Amy and myself can't talk about matches. There's just no way. We give our ideas to the writers and they send it to the other. This Unforgiven, like last, there was none of that. Whatever was done in the ring, would be done out of no where. No plans, nothing.
"I'll admit, I am nervous about it." Chris said. "We've seen how you two can be around each other."
"Hey, the only one that's going to be totally messed up is Amy. I'll be fine."
"Don't over work yourself." He warned. "I'd feel better if you didn't."
"I have to do what I have to do. No one knows what's going to happen in that match. I don't know what's going to happen. I can't make any promises. Just that I'll leave the champion."
"That attitude of yours isn't going to leave you. Don't let it." Chris said. He put his foot on my bed. "I can't be there for you. Your match is after mine."
"I don't want anyone there. I want to do this myself, all by myself. I don't want anyone there to help me along the way. If she wants to bring anyone out, let her. I'll take them on too. This isn't about gold. This is about pride and honor. This is about domination."
"Chill before all this blood boils." He pushed the IV bag. We laughed.
But, that's what it was about. Pride, honor, domination, proving who was the best. I believe it was the Hitman who said, "I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be". Wise words from Mr. Hart. And, like Brett Hart, I am the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. Since day one, the two of us have fought to prove who was the best, who was the biggest, and who was the nastiest.
Chris spent the night in the bed next to me. He didn't say anything about staying, and it looked like he didn't mind in the least. He did leave for a short period of time, to get our things. I had to stay over night, if it didn't seem obvious all ready. When he came back he said that most of the federation was on him about me. I laughed, knowing that when he told DJ, everyone else would find out one way or another.
"Everyone loves you." He said. He brought back a pizza and we were eating it.
"Sometimes I wonder why."
"Please." Chris said. "Since you got here, since that year and a half ago, it's been great. You defiantly liven up the backstage. You're, uh, defiantly different."
"Different, I like that." I said. I smiled.
"It is true. You are a little weird." He told me. "I can handle weird, I can handle nutty. But, do you know how hard it is to be in the ring with someone that I know can kick my ass."
"I don't know about that." I said.
"Oh, you do. You know you do. Before a houseshow, we have to lockup." He saw me smile. "What, I'm serious."
"Ok, ok." I replied. "I'll do it."
"After Unforgiven. I don't want to be put out of action before I have to."
"Oh, like I could do that much damage to you?"
"You probably could." He said. "I think you underestimate your power."
"Maybe." I was looking down pulling cheese of the pizza I wasn't eating. "I can't wait to go home."
"I know that." Chris replied. "And, I know if I wasn't here, you'd have signed out AMA."
"Probably." I laughed. "I don't believe it, Unforgiven's only a few days away."
"I know, it's crazy. It feels like we were just at Summer Slam." Chris replied. "Time flies."
"You're telling me. It's all ready been a year. A whole freaking year." I looked down.
"But look what you have done in that year. I don't think you would have done all of that if you were with Matt and Jeff still."
"I'd happily give all of this up just to be apart of that again. All those belts I won, all the firsts. I'd give them all back."
"No you wouldn't. Look at what you've got because of it."
"I don't care! I could have done it either way. But, if I had to choose between all of this and being back with Matt and Jeff, I'd choose Matt and Jeff." I said. "I'm not saying our deal isn't good. Because it is. Tag Team Champs baby, but-"
"Des, I know what you mean. You're not offending me." He told me. "Team Xtreme. Matt, Jeff, and Destiny. There's nothing better. Everyone knows it. There's no chance in hell anyone could recreate it."
"Now, who knows if that magic will ever show again." I sighed. "So, what's the deal with you leaving for a week?"
"Vince is giving me some time off. I'm supposed to get really hurt in that match. And, I'm going home."
"Lucky you." I replied.
"I know." He smiled. "Don't get the Euro title, but hey, I get to see my wife."
"That's what it's all about, right?"
"Of course." He answered. "Miss her."
Chris and I talked for a while. And, I soon drifted off. I felt Chris kiss me lightly on the cheek. I'd like to say I slept good, or slept that much at all. But, I didn't. I saw Chris, out cold, sleeping. Everything was on my mind. The only good thing I could think of was getting in that ring on Sunday and beating Amy's ass. It was the only thing that was going to keep me sane. Life was too complicated for me. The only thing I found comforting was being in that ring. And, I almost lost that on Smackdown.
Smackdown was on my mind heavy. The fact that I almost left a match killed me. I nearly walked out on my dream, on my match, my title defense. Things were so low, at their lowest for me to walk out. It bothered me so much that the idea was in my head. And it was driving me crazy.
"You're finally up." Chris said. He was channel surfing.
"I wasn't really sleeping." I replied. "Anything good on?"
"Nope." He answered. "Bullshit news."
"Wonderful." I sighed. "When do I leave?"
