Chapter 20: To Find Redemption

Lyude woke to the sound of a pigeon cooing on his windowsill. He opened his eyes slowly, his mind still trying to focus. It was morning, but Lyude wasn't quite sure what hour. He sat up and the memories of the past day flooded back to him. He clasped his head in his hands and curled back up on the bed. He nearly felt as if he was ready to die. What future could he possibly have? He could never return home, and remaining in Diadem was simply out of the question. King Ladekahn might try to persuade him otherwise, but Lyude could never remain here after he had caused such a grievous injury.

Despite all his intentions. In spite of everything he had done and hoped for... he had failed. It didn't matter that he didn't consciously sabotage Diadem. The deed had been done and he had found himself powerless to resist...he felt so foolish. It wasn't as if his mind hadn't been screaming warnings to him for the past two years. Those dreams had appeared to him for a reason, he only wished that he had been able to realize their meaning in time. Perhaps he could have prevented some of this if he had.

He heard a light tapping on his door and turned to see it opening slowly without him even responding. It was King Ladekahn's captain. He sat up, embarrassed that the head knight had seen him lying there like a frightened child.

"Captain...I ..."

"Ambassador."

Lyude looked at him strangely, he had never expected to be called THAT again. "Please, don't call me that anymore." he sighed. "I think we can safely say that title no longer suits me. If indeed it ever did." he bowed his head. "I can only imagine what you must think of me now. My sincerest apologies. I know it makes little difference, but I assure you I had no idea...what a despicable plan!"

The Captain seated himself beside Lyude on the bed. "I want to tell you that I personally believe that you were ignorant of the Empire's intentions." he said placing a hand on Lyude's shoulder.

Lyude looked up at the captain. "Really? That means a lot, it truly does." he said sadly.

"On the other hand, I personally would ask that you leave Diadem."added the captain.

Lyude looked at the Captain questioningly.

"If indeed the Empire hypnotized you as the doctor believes, it may follow that they have another purpose for you here. Friend or foe, I find you a threat to my king and so I ask you to go."

Lyude felt a lump rising in his throat and his voice was strained when he answered. "I understand. That is a possibility that did not escape me. You're right. I can't stay here...I know that...but...where can I go? Even if we could be assured that the Emperor didn't have me erm...programmed further, I could never stay after being the catalyst for such a catastrophe."

The head knight looked Lyude over in a scrutinizing way. He had truly started to like this young Imperial...now he could not help but doubt. All the same, it was difficult to ask him to go. He knew the king would have forbade him from doing so if he had discussed it with him, but he felt it necessary.

"Whatever I do, I suppose it doesn't much matter anymore." said Lyude standing and strolling over to the window. "I truly envy you, captain." he said looking out over the breathtaking landscape of Diadem. "I wish that I could stay here forever. The peaceful harmony and tranquil simplicity that I have enjoyed these past two years have been some of the happiest days of my life. Despite the circumstances that brought me here. I wish..." he shook his head sadly. He met the Captains gaze eyes full of regret. "I wish that this could have been my home. Not just an assignment. I love Alfard, but..."

"I think I understand." said the captain. "It seems that standing up for what one believes in is not something that the Empire supports. I admire your bravery."

"Bravery? What bravery is that? Did I continue to argue when Commander Stryker threatened what little stature I still held in the empire? Did I do anything to stop the raid of your country and castle? I merely watched...powerless. So many good, honest knights dead. Men that I spoke with and got to know and befriend. Men who trusted and respected me. In the end, whether it was my fault or not, I played a hand in their deaths..." Lyude looked suddenly weak and placed his hands on the windowsill as if it was necessary for him to remain upright. "I can never atone for any of it."

"You have nothing to atone for." said the head knight suddenly.

Lyude turned and looked at him, a mixture of surprise and sadness shining in the depthless crimson pools of his eyes.

"You have done this country a great service, Sir Lyude. You saved our king's life, that is more than enough payment for any presumed wrong. If circumstances were different, I would be asking you to stay." The head knight walked out and Lyude found himself alone once again. He turned back to the window and clasped his hands behind his back, watching the clouds go by in silent contemplation. He was still trying to make sense of things when he heard a knock and three sets of footsteps file in. He knew who they were without looking to see.

"What should I do?" he asked miserably. "I've betrayed my people. I can't return to my homeland." he said, asking himself more than the three who had come to see him. He closed his eyes as he continued to try to make sense of his feelings. "But they used me... Manipulated my thoughts to make me a tool for their vile plans. Why would I even want to go back?"

Xelha took a few steps toward Lyude. She really wanted to help him. She reached out her hand as if to touch his shoulder, but drew back uncertainly, "Lyude, I was thinking...why don't you come with us?" she asked kindly.

