I was laying in bed reading at eleven that night. I had written for a straight hour on the match I had requested with Amy. I thought I had produced a decent match that showed all of our strengths, well as many as I could think of. I thought that on that piece of paper, well several pieces of paper, I had the best match of our careers. The best way to go out. I made it where that I had lost the belt, but I didn't lose the match. It was clean, the way it should be. And the line between loser and winner were very thin, if at all there. I didn't do it because I didn't want to be a true loser. I could swallow the pill just like the rest of them, if not better. But I wanted the final match to showcase something special, something different. When we walked away on the one thing that had consumed our lives for years, we couldn't call a winner or a loser. We'd have a new champion, and nothing more.
I finally went to bed at about one that morning. I had a dream about my childhood, about New York. I was about thirteen. I was sitting in The Dakota, our apartment building. I was sitting by the white piano looking down at Central Park late in the afternoon. I had come off a summer long movie set that was raved in the indy papers, but like everything I had done, it had gone unnoticed in the real movie papers. I had grown to live with it at a young age. It hurt, but it was something that I lived with.
I had decided to put that movie on. "Second Chance" it was called. I played a girl, sixteen, three years older than I was at the time, her name was Debra. She was a loner, never had a place to call her own. Her parents never loved her, no one really knew who she was. I wanted the role, I could relate to it and bring real emotion into it. The whole second chance comes in when she is given a second chance in society to fit in, to be loved and to love. At that time, I hadn't gotten that second chance.
"What is that crap you're watching?" My father asked me.
"A movie, my movie." I answered firmly.
"Turn that shit off. That's all it is, shit. You maybe someone over there in that independent bullshit, but here, where it counts, you're nothing. You never will be anything. You just a lost cause." He told me coldly. "I don't ever want to see this sorry excuse for acting ever again." Normally, I'd take his and my mother's bullshit and listened to them, today was different. "Am I speaking a different language, Destiny. Turn that crap off."
"Hank, is something wrong?" My mother asked.
"No, Rose. Just your daughter, flaunting her movie. As if it's anything anyway."
"Destiny, what the hell are you doing? We have told you over and over, you work is nothing. It's not worthy to be called acting. Why are you wasting our time by putting it on. Turn that off." Again, I did and said nothing. "What the hell is your problem young lady? This is a disgrace to the family. Get it off the TV."
"Listen to your mother, Destiny. Do as we say." My father added. Nothing. "Destiny, you will listen to us! You will do as we tell you, when we tell you."
"No!" I screamed. "I am not going to listen to you anymore. You put me down and you tell me I can't act. I am sick of it."
"Get used to it sweetheart, because that's the truth. You read it over here, you're nothing." My mother said. She looked me right in the eyes.
"At least I made a movie! At least I get casted."
That set her off and she hit me, right across the face. It stung.
"Don't you talk to me like that." She told me.
"I can say whatever I want!"
"You apologize to your mother right now."
"No."
"Do it, Destiny, so help me God."
My father hit me. He hit me hard, and he hit me three times. Each one harder then the last. I felt something warm come from my nose and knew my nose was bleeding. I could feel some swelling on my right eye. But I wouldn't back down. My mother went to the VCR and turned it off.
"Stupid girl. When will you learn?" She asked. "You are not my daughter with that sorry excuse for acting." And she walked away.
"Go clean yourself up." My father told me. "You're a mess."
I shot up. The clock on the night table next to me read 3:45 AM. I got out of bed and went downstairs. I got something to drink and sat down at the kitchen table. I rested my head on my right arm. Tears whelled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. I needed to let go of my past. Tampa, Florida, this, was my way of doing so. It was all surfacing, and I was going to get it out before I left. Remember, Tampa was to be remembered.
Monday came with sad and happy emotions. Chris left and within an hour Jay came. I was so happy to be seeing Jay. When I saw him walk off the plan, I ran to him and gave him a hug. He hugged me and picked my baby boy up and gave him a hug.
"Missed you guys." He said. Matthew gave him a hug of his own.
"It's been weird without you either." I said with a smile. I kissed his cheek.
Jay had become my bestfriend. I loved him, I loved him for a while. Not the kind of love I had for Matt or for any of the other superstars I was close to, and not the kind of love I had for Jeff. I didn't love him like a brother or a friend, or a lover. I couldn't describe it. I won't try to. But it is a kind of love that is different, and something that made me feel sorta funny inside, butterflies.
Jay took my hand as we walked out of the airport, Matthew still in his arms. He had one bag over his shoulder, one, on wheels, dragging behind him, and I had one. People had thought that Jay and I were married.
"No, just friends." Jay would say with a smile. "He's not my son." In the back of my mind, I wanted him to say yes.
We walked to my car and Jay offered to drive us home. I didn't stop smiling since I saw him get off the plane. It really was a breath of fresh air to see him. And I could tell felt the same.
"It's good to see you." He said, looking at me and then smiling.
"You too. Your house is boring without you."
He laughed. "The WWF is boring without you."
"Maybe, but you have Adam and everyone else."
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"I'm ok, healing. Both mentally and physically."
"A lot to be healed." He had no idea. "But, physically, you're doing better?"
"Not so much pain. I mean, I'll feel something sometimes. But I'm OK."
"And mentally?"
"I'm still working on that."
He cracked a smile. "I can see that. Well think of it this way, you've passed one mile stone with Matt. You'll have another with Jeff, and with Amy." He said. "You'll never be normal."
He was right. Never be normal, I knew that. But I did know I'd be close leaving here. I put my hand on his as we drove. He did make me feel good, feel special. He went out of his way, for anyone to make them feel good, feel special.