"Soon?" Chris said. "I don't know."
"You're so helpful!" I smiled. "I can't believe you stayed all night."
"I wasn't going to leave you here alone." He said. "I told you, you would have left AMA."
"Oh yeah, right." I replied.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to find someone and try and get you out of here."
"Yeah!"
Chris smiled and left the room. I sat up and started looking for something to watch. I gave up. I pulled my knees into my chest. I took a deep breath and let out a deep, long sigh. I wasn't sure of what to make of anything anymore. Nothing made sense to me. I was slowly drowning in my own tears, and no one was noticing.
Chris came back ten minutes later with a doctor. He said I was fine, cleared me, and we left. I didn't say anything at first. I didn't really know what to say. There was no doubt something was on my mind. But, I wasn't sure on how to get it out, and make sense.
"Talk to me." Chris said. I looked at him. "Oh, don't give me that. You know there's something going on inside your head."
"Always something going on inside my head." I told him. "I can't make sense out of it, out of anything."
"Sounds complicated."
"No shit." I said with an attitude. "Sorry."
"Don't be." He replied.
And that was it. When we got back, everyone was on me. I expected it. I told everyone it was no big deal and to leave me alone. My social desire died, and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I went straight to my room. I put my things down and sat in a chair looking out the window. I felt tears rise up and didn't hesitate to let them out. I cried, for about a half hour, straight.
"Des? Can I come in?" Stephanie called through the door. I opened it. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know." I cried. My head was in her lap.
"Oh baby." She pulled me into her. "Even will all the success in the world, you're still miserable."
It was true. I don't think a woman could get any better than me. But, I was willing to give it all up for some normalcy. I was getting more and more lost, more and more confused, pushed further and future from the course. I was loosing touch on who I was.
"Des, I'm always here for you. No matter what you do."
"Thank you."
She brushed my hair with her fingers. "I know that you're not feeling well, that you're off somewhere. And, things with Paul aren't helping. A lot of things aren't helping. But, you have me."
"I need you."
"Then, I am here. I will always be here."
I looked at her and smiled. She went on, saying how she'd be there for me and everything. Stephanie was defiantly something special in my life, and I needed her, more than anything. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for her. Same thing with Chris. Since we formed the tag team, he's become my best friend.
Within this past year, I found myself opening up to more people. My motto still remains DTA, but I was now opening up more to these guys. I wouldn't run down to Dj's room and tell him everything that happened. But, I was beginning to trust the members of the once unbreakable alliance. It did take a while.
Chris returned to my room and Stephanie left. I was curled up on my bed in one of Chris's big long shirts, one that was long on him, and my underwear. I didn't care what I looked like, and Chris had seen nearly everything he could on me. Nearly. He sat down in a chair opposite me. He put his crossed his leg and slouched down.
"How are you?" He asked. I shrugged. "What's up?"
"I can't do this anymore. I've been nonstop for a year. I don't know anything anymore. I've been running around for so long I've lost touch with reality. I don't know who I am, I don't know why I'm here. Why would the WWF want me?"
"Because you're the best we have." Chris answered.
"I don't feel like it. I feel empty, I feel lost."
"You need this break more than I do." Chris said. "I'll talk to Vince, give it to you."
"No, Chris, don't. I don't want you to miss out on time with your wife because of me. You deserve it. I'll be fine."
"You need a break. You're clearly cracking. Unforgiven, you go in, kick ass. Take all of this frustration out on Amy, I know you will. Then, take a long need vacation."
"I guess I could leave for a week."
"I was thinking maybe longer. Come back at No Mercy."
"No Mercy? A whole month?"
"Destiny, you are mentally, physically, and emotionally burned. You need this. Take if off. Vince'll give it to you, I know he will. You need this. Look at yourself. Walking out on matches. Crying, laying around. This isn't you."
He was right, it wasn't. This wasn't me at all. I needed that month. I had nearly no time off since Unforgiven last year. My career took off and there was just no time to have a vacation. I needed to go to McMahon and ask him for my month. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have it.
I started dozing off and fell asleep. I was out for a while. When I woke up, Chris was talking to someone. I pretended I was still sleeping so I could hear what was going on. Matt was in there.
"She needs it, look at her." Chris said.
"I know." Matt replied. "Jay and I could handle Matthew while she takes the time off."
"Right. How you holding up?"
"All right, I guess." Matt answered. "Trying to balance a lot."
"I know. Anything with Paul start up?"
"Not yet. If it does, I'm willing."
"It wasn't smart of you to go after him like that."
"I know." Matt said.
"What does Jeff really think about this?"
"This whole marriage? He's taking it better than I thought. Of course he's angry, and of course he's hurt. But, I explained why I was doing it. It's the way we were raised. You have to take responsibility for what you've done. It took me almost a year to grow the balls to do that."
