Disclaimer: Rukawa Kaede and Sendoh Akira of Slam Dunk wholly belong to Inoue Takehiko.
Promises are Meant to be Broken
To see coming toward you the face that will mean an end of oneness is—far more than birth itself—the beginning of life.
--Holly Roth
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His 'Please listen, Kaede,' or 'Listen to me, please' was what I had been hearing for the last ten minutes or so and I was getting tired. I could only wonder where he got the guts to follow me all the way from the ice cream parlor to my house though I had been silent during this whole ordeal.
"Rukawa Kaede, can't you just at least hear my side of the story?" Sendoh insisted as he grabbed my right arm when we were already in the family room.
I turned around with a straight face, almost grim, for I wanted him to stay away before I lose control of myself. "I knew what I saw, Sendoh," I simply muttered, but my voice was already dripping with sarcasm.
Sendoh, of whom I was so in love with until a little earlier, clearly did not get the hint. "Look, you were greatly mistaken. It's not what you think…"
As I was listening, I gradually closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I was sure as hell about what I really wanted to do. I wanted to bite Sendoh's head off and tear it into pieces.
"Mistaken?" I asked incredulously, my eyes narrowing into angry slits. "I saw the two of you! And you were practically drooling!"
"Please, Kaede, I want you to listen first." Sendoh pleaded, his grayish-blue eyes softening, as if enticing me to call it quits and forget everything I had witnessed. But to hell with that, it just wouldn't work this time and I wouldn't let him off the hook that easily.
"Get lost Sendoh!" I finally hollered. "You were—damn—you're cheating on me!" I cringed at my own words, and once again, the spiteful scenes replayed inside my head.
"I can't believe you're this selfish, Rukawa! We're not doing anything wrong!" Sendoh retaliated. I could see he's already losing it. "And you're not giving me the chance that I deserve!"
"I tell you what, Sendoh Akira. You cancelled our date today saying you still had to tutor a friend before the final exams. And then I saw the two of you, having an ice cream, while laughing your hearts out, without any care in the world. Then you are telling me right now that nothing's wrong with that!" I let out the words a little too loudly, in the blink of an eye. Sendoh should've just listened to me a while ago when I told him to stay away before I give him a piece of my mind.
He didn't speak readily after that. And I assumed he was scrambling for a way out of that one because I clearly had my point.
"Koshino's my friend, Kaede," I heard him say calmly in contrast to my already tumultuous behavior. The tone shift fueled my anger even more, for it made me feel like I was the one who made the terrible mistake, not him.
I rolled my eyes. "He's not just your friend, Sendoh, he used to like you. And as far as I know, you used to like him too. Some friend," I watched him as his face contorted in pure revulsion, but the fact was, I never cared. And I did not feel like stopping.
"Do you hear yourself talk? You're not making any sense!" Sendoh countered, while shaking his head. "Kosh and I weren't doing anything against the rule and if you're still too malicious and can't trust me enough, then maybe we shouldn't be together!"
"Maybe we shouldn't!"
What a bastard, so he really thought he could scare the hell out of me with that.
Well, I pissed Sendoh Akira off. I could tell when he stormed out of my house without another word.
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Two hours after the fight, I found myself with nothing to do. I was still angry with Sendoh but it didn't take me long to know that I was being confronted by a huge loss. So what exactly did he mean when he said 'we shouldn't be together'?
Then, without warning, the answer hit me like a bucket of freezing water splattered across my face. Fearful thoughts ran wildly across my mind as I began to digest the reality of my situation. I had remained awake for the rest of the night contemplating many things. Akira was my first boyfriend and this was our first major fight. Sure, we had our own share of disagreements before but those were nothing but trivial.
At this point, I could only hope that Sendoh was feeling the same way about this. I had lived my 15 years of existence without him. Yet, I could barely remember life back then when I was still the ultra-cold ice prince, a.k.a. Rukawa Kaede minus Sendoh Akira.
For quite some time, I had kept my eyes wide open in the darkness of my bedroom, probably waiting for him to knock on my front door to say that he never meant anything of what he had said.
Okay, so I was waiting for him to do the first move. I was itching to dial his number but I wasn't the one to swallow my pride since this wasn't my fault, in the first place.