We pulled up in the driveway and Jay ran to his house and kissed the front door. I smiled and put Matthew down and held his hand as we walked inside. Jay dropped all of his things in the living room and ran around his house. When I saw him again, he was in a bathingsuit.
"Should I take a hint?" I asked.
"Wear one or not, you're going in the ocean with me."
"Oh, Jay!" I yelled. He carried me over his shoulder.
"Matt, lets go watch mommy get wet!" Matt hobbled off after us. "Pretty cool to know that I'll be making you wet!"
"Jay!" I yelled. But, I couldn't fight off this WWF Superstar. I went in the ocean. Matt stood on shore, looking at us, a smile on his face. "Matt, don't you come in."
Jay walked on shore and stood by Matt. "I got him." He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, and Des, I'd rethink black bra with white shirt." I laughed.
"You want me, and you know it." I joked.
I quickly ran up to the house and got Matthew's playpen. Jay and I set it up and went back in the water. Jay got me a shirt to wear after we got down swimming. I threw my shirt and shorts on the beach and swam in my bra and thong. Jay and I didn't care. It wasn't about that.
We started getting into the grove and began wrestling. I hadn't had any wrestling contact since I left, and I was going crazy. We stopped kidding around and got into it. It was a sparing match. I found out that I wasn't as rusty as I thought I was.
"All right, I'm gonna have to call this. You're going to wear me out."
"Yeah, you're going to do the same to me." I smiled and put my hands on my hips.
"Call it a draw?" He asked. I nodded. "Good." A wave came and knocked us both down. When I surfaced, I was in Jay's arms.
"You saved my life!" I cried and hugged him. I was obviously joking around.
"Baywatch!" He carried me in his strong beautiful arms up the beach and placed me on the sand. "Matt, watch me save your mother's life!" He laid me down and started pressing on my chest. "One, two three!" He yelled. The his mouth met mine as if he was giving me CPR, he blew a few times, and I laughed. "It worked!"
"Jay." I said with a laugh. Matthew was laughing too.
"He liked it."
"That's because you're funny looking." I got up and brushed the sand off me. "Eww, sandy hair!" I ran into the ocean and dunked my head.
"You look good." Jay said. It came out of no where. "I don't mean in a sick, I want to screw you sort of way. I mean, in the flattering sorta way."
"Thanks." I said with a smile and I blushed.
"You've got the scars from the accident, but it doesn't even scar how you look." I looked away. "What?"
"Nothing." I answered. "Nothing. It's just been a while since someone told me I looked good."
"It's true." I turned back and he was piling sand up in a hill.
"You're such a kid." I told him and laughed. He got up and ran to me. "Jay!!"
He speared me back into the water, a wave breaking over us. When he stood up, he reached down and pulled me up too. He shot me a cheesy smile. I took his legs out from under him with a small swipe of my leg. He fell flat on his ass and I laughed.
"Who's the kid?" He asked. I laughed and dove into the next wave. I surfaced and saw Jay on shore. He was carrying Matthew, who was now in his diaper. Matthew was leaning on Jay's shoulder, his hair sticking to Jay. I looked at them and smiled. Something about it felt warm, so perfect.
As I looked and smiled, a wave broke on me and I tumbled forward. It hurt my side, the one that was supposed to be healing, but I felt fine and tried to get up. But, the break of another wave hit me in the face and I went back down. I've been in many of these before, most of them a lot worse, worse on my back and neck. I felt a pair of hands pull me up, and saw Jay.
"You ok?" He asked me.
"Yeah, fine." I answered out of breath. I put the shirt Jay got for me on. "I'm all right, seriously."
"You're holding your side, are you sure?" He asked me.
"Yes, fine." I walked on shore. "I've had worse. This one time in New York, I was at a beach on Long Island and I had a wave break on me, heard my neck snap. I did like a million flips before washing up on shore." I smiled. "It was fun."
"You had me scared." He put Matt in my lap.
"I can handle my own." I said. "Hey baby!" I turned him to face me.
"I want that." Jay said. "I want stability like this."
"Jay, this isn't stability." I told him.
"I want marriage and children." He sat next to me.
"Don't look at me."
"Unfortunately, I am not." He said. He buried his feet. "Actually, I should say, unfortunately, I can't." I could feel myself blush. "I won't lie. When we pulled that stunt, way back when, after we hooked up. I kinda wanted it to be for real. But, now, now it's different. Now you've got something you want to go for you, and we lost whatever we had. Don't get me wrong, you're very beautiful, but what was there is gone." He sat there, throwing sand on his feet. "You hungry?" I nodded.
We packed up camp for a while and headed inside. I sat at the kitchen table as Jay went through what he had and decided to make some pasta. I sat back in the chair and watched him.
"What guest room did you use?" He asked.
"The dark one." I answered.
"Nice. It's the one Matt stays in when they come down." He told me. "You like it?"
"Yes I do." I leaned back more on the chair. "Tell Matt that I'm claiming the room. He'll have to find another."
He laughed. "Well, there's Adam's room, no one takes that. Then, there's the room Jeff uses, two beds, two double beds. Small bathroom. Matt can go there. They are brothers!"
Jay brought me over a bowl of pasta and tomato sauce. I mixed it up and ate some, giving some to Matt as well. He liked it, naturally. He doesn't dislike much. Infact, he finished the pasta, I wasn't really that hungry.
"I think I'm going to lay down." I said. "Do you mind watching Matt?"
"Not at all!" Jay said. "Go, go lay down. It'll be a boys night out!"
