The Toilet Paper Hater's Club Chapter 3: The Lucky Contestants, a yu yu hakusho fanfic

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, which means I don't own Yoko Kurama, Hiei, Makai, furbies, toilet paper of any kind, cars (though I'd like one!), any brand name of cheese, the "Muffin Man", sweet snow, European people, rhymes, poetry, the saying "my precious", things associated with catch-phrases, anything related to any movie, guns loaded with frozen milk duds, streets, evil children or anything else that actually has an owner! I do however lay claim to the TPHC, Jim the Coconut, the Coconian language, the song "Hiei the Sailor Man", the 'Dust Bunnies of Impending Doom', sadly, I created Wipey, the golden toilet paper god and Marori. All characters mentioned within the TPHC are of fictional origin.

Author's Note: Finally! An update! It hasn't been that long, you know. Well... maybe a little while...

Thanks to all who reviewed, and to answer Kurama'sFanGirl24's question, Marori would love to help you burn down your school, since I have provided her with a homemade flame thrower just recently. Special thanks go out to Miyu6, Chrystaline and YuYuHakusholover, for having stayed with my story from start to the present. You guys rock! Also, thanks to my friends who've supported the TPHC and my insanity. And Portal-Girl gets props for reviewing all the chapters so quickly!

Did you guys enjoy the last chapter? I sure hope so! I'll keep this brief, so you can continue on, and read the next chapter of the TPHC! And don't forget to review, people!

Chapter III: The "Lucky" Contestants

"I could've sworn they said to meet here at eight-thirty!"

The intersection of Delano and Main had never played host to a crowd as odd as the one gathering in the busy juncture point. Six girls, each presenting a wide variety of traits, waited on the corner, several of them shivering as cars speedily whizzed by. One girl, Neko-chan, who stood just over five foot, hung from a section of a lamp-post, her feet dangling limply.

"Ooh, it's going to rain!" Pausing momentarily, the eccentric feline-hybrid broke into raucous song. "Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that don't mean my eyes will soon be turning redddd!"

"I don't think that's rain..." Trinity observed, her face contorting into a grimace.

"... Huh?"

The gaunt brunette pointed up at a pair of adolescent boys who were leaning out an open apartment window, spitting into the street with loud whoops of laughter. Occasionally, they ducked beneath the window sill, attempting to hide their guilty faces from the party of onlookers.

"TWO HUNDRED POINTS IF YOU HIT THE CAT!" one child shouted, preparing to fire.

With those words, spit rained down on the girls, as many of them dodged, trying to avoid being hit. There was a loud squeal of disgust as an unusually large glob of spit landed in the blonde feline's hair. Letting go of the pole immediately, Neko-chan fell to the ground, frantically tossing her head from side to side, and trying to wipe it dry.

"ACK!" she cried, curling into a ball and rocking back and forth. "Unclean... unclean..."

"You little punks!" a saucy violet haired teen shouted, her massive wings beating as she rose into the sky. "I should bring you up a couple stories and see if you go SPLAT!"

Instantaneously, both boys zipped out of sight, as Ame returned to the ground, folding her arms across her chest. Neko-chan was still on the ground, now running her hand over strands of her hair, muttering something that sounded oddly like 'my precious'...

"Temper, temper," drew a sarcastic voice from beneath a shady elm tree.

"Who's there?" a scarlet haired girl asked, using her hand to filter out some of the early morning sun, trying to glimpse the mysterious figure.

"Do you know..." the concealed man began, giving way to a dramatic pause.

"Know? Who?"

"Do you know... the Muffin Man?" the speaker elaborated, as a short, black haired man stepped from his hiding place, arms crossed tightly about his chest.

"The Muffin Man?" Mayumi squeaked, her eyes lighting up. "WHERE?! I MUST HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH!!"

The man could now be recognized as none other than Hiei, his giant hotdog-shaped had sitting squarely atop his head. Black war paint, smeared beneath his already sinister eyes, gave his face a zombie-like quality.

"Congratulations on being selected for an opportunity of receiving a chance to possibly earn a spot within the organized organization known as the TPHC," Yoko Kurama stated, stepping from behind a parked, pink minivan and striding closer to the hoard of girls.

At the sound of the kitsune's voice, the aforementioned purple-haired girl's ears perked up. For reasons obvious to the general public, the thin, and somewhat transparent toga draped around his lean body was a pretty big statement, and managed to catch her attention quite quickly. However, Hiei's voice cut in, bringing her abruptly back to reality.

"What?"

"I said 'this initiation will not be a walk in the park.' It will require intense concentration, cold determination, an iron will –"

"– rubber underwear..."

"... And have it known; everyone may not make it out alive. And if there are any objections to this, make them now, or forever hold your pee."

"Peace, Hiei, peace," Kurama muttered, shaking his head.

"This is no time for poetry from some old, dead European guy! This is time for action! This is time for adventure!"

"Is it time for a nap yet?" a girl of angelic origin asked, stretching. "It's still early..."

"SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD, NOT ON MY TIME!" Hiei commanded, his hand instinctively going to the sheath of his katana. "LEST YOU LOOK UPON DEATH BY PICKLING, TO WHICH I READY STAND, ABLE PART THEE WITH THY TOILET!"

"Who's quoting old European farts now?" Marori grumbled from atop her seat on a large, blue mailbox. Her mood had grown steadily worse in the past few hours, due to the fact that upon awakening, she discovered Yoko Kurama, modeling her clothes on a catwalk made completely of old newspapers and crusty mustard...

"What if we don't want to follow your rules?!" came a vehement cry from Ame, as she pulled a plunger from thin air. "STAND BACK! I'VE GOT A PLUNGER, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!"

On impulse, the wolf demon grabbed Mayumi, holding the plunger to her throat. "DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! I WILL! JUST ONE STEP AND I'LL DO IT!"

"She's not lying!" the human girl cried, apparently trying to hold her breath. "It smells like it's got mold on it!"

"That's only because grandma needed a foot massage, and I didn't want it to devour my hand alive!"

"You don't want to do it, Ame!" Neko-chan cried, falling to her knees before the winged creature. "GOOSECACA!"

At that, she paused to look at her cat-like companion, tears welling up in her teal eyes. "G-goosecaca?"

"Remember? The Eskimo word for... goose poop... but still! Don't do it! You both have so much more to live for!"

"Do it for the horseflies!" Trinity cried aloud, her hands clasped together in desperation.

"The h-h-horseflies?"

Giving it a moment of thought, Ame slowly released her hostage, setting the plunger on the ground before her. "I can't do it... I can't hurt my half step thrice removed evil twin's reflection in law!"

"What does that make her to you...?"

"Nothing... but it's still a cool title, isn't it? ISN'T IT?!"

"What a soap opera this is turning out to be," Raven remarked, sighing and brushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes.

"What a load of –"

"Hiei!"

Smack.

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Chapter Note: Decided to cut this one off here, since it was getting pretty long, I think. How did you like it? Was it random enough for your liking?

I'm planning to post the next chapter MUCH sooner this time, I promise! I've been really busy with projects for school, and am FINALLY getting a little bit of a break!

Thanks everyone for reading this installment of the TPHC, and check back next time to see what hilarity awaits the applicants of the Toilet Paper Hater's Club!