When my clock had hit 10 pm, my so-called telephone finally rang and I almost jumped out of my bed to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Rukawa?" an unfamiliar voice asked at the other line.
"Who is this?" I inquired exasperatedly. Every second of this conversation is precious; Sendoh might just be calling me right now.
"This is Koshino, Rukawa. Listen, I need to talk to you,"
What the hell, the last thing I wanted was to hear Koshino rant about how he and Akira enjoyed their ice cream together and how he's been super happy Akira was a freeman now.
"Rukawa, are you still there?"
I'm not interested! I wanted to scream. But I wasn't that stupid to pull such a stunt. I couldn't let Koshino get into my nerves; instead, I found myself asking lamely, "Well, what about?"
"Look, sorry about what happened in the ice cream shop this afternoon. Sendoh was helping me catch up with our trigonometry lessons and so I decided to take him for an ice cream after that as a sign of gratitude."
I wasn't pretty sure if I would buy that explanation. I just listened while Koshino continued to speak.
"I'm sorry about what happened between the two of you, but, really, you shouldn't be mad at Sendoh,"
Hold on a sec, did Koshino know about the fight?
"Did he tell you about our fight?"
I heard him confirm what I had suspected.
"Then I suppose you called me because he told you to do so. So you could stick up for him." I retorted as my temper began to sizzle again.
"No, Rukawa! I called because I wanted to get the two of you back together. You two do not deserve this." Koshino explained. "Akira called me up and told me everything. He said you wouldn't listen to him so I decided to take the chance and make you listen to me."
Great. Just great. Why on earth did that baka have to phone you first instead of setting things straight up with me?
"Rukawa, you have to believe me!"
I was still unconvinced. I had to know the truth. "You used to like Sendoh, right?"
There was a pause. I could guess he didn't expect a question as frank and as straight forward as that one.
"Well, yes. I used to like him. But that was so long ago, I always knew he loved you and still does. That guy, Sendoh…he wouldn't love me. We're just the best of friends."
Sendoh should have called me right away. I needed to hear it directly from him.
"Koshino, I still have to think about it," I just said.
"Don't think about it twice. You never know how far Akira would go for you, Rukawa,"
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The next morning, I woke up with 2 large circles under my eyes. My all-night vigil didn't pay well—Sendoh, the jerk, never bothered to call me and for that, I lost a healthy 4 hours off my slumber. I was fuming again and I knew this wasn't the appropriate feeling to start my day right. Damn, I would never call him, either. If this was what he wanted, then fine. It would be his loss. I wouldn't be caught dead stooping that low for Sendoh. Or for anyone.
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It didn't surprise me one bit when the teacher had asked me to stay after his class. I screwed my History exam royally, when there shouldn't be any room for failure because the district championship's coming up. What I couldn't believe was that Sakuragi, the biggest do'ahou next to Sendoh Akira, passed and I did not. The last time I checked, he was literally grinning from ear to ear when the teacher handed me back my paper with a bright red F mark.
"So kitsune, did the teacher advised you to buy yourself an IQ? I bet he did." The redhead croaked with a lopsided grin across his face the moment I stepped inside the gym. "Too bad, I couldn't sell mine,"
"I wouldn't buy yours even if it's the last thing in the world," I snapped as I aimed for a shot. The ball sailed through its perfect trajectory before landing inside the hoop.
"Oh really? Well, then, I wish you more bad luck, Rukawa, so you could get your butt off this team!" Sakuragi reviled.
"Who's gonna quit the team? You?" Mitsui-sempai asked the seething redhead as he came into his side.
Sakuragi just shrugged his shoulders. "C'mon Mitchy boy, why would I do that? I'm just asking kitsune here to quit the team since we can't expect him to play with us on the district finals."
"Really, Rukawa? Why? Don't tell me you're injured." Sempai looked at me in disbelief.
"He flunked a chicken-feed history exam again, that's what! And by the looks of it, he's not going to pass the subject anymore!" Sakuragi interjected annoyingly before I could answer.
"I will pass. I just forgot to review last night, that's all." I told the two of them. At that moment, I wanted to stuff Sakuragi's mouth with basketballs so he would just shut the hell up.