Lyude straightened and his arms fell to his sides. "I...beg your pardon?" He said, not daring to look behind him. He could barely believe what he had just heard.

Kalas voiced Lyude's own thoughts, though not quite in the way he would have worded them. "C'mon Xelha...Are you serious! I mean, there's no guarantee he won't stab us in the back again. You never know..."

Lyude heard a grunt behind him, but was too distracted by Xelha's question to wonder what it could have been. How could they still want him after what had happened?

"The more the merrier, right? We could use ya, Lyude! Gibari's voice rang out, he too seemed to still have some faith in him. Lyude couldn't imagine why.

"Uh..." he didn't know what to say, what if it happened all over again? Hadn't he already betrayed these people enough with his actions?

Gibari seemed to read his thoughts. "Hey...don't worry." he said. "If you start gettin' weird on us again, I'll pop you one in the jaw...you'll snap right out of it."

Lyude tried not to smile at that. He was touched by the gesture they were making. What of his people, though? Could he really wage war on his own nation? Could he betray them so completely?

Xelha seemed to sense his continued hesitance. "Remember, we're not trying to start a war with the empire." she said. "It's about stopping Geldoblame, and his malicious plans. Please...we could really use your help!"

Lyude closed his eyes. They were right. He couldn't hide from this, he had to at least try to stop Geldoblame. He had already committed treason, but did it really matter? He had been left with no alternative. He couldn't have just stood by. He felt the resolve building up inside him, with them at his side, making sure he kept his senses, perhaps he could make a difference. Perhaps he could help his people and expose Geldoblame. He had to try.

He turned to them, Kalas glaring at Gibari for some reason. "I... understand." he said finally. "If you really need my help, I'd be more than happy to accompany you." Lyude began to feel purpose again, stopping the Emperor had to be done. It was his duty to all to aid in this, and perhaps his redemption. That thought comforted him and he smiled. "Thank you so much. I'll do my best!" he said.

"Great!" said Xelha.

"Knew we could count on you, Lyude. You're an okay kid." said Gibari punching Lyude on the shoulder playfully.

"Erm...thank you." said Lyude rubbing his shoulder. "I hope that I will not disappoint you. Have you been back to Nashira at all? I'm worried about the villagers. Some of the imperial army...well...I regret to say that I don't put much faith into their treatment of the villagers."

Gibari frowned. "No we haven't as a matter of a fact." he said. "Suppose we should go check it out."

Lyude looked a little hesitant. "I'm not sure if I should go..."

"What are ya talking about, kid?" asked Gibari. "Of course you should go. There's a lot of people there that trust you, Lyude, and rightfully so. If you don't go, people may start to wonder if you DID have something to do with all this. Don't you think they deserve to hear the truth from you?"

"You're right, Gibari. I suppose I just didn't want to upset people further..." said Lyude. "I really would like the chance to say goodbye...it's just that..."

"I think a lot of them would be more upset if you didn't come." said Gibari. "It will mean a lot to them that you didn't betray them and might ease their worries a little to see you going around like you used to, they're going to want to ask some questions that only you can answer for them."

"I barely know anything myself, Gibari." said Lyude shaking his head. They made their way out of his room Xelha talking to Lyude in her usual, kind way. "I'm sure everything will be just fine. Nearly everyone in Nashira we talked to really liked you." she said smiling.

"Thank you for the reassurance, Xelha, but truly I could not blame anyone who has their doubts." said Lyude. He glanced at some of the knights working to repair the castle. Some nodded to him, while others glared warily.

Lyude accompanied the three companions trying to hide his nervousness. He spoke to all who stopped him and explained what he could.

"Will the Empire return, Sir Lyude?" asked a terrified man in Sheliak.

"I don't believe so." said Lyude. "They seem to have gotten what they came for. I think they will keep a respectable distance from Diadem now. My sincerest apologies for all of this." said Lyude, his head bowed.

"Why didn't you retreat too, like your precious stinkin' Empire?" sneered another passer by.

"Hey, that's enough!" said Gibari. "Give the kid a break, he didn't do this."

Lyude shook his head. "It's all right, Gibari. They have a right to be skeptical of me."

"You take too much lyin' down, ya know that kid?" said Gibari.

"I am accustomed to misplaced anger." said Lyude. "For once, people have cause to doubt me. After all, I have been the Ambassador for this country for two years. Now the Empire attacks? Their suspicions are valid, if a bit misguided."

When they reached Nashira, everyone was going back to business as usual. Lyude couldn't help but smile, how he admired the strong pride and resilience of these villagers.

