The next morning I woke up to find Jay and Matt playing downstairs. I walked down the stairs in a sports bra and a pair of Jay's boxers. I got myself a cup of coffee and sat on the living room couch, my match for Sunday was in my hands.
"Morning." Jay said. "I heard him this morning and brought him down here. I started the laundry."
"Thanks, for both." I replied.
"The big match?" He asked looking at the papers.
"Yup, the final revision. Right here is how it's going to go down. After my own revisions and Amy's input, we finally have a winner." I answered. "I plan on studying this all day."
"The match with go fine, perfect even." Jay told me. "I've seen you slave over it, and all the revisions, it's going to be perfect."
"Thanks, Jay." I said.
I hoped it would go perfect. This was the first match I alone came up with. I was very nervous about how the fans and other superstars would react to it. It was a match only Vince, Amy, and myself had seen. There was such a huge hype surrounding it, both backstage and in the media. The big cage match, the final battle.
When I wrote it, and when I was going over it, I never thought about injury. It was so easy to get very hurt. Two very extreme Divas in a steel cage, add blinding hatred to that and it's a recipe for disaster. We somehow survived our every encounter, escaping serious career and life threatening injury by the skin of our teeth. I prayed that this would be like every one of those matches.
Many fans, pro wrestling writers, and fellow superstars understood why this battle had to happen. They saw it unfold since day one. They saw two very combustible characters with a hatred that drew from some place so deep go at it each day, only adding fuel to the fire, never quenching that desire to take out the other one. Without knowing every detail of our feud and not knowing exactly why it had gotten this far, they still understood that this match had to happen, it could not be avoided. Those were the people who had respect for us, and could see that this was person.
Other fans, writers, and even some superstars thought it was all a publicity stunt. That, whatever it was that was shown on TV was over some small fight that was resolved, and the only reason me and Amy kept going was for money and the exposure. I have to be honest, it brought in a killer paycheck and the exposure we got was phenomenal. These were the people who thought we had taken it too far and this was just a stale attachment to a sour and pathetic three year battle.
We were real. My feelings towards Amy and hers towards me were nothing but real. And though the origin of it all is something I can't being to explain, I can still say it's real. What started out of jealously exploded into a deeply personal and very extreme feud. What began from a simple replacement branched off into the biggest feud in WWE history, maybe even passing Austin vs. McMahon.
I can tell you what kicked it off. The day I came into the WWE was the day Amy lost her place in Team Xtreme. But, it wasn't the fact that this team was the biggest team in WWE history. It was the fact that she had started out in it. She was a part of it when it was only a baby. And, at it's hype she was booted out and I was put in. I can't blame her for being upset about it. I know I would. Vince McMahon didn't help the situation, pinning us together, and making us always turn on each other. But, when a month, two months went by and she still couldn't shake it, it's when I decided to get in on it too. And, well, the rest is history.
It was an emotional match to write, because it was the end of an era. Basically, my whole career revolved around this feud, and most of Amy's had too. The best part of her career, and all of mine was invested in this. And even though we had the best times of our career with each other, it was now time for a change.
"I'll keep an eye on the little guy today." Jay said. "This might be the only time you really have to look over that."
"I know this match like the back of my hand." I said. "I've written it over and over again. It's not knowing it that's the problem."
"What is?"
"Going through with it." I answered. "Knowing it's the last match I'll ever do with Amy. Even letting go of Amy kind of upsets me."
"Why?"
"I know, it's weird, but even though we hate each other, my career has revolved around her, in everything I've done, in some form of the way. And in such a short time, it's all going to be over."
"And you think Amy is going to leave you alone? She may have to when the cameras are rolling, but when they're not, she's going to go right at you again."
"My hope was to end all ties with her after this match. She's going to have what she wants, Women's gold." I answered. "Maybe she won't, maybe she will. I can only say when it actually happens. But having that time on camera without her is going to be a breath of fresh air."
My goal was to eliminate as much time around each other as possible. Growing less and less and each day passes, and, hopefully, eliminating it for good. With this match over, I no longer had something she wanted. Her career would be going one way, and mine another, and hopefully, that would eliminate as much time we'd be around each other. We weren't in the same race for the same things. We would be demanded of different things at different times.
"Well, if it does happen, and she does leave you alone, I think all of us are going to be happy."
"Yes, that is true. I hated putting all of you through all of that. It was bullshit because it was my problem not yours, and each time one of you was being dragged through it with me. And nine times out of ten, all of you were going through some part of it."