I laughed and went upstairs. I put Jay's shirt on the chair in the room. I put my bra and thong in the bathroom next to my room. It wasn't the master bathroom, or the smaller one next to the room with the double beds. But, it was beautiful nonetheless. Black marble. I love it. I put on a pair of boxers I brought with me and got under the covers. My side was sore from the wave. But surprisingly, not from the sparing. Unless it was from both and I didn't feel it until now.
I slipped off to sleep rather quickly. I felt like I could sleep for years. I had so many sleepless nights this past year. I felt a presence in the room and opened my eyes. Jay was putting Matthew in his crib. I rolled over.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. He fell asleep on the couch and I thought to bring him up here."
"No, it's ok. I had been out for an hour anyway." I sat up covering my chest with the blanket. Jay laid in the spot next to me on the Queen size bed.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking since you first brought Matt to us." He said. "I can't stop thinking about having one of my own, being married, a father. I'm a family man and I want just that, a family. But, it's true what they say, about this business, it's not a family business. It's not meant for having kids and being married."
"You have to make it a family business. I have."
"Believe me, I have every intention on doing that. I just don't know how long I can wait."
"You'll be just fine, Jay. There are a lot of girls waiting in line to get their hands on you."
"That's just it. I don't want some wrestling skank who hangs around the locker room after the shows are over looking for a piece. I want a real love, someone I can call my own. Not just some girl who doesn't watch the shows on TV, just comes down to the arena looking for some lonely beat up wrestler guy." He looked at me, his hands behind his head. "Believe me, I know I can have that, I can have a lot of after match party games. But, that's not it. It's not what I want. I've been there, I'll admit it, I've been there, played those games before. But, the game's over. I want to play a new game, a new game called marriage, called family life."
"Well, Jay, you know I'm with you each step of the way. I know who you are, very well. You're the perfect man for the job." I put my hand on his arm. "I mean it. I see you with Matt all the time. You're great around him. You have such a gentle touch, a touch I found out about long before any of this. You're going to be fine."
I rolled over and leaned on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.
"I don't care what my future wife says, you are going to be in the head of the wedding. One of the very important people."
"Ohh! Jay."
He put his arm around me. "When that day comes, I know that we won't lose this. Our time."
"I know. I won't let it happen. You mean a lot to me, Jay."
He squeezed me tight. We laid like that for a while. I didn't want to move. I was safe inside these walls, and inside his arms. I wanted so badly for Jay to be happy. He deserved it, all of it.
A half hour later, Jay called in Chinese. He didn't want to cook, and I didn't want to go out. So we called in. I put on a small belly shirt I borrowed from Stephanie. I don't even know if you could call it a shirt! I wasn't wearing a bra, so any sudden movements and I would have popped out.
"Food's here." Jay told me.
"Good, I'm hungry." I sat down.
"You actually look like a Diva." He smiled.
"Is that a good thing?"
"For the horny men out there, yes." He answered.
"Oh goody." He laughed at me.
"Maybe you should think about doing those. I mean, you've got the body, and the face."
"I don't know. I'm not here to subject my body for sexy pictures."
"You've made that very clear. The fans know it. You made that point."
"So, why go back on it?"
"Because, they know you're not in it to sell sex. But to have fun."
"Right." I smiled. "So, what are you plans when you go back?"
"I really don't know what Vince wants me to do. He's rarely put me and Adam together anymore."
"I don't get him. He's got a money maker in front of him, and he screws around." I shrugged. "He'll realize it when the ratings go down." I reached over and grabbed a baby corn from Jay's plate and started sucking on it suggestively. Jay moved around a little.
"Really?" Jay asked.
"I am quite good."
"I know you are." He smiled and laughed a little. "I know what you can do."
He did know. I fished eating and heard Matthew on the baby monitor. I put my plate away and went up to get him. He was standing up in his little crib. I grabbed a hair tie from the night stand and put his hair up. Yes, it was that long. Shoulder length.
"Hey baby." I smiled and kissed his cheek. I carried him downstairs. Jay was on the couch watching some tapes of matches.
"You're first title match. No Way Out."
"Back to the good old days." I sat down next to him and put Matt on the floor.
"This match was really great. With all the shit aside, it was a great match on both parts."
"I know." I said. "And, now look where I am."
"Many more great matches under your belt. Many more titles."
"I think I want to calm down on all these titles and these matches."
"What do you mean?" Jay asked.
"I mean, look at me. I've won every belt, almost. I've faced a lot of tough guys. I just would like to take a break in the ring. Fight some girls for once. Stop being so Goddamn powerful."
"I see. Well, talk to Vince about it."
We sat there, watching old tapes of our matches. RAW's Smackdown's and pay-per-views. We ranked on each other. I'll admit, watching my matches was pretty funny. My style, in the beginning was awful.
"You improved so much." Jay told me. He gave me two thumbs up.
"Thanks a bunch."
I looked over at Jay and he was smiling. I wanted so bad to help him, help him find the woman he'd spend the rest of his life with. I knew him well enough to know what he'd like in a girl. I leaned into his chest and heard his heart beating. He deserved a beautiful woman laying like this. Being with him. Jay was the absolute sweetest man. He was loving, caring, and he knew how to please a woman. And I am not talking about sex. Sure, he could do that, but he knew how to be sensitive to her needs. He knew just want to do.
"Destiny." He spoke up.
"Hm?" I asked. My arms were around him, and my eyes were closed. His arm was around me.
"How would you like to bring some of your things down here? Live here when you need to. Think of it as a get away house. I know it's getting hard and harder to live in Cameron, or North Carolina for that matter. And New York is too busy. It's calm here."