Andrea was out playing and ran as fast as she could to greet Lyude upon seeing him. "Sir Lyude, where have you been? We're going to walk to the cloud passage together when the water's gone, right?" she asked.

Lyude smiled kindly. Hiding the sadness in his eyes. Such an innocent child, "I'm sorry." he said, "There's some work I really have to get finished. When I've completed my work, I'll be sure to take you there. Can you wait till then?" he asked her.

Andrea looked a little disappointed and her face fell, "Ohh..." she said considering his offer. "Okay!" she grinned, "I'll be waiting. Promise you'll go with me, okay?"

Lyude smiled, "Of course I will."

Gibari smiled. The boy had a way with kids.

Mardian was the next to approach them. "Hey Gibari!" he said, not seeing Lyude behind the big man, "What's up with them? They told us not to leave the village and then suddenly retreated. The ambassador is such a good man, but those guys were really mean." he said "Are they really from the same nation?" he asked.

"I'm sorry...I have yet to find the answer to that myself..." said Lyude sadly. Gibari moved aside and Mardian saw him standing there. "Hey, Lyude! It's good to see ya!" said Mardian. "I was worried you wouldn't be back."

"That's very kind, Mardian." said Lyude. "I'm afraid that I really must go, however. There are things that need to be done."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to sort it out." said Mardian. "You fix everything. See ya!" he said and ran off.

Lyude shook his head after the boy. "If only I could..." he murmured.

Silas noticed them walking about and ran up in close to a panic to Lyude. "Sir Lyude, what in the world just happened?" he cried. "Heaven forbid, will there be a war between Diadem and the Empire! Sir Lyude, please do something!" he said.

"Try to calm down, Silas." said Lyude. "I don't think the Empire will be returning to Diadem for quite some time. They have accomplished what they came for. I'm afraid I don't know much about the Empire's intentions, but it would be foolishness for them to attempt such a thing twice. I will do all that I can to see that the Empire does not return. You have my word."

"Thank you, Sir Lyude! I knew I could rely on you!" he said and went to calm his nerves in Anna's tavern.

"Looks like everything's fine here." said Gibari. "We should probably return to the castle and prepare to go to Anuenue."

"Right." said Lyude. "Hmm...I hope Rolf didn't do anything foolish. I could see him getting in a great deal of trouble with Imperial soldiers."

Gibari nodded. "Yeah, me too. Let's go check on the old guy. You too." he said to Lyude. You don't want to give Rolf any more of an excuse to go around insulting you."

Lyude actually chuckled. "Rolf doesn't need a reason." said Lyude. "My appearance won't make any difference in that respect. All the same, I am a bit concerned about him. Let's go."

Just as Lyude had anticipated, Rolf did not greet him in a friendly manner. "Ah, you!"Rolf shouted as he spotted him among their guests. "You led those imperials into my village! If it wasn't you then why are there imperial soldiers in our town!"

"Grandpa!" said Katrina scoldingly.

" Cut it out. He's not like that, I can guarantee that." said Gibari.

Lyude sighed. " I understand." he said, "Under the circumstances, it's no wonder he doesn't believe me..." he paused, thinking about the hypnosis, "I don't even believe myself." he said. "Sir, I won't ask you to trust me. But please give me some more time."

Rolf looked at him skeptically, but said nothing more.

As they prepared to go, Katrina stopped Lyude for a moment. "I'm sorry, Sir Lyude. It's something an old man says, so please don't take it personally." she pleaded.

"Of course not." said Lyude. "Goodbye Katrina."

"Goodbye."Katrina said softly. As Lyude disappeared from her sight, a single tear slid down her cheek.

Once they had returned to the castle Lyude spoke briefly with King Ladekah, explaining his intentions.

"Understood." said King Ladekahn. "I am sure that you will be quite helpful in this effort. I am glad that you have made a decision. Good luck to you, and you will always be welcome here."

"Thank you, your majesty." said Lyude. "For everything. You've always been so kind to me."

"You're a good lad." said King Ladekahn, "I'm sorry to see you go."

King Ladekahn saw them to the Mindeer and gave them a letter to give to Queen Corellia. As they were underway, Lyude stood on the deck and watched as Diadem slipped further and further away. The light surrounding it reflecting off the clouds with a silver hue. Despite all that had happened in the cloud nation, all the misfortune and failures, Lyude would always remember it fondly. Perhaps when this was over he could return. He held little hope of ever returning to Alfard, but perhaps he could do something to change that. Perhaps he could save his nation from it's alarmingly corrupt leadership. He had to try. For all the clouds before him, he realized that there was hope. One had only to find their silver lining.