We had a long flight, Tampa to Seattle, over five hours. Five straight hours.We had a long flight and a lot in store for us, and with Matthew in was a lot to handle. Adam was meeting us in Seattle, and we hoped he was awake. You could never tell with him.

There was a little tension between Jay and I. I knew he wasn't the first nor the last person I'd have tensions with over this match. Jay stood uneasy with me as we went to get our boarding passes. He couldn't stand still, and kept looking around. The only time he ever looked at me was when he took Matt out of my arms. He held him against his chest.

"Jay, lets not play this game." I finally said. He looked at me. "This guessing game. Ignoring me because of your worries."

"I don't know what to say." He said. "I'm scared, petrified. I don't want to watch your lifeless body in a hosptial because you're braindead in a coma." He paused. "You don't think that will happen? Destiny, anything is possible. Anything can happen. Any number of things can go wrong."

"We face that everyday Jay. This isn't anything new. I wish you'd all just leave me alone about this." I said.

The tensions of the match were spreading to everyone I was coming in contact with. I was afraid of what was going to come next. I was afraid of Paul the most. He could be very scary when he gets very emotional.

The flight became even more longer and painful. I couldn't think of a single thing to say to Jay. I guess this was the final prep for the match. The moments where talk in unnessecary, and everyone is uneasy. It can be just seconds before the match, to many hours.

The piolt finally made that announcment that were would be decending soon. Matt was awake now, and moving about in the center seat. He was so used to planes that it doesn't bother him one bit. I held on tight as the plan touched the ground. I always get quesy at that part.

Once the plane was landed and people were getting on their way, I reached up for my carry-on. I felt a hand on mine and looked over and saw Jay. He looked at me and said, "I'll get it." He set the bag down and picked Matt up. We were the last ones on the plane.

"Des," he said to me.

"I know, Jay, I know." I replied.

"Do you have time today?" He asked.

"Some, yes. I have an interview in two hours." I answered. "I'm booked from then on."

"Ok." He replied with some dissapointment.

"Jay, we don't need to explain anything. I'd really rather not talk about the match." I said. "Well, talk about it in the way I have been with you and Chris."

"Fine, but I want to leave it at this." He said. "Be careful. That's my main concern."

"That I can do. Be as careful as I can."

We were one of the firsts in Seattle. The hotel was pretty empty of superstars. Vince was here, naturally, but he had checked in and left. He went to the venue to make sure everything was in order, and had to run all of the interviews and everything. Jay and I found our rooms, he, and Adam, were across the hall and over to the left. I went into mine with Matthew and began to upack. I did think about calling Adam to make sure he got up and was at least on his way.

I set Matthew down on one of the beds and he began to play with a figure of his father. I put all of our things in the draws prvoided and the bathroom things in the bathroom. The closet space was for Matt's things, his toys and stuff. I opened the sliding door that led to the balcony and looked down. We were on the third floor. The fence around the balcony was of paraelle bars, Matthew would be alright. I had an outside view, which meant Jay had the indoor pool view; which meant, he'd be sitting out there making fun of all those below him wearing bathingsuits they think they look good in.

I turned back inside and Matthew threw the figure on the floor. I laughed at him and said, "don't like daddy today?". He made a face. Matt would be up soon, with Jeff, and he would call my phone when they arrived at the airport. I now had two hours before my life would be completely different. Two hours before the zoo began. These would be the longest and most painful two hours ever.

I called down to room service to order up something to eat. Matthew and I hadn't really eaten at all. Matthew had Chereos on the plane and seemed pretty good, but I had to give him something else. They came and brought us some eggs, I wasn't too hungry, Matthew ate most of them.

I soon began to feel rather morbid about the match. What if everyone was right? What if something so horrible happened to me that I didn't come out of that match the same, or in the worst case, dead. What if I went into that coma and never came out? I admit, this was insanly morbid. What would happen to my son if I didn't come out of this?