"We only went through it with you because we care about you. We're a tight family. You, Adam, Chris, Paul, Stephanie, Matt, Jeff, and myself. We'd only carry the weight if one of us were in trouble, not anyone else." Jay told me. "Before you got here, Adam and myself were best friends, then we got really right with the brothers Hardy because we were very much a like. We were the high flyers, the risk takers. The young dumb kids who'd do anything to get a foot in the door, and crazy stunts were it. No Mercy '99 that was our pay-per-view. We were born there, our gimmick, that ladder match. Since then we added to it, but Adam and myself sort of veered off it just a little while Matt and Jeff went on full force. Anyway, I'm getting sort of off topic. We had our bond in the business. You came along and grew on Matt and Jeff, and in return grew on both Adam and myself. You had your friendship with Chris, and your tight bond with Paul which got in with Stephanie. You're the link between us all." He laughed to himself. "Some how, in that blabbing, I think I made that point across."
I laughed. "I guess so. But, seriously, I hate what I made you all go through. Paul and I got into some arguments over what he thought I should do about this. That locker room brawl is what set it off. When we went all out on each other."
"Oh right! Trish was there, she got Paul. He carried you kick and screaming. That was incredible. Word got around real fast about that. We were all like, 'what? No way?'. It was insane." Jay said.
"Exactly. This match, I'm hoping, is going to make sure nothing like that ever happens again."
I adjusted my legs on the couch and dug into the match. I envisioned what I thought it would look like. I saw how crazy this could get, how hurt we could get, and just how risky it would be. I knew that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park match. It was for much more than just a belt. It was pride, and those years of hatred. The final resting place of it all.
I did wonder if my plan would work, if we could just let go of it all. I knew our demands were going to be different, but I wasn't sure if we could let alone all of those years of hate. We hurt each other so much over the years that I wasn't sure I could keep my hands off of her. The match was one big question, a trail by error.
Jay had left to take Matt to Adam's house. I enjoyed the quiet and really sunk into my thoughts. I was driving myself insane. Every worry, everything that could go wrong circled my brain. I had to get out. I left the match on the den and left for the beach. I walked to the water and stood there, looking out. Hoping for a sign. Was this the right thing to do?
"Where's everyone?" Chris asked walking down to me.
"Jay took Matt for the day." I answered. "I'm go over my match for Sunday."
"Ah yes, that one. The big one." He said. "I don't know if I can see Destiny without Lita and Lita without Destiny. You two are an inseparable duo here. Hatred that works into Vince McMahon's plans. His goldmine."
"I know, and our own goldmine as well. I wish I could say it was for the money. A lot of fans still believe that. But, it sure as hell isn't."
"I know, I know." Chris said. "How have you been feeling since the accident?"
"Fine. I get pains ever now and again. It does haunt me." I answered. "I escape with minor injuries, a little internal, but anyone else in that car wouldn't have made it."
"What happened?" He asked.
"I was so preoccupied with everything. With Amy with Jeff, it all. I didn't see the pole and bam! I hit. I didn't hurt at first. I knew I was bleeding, but I just stood up and walked around. They say I was found a mile and a half from the site. I just walked off."
"I'm not bringing it up to torture you." He said. "I was just wondering how you were." There was a pause. "Be careful Sunday. I have this feeling."
"Yeah, so do I." I said. "This gut instinct that I shouldn't do this the way I want it to be done. This intuition that something is going to go terribly wrong."
"Then don't do it."
"I have to. It's too late to back out now. The match has been set and promoted for a month now. There's no going back. I have to fight my instincts and just go for it. Live for the moment."
"One that could be your last."
"Then let it be my last. If I go out in the match I created, doing the style I love, facing the person I hate, then so be it. I have had a wonderful career and I wouldn't change any of it."
"I know that. But, I also know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be sitting in that hospital waiting to see if you're going to walk again, or if you're even going to make it. It doesn't take a lot of something to go seriously wrong. You mix hate and your styles, one slip and you could break a bone the wrong way. I'd hate for another Owen Hart incident to happen. I was too close to him, and I am too close to you."
Chris really let me know that he was against this match. It made me wonder if anyone else felt that same way. Jay told me he was worried and he wasn't sure it was going to do it's job. But, despite what he and Chris had said, I had to go through with it. It was too late to back out now, and even if it wasn't, I had to do this. Call me cocky if you want, but I had to prove I was the best. Even if I had to lose the title to do so. It may not make any sense in that way, losing a title to prove I was the best, but it my twisted mind, it's how it worked.
