I remember it taking forever to get up to the top of the cage. Amy tried to get me off when she reached the top, but I was able to get up there. We sat up there, going blow for blow. I stood up, knowing what was going to happen next. I looked down at the canvas below me for a brief second. I teetered with Amy's first punch. With the second I teetered even more. Then the third and final punch.
I almost didn't do it, but knew I had to. I just let go, knowing that when I hit the canvas below, everything would be different. I was about five feet six inches taller than the top of the cage, since I was standing, and here I was, weightless, falling. I hit, and didn't feel anything at first, but I bounced, and it was the second hit that did it for me. That scream surfaced again. Amy climbed down, and fell off about three quarters of the way down. Her music played and the belt was given to her, but she didn't run up the ramp. She laid there.
EMTs came down to us when the show went off the air. They helped us up. The crowd was still insane, and it was amazing. Belt in hand, Amy came back into the cage. An EMT was there, holding me up. She could barely walk. We looked at each other, and I had no idea what her intentions were. I expected the worse. She looked at me, then around at everyone else, then went to grab me. She grabbed my hand and held it up with hers, and the crowd exploded. Hand in hers, I took my other hand and grabbed her shoulder.
Then it was over. She left, with help, and I nearly collapsed into the EMTs arms. As I was going up the ramp, they were waiting for me, all except Jeff. Paul went for me, and I feel into his arms. I tried so hard not to cry. It was catching up to me now, and my entire left leg was numb. Paul helped me walk backstage with everyone behind him. The more we walked, the less weight I could put on my leg, until, I couldn't at all. Jay rushed to me as I nearly fell over, holding me up on my other side.
"Destiny, you need to get to a hospital, and now," he told me, his voice shaking.
"I'm fine," I answered.
"Destiny, what happened to your leg?" Jay asked me.
I looked down and blood had stained my pants. The cut that I had done to myself not one day earlier had reopened, and was bleeding all over myself. I didn't even feel it open back up. But, in all honesty, it was the least of my problems. The fact that I didn't feel it open up, or that I couldn't feel the blood trickling down my leg, that was a problem.
I went from being helped by Paul and Jay, to being carried by Paul to the room in which Jeff was laying. When they laid me down, Jeff turned right to me. I saw in his eyes the same fear I saw in everyone else's. I saw the inability to utter a single word as the small on hand medical team rushed to me. They went and lifted my left leg up, and I screamed as the pain in my back intensified. They asked me if I could feel their hands on my left foot, and I couldn't.
"What about the right one?" one of them asked. "Can you feel this?"
I nodded. I could feel that just fine. The cut the left leg of my pants up the middle and I could see my cut, all the blood surrounding it. There wasn't much they could do for me now except replace the bandage. The ambulance that would take Jeff and I to the hospital was ready for us. They put us both onto stretchers and wheeled us out. Paul never let go of my hand. Other wrestlers were standing outside when Jeff and I were put in. Paul kissed the top of my head when he had to let go.
"We will be right behind you," he said.
I looked around. Expressionless and emotionless faces looked back at me. I could see the tears stream down Jay's face. He was the only one who did. I don't think anyone else could, it was all a shock. I waved before they closed the back doors, and off we were. Jeff looked over at me and then took my hand.
The reality of it all hit me on the ride. I was scared. There wasn't much anyone inside the ambulance could really do for the both of us. The put IVs in us, drugged us a bit and cleaned our cuts up. Jeff's face really began to swell now and they gave him some drugs. They would touch his face and asked him if it hurt, which it did, but he took it. They looked at his leg too, his knee was a bit swollen, but whatever hand test they did didn't seem to bother them too much. I hoped it wasn't serious. Jeff let them do whatever it was they had to. Me, I was scared.
We arrived at the hospital in about fifteen minutes. Everyone else wasn't far behind. They had an escort for them. Jeff and I didn't get to see them before they wheeled us into rooms. I wish I had. There was a double sided door separating the room I was in and Jeff was in. When it swung open, I could see him, and when it was shut, I couldn't. We were getting the full treatment, which scared me. They had done something to Jeff because I could hear him scream. My head shot over, and I had to know. His knee was slightly dislocated, slightly, I didn't know a knee could only slightly dislocate. But, in any case, that's what the nurse told me, and they had to pop it back into place. An x-ray machine went off in there a few times.
"Probably films for his leg, face, and chest," the same nurse told me. "Just to make sure."