"Oh, Jay, I couldn't do that to you."
"It's nothing. You can bring down whatever you want. Turn the room two doors down from you into a play room for him, or his room. It's a room I just keep my old promo posters up. I can always move them. They're just there to waist space." He said. "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't mean it." He lifted my chin up. "I want you to."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. It's yours. Those rooms are yours. The bedroom, bathroom, and the extra room. All yours to do what you wish."
"You're the best." I kissed his cheek, very close to his lips. I went to move and he brought me closer. He put me on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of him, like I was kneeling. Our faces were very close together.
"I know." He said and smiled. Then, shoved me off. I landed on the couch and pulled him down with me on top of me.
"You're not that good." I said.
"Oh really?" He said in a snotty like voice. "Screw Triple H, I am that damn good!"
I laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
He kissed my forehead. "You'll be just fine." And he got up. "Ain't that right Matty?" He picked my baby up and spun him around. Matt made a sound. I sat up and saw Jay holding Matt. He was so good with kids. He was going to be a great father.
"Here's to celebrate you joining the house." He held up two Caronas.
"Sounds very good! You got lime?" I asked. He pulled out a container of lime pieces.
"I have two cases." He smiled.
"I can handle my liquor. I have many years of practice." I replied. I took my Carona and sipped it. "I'm looking forward to staying here. To get away."
"Whenever you want. Keep the key I gave you."
"Do you mind if I drop the Vette off here?"
"Not at all."
"I have a lot of things kept at Matt's. My Vette, two bikes and my dirtbikes. I've got my Camaro in New York with my other two bikes." I said.
"How many dirtbikes you have?"
"Four." I answered.
"There's a dirtbike course thing about ten miles north here. They also race there too." Jay told me. He sipped his Carona. "Should check it out."
"Maybe." I said. "I need danger in my life."
He laughed and nodded. "You can park the Vette in the driveway, cover it up if you like. I got a shed off to the right over here. You can put the dirtbikes there. I've got a big enough drive way to handle your car and the bikes, I think."
"Should be fine." I said.
"Ok. Bring over a crib and whatnot for Matthew. Put it in your room, or make that other one his."
"You're the greatest, Jay." I said. "I mean it. You really are. I'd be lost without you, without a lot of you."
"Ah, yes, our power trip?" He smiled. "Well, most of them."
"Exactly. No matter how far I dig myself into a hole, you're there to pick me out."
"It's some unwritten pack thing." He said, and shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, it helps the rest of us out." He threw a pillow at me.
"Hey! What was that for?" I asked.
"Impulse." He smiled. "I'm getting drunk tonight!" He danced his way into the kitchen. "What munchies do you want?"
"I don't know." I answered. "Don't really care."
He returned with chips, pretzels, dip, anything he could find. While he was searching, I put Matt into a playpen next to us, for safe reasons. Jay put the Caronas next to us along with the lime.
"I could get used to this." Jay said. "Sitting here, laying around. Not having a care in the world."
"Sounds good to me." I replied. "But, I'd miss the business too much. I am going crazy."
"Nah, you're not. Because, you know what, I'd go crazy too. But you just need that time off, to yourself. To enjoy what's around you." He said. "Life doesn't stop. Not even for the immortal Destiny Diaz. You need the breaks, to see what you're missing. See what you could have. Even if it takes an accident, or a suspension to get it. Sometimes you just need out."
"I've never had a true break at all in my life. I plan on taking this one well."
"You've got a whole week and a half on your own." Jay told me. "Some real down time."
"Yea, me, myself, and I." I sighed.
"Don't be so down. You deserve it." He said. "You need to slow down."
I nodded and sipped my Carona. "I know I do. When I came back, so much happened, to my mind, my body, my soul, that I need this break."
"It's not just that week. It's your whole life. Now you've got people who care about you. Actually give a damn if you're hurt or not. I was really worried about you going into that week. I knew you had taken a lot of shit and that what Amy said on RAW wasn't helping you out."
"Not like the locker room brawl helped any of your nerves." I said. "God, I am so happy Trish was there and she got Paul. Something would have happened. Someone was going to get hurt, badly."
"I know. We heard you scream as Paul took you out of the room. And we over heard Trish telling someone about a fight in the locker room. We, I mean, Adam, Matt, Jeff, DJ, and myself all knew that moment what had happened. We knew it was you and Amy. Vince wouldn't tell anyone anything. We got Paul to talk to us, somewhat. But it still didn't help fully."
"I don't regret it, none of it." I looked down. Jay put his hand under my chin and lightly brought my face to him. He got closer to me and I closed my eyes as his lips met mine. We engaged in a soft kiss.
"I'm sorry." He pulled away quickly. "It's the booze talking, I think." He started to laugh and got up. He brought two beers back with him. "Yes, lets add to the booze craze." He smiled.
"Hey, who cares." I said with a shrug, knowing that on my end, the kiss had nothing to do with booze. I wasn't going to talk to him about it. Because, I really didn't know if it was influenced by the booze.
"I really am sorry about that kiss thing."
"It's ok, Jay, it really is." I told him. "Honest. Chill out."
I looked up at him and he looked down at me and smiled. I placed my beer down and put my hand on his. I put his beer down with the other hand and took that hand in mine. I pulled him on me.
"Des, what are you doing?" He asked. I kissed him. "Oh...are you sure-" I cut him off with a kiss. "All right."
He started kissing me. I reached down and lifted his shirt over his head. And started kissing his neck. He pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra in one quick movement. It felt so good, but so wrong. I couldn't do this. But how I wanted to.
"Are you sure?" He asked me, short of breath.