"Morning." Jay said. "I heard him this morning and brought him down here. I started the laundry."
"Thanks, for both." I replied.
"The big match?" He asked looking at the papers.
"Yup, the final revision. Right here is how it's going to go down. After my own revisions and Amy's input, we finally have a winner." I answered. "I plan on studying this all day."
"The match with go fine, perfect even." Jay told me. "I've seen you slave over it, and all the revisions, it's going to be perfect."
"Thanks, Jay." I said.
I hoped it would go perfect. This was the first match I alone came up with. I was very nervous about how the fans and other superstars would react to it. It was a match only Vince, Amy, and myself had seen. There was such a huge hype surrounding it, both backstage and in the media. The big cage match, the final battle.
When I wrote it, and when I was going over it, I never thought about injury. It was so easy to get very hurt. Two very extreme Divas in a steel cage, add blinding hatred to that and it's a recipe for disaster. We somehow survived our every encounter, escaping serious career and life threatening injury by the skin of our teeth. I prayed that this would be like every one of those matches.
Many fans, pro wrestling writers, and fellow superstars understood why this battle had to happen. They saw it unfold since day one. They saw two very combustible characters with a hatred that drew from some place so deep go at it each day, only adding fuel to the fire, never quenching that desire to take out the other one. Without knowing every detail of our feud and not knowing exactly why it had gotten this far, they still understood that this match had to happen, it could not be avoided. Those were the people who had respect for us, and could see that this was person.
Other fans, writers, and even some superstars thought it was all a publicity stunt. That, whatever it was that was shown on TV was over some small fight that was resolved, and the only reason me and Amy kept going was for money and the exposure. I have to be honest, it brought in a killer paycheck and the exposure we got was phenomenal. These were the people who thought we had taken it too far and this was just a stale attachment to a sour and pathetic three year battle.
We were real. My feelings towards Amy and hers towards me were nothing but real. And though the origin of it all is something I can't being to explain, I can still say it's real. What started out of jealously exploded into a deeply personal and very extreme feud. What began from a simple replacement branched off into the biggest feud in WWE history, maybe even passing Austin vs. McMahon.
I can tell you what kicked it off. The day I came into the WWE was the day Amy lost her place in Team Xtreme. But, it wasn't the fact that this team was the biggest team in WWE history. It was the fact that she had started out in it. She was a part of it when it was only a baby. And, at it's hype she was booted out and I was put in. I can't blame her for being upset about it. I know I would. Vince McMahon didn't help the situation, pinning us together, and making us always turn on each other. But, when a month, two months went by and she still couldn't shake it, it's when I decided to get in on it too. And, well, the rest is history.
It was an emotional match to write, because it was the end of an era. Basically, my whole career revolved around this feud, and most of Amy's had too. The best part of her career, and all of mine was invested in this. And even though we had the best times of our career with each other, it was now time for a change.
"I'll keep an eye on the little guy today." Jay said. "This might be the only time you really have to look over that."
"I know this match like the back of my hand." I said. "I've written it over and over again. It's not knowing it that's the problem."
"What is?"
"Going through with it." I answered. "Knowing it's the last match I'll ever do with Amy. Even letting go of Amy kind of upsets me."
"Why?"
"I know, it's weird, but even though we hate each other, my career has revolved around her, in everything I've done, in some form of the way. And in such a short time, it's all going to be over."
"And you think Amy is going to leave you alone? She may have to when the cameras are rolling, but when they're not, she's going to go right at you again."
"My hope was to end all ties with her after this match. She's going to have what she wants, Women's gold." I answered. "Maybe she won't, maybe she will. I can only say when it actually happens. But having that time on camera without her is going to be a breath of fresh air."
My goal was to eliminate as much time around each other as possible. Growing less and less and each day passes, and, hopefully, eliminating it for good. With this match over, I no longer had something she wanted. Her career would be going one way, and mine another, and hopefully, that would eliminate as much time we'd be around each other. We weren't in the same race for the same things. We would be demanded of different things at different times.
"Well, if it does happen, and she does leave you alone, I think all of us are going to be happy."
"Yes, that is true. I hated putting all of you through all of that. It was bullshit because it was my problem not yours, and each time one of you was being dragged through it with me. And nine times out of ten, all of you were going through some part of it."