I knew that before I could engage in something this monsterous, I had to write out, I guess, my last Will in Testament. I said I wasn't lying, this was very morbid. It wasn't official, but it would be, by deffinition, something like it. I had to know my son would be taken care of, and everyone in my life had something to remind them of me. I sat at the desk, and in my last hour and a half, wrote it up:

Dear Everyone,

I apologize for this, I know it's not something you all want to hear, but it's something I need to do, just in case. Yes, just in case all of you are right, and something goes wrong. I know that you all will be extremly mad at me for thinking this way, but I have to know that everything will get taken care of.

Matt, I'll start with you. As the father of our son, I want you to promise, to whomever, that you will take care of him if, indeed, I don't make it out of this. I know that in your care, and of course, in the care of everyone here, that he will be safe. I know that you will be able to give him everything a father should, and more. I know you will be able to give him more than I could ever. You were meant to be a father, and now that you are one, I hope you realize just how perfect you are. You have helped me grow, now it's time you help our son.

Paul, you are my absolute everything. You have shown me since the first day the upmost kindness. I love you, in every way the word is defined. You have been a father to me, more than my own could have ever been. Watch over my son, continue to love him as you have loved me. He is, after all, your grandson, in so many words. You have guided me in my career and my life. You have shown me more things than I could have ever begin to see on my own. I haven't seen in all my days on the acting scene what you have shown me in one.

Stephanie, you are my girl, my baby girl. Make sure you explain this before all the guys get hot over it. We've been through a lot together. You've shown me that not every McMahon has a twisted, sinister mind. You're kindness has helped me along the way in this insane world know was the WWE. You always were my favorite shopping buddy. And, if this all goes OK, I will make you over again, and I just might let you do it to me as well. But, anyway, you were the first, and only girl I could really trust.

Chris, you are my tag team partner, and that doesn't stay just in the ring. Over the years we've grown a lot closer, and I treasure that. And, if you are wondering, if this doesn't go good, you can have all my cars, and yes, my Vett also. Fate, I beleve, has brought us closer together, and has brought us to this point that we are now at. I love where we are. Don't let anyone tell you your band sucks, it rules. I thought I should at least talk about your band. I can't even think of what life would be like if you weren't a part of it. Thank you for everything you have done.

Adam...ahh...Adam. I knew you were trouble the moment we met, do you remember McDonalds? I know no one else would forget the infamous first encounter. Since that, um, I don't know what you'd really call it, but since then, you have been at my side, for better, and a lot worse. You're my partner in crime, and when it's all said and done, I know I can come to you in the end. I love every second we've had together, and no matter what happens, I know I will never forget them. You are one of a kind, Adam, and don't let anyone talk you down. You are a lot stronger than anyone gives you credit for. I love you.

Jay, what can I say? You're my best friend. You've taken me into your home, no questions asked. I can go on and on about you, but now that I am trying to, I can't think of a word that can even match how I feel. I love you, Jay. I trust you, confide in you, everything I didn't have growing up. You are an amazing person, and without you, I wouldn't be here, I would have given up a long time ago. I know we've met some challanges, but it has only made us stronger as friends. There is no one more important in my life than you. I love you.

Lastly, Jeff. I have saved you for last because I don't know what you'd really think of this. I never stoped loving you. I know what we said in the hotel room, and I know I can say more. I've always loved you, I always have, and I never will stop. You are the reason I live. Knowing I coast you so much pain has hurt me in so many ways, ways I can't describe and won't beging to. You are my inspiration, in everything I do. That hasn't changed. Nothing has changed about how I feel about you. My world is for you, I live for you. Jeff, I am alive for you. You're the reason I take another breath, wake up in the morning. I love you.

I could go on forever, but I know that you already hate me now for being so morbid. I am sorry, but this is something I had to say, because I don't know if I will be able to after this match is over. I don't want everyone to not know how I feel about them. I love you all.

Love Always, and Forever More,

Destiny

It didn't come out at all like I really wanted it too, it was better. I packed Matt up and walked down to the lobby. More people were checking in. I had an interview with JR. Good ol' JR. He was a legend in his own right. My phone rang as I was leaving.

"Des, it's Matt. We arrived."

"Good, good. I'm leaving for my interview now." I said. "I'm in room 315, Jay's in 318. Find him, I'm taking the car we rented and going."