"Forgot to review?" Sakuragi snickered. "What a lame excuse!" I wasn't surprised; the redhead practically hated every bone in my body.
"Well, I hope you'll make it, Rukawa." Sempai smiled, somewhat relieved that this wasn't as serious as he thought. "But maybe we should call Sendoh so he'd take you out less often."
I was reminded of Sendoh again. I told Mitsui-sempai there's no need for that.
"No, I'm pretty serious. I know what it is. Since you don't get to see him around unlike the rest of us, you tend to miss him. As a result, you want to spend as much time with him as often as you can,"
I just stared at Sempai with bewildered eyes as he said those words.
"Then that's the time you'll begin to neglect your other priorities. You and Sendoh must learn to deal with the circumstances. Allow some space in your relationship. That's the secret." The Shohoku three-pointer continued to preach before winking at me.
"Wow, Mitchy, I never knew you're such a good adviser. You don't seem to be a former gangster, really." Sakuragi mused while patting Sempai's back. "Mitsui Hisashi, Love Counselor. Maybe you should turn this into a career," then he laughed to Mitsui's annoyance.
I thought I could use that. Mitsui-sempai made a lot of sense, but what's the point? I was single again. Maybe I'd just save the advice for next time, if there would ever be a next time. I convinced myself that I'd be fine with or without Sendoh. All that's left for me to do was to stand firm on my decision.
But during the mandatory break, I could barely breathe. I was surrounded by love birds—Ryota and Ayako were whispering sweet nothings to each other. Mitsui-sempai and Kogure-sempai were cuddling behind the lockers. And Sakuragi was blushing to the roots of his hair whenever he was being praised by Captain's little sister. I thought I was going to hyperventilate.
"Captain," I drew closer to the other poor soul beside myself on this particular day. I had said 'poor soul' because he wasn't dating anybody. He was a goody-two shoe, my captain Akagi though there had been some rumors that he and Uozumi were seeing each other in secret.
"Is there any problem, Rukawa-kun?" he asked me.
"I need to go home, Captain, I feel sick." It was the lamest idea ever but luckily, he had let me go without asking too much.
---------------
I was home-bound at last. I walked as fast as I could, but was never fast enough to escape the prying eyes of Ryonan's Aida Hikoichi, who had purposely blocked my way out of Shohoku.
"Do you know where I can find Sendoh right now?"
Sendoh, Sendoh, Sendoh. What the hell was wrong with the world?
"No, I don't" I replied impatiently as I turned to go.
"Rukawa, wait up!" Hikoichi pulled my arm to stop me. "Please, I need to find Sendoh! Coach Taoka will roast him alive tomorrow if he doesn't show up today in practice!"
"I do not know where he is." I bit my tongue to keep myself from screaming. "Can I go now?"
"Are you sure?" Hikoichi, who was still eyeing me suspiciously, had slightly loosened his grip. "I mean, aren't you leaving too soon? I believe your teammates are still in practice."
"Look, Hikoichi" I glared down at him, hoping to get the message across. "I don't know where he is and I won't be seeing him too…Now, will you let go of my arm?"
"Only if you promise me you'd tell Sendoh to attend our practice today in case you see him." Hikoichi bargained.
I shrugged. "Don't count on it."
"Promise me!" Hikoichi pleaded, very much determined never to let me go.
"Fine," I finally said. Sendoh did mention about how Coach Taoka administer his punishment to players who were too nosy to violate his rules. He had once asked Fukuda to clean up the Men's CR before doing 70 push-ups. No one has ever tried the Ryonan Coach's patience ever since.
And Sendoh? Why do I care? Wherever he was, I'd be so sure he wasn't even thinking about me.
I walked the rest of my way home trying to grasp the meaning of the word 'alone'. There had been a few moments of insanity until I had reached the park. I went directly to our meeting place to sit under the huge cherry-blossom tree for the last time, while subconsciously half-expecting Sendoh to be there.