"We only went through it with you because we care about you. We're a tight family. You, Adam, Chris, Paul, Stephanie, Matt, Jeff, and myself. We'd only carry the weight if one of us were in trouble, not anyone else." Jay told me. "Before you got here, Adam and myself were best friends, then we got really right with the brothers Hardy because we were very much a like. We were the high flyers, the risk takers. The young dumb kids who'd do anything to get a foot in the door, and crazy stunts were it. No Mercy '99 that was our pay-per-view. We were born there, our gimmick, that ladder match. Since then we added to it, but Adam and myself sort of veered off it just a little while Matt and Jeff went on full force. Anyway, I'm getting sort of off topic. We had our bond in the business. You came along and grew on Matt and Jeff, and in return grew on both Adam and myself. You had your friendship with Chris, and your tight bond with Paul which got in with Stephanie. You're the link between us all." He laughed to himself. "Some how, in that blabbing, I think I made that point across."
I laughed. "I guess so. But, seriously, I hate what I made you all go through. Paul and I got into some arguments over what he thought I should do about this. That locker room brawl is what set it off. When we went all out on each other."
"Oh right! Trish was there, she got Paul. He carried you kick and screaming. That was incredible. Word got around real fast about that. We were all like, 'what? No way?'. It was insane." Jay said.
"Exactly. This match, I'm hoping, is going to make sure nothing like that ever happens again."
I adjusted my legs on the couch and dug into the match. I envisioned what I thought it would look like. I saw how crazy this could get, how hurt we could get, and just how risky it would be. I knew that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park match. It was for much more than just a belt. It was pride, and those years of hatred. The final resting place of it all.
I did wonder if my plan would work, if we could just let go of it all. I knew our demands were going to be different, but I wasn't sure if we could let alone all of those years of hate. We hurt each other so much over the years that I wasn't sure I could keep my hands off of her. The match was one big question, a trail by error.
Jay had left to take Matt to Adam's house. I enjoyed the quiet and really sunk into my thoughts. I was driving myself insane. Every worry, everything that could go wrong circled my brain. I had to get out. I left the match on the den and left for the beach. I walked to the water and stood there, looking out. Hoping for a sign. Was this the right thing to do?
"Where's everyone?" Chris asked walking down to me.
"Jay took Matt for the day." I answered. "I'm go over my match for Sunday."
"Ah yes, that one. The big one." He said. "I don't know if I can see Destiny without Lita and Lita without Destiny. You two are an inseparable duo here. Hatred that works into Vince McMahon's plans. His goldmine."
"I know, and our own goldmine as well. I wish I could say it was for the money. A lot of fans still believe that. But, it sure as hell isn't."
"I know, I know." Chris said. "How have you been feeling since the accident?"
"Fine. I get pains ever now and again. It does haunt me." I answered. "I escape with minor injuries, a little internal, but anyone else in that car wouldn't have made it."
"What happened?" He asked.
"I was so preoccupied with everything. With Amy with Jeff, it all. I didn't see the pole and bam! I hit. I didn't hurt at first. I knew I was bleeding, but I just stood up and walked around. They say I was found a mile and a half from the site. I just walked off."
"I'm not bringing it up to torture you." He said. "I was just wondering how you were." There was a pause. "Be careful Sunday. I have this feeling."
"Yeah, so do I." I said. "This gut instinct that I shouldn't do this the way I want it to be done. This intuition that something is going to go terribly wrong."
"Then don't do it."
"I have to. It's too late to back out now. The match has been set and promoted for a month now. There's no going back. I have to fight my instincts and just go for it. Live for the moment."
"One that could be your last."
"Then let it be my last. If I go out in the match I created, doing the style I love, facing the person I hate, then so be it. I have had a wonderful career and I wouldn't change any of it."
"I know that. But, I also know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be sitting in that hospital waiting to see if you're going to walk again, or if you're even going to make it. It doesn't take a lot of something to go seriously wrong. You mix hate and your styles, one slip and you could break a bone the wrong way. I'd hate for another Owen Hart incident to happen. I was too close to him, and I am too close to you."
Chris really let me know that he was against this match. It made me wonder if anyone else felt that same way. Jay told me he was worried and he wasn't sure it was going to do it's job. But, despite what he and Chris had said, I had to go through with it. It was too late to back out now, and even if it wasn't, I had to do this. Call me cocky if you want, but I had to prove I was the best. Even if I had to lose the title to do so. It may not make any sense in that way, losing a title to prove I was the best, but it my twisted mind, it's how it worked.