"Alright." He said. "Do you have the baby?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to leave him with Jay, again." I answered. "Did you see Adam at the airport?"

"Actually, yes. He didn't see us, though." He answered.

"Good, he did wake up."

"I'm going to let you go, I don't want you to be late."

I hung up and got into the Celica that we were lucky enough to get. Matthew was strapped in and we were off. I was nervous for this interview. It was the biggest one I had ever had. It was going to be one of many I would have in the two day period. I would be meeting with everyone, JR, Cole, people from both RAW and WWE Magazines. Plus, the fan day that took place tomorrow.

JR was at the arena. He was looking over some things with Vince. I walked down the unfinished ramp and found him standing where the ring would be. He saw and walked over, we shook hands.

"I promise this will look better on Sunday." He said. I smiled. "The crew is over there, so lets get started."

JR and I stook over where some of the black wall was. A single camera man and a crewman stood there. They counted back from 3 and we started.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, JR here and I am standing with Destiny. The Women's Champion, Tag Team Champion, is there anything you can't do?" He smiled, it was a rehtorical question. "Sunday, it has to be the most important day of your life and your career."

"It is." I said.

"It's being marked as the final match." He continued. "Is it really the final match? Is this all we're going to see of Destiny and Lita?"

"Yes, if it all goes well, it will be. I think everyone has seen all they can from us. But, I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know if this is truly the end. You never know in this business."

"That is very true. But, it will be a step." He said. "Your title is also on the line, right?"

"Yes, JR, it is. My Women's Title. And, I have to say, it's the least of my worries. I am not worried about keeping it, or lossing it if that may happen."

"Really? You've held this title longer than any women we've ever had. Can you really just give it up?"

"Well, it will be hard. I am not saying it won't. My main concern is being able to get out of the match, win or lose." I answered. "I've been Women's Champion for so long now. If I loss it, or if I don't, that's not the main thing here."

"You just very well may be the first person not concerned about their title at a pay-per-view." JR said.

"This isn't about the title, though. It's about pride, servival, and above all else, sanity. I can't tell you what this woman has done to my sanity, or what's left of it." I replied.

"Well, one thing has to be for sure, you inner circle must be pretty scared."

I smiled. "Yes, they are. Very, in fact. That's ok for them to be. But, I won't back down. Too much is involved in this match, too much is at stake."

"If I may," JR began, "I spoke recently to Triple H, just sort of off hand. We got into talking about Unforgiven, and your match came up. Would you like to hear what he said?" I shook my head yes. He picked up a piece of paper. "'Destiny's old enough to make her own decisions. She can create matches, and she can participate in anyone she desires. I know what she's says about me, our relationship and all, but I am not her father, real one anyway. And, anyway, she's old enough. But, I can't say that I am not scared, beyond it even. But I have full faith in her that she will do well'." I almost cried. "How does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel really, really good. Knowing he believes in me like that makes all of this that much easier."

The interview went on a little bit longer, and I was off to meet Michael Cole. That interview was pretty much the same as the one before it, as were the ones with the magazines. It was dinner time when I was finished, and Matthew and I were very ready to get back. I called Matt to tell him we were on our way, and when I got there, he was in the lobby waiting for us. He ran over and took him.

"There's my boy." He said with a huge smile. "Did you miss daddy?"

"What do you think?" I asked. "Of course."

"I'm going out for a bit, I'm going to take him."

"Matt, you haven't seen him for a few days, take him anywhere. It must kill you."

"It does." He said. He kissed my cheeck and was off.

I went into the gift shop to by some stationary. I went back to my room and began to hand write my letter seven times, one for each person I talked about. I wanted everyone to know what I said about the other. It made me feel better knowing everyone knew everything. I folded the letters up and put them in envelopes with everyone's name on it. I then crawled up on the bed and fell asleep.

In what seemed like seconds I heard banging at my door. I rolled over and saw that I had dozed off for two hours. I opened the door and Jay was standing there.

"I've been trying to reach you for two hours." He said.

"You've been knocking at my door for two hours?" I asked.