"Yes." I answered with a nod.
And we continued. And continued and continued. On the couch in his living room. I'd like to thin it was the booze talking, but I knew it wasn't. That both of us were sober and alert and knew what was going on. We just didn't want to stop it. It felt so good, so incredibly good, it was impossible to stop. Where was this going to lead us? Lead me? What was happening in Tampa?
I finally went to bed at about one that morning. I had a dream about my childhood, about New York. I was about thirteen. I was sitting in The Dakota, our apartment building. I was sitting by the white piano looking down at Central Park late in the afternoon. I had come off a summer long movie set that was raved in the indy papers, but like everything I had done, it had gone unnoticed in the real movie papers. I had grown to live with it at a young age. It hurt, but it was something that I lived with.
I had decided to put that movie on. "Second Chance" it was called. I played a girl, sixteen, three years older than I was at the time, her name was Debra. She was a loner, never had a place to call her own. Her parents never loved her, no one really knew who she was. I wanted the role, I could relate to it and bring real emotion into it. The whole second chance comes in when she is given a second chance in society to fit in, to be loved and to love. At that time, I hadn't gotten that second chance.
"What is that crap you're watching?" My father asked me.
"A movie, my movie." I answered firmly.
"Turn that shit off. That's all it is, shit. You maybe someone over there in that independent bullshit, but here, where it counts, you're nothing. You never will be anything. You just a lost cause." He told me coldly. "I don't ever want to see this sorry excuse for acting ever again." Normally, I'd take his and my mother's bullshit and listened to them, today was different. "Am I speaking a different language, Destiny. Turn that crap off."
"Hank, is something wrong?" My mother asked.
"No, Rose. Just your daughter, flaunting her movie. As if it's anything anyway."
"Destiny, what the hell are you doing? We have told you over and over, you work is nothing. It's not worthy to be called acting. Why are you wasting our time by putting it on. Turn that off." Again, I did and said nothing. "What the hell is your problem young lady? This is a disgrace to the family. Get it off the TV."
"Listen to your mother, Destiny. Do as we say." My father added. Nothing. "Destiny, you will listen to us! You will do as we tell you, when we tell you."
"No!" I screamed. "I am not going to listen to you anymore. You put me down and you tell me I can't act. I am sick of it."
"Get used to it sweetheart, because that's the truth. You read it over here, you're nothing." My mother said. She looked me right in the eyes.
"At least I made a movie! At least I get casted."
That set her off and she hit me, right across the face. It stung.
"Don't you talk to me like that." She told me.
"I can say whatever I want!"
"You apologize to your mother right now."
"No."
"Do it, Destiny, so help me God."
My father hit me. He hit me hard, and he hit me three times. Each one harder then the last. I felt something warm come from my nose and knew my nose was bleeding. I could feel some swelling on my right eye. But I wouldn't back down. My mother went to the VCR and turned it off.
"Stupid girl. When will you learn?" She asked. "You are not my daughter with that sorry excuse for acting." And she walked away.
"Go clean yourself up." My father told me. "You're a mess."
I shot up. The clock on the night table next to me read 3:45 AM. I got out of bed and went downstairs. I got something to drink and sat down at the kitchen table. I rested my head on my right arm. Tears whelled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. I needed to let go of my past. Tampa, Florida, this, was my way of doing so. It was all surfacing, and I was going to get it out before I left. Remember, Tampa was to be remembered.
Monday came with sad and happy emotions. Chris left and within an hour Jay came. I was so happy to be seeing Jay. When I saw him walk off the plan, I ran to him and gave him a hug. He hugged me and picked my baby boy up and gave him a hug.
"Missed you guys." He said. Matthew gave him a hug of his own.
"It's been weird without you either." I said with a smile. I kissed his cheek.
Jay had become my bestfriend. I loved him, I loved him for a while. Not the kind of love I had for Matt or for any of the other superstars I was close to, and not the kind of love I had for Jeff. I didn't love him like a brother or a friend, or a lover. I couldn't describe it. I won't try to. But it is a kind of love that is different, and something that made me feel sorta funny inside, butterflies.
Jay took my hand as we walked out of the airport, Matthew still in his arms. He had one bag over his shoulder, one, on wheels, dragging behind him, and I had one. People had thought that Jay and I were married.
"No, just friends." Jay would say with a smile. "He's not my son." In the back of my mind, I wanted him to say yes.
We walked to my car and Jay offered to drive us home. I didn't stop smiling since I saw him get off the plane. It really was a breath of fresh air to see him. And I could tell felt the same.
"It's good to see you." He said, looking at me and then smiling.
"You too. Your house is boring without you."
He laughed. "The WWF is boring without you."
"Maybe, but you have Adam and everyone else."
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"I'm ok, healing. Both mentally and physically."
"A lot to be healed." He had no idea. "But, physically, you're doing better?"
"Not so much pain. I mean, I'll feel something sometimes. But I'm OK."
"And mentally?"
"I'm still working on that."
He cracked a smile. "I can see that. Well think of it this way, you've passed one mile stone with Matt. You'll have another with Jeff, and with Amy." He said. "You'll never be normal."
He was right. Never be normal, I knew that. But I did know I'd be close leaving here. I put my hand on his as we drove. He did make me feel good, feel special. He went out of his way, for anyone to make them feel good, feel special.
We pulled up in the driveway and Jay ran to his house and kissed the front door. I smiled and put Matthew down and held his hand as we walked inside. Jay dropped all of his things in the living room and ran around his house. When I saw him again, he was in a bathingsuit.
"Should I take a hint?" I asked.
"Wear one or not, you're going in the ocean with me."
"Oh, Jay!" I yelled. He carried me over his shoulder.
"Matt, lets go watch mommy get wet!" Matt hobbled off after us. "Pretty cool to know that I'll be making you wet!"
"Jay!" I yelled. But, I couldn't fight off this WWF Superstar. I went in the ocean. Matt stood on shore, looking at us, a smile on his face. "Matt, don't you come in."
Jay walked on shore and stood by Matt. "I got him." He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, and Des, I'd rethink black bra with white shirt." I laughed.
"You want me, and you know it." I joked.
I quickly ran up to the house and got Matthew's playpen. Jay and I set it up and went back in the water. Jay got me a shirt to wear after we got down swimming. I threw my shirt and shorts on the beach and swam in my bra and thong. Jay and I didn't care. It wasn't about that.
We started getting into the grove and began wrestling. I hadn't had any wrestling contact since I left, and I was going crazy. We stopped kidding around and got into it. It was a sparing match. I found out that I wasn't as rusty as I thought I was.
"All right, I'm gonna have to call this. You're going to wear me out."
"Yeah, you're going to do the same to me." I smiled and put my hands on my hips.
"Call it a draw?" He asked. I nodded. "Good." A wave came and knocked us both down. When I surfaced, I was in Jay's arms.
"You saved my life!" I cried and hugged him. I was obviously joking around.
"Baywatch!" He carried me in his strong beautiful arms up the beach and placed me on the sand. "Matt, watch me save your mother's life!" He laid me down and started pressing on my chest. "One, two three!" He yelled. The his mouth met mine as if he was giving me CPR, he blew a few times, and I laughed. "It worked!"
"Jay." I said with a laugh. Matthew was laughing too.
"He liked it."
"That's because you're funny looking." I got up and brushed the sand off me. "Eww, sandy hair!" I ran into the ocean and dunked my head.
"You look good." Jay said. It came out of no where. "I don't mean in a sick, I want to screw you sort of way. I mean, in the flattering sorta way."
"Thanks." I said with a smile and I blushed.
"You've got the scars from the accident, but it doesn't even scar how you look." I looked away. "What?"
"Nothing." I answered. "Nothing. It's just been a while since someone told me I looked good."
"It's true." I turned back and he was piling sand up in a hill.
"You're such a kid." I told him and laughed. He got up and ran to me. "Jay!!"
He speared me back into the water, a wave breaking over us. When he stood up, he reached down and pulled me up too. He shot me a cheesy smile. I took his legs out from under him with a small swipe of my leg. He fell flat on his ass and I laughed.
"Who's the kid?" He asked. I laughed and dove into the next wave. I surfaced and saw Jay on shore. He was carrying Matthew, who was now in his diaper. Matthew was leaning on Jay's shoulder, his hair sticking to Jay. I looked at them and smiled. Something about it felt warm, so perfect.
As I looked and smiled, a wave broke on me and I tumbled forward. It hurt my side, the one that was supposed to be healing, but I felt fine and tried to get up. But, the break of another wave hit me in the face and I went back down. I've been in many of these before, most of them a lot worse, worse on my back and neck. I felt a pair of hands pull me up, and saw Jay.
"You ok?" He asked me.
"Yeah, fine." I answered out of breath. I put the shirt Jay got for me on. "I'm all right, seriously."
"You're holding your side, are you sure?" He asked me.
"Yes, fine." I walked on shore. "I've had worse. This one time in New York, I was at a beach on Long Island and I had a wave break on me, heard my neck snap. I did like a million flips before washing up on shore." I smiled. "It was fun."
"You had me scared." He put Matt in my lap.
"I can handle my own." I said. "Hey baby!" I turned him to face me.
"I want that." Jay said. "I want stability like this."
"Jay, this isn't stability." I told him.
"I want marriage and children." He sat next to me.
"Don't look at me."
"Unfortunately, I am not." He said. He buried his feet. "Actually, I should say, unfortunately, I can't." I could feel myself blush. "I won't lie. When we pulled that stunt, way back when, after we hooked up. I kinda wanted it to be for real. But, now, now it's different. Now you've got something you want to go for you, and we lost whatever we had. Don't get me wrong, you're very beautiful, but what was there is gone." He sat there, throwing sand on his feet. "You hungry?" I nodded.
We packed up camp for a while and headed inside. I sat at the kitchen table as Jay went through what he had and decided to make some pasta. I sat back in the chair and watched him.
"What guest room did you use?" He asked.
"The dark one." I answered.
"Nice. It's the one Matt stays in when they come down." He told me. "You like it?"
"Yes I do." I leaned back more on the chair. "Tell Matt that I'm claiming the room. He'll have to find another."
He laughed. "Well, there's Adam's room, no one takes that. Then, there's the room Jeff uses, two beds, two double beds. Small bathroom. Matt can go there. They are brothers!"
Jay brought me over a bowl of pasta and tomato sauce. I mixed it up and ate some, giving some to Matt as well. He liked it, naturally. He doesn't dislike much. Infact, he finished the pasta, I wasn't really that hungry.
"I think I'm going to lay down." I said. "Do you mind watching Matt?"
"Not at all!" Jay said. "Go, go lay down. It'll be a boys night out!"
I laughed and went upstairs. I put Jay's shirt on the chair in the room. I put my bra and thong in the bathroom next to my room. It wasn't the master bathroom, or the smaller one next to the room with the double beds. But, it was beautiful nonetheless. Black marble. I love it. I put on a pair of boxers I brought with me and got under the covers. My side was sore from the wave. But surprisingly, not from the sparing. Unless it was from both and I didn't feel it until now.