They opened the door to wheel the x-ray machine in for me. I could see Jeff, he was looking straight up. He noticed me and looked over, he smiled at me. I reached my hand to him, and even though he couldn't reach it, he reached back at me. He gave me a thumbs up and then went into the gunz, then the door closed.
They took x-rays of my face and my back, but I was told I needed a CAT scan for that. They kept poking and prodding at my left leg, and I couldn't feel any of it. The closed my cuts on my head and leg and gave me a tenets shot. I could see everyone outside my room, going back and forth from mine and Jeff's. A doctor went out and explained something to them. I could see everyone's face's, and whatever it was seemed to scare them. That scared me. Paul came in.
"Hey baby girl," he said. "I bet they have you on some good drugs."
"Something like that," I replied. "How's Jeff? Do you know?"
"He's going to be fine. The x-ray showed a small facial fracture, nothing serious. His knee's going to be fine. He'll be out of action for awhile, but not too long. He's going to be just fine, don't worry."
"I am," I answered.
"How are you?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered. "How did they tell you I am?"
"Honestly, they're a bit worried about your lack of feeling in your left leg. You're going up for a CAT scan to find out something. We're all worried." He paused. "I haven't told Jeff about you yet. I know he wants to know."
"Don't worry him, please," I said.
"Ok," Paul replied.
A doctor came in.
"Guess this is when I have to leave," Paul replied. "We'll be waiting for you."
"A room is set up, for the both of them," the doctor said. "I can have someone show you where it is, you can wait there. I'll have the man next door up there shortly, she'll be along soon."
"Thank you, very much."
They wheeled me out and everyone gathered by me. Jeff was wheeled out at the same time, he was going to our room. He looked at me and grabbed my hand quick as he went by. Matt kissed my forehead and then followed his brother. Jay was still tearing, still the only one. It was all too much for anyone to take in. Before they started moving me again, Stephanie came running with Matthew in her arms. I was so thankful I was able to see him before I went for my CAT scan.
"I am so glad I got you," she said. "I would have been here sooner, but I had to get some of his things, just in case."
"Just glad you came," I replied.
I held him in my arms for a moment, and then I was off. I cried leaving him. They wheeled me into an elevator that would take me to the floor where the CAT scan was. I had a CAT scan only once, and that was when I originally hurt my back about two years ago. I didn't freak out in there. A CAT scan is a long very tight tube in which you lay perfectly still. Many people freak out, even those who don't have problems with close in spaces.
This time was no different. I laid perfectly still and just took it. They pulled me out and then wheeled me into my room. Everyone jumped up when I came in. All wanting to know answers, and no one had any yet.
"Did you freak?" Jeff asked.
"No, I was fine," I answered. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now that I have this IV bag flowing," he smiled.
"Great, a strange man on drugs, just what we need," I said.
"I have to say this," Chris said, "I don't think I have ever seen matches like I have tonight. Despite the outcomes, you guys deserve a lot of credit for what you did. You really proved yourselves out there, like you had to, but you did."
"I agree," Adam said. "You guys really went out there and you did it. I know all of us were deathly afraid of you guys doing these matches and secretly wished you would back out, knowing of course, you wouldn't. The good news is our deepest fears weren't realized, you're still alive-"
"What I think he means is, you came through. You took high emotion and you dealt with it. You stood up and you faced two people who have done nothing but drag everyone down. Jeff you stood up for something you really believed in and you took it to Kurt. You proved that the littler guy can do it, I don't know if you realized it, but a lot of people are going to look at what you did as inspiration in their own lives. And Destiny, you stood up to the very evil that has haunted you since you first got here. You stood up and weren't going to take in anymore, and you're letting it all behind you. People will look at that match and feel that they can over come things that have pained them. You both are inspirations to those fans. You guys are brave, braver than you think," Chris finished.
Jeff and I looked at each other. We knew what we were doing and how it would impact our lives, but never once thought how it might impact anyone else's. The die hard fans look at everything you do and most of what you do really impacts them, inspires them. Jeff always said, "exist to inspire" and I always believed in that. Live your life in a way that others will look at and feel inspired. Don't be like anyone else. I can't speak for Jeff, but I have a pretty good feeling that he didn't think what he was going to do in that ring would effect anyone's life but his own and Kurt's. And I know I never set out to make this match to give anyone else the strength to stand up to anything or anyone. But, the fact that our matches did turn out that way made it all that much better.
The mood calmed a bit now that everyone was there and I forgot about my results. I had Matthew laying beside me in my bed, he was very much awake. Everyone talked about their fears and how they felt during our matches. I was right when I said I knew how everyone was during mine. I was absolutely right. One by one everyone gave off how they felt, including Jeff, who had to see it from inside the medical room. But, it was Jay's that made everyone go quiet.
"I was terrified, as everyone has been saying. Terrified that you would not walk out of that match, and you barely did. Every memory I had of you flashed in my head as if our relationship was dying. I saw it all, when we first met, to when you moved in with me, until now. Every good and every bad thing that I have ever witnessed with you flashed through my head. When you let out that scream for the first time, I nearly threw up, I had to hold it back. It took everything inside of me not to run out and hold you, bring you back with me and tell you everything was going to be ok, that I would take care of you for the rest of your life. With each ounce of pain I saw on your face, heard in that scream, I felt in my heart. And all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and never let you go."
I looked up at Jay and I could see the tears that had been falling, and those he was fighting so hard to hold back. He walked to me and wrapped his arms around me and I held him. He cried a bit, but only a bit and then let go and excused himself from the room. No one said anything when he left, but Adam went for him. Everyone knew that it was Adam that could get to him, talk to him, listen to him. We were all as close as family, but we knew when someone else could do the job better, and Adam was like Jay's brother.
"I hope he's ok," Matt said. He looked around the room. "Can I ask everyone to leave? I really want to say something to Jeff and Destiny and I want to do it alone."
"Absolutely," Paul replied, knowing, somewhat, what it was about. He grabbed Matthew from me and everyone filed out.
"Is Jay out there?" Chris asked as he was leaving.
"No," I heard Paul said.
"What's up, Matt?" Jeff asked once everyone had left.
"What's been going on with the three of us?" He asked. "We love and hate each other in the same moments. We care about each other, yet we hurt each other so much. Jeff I want to apologize for last year, for what it's done for you now and whatever it may do to you in the future. Destiny, I want to apologize for being so over bearing. Your battles are you own, and I am sorry I jumped in too soon. Right now, I'm really confused on where we stand. We go from fighting to mentioning getting the team back together. I know now, in our careers, the team's not going to fit, but I know in my life it does. If getting the team back together means getting this friendship this love back together, then I want to do it. But I know I can't if it's going to be this rollercoaster we've been riding for a year."
Jeff nodded his head. "You're right. I think last night and all that happened during the day has forced all of us to think about our relationship," he paused and turned to me. "Destiny, I know that I haven't made it any easier for you over this year. I know that the fighting Matt and I have done with each other has made you torn up inside, and for that I apologize. I'm not the easiest person to know or the easiest person to love. I take my time with things, and I know that's been eating away at you. I'm sorry. I also know that once we get somewhere, somehow, it gets pushed back, and I know I don't help with that. Your grief has not fallen upon deaf ears, I've heard it, I've seen it. I know what I said to you the other day was wrong and harsh. I don't trust easy, and when that trust is broken, I fall to pieces and it's ten times harder to regain. I never meant to tell you I don't trust you and never will. You've worked so hard to get it back. The same goes for you too, Matt. You're my brother, and I know that no matter what, you and I are always going to be ok. I know our relationship is always going to be tested, every day. It's hard for me to grasp at what our lives are like now. I know you're a father, and it's hard for me to not have you there always. I know where your priorities stand, and I know they have to be there. I am living in the past, thinking that I have my brother the way I did, and I know I don't, and I know why, and that's ok with me. My nephew is the most beautiful child I have ever seen, he has to be, he has my eyes, and I'm told these eyes are golden. I'd do anything for that child, give anything up. I don't want to play games anymore, fight over nothing. This crazy dance we've been doing is killing me inside and I am sick of it. I want to move on, I want to fix things, I want to have my brother and my best friend back."
"Those eyes are golden," I replied.
"Jeff, I will always be your brother, and no matter what is going on in my life, what new responsibility I have may have in my life, that will never ever change. We were raised better than that, and I know you know it. Jeff, I love you, and that will never change either. I need you in my life because I don't know what will happen to me if you're gone. I've been scared for you, you've been shutting out and shutting off. I've felt like I didn't know you anymore, and it's partially my fault as well. Jeff, for better or for worse, I will be there for you, there is nothing you can do that will push me away. Family above all else. I would drop anything for you, die for you." Matt paused, regaining his composure. "I am sick of this too, sick of dancing around what's really true. I can't make it up to you, Jeff, I know I can't. I wouldn't do it if I went back, and I know Destiny feels the same way. I took advantage of vulnerability, and I hate myself for that, that's not who I am. I need you in my life Jeff, I need my brother, my son needs his uncle. Someone has to teach him to be creative. No matter what happens, Jeff, you will always be my little brother and I will always be there for you and I will always need you."