"No, check your cell, your hotel phone. I was worried."

"I;m sorry, I was sleeping." I said. "What do you want?"

"Are you hungry? I know you haven't eaten anything." He said.

"That's true. I guess. Where are we going?"

"Well, we, as in you, me, and Adam, are gonna go some place cheap, fast food or something. Nothing to big."

"Sure, I could really go for some Taco Bell." I said. I looked at Jay, and he sort of began to space out. "Jay?"

"Des, can I ask you something completly off topic, way out there, not even in this ballpart?"

"Yes..." I answered slowly.

"Well, I know what we did back at my house. It's been on my mind since it happened. I'm not good with this sort of thing, and I can't really tell you why I'm asking you this now."

"Jay, just tell me." I said.

"I know we weren't careful. I know we weren't thinking." He started. "I just want to make sure nothing happened as a result of it. And if it did, I want to know, and want to know why you haven't told me."

"I haven't told you, Jay, because it's not true." I replied. "Ever since Matthew, I've been on the pill." I smiled. "Better for everyone really."

"Alright." He said. "I just wanted to make sure."

I don't know how this is going to sound, but, I can see myself having children by Jay. And, I don't mean getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. It's hard to explain, really. Jay is a great man, a responsable, mature, adult. He's taken to Matthew as if he were his own. He loves children and I know he'll make a great father.

Jay seemed kind of disappointed that I wasn't pregnant. Carring Jay's baby, to me, wouldn't be a bad thing. He's a very respectable, and very decent man. He knows how to take care of things. We were so close as friends, that it wouldn't be weird, or bad, if that did happen. Kind of like that pact you make when your eight to your best male friend, if we're this age and still not married, we marry each other.

We met up with Adam, and the boys gave into my demand for Taco Bell. We sat at a table together and talked about previous pay-per-views. Matches that really set us apart from the rest. Adam and Jay talked about one match, well two matches, that really stood out. No Mercy 1999 and the very frist TLC match.

"You would think that it would be easy to stomach Jeff's match tomorrow after every insane match he's been in. But I can't help but be worried." Adam said. "We've been in most of them, but no one can do them like he does. No one has a complete disregaurd for their body like him. It's amazing. He does it every day, all the time."

"I forgot about his match." I said. "I've been so caught up in mine. I am very worried. Kurt's got so much on Jeff."

"Ha! Now you know how we feel." Jay said.

"I wouldn't really worry. I mean, I am, but I'm not. Jeff's in this one for the right reasons. Kurt can beat Jeff in a straight up wrestling match any day, he can beat any one of us. But, this isn't a straight up wrestling match. Jeff's got desire. He's not fighting for him, he's not in this for him. He's in it for you, Des." Adam told me. "Kurt does everything for himself, and that's why he is who he is. Jeff, he's doing this for you, for your honer. He's going to win because when Jeff gets like has been, he snaps. Kurt has no idea what he's getting himself into, none. In fact, no one really knows what Jeff will do. But we all know he's gone insane. Kurt, and all of us are going to see a side of Jeff Hardy we have never seen. Trust me, Jeff will over power Kurt, and he's going to win."

Adam was very convincing. But, nothing anyone could say could really make me feel any better. I guess this is how everyone was feeling about me. I hadn't see Jeff, at all. I didn't want to either, I didn't want to get in his way. We all know Jeff has cracked, and getting in his way now, would make me completly snap before the match.

"If this match is anything like last year, we're all in for a treat." Adam said to me.

"Trust me, it's 10 times better." I said.

"That's what worries me." He replied. "It's what worries us all. And you know, because you're worried about Jeff's match. You were there last year at this very same time. Hell, you were in that match. We all thought that nothing could get any more extreme, any more wild than that. And now, here we are, a year later, and you, both of you, have topped yourselves."

"It's getting harder to do that." I said. "I hope that after this match is over and done with, I don't have to prove anything anymore. I hope I'll just be able to do any match I want without having to out do myself."

"Don't worry, you're a star now." Jay told me.