He never showed himself. I sat alone under the tree until sundown wondering how he had the heart to make me suffer like this. That was when I finally realized that Sendoh was nothing more than an insensitive jerk who beguiled me. I waited for him last night. I didn't sleep well. I failed an exam and now, I cannot think straight. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. 'And I just allowed him to deceive me!' I said out loud to myself, my temper sky-rocketing. I did not know who I was going to kill first—Sendoh, for making me miserable, or myself for being so helpless. 'I'll never forget this and if he ever comes back to me, I'll never ever accept him again!' I promised myself. Either that or I'd die. I wouldn't waste any of my time on him anymore. I would just go home and get a good night's sleep. Then I'd start my day right first thing tomorrow. From this point on, I am officially boyfriendless.
When I rounded the corner of my street, I saw from afar that my house was lit. I took long strides while my heart skipped like a rabbit. Somebody was there—no doubt about that and it couldn't be…
I could not believe what I saw. Big and small paper lanterns were dangling from the edge of my roof. Heart-shaped balloons were tied on a single chair which I kept on the porch. A banner which screamed 'I LOVE YOU' in big, bold letters was on my front door. Wafting around the place was the sweet aroma of grilled meat and corn, and that was when I saw Sendoh put aside the barbecue grill he'd used to prepare them. I almost forgot that Sendoh's steaks were something to die for.
I watched him come closer towards me with the balloons in hand, while I remained deeply rooted to the ground.
"Kaede, please forgive me," Sendoh started in his calm, baritone voice. "for acting so stupidly yesterday. You have every right to be mad—I should've told you it was Koshino. But you got to believe me, we haven't done anything wrong," he admitted shyly, while I felt my heart flutter inside of me. "I'm sorry, I had to yell on you, too."
I felt so small under the weight of his words. So many thoughts raced around my head and yet I could not get one, single idea out of my mouth.
"What are those balloons for?" I suddenly blurted, in a desperate attempt for something to say.
He looked at the balloons he was holding. "Well, they said girls would definitely love to receive flowers from their boyfriends once in a while. I hadn't been one generous boyfriend for a long time and since I couldn't give you a bouquet of flowers, I thought I'd give you these, instead."
I smiled. Balloons for flowers? Not a bad idea. I took them from his hand.
"Hey, you're smiling. Does that mean I'm forgiven?" Sendoh inquired good-naturedly. "I was thinking about this 'we shouldn't be together' thing the whole day until I realized that I can't go on without Rukawa Kaede by my side. That is, we're simply meant to be together,"
I knew right then, what was needed to be done.
"Forgive me, too, for being so selfish," I finally found the strength to speak. "I guess I was just too scared to lose you that's why I acted that way." I heard Mitsui-sempai's voice loud and clear on my ears. Akira and I must learn to deal with the circumstances. I couldn't help but smile at my dear Sendoh again.
Sendoh drew closer to me; I had observed how his shoulders relax before he said, "Let's just forget about it."
Can I actually survive without Sendoh? And what about the wonderful mosaic of our precious moments together? I found the question staring back at me with mocking eyes. He had turned my world upside down and I wouldn't mind having it that way as long as he is by my side. As I gaze intently into his grayish blue eyes, calm and profound and mystifying all the same, I found myself falling in love again with Sendoh Akira, only this time, much harder and faster. Will I ever learn to forget his loving smile? His warm embrace? His sweet kisses?
Suddenly, all I could ever care about was when he would finally, finally kiss me. As if reading my thoughts, he took me into his arms, closing the gap between us. I felt his lips brushed against mine tenderly, both of us giving in to the unfailing mirth of our souls.
The vow I had on with myself earlier was completely thrown out of the window, by the way. And I wouldn't exactly mind, even if I had to die tonight in Sendoh's arms. Promises were simply meant to be broken, after all.
--FIN--
Author's Note:
I hope the fic had come out okay. It was a bit longer, the dialogues, the scenes…and I wanted everything to occur inside Rukawa's head. Thank you again for your patience. I would definitely appreciate feedbacks about my writing and stuff. You could point out the errors I had carelessly overlooked. (yep, there are lots I know, but uh, I need to learn and I want to learn so please…) I won't get mad, promise! Okie dokie, I guess that's all.
Much, much thanks,
Lady in Blue
PS. School has barely started so I wish everyone a fruitful and wonderful school year ahead!