I slipped off to sleep rather quickly. I felt like I could sleep for years. I had so many sleepless nights this past year. I felt a presence in the room and opened my eyes. Jay was putting Matthew in his crib. I rolled over.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. He fell asleep on the couch and I thought to bring him up here."
"No, it's ok. I had been out for an hour anyway." I sat up covering my chest with the blanket. Jay laid in the spot next to me on the Queen size bed.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking since you first brought Matt to us." He said. "I can't stop thinking about having one of my own, being married, a father. I'm a family man and I want just that, a family. But, it's true what they say, about this business, it's not a family business. It's not meant for having kids and being married."
"You have to make it a family business. I have."
"Believe me, I have every intention on doing that. I just don't know how long I can wait."
"You'll be just fine, Jay. There are a lot of girls waiting in line to get their hands on you."
"That's just it. I don't want some wrestling skank who hangs around the locker room after the shows are over looking for a piece. I want a real love, someone I can call my own. Not just some girl who doesn't watch the shows on TV, just comes down to the arena looking for some lonely beat up wrestler guy." He looked at me, his hands behind his head. "Believe me, I know I can have that, I can have a lot of after match party games. But, that's not it. It's not what I want. I've been there, I'll admit it, I've been there, played those games before. But, the game's over. I want to play a new game, a new game called marriage, called family life."
"Well, Jay, you know I'm with you each step of the way. I know who you are, very well. You're the perfect man for the job." I put my hand on his arm. "I mean it. I see you with Matt all the time. You're great around him. You have such a gentle touch, a touch I found out about long before any of this. You're going to be fine."
I rolled over and leaned on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.
"I don't care what my future wife says, you are going to be in the head of the wedding. One of the very important people."
"Ohh! Jay."
He put his arm around me. "When that day comes, I know that we won't lose this. Our time."
"I know. I won't let it happen. You mean a lot to me, Jay."
He squeezed me tight. We laid like that for a while. I didn't want to move. I was safe inside these walls, and inside his arms. I wanted so badly for Jay to be happy. He deserved it, all of it.
A half hour later, Jay called in Chinese. He didn't want to cook, and I didn't want to go out. So we called in. I put on a small belly shirt I borrowed from Stephanie. I don't even know if you could call it a shirt! I wasn't wearing a bra, so any sudden movements and I would have popped out.
"Food's here." Jay told me.
"Good, I'm hungry." I sat down.
"You actually look like a Diva." He smiled.
"Is that a good thing?"
"For the horny men out there, yes." He answered.
"Oh goody." He laughed at me.
"Maybe you should think about doing those. I mean, you've got the body, and the face."
"I don't know. I'm not here to subject my body for sexy pictures."
"You've made that very clear. The fans know it. You made that point."
"So, why go back on it?"
"Because, they know you're not in it to sell sex. But to have fun."
"Right." I smiled. "So, what are you plans when you go back?"
"I really don't know what Vince wants me to do. He's rarely put me and Adam together anymore."
"I don't get him. He's got a money maker in front of him, and he screws around." I shrugged. "He'll realize it when the ratings go down." I reached over and grabbed a baby corn from Jay's plate and started sucking on it suggestively. Jay moved around a little.
"Really?" Jay asked.
"I am quite good."
"I know you are." He smiled and laughed a little. "I know what you can do."
He did know. I fished eating and heard Matthew on the baby monitor. I put my plate away and went up to get him. He was standing up in his little crib. I grabbed a hair tie from the night stand and put his hair up. Yes, it was that long. Shoulder length.
"Hey baby." I smiled and kissed his cheek. I carried him downstairs. Jay was on the couch watching some tapes of matches.
"You're first title match. No Way Out."
"Back to the good old days." I sat down next to him and put Matt on the floor.
"This match was really great. With all the shit aside, it was a great match on both parts."
"I know." I said. "And, now look where I am."
"Many more great matches under your belt. Many more titles."
"I think I want to calm down on all these titles and these matches."
"What do you mean?" Jay asked.
"I mean, look at me. I've won every belt, almost. I've faced a lot of tough guys. I just would like to take a break in the ring. Fight some girls for once. Stop being so Goddamn powerful."
"I see. Well, talk to Vince about it."
We sat there, watching old tapes of our matches. RAW's Smackdown's and pay-per-views. We ranked on each other. I'll admit, watching my matches was pretty funny. My style, in the beginning was awful.
"You improved so much." Jay told me. He gave me two thumbs up.
"Thanks a bunch."
I looked over at Jay and he was smiling. I wanted so bad to help him, help him find the woman he'd spend the rest of his life with. I knew him well enough to know what he'd like in a girl. I leaned into his chest and heard his heart beating. He deserved a beautiful woman laying like this. Being with him. Jay was the absolute sweetest man. He was loving, caring, and he knew how to please a woman. And I am not talking about sex. Sure, he could do that, but he knew how to be sensitive to her needs. He knew just want to do.
"Destiny." He spoke up.
"Hm?" I asked. My arms were around him, and my eyes were closed. His arm was around me.
"How would you like to bring some of your things down here? Live here when you need to. Think of it as a get away house. I know it's getting hard and harder to live in Cameron, or North Carolina for that matter. And New York is too busy. It's calm here."
"Oh, Jay, I couldn't do that to you."
"It's nothing. You can bring down whatever you want. Turn the room two doors down from you into a play room for him, or his room. It's a room I just keep my old promo posters up. I can always move them. They're just there to waist space." He said. "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't mean it." He lifted my chin up. "I want you to."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. It's yours. Those rooms are yours. The bedroom, bathroom, and the extra room. All yours to do what you wish."