Matt walked to his brother's bed and the two brothers embraced in a hug that sent chills down my spine. Finally, finally after a year this was coming out and it was working out. Everything was being said and everything was going to be ok.
"I don't ever want you to feel as if you're not a part of my life," Matt told Jeff. Matt then turned to me. "Destiny, I want to apologize for the other day, for what I said, how I acted. Striking Jeff was wrong, and I know it. And Jeff, I am sorry that I am going to say this, but I have to. Destiny, when I told you I loved you, I was unsure. I know what we had, or whatever it was, wasn't something out of hormones, I know what it's not. I know it's not love, and I know you know that too. I know it made you feel uncomfortable and probably worse. I am sorry. Jeff and I were raised to do the right thing, always do the right thing, and having a child with you meant I had to be with you. I know now, that I can't, and I am ok with that. It wouldn't be right because it wouldn't be based on love. Our son will have a loving family regardless of if we married or not. To jump into such an extreme idea without the need is wrong. And the other day when I told you that I honestly loved you, I am sorry for that too. You and I wouldn't' work, and I know you know. But to say it was wrong anyway. Hopefully it doesn't weird anything out between any of us. I don't want that. I was acting on an impulse I thought I knew, but after I said it and thought about it, and I did, I knew it was wrong."
"Matt," I said. "I knew you didn't mean it the moment you said it. You're right, our son is going to be loved, he is going to see his parents all of the time. I may live a few states away, but that won't change it. Our son is going to be just fine."
"Jeff, I am sorry to have said it," Matt looked at his brother.
Jeff looked right back at him and a smiled appeared on his face. "Matt, I know why you would have done it, why you would have married her and tried to love her."
"For an entire year I have beaten myself up over this. I feel that every fight is my fault, or based on me. There were days where I thought about just leaving the WWF behind so you two could work it out. I don't want to be anyone's reason for hate. Jeff, I am not looking for you to take me back, I am looking for a friend, the friend I had. You and I, we're one of a kind, we are. I know we need each other because there is no one else that can really understand us. I need you in my life to be there for me. And Matt, I don't just need you as a father to my son, I need you as a friend an older brother too. You were always like that to me, as close to me as a brother. Please, don't get any sick ideas, brother and father and all of that. What we had, that bond, that was special, and I can't throw it away, I won't. I've been working so hard for a year to try and get some of it back. And, Jeff, you're right, we can't have what it was like two years ago, we can have something different. I want to try, I think we all need each other, and without one of us, we'd fall apart," I said.
"You're right," Matt told me. "This team, it wasn't some WWF deal. It went so much deeper. I thank Vince McMahon everyday for bringing you into our little gimmick. I knew the moment you were with us, something was going to happen, I had no idea it would be this huge. I didn't think you would impact so many lives and that Jeff and I would need you in ours. I never thought you'd date my brother and have my child. But I am glad you did."
"Matt's right. The moment we worked together I felt that chemistry and I knew that this was something special, I just never expected it to be this special. You're a huge part of our lives, and without you, I know I feel like a part of my life is missing. I know we can never get back what we had, but I know we can still have something great. I want that something. Once I didn't have the two of you in my life, I knew I needed you and I knew how much you meant to my sanity. I went a year not talking to you, Destiny, and a year not knowing what to do around Matt. That's long enough. Lets set this straight and make it right."
If we could, we would have had a group hug. It meant the most to me coming from Jeff. Matt and I had wanted this more than anything, and now that Jeff was on board, things were looking even better. Matt got up, hugged the both of us, and then went to get everyone. The mood was instantly lifted. Except that Adam and Jay still weren't with us.
"Anyone know?" I asked.
"Adam called me, said he and Jay were going for a walk, something's not right with Jay," Paul said, looking at his phone. "He looked pale during the match. I thought I was going to handle it bad. I did, but I thought I'd be the one like Jay is now."
"I just hope he's ok."
There was a soft knock at the door and we all jumped. The doctor came in, holding films in his hands. I began to get very nervous.
"I have your results, Miss Diaz."