A star? I never used to think so, I always thought I was the average star. But now I was believing the hype. I wouldn't say I was become an egotistical maniac, but I was beining to see that I was a superstar. It was a great feeling.

We shortly left. It was getting late and we all had early plans to do the fan meet and great that lasted pretty much the whole day. It's nothing like the meet and greet before Wrestlemania, but still a lot of fun. We drove back to the hotel and said our good nights. I didn't see anyone else that night, except for Matt, Jay, and Adam. I didn't really want to see anyone else. I just wanted to stay to myself. My room was quiet, all I heard was the sound of crickets and the passing cars on the free way in the distance.

I had a troubled night. I couldn't sleep. I would have a few brief periods of good sleep, but then wake right up and have a few periods of stairing at the ceiling. At around two in the morning I heard a familiar sound coming, lightly, through my walls. "Nothing Man" by Pearl Jam. It was Jeff. It was his song. The song I gave him, and the song that stuck with him.

I got out of bed and headed over the room next to me. I knocked softly, twice. A few minutes later, Jeff answered the door. He was wearing a pair of white sweatpants, and no shirt. The song was on repeat and began to play over again. His hair was blonde, a little lighter than normal, and up in a messy bun, thing. All the lights were off except for the one by the desk. I saw Matthew's little crib with him in it, sleeping, and Matt's feet in the bed.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Can't sleep either?" He asked.

"Pre-pre-match jitters." I answered.

"Come in, you're not alone." I walked inside. Matt was spred out across the bed with his mouth wide open, snoring slightly. Jeff sat in the chair at the desk. "Writing, you know it always helped me."

"Yes, and it was always beautiful." I replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Scard, very nervous. I know what everyone's saying, that I have not shot in Hell. Maybe so, but I am going to go out there and do to Kurt whatever it is that I can." He answered.

"You'll surprise many."

"Always do." He said. He looked down. "I know what they say about me. Everyone thinks I'm going crazy."

"For challenging Kurt? No, that's noble." I said.

"No, outside of the ring." He said. "Everyone thinks that I am really going crazy."

"We all know about your disorders."

"It's not that. It's more."

"Well, you have been acting out of character, even for you." I said. "What's on your mind?"

"Things around here are getting fucked up. Things with Kurt, things with Amy. The things that start in the ring and spread outwards. Things that shouldn't." He paused. "Fuck the ring, fuck the WWE. Things in my life are out of wack. Just that adds to it."

"We have noticed some changes." I said.

"Yeah, me too. I wish I could pin point it, ya know. I wish I knew what was going on inside my head. I'm just too fucked up to even know about my own problems."

"Jeff, you're not fucked up." I said. "In a rut? Yes. Look, hopefully after Sunday, a lot of your, and mine, problems will go away. Then we can finnaly concentrate on the things that are really wrong with us. I know that Kurt and Amy have a lot to do with why you feel the way you do. It's why I feel the way I do. And there is not one person that can make me better. No one. Once this is all over, I can finally work on what's really wrong with me, and there's plenty."

"Matt's been prying at me forever, trying to get inside my head, figure out what's wrong." Jeff said. "I've been so preoccupied by all of this, I don't even really know. I do know that a lot of it was lifted when we talked. But, so much is still there."

I nodded. For him, a lot had to be. He wasn't his usual self, he hadn't been in a year. Things were looking up for him, but the Jeff Hardy we knew was almost gone for good. We were in the exact same boat, so to speak. We were sbsolutly miserable, him more so than I. Since our relationship crumbled, neither of us were the same, and it showed. And since then, everything else in our lives seemed to get worse.

"It's weird, through everything that's happened, you, you're the only one who understands." Jeff told me. "Who would have thought."

"Jeff, even though we're not together, I am still here for you. Despite everything that's happened, I always will be."

"You were the only one able to get inside my head and actually understand." He said. He smiled a little bit. "Still got it, it seems."

"Yeah, it's a gift." I replied.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say a lot, so much had to be said. But Jeff was completly torn apart. His match and everything involved with it was eating him up. When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't see anything, couldn't sense anything. I used to look into those beautiful green eyes and see the world, but now, I saw nothing.