"You're the best." I kissed his cheek, very close to his lips. I went to move and he brought me closer. He put me on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of him, like I was kneeling. Our faces were very close together.
"I know." He said and smiled. Then, shoved me off. I landed on the couch and pulled him down with me on top of me.
"You're not that good." I said.
"Oh really?" He said in a snotty like voice. "Screw Triple H, I am that damn good!"
I laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
He kissed my forehead. "You'll be just fine." And he got up. "Ain't that right Matty?" He picked my baby up and spun him around. Matt made a sound. I sat up and saw Jay holding Matt. He was so good with kids. He was going to be a great father.
"Here's to celebrate you joining the house." He held up two Caronas.
"Sounds very good! You got lime?" I asked. He pulled out a container of lime pieces.
"I have two cases." He smiled.
"I can handle my liquor. I have many years of practice." I replied. I took my Carona and sipped it. "I'm looking forward to staying here. To get away."
"Whenever you want. Keep the key I gave you."
"Do you mind if I drop the Vette off here?"
"Not at all."
"I have a lot of things kept at Matt's. My Vette, two bikes and my dirtbikes. I've got my Camaro in New York with my other two bikes." I said.
"How many dirtbikes you have?"
"Four." I answered.
"There's a dirtbike course thing about ten miles north here. They also race there too." Jay told me. He sipped his Carona. "Should check it out."
"Maybe." I said. "I need danger in my life."
He laughed and nodded. "You can park the Vette in the driveway, cover it up if you like. I got a shed off to the right over here. You can put the dirtbikes there. I've got a big enough drive way to handle your car and the bikes, I think."
"Should be fine." I said.
"Ok. Bring over a crib and whatnot for Matthew. Put it in your room, or make that other one his."
"You're the greatest, Jay." I said. "I mean it. You really are. I'd be lost without you, without a lot of you."
"Ah, yes, our power trip?" He smiled. "Well, most of them."
"Exactly. No matter how far I dig myself into a hole, you're there to pick me out."
"It's some unwritten pack thing." He said, and shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, it helps the rest of us out." He threw a pillow at me.
"Hey! What was that for?" I asked.
"Impulse." He smiled. "I'm getting drunk tonight!" He danced his way into the kitchen. "What munchies do you want?"
"I don't know." I answered. "Don't really care."
He returned with chips, pretzels, dip, anything he could find. While he was searching, I put Matt into a playpen next to us, for safe reasons. Jay put the Caronas next to us along with the lime.
"I could get used to this." Jay said. "Sitting here, laying around. Not having a care in the world."
"Sounds good to me." I replied. "But, I'd miss the business too much. I am going crazy."
"Nah, you're not. Because, you know what, I'd go crazy too. But you just need that time off, to yourself. To enjoy what's around you." He said. "Life doesn't stop. Not even for the immortal Destiny Diaz. You need the breaks, to see what you're missing. See what you could have. Even if it takes an accident, or a suspension to get it. Sometimes you just need out."
"I've never had a true break at all in my life. I plan on taking this one well."
"You've got a whole week and a half on your own." Jay told me. "Some real down time."
"Yea, me, myself, and I." I sighed.
"Don't be so down. You deserve it." He said. "You need to slow down."
I nodded and sipped my Carona. "I know I do. When I came back, so much happened, to my mind, my body, my soul, that I need this break."
"It's not just that week. It's your whole life. Now you've got people who care about you. Actually give a damn if you're hurt or not. I was really worried about you going into that week. I knew you had taken a lot of shit and that what Amy said on RAW wasn't helping you out."
"Not like the locker room brawl helped any of your nerves." I said. "God, I am so happy Trish was there and she got Paul. Something would have happened. Someone was going to get hurt, badly."
"I know. We heard you scream as Paul took you out of the room. And we over heard Trish telling someone about a fight in the locker room. We, I mean, Adam, Matt, Jeff, DJ, and myself all knew that moment what had happened. We knew it was you and Amy. Vince wouldn't tell anyone anything. We got Paul to talk to us, somewhat. But it still didn't help fully."
"I don't regret it, none of it." I looked down. Jay put his hand under my chin and lightly brought my face to him. He got closer to me and I closed my eyes as his lips met mine. We engaged in a soft kiss.
"I'm sorry." He pulled away quickly. "It's the booze talking, I think." He started to laugh and got up. He brought two beers back with him. "Yes, lets add to the booze craze." He smiled.
"Hey, who cares." I said with a shrug, knowing that on my end, the kiss had nothing to do with booze. I wasn't going to talk to him about it. Because, I really didn't know if it was influenced by the booze.
"I really am sorry about that kiss thing."
"It's ok, Jay, it really is." I told him. "Honest. Chill out."
I looked up at him and he looked down at me and smiled. I placed my beer down and put my hand on his. I put his beer down with the other hand and took that hand in mine. I pulled him on me.
"Des, what are you doing?" He asked. I kissed him. "Oh...are you sure-" I cut him off with a kiss. "All right."
He started kissing me. I reached down and lifted his shirt over his head. And started kissing his neck. He pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra in one quick movement. It felt so good, but so wrong. I couldn't do this. But how I wanted to.
"Are you sure?" He asked me, short of breath.
"Yes." I answered with a nod.
And we continued. And continued and continued. On the couch in his living room. I'd like to thin it was the booze talking, but I knew it wasn't. That both of us were sober and alert and knew what was going on. We just didn't want to stop it. It felt so good, so incredibly good, it was impossible to stop. Where was this going to lead us? Lead me? What was happening in Tampa?