"It is a noble thing." Chris said. "Give you that."
"I know. You have the number one contender shot for the Euro Title don't you?"
"Sunday, yes? What about you?"
"Table elimination match with the Dudleyz." Matt answered. "Nothing knew."
"Yeah, but the fans love it." Chris replied.
"That they do. Bodies going through tables, the love it." Matt laughed. "I have to head out. Get Matthew. I'll be back around later."
"All right, see ya later." As Matt left, I got up. "Hey you. You just missed Matt."
"I did?" I asked as if I didn't know.
"Yeah, he just left. He's taking your boy out."
"I'll do it." I said getting up.
"No, you stay here." Chris told me. "I don't want you doing much of anything until Unforgiven."
"C'mon." I said. "I'm not a child, I can do things you know."
"I know that. But, I just feel better if you rest."
"I'm going to find Stephanie and go out to lunch. Can I do that all mighty master and God?"
"Don't mock me." He told me. "Fine, get out of here."
I smiled and went to Stephanie's room. I didn't want to knock, in fear that Paul would open. But, I had to. Stephanie opened the door and stepped outside. I told her I wanted to go to lunch and she jumped at the idea. She grabbed her purse and we left.
"Has Paul said anything to you?" I asked on the drive over.
"No, sorry, he hasn't." She answered. "He'll come around. He loves you."
"I hope he still does. I can't lose anymore people I love."
"You won't."
"I'm thinking of taking a month off. Chris persuaded me."
"You need it." She told me.
"Leave after Unforgiven and come back at No Mercy." I said.
"You really need it." She repeated. "Calm down, cool off."
"Exactly."
Stephanie and I went sat at a table and ordered. We didn't talk much about my decision to leave for a month, or anything. We didn't really talk about wrestling that much.
"Maybe I'll come out and see ya." Stephanie said.
"That'd be nice. I'll give you my tour of NYC." I told her. "Go shopping."
"Sounds good to me. You know I'm up for shopping."
"Why don't you bring your brother along?" I asked. "I haven't seen him in a while. I miss the little guy."
She laughed. "I'll see what he's doing." She laughed again. "We could always play a trick on him, again."
"We do each time we see him. Doesn't it get old?" I asked.
We looked at each other and shook our heads. "Nah." We said together, and laughed.
Unfortunately for us, Shane was busy. But, we still had other plans. Stephanie told me that she would defiantly come out to see me. She also to me not to worry about Matthew. That her, Matt, and Jay would make sure he was all right. I felt guilty about leaving him while I went home to cool off. Stephanie reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
"What do you plan to do for the whole month?" Stephanie asked.
"Well, if I get it, I don't plan to do much. I'm just going to hang out, rest up. Put my life back in order. So, when I come back I have a clear head and I can put my career in full force again."
"Sounds good. Are you going to think about maybe talking to Jeff?" She asked. "You're going to marry Matt, you should bury the hatches with Jeff, he'll be family."
"Everyday I think about talking to Jeff. Everyday I almost do it. And, everyday I can't." I answered. "I do, however, plan on trying to fix mine and Paul's relationship. He's my father, and I have to have him in my life."
"All right." She said. "I can help with that."
"I need it." I replied.
"Also, I could help with Jeff." She hinted.
"I don't know about that." I replied. "If it's going to happen. I want to be the one who does it."
"Fair enough."
"I don't want anyone to do the dirty work for me. I messed up, and the same goes for Paul too. I want to be the one who fixes it. And, I know it's taking me an awful long time to fix anything with Jeff, and again it's my fault. But, I have to feel when the time's right, ya know? Everyone's rushing me into things, and telling me not all hope is lost. Maybe it's not. But, it's for me to decide, and when I decide to find out, I'll find out."
"I understand." She said. "When you feel right, do it. And, if you don't, don't. But, I think you should. Only because one day, you will be family, and Matthew will want to know his uncle, and he's got some uncle in Jeff. And, as he gets older, and the relationship you and Jeff have doesn't get better, he'll know. I'm only saying this out of the interest of Matt, which is why you and Matt are getting married in the first place. For Matthew."
"Exactly. And, I don't think I have ever really thought of it in that way. And, knowing that, it should make me want to do it, but it's not."
"Don't rush into it. And, like you said, I guess the same goes for Paul as well."
"Paul is a different story, in it's own way. Paul is angry at me because of my choice to marry Matt. And, it's all a misunderstanding. And, if the two of us, and maybe even Matt, can talk about it. I'm sure it'll work itself out. I'm willing, it's Matt and Paul I'm worried about."
"Paul is. He won't admit it, but he is. He knows he was wrong."
Stephanie told me that she'd talk to Paul as soon as we got back. And, before I left, things would work themselves out. I wanted to believe her, and part of me did. But, something inside me said I was once again screwed by my own faults. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter"