AN: Sorry that it has been so long since my last update. I was having trouble with my account. I now have the remainder of the fanfiction completed and downloaded on the site. There will be twenty chapters in total. For now, enjoy the latest. As always any and all reviews are welcome!

Chapter 14: Matthias.

Matthias was waiting for Lyude at the entrance to the fish storage when he turned to go. His eyes had not left the liner until it had disappeared in Diadem's beautiful, pink clouds. Lyude ventured a sad smile as he saw his friend. Matthias lowered his eyes and looked at his feet.

"You haven't looked me in the eyes since the cloud passage." said Lyude as they walked down an abandoned part of Nashira.

"I don't deserve to..." said Matthias, "You could have died and it would have been my fault."

"What absolute nonsense!" said Lyude. "It is in no way your fault that I met with that misfortune. You are a friend, Matthias, not a guardian. You are not responsible for my safety."

"When I heard you'd been hurt...I didn't know what to do with myself. I just kept thinking that I never should have shouted at you. That we could have just walked together out of the cloud passage and you would have been safe. You've become such a great part of our nation, Lyude."

"A part of the nation?" said Lyude with a puzzled expression. "Never. I am an outcast." he closed his eyes and bowed his own head. "As I was beginning to tell you in the cloud passage, the more I do here, it only puts into focus how distanced I am, how I can never truly belong. I am a soldier of Alfard and will always be regarded by many as little more than that. A trespasser. I can't even accept myself as a true ambassador, and really, the title only intensifies my misplacement."

"Is that what you've been thinking all this time?" asked Matthias in surprise. "But what about all the good you've done? How can you even think that way?"

Lyude looked up with a sad smile. "You're a good friend, Matthias, but surely you see it too."

"You're just letting Rolf get to you too much." insisted Matthias.

"This has little to do with Rolf." said Lyude. "I would not even be here if..."

"If you hadn't disobeyed orders, I know. What did you refuse to do, anyway?"

"That I won't tell." said Lyude. "My orders in Alfard are not for other ears, whether I was obedient to them or not. It was not something that I regret refusing, I will tell you that much. I don't feel like I know myself anymore, what I'm supposed to be...Whether I should live for my nation, or...I don't know. I just don't know. I want to serve my people, but there is nothing I can accomplish for them here, nothing anyone can do. Not with Emp..." Lyude stopped himself. He had almost said, "With Emperor Geldoblame on the throne." That was something he could never say to anyone. It would be treason, and yet...it was how he felt.

"I never realized that this transfer was so difficult for you." said Matthias.

"Exile..." said Lyude, "My transfer is little more than an exile."

"You said that before." said Matthias. "Listen Lyude, you can't keep going on like this, keeping everything to yourself and never sharing your burden. There's something you haven't gotten off your chest and it's suffocating you. I can see it. You can tell me, I...won't be here much longer."

"What?" asked Lyude, "What do you mean?"

"It's why I was so irritable with you yesterday...I didn't want to have to tell you...I'm going to go study in Anuenue."

"That's great!" said Lyude. "What are you going to study for?"

"You're not upset?"

"Why would I be upset about a friend making a great decision in his life?" asked Lyude. "I'm happy for you, Matthias."

"But...I'll be gone for three years..."

Lyude smiled sadly with understanding. "Don't misunderstand me, Matthias, I will miss you, but I would never wish to hold you back from your dreams. You have no reason to feel guilty about leaving. You're making something of yourself and I'm proud." said Lyude smiling.

"I feel like I'm running away from home. Just like I feel that you're running away."

"Me? What do you mean?"

"Running away. There's something about you...something in the way you carry yourself. Something in the way you see things and that faraway gaze as you take those midnight walks." said Matthias.

"You've been spying on me?" said Lyude frowning.

"I'm not the only one that's seen you roaming around the gardens at night fingering that flute of yours and staring off into nothing."

Lyude sighed wearily. "Let's go somewhere, I have the distinct impression that this is going to be a rather long discussion...for both of us."

Lyude and Matthias walked together to Lyude's room in the castle and sat across from each other. Lyude on the bed, Matthias at the desk. Lyude ran a hand across his face. Why is it you think you're running away, Matthias?" asked Lyude.

"I...I failed...I failed my entrance exam for the knights...I wasn't good enough... I was always better at figuring than fighting...you're good at both. Studious and a great fighter. Why is it, while you're such a great dueler and marksman you can feel so worthless? How can a person that's so talented and kind be like you? Why can't you see yourself?"

"I could pose you the same question. Everyone has their own special talents. In Alfard...children are drilled and raised strictly to grow into the military. There is no greater goal for a citizen of Alfard to become a part of the Imperial Army...yet I never was suited for it. No matter how well I could shoot, no matter how disciplined my schedule, I could never please the two people I most wished to. I could never quite measure up...and this dream...this recurring nightmare...Every night for the first month I was here it came to me every night. Always the same... It stopped for several months, but lately... Everything I ever believed...everything important to me..."

"One thing at a time, Lyude. You're only telling me fragments of things, how am I supposed to understand you?"

"If I were to tell you the truth...my real thoughts and feelings...most would consider me a traitor...more so than ever."

"I wouldn't tell a soul. I leave on the liner tomorrow, I want things to be settled between us as friends...I want to understand."

Lyude sighed deeply. "All right..." Lyude then related everything, from Operation Sweep, to his horror at Emperor Geldoblame's total disregard for his own people, and the nightmare he had experienced since he had arrived in Diadem. The dark corridor, his brother and sister on either side of him, leading him somewhere deep in the bowels of the Imperial fortress. "I was horrified by the Emperor's disdain for the Azhans, the cruelty of it. The heartlessness. What sort of man...I cannot find the words."

"I had no idea things were like that in Alfard. It makes me feel like I'm worried over nothing." said Matthias shaking his head.

"In Azha, the conditions are very harsh. Mintaka, where I was born and raised is an aristocratic society. We are two different worlds in one. But the people, Mintakan and Azhan alike, are slaves to the Emperor. He is our leader and there is nothing that does not go past his ear. I wish Alfard could be more like Diadem, with equal respect brought to all people of the nation. Not just a privileged few."

"And all the while you're stuck here doing little to no good for your own people...I can see why you always seem so distant, particularly with a man like Geldoblame at the head of your nation."

"Please, Matthias, never tell another living soul what you have heard from me today. I could scarcely imagine the repercussions of such insolence. Sometimes I just want to disappear. I love my country and my people, yet I am powerless."

Matthias and Lyude remained together for the remainder of the day. Matthias cheered up a bit about his decision. It truly was everything he ever wanted. He understood now. He had to follow his own path, not just the one expected of him. It was a heartening thought, and he had Lyude to thank for showing him that.

Lyude had followed his heart, and though it had brought him grief, he knew that Lyude would be in far worse shape if he had done as he was ordered. He could see now why Rolf hated the Empire so much. He must have known what their leadership was like...had something happened between Diadem and Alfard all those years ago?"

The next morning Lyude saw Matthias off on the liner...he walked slowly away sadly. The second day in a row someone dear to him had walked away in his life. He shook his head berating himself for the selfish thought. Matthias was off to a new start in life he was both happy for him...and envious.

The dreams intensified that very night.