I couldn't swallow when he said the words. There was a small box on our wall and the doctor put the films on it and switched on a light. Whatever it was I was looking at made no sense to me, or anyone in the room, except the doctor. He pulled a chair up and sat down to face us all. I really wished Jay and Adam were here.

"I know none of you know what you're looking at," he began. "Basically, what this is telling us, a disk snapped in your spine and is compressing your sciatic nerve. We need to go in and take that disk out to relieve the pressure."

"Oh, my God," I said.

"Will she be ok?" Paul asked.

"Yes, she will be, after surgery," the doctor answered.

"Surgery?" Matt asked.

"Yes, it's very simple. We'll go in endosocpicly and remove the disk fragments. There will be minimal scaring and faster recovery. Once the disk is removed you'll feel better almost instantly, and with some physical therapy, you'll be back at your old games."

"This won't heal on it's own?" I asked nervously. " I have to have surgery?"

"Miss Diaz, if you don't have surgery, you will lose your ability to put pressure on your left leg and you won't be able to walk."

That hit me hard. I would lose the feeling in my leg for good and never walk again. That was not an option. I signed the consent and would be going first thing tomorrow morning. I was scared. The doctor left me to my thoughts.

"You're going to be fine," Paul reassured me.

"He's right," Chris replied. "It's going to be simple and you're going to be back in action with me again."

"Chris, maybe I should hand my title over. I'm not going to be back any time soon, and that's not fair to you."

"Don't talk like that," he told me. "You'll be back."

"I know that. Take it back. Defend it with someone who will be there," I said. "Don't argue with me."

Chris nodded and I knew he hated the decision. I wasn't sure how long I'd be out, but I knew it would be some time. Chris had been patient with me for so long, now it was my turn to give in. I couldn't think of anything else to do. What if I couldn't come back? The possibility, though rare, was there. Something could slip, or it's worse than they think.

"You're going to be fine," Paul said to me.

"I want to be ready in case I'm not," I told him. "If I have to give all of this up, I want to be ready. If I can't play with my son the way I used to, I want to be ready."

"Destiny, everything's going to be fine," Matt told me. "You're going to fly through this. You'll come back to the ring, you're going to be able to play with Matthew. Everything will be fine."

"I don't want to think that and it not be fine. I'd rather be ready."

A few moments later, Adam poked his head into the room. He walked in and closed the door lightly behind him. We all looked at him.

"I'm sorry guys, but, Jay's seriously freaking," he told us. "I think I need to take him back."

"Then he's not going to take this fine," Paul said. He stood up.

"The results came back didn't they?" Adam asked.

"Yes," Paul answered.

"Not good?" he asked.

"Not bad either. Destiny needs surgery."

"What, surgery, why?"

"A disk slipped, it's pressing her sciatic nerve. If they don't go in and remove it, she won't walk again. That numbness will be permanent," Paul told him.

"Good thing they can fix it," Adam replied. "You'll be fine, Des, you're a trooper. It's just unbelievable."

"You're telling me," I said. "Is Jay going to be ok?"

"I just need to take him back," Adam answered. "He'll be fine. How do I tell him this?"

"Tell him she'll be alright," Paul told him. "Because she will." He looked at me when he said that.

"Right, thanks guys. Sorry, Des I can't stay," he said coming to me. He bent down, kissed my head and said good bye to everyone else. "Call me if anything changes."

"You call me if anything changes with Jay," Paul said.

"Adam, wait," I said. "Tell Jay I love him, please."

"Of course."

I was worried. Jay had looked pale the moment I saw him backstage, and his color never returned. His voice when he spoke about how he felt during my match, it was unlike I had ever heard before. I could see the distance in his eyes. I could feel it when he hugged me, when I held him. Something wasn't right.

"I don't know what to make of this night," Matt said. He looked at Jeff and myself. "This go from bad to worse to fine and to bad again."

"When was anything ever fine?" Paul asked him.

"Lets just say certain things have worked themselves out, for the better. All of the bullshit that happened before tonight won't ever happen again," Matt answered.

I saw Stephanie smile. "About damn time," she said. Matthew was rolling around in my bed. "He's never going to sleep." Stephanie put her hand on his head.

"Give him to me ," Matt said, coming over to get him. "I know how to get him to sleep. Rub his feet." Matt smiled and looked down. "My mother did it to me when I was a baby."

Matt cradled Matthew in his arms, like he was a newborn again, and lightly rubbed his feet. Matt's eyes still twinkled every time he looked into the eyes of his son. Matthew had no idea the situation between his mother and father, he didn't know the situation of his parent's careers. Matthew didn't know about this past year, and he never will. My son will never know how insane his mother is, how insane she was. All he will ever know is that he is loved, his family is different and special, his living environment is different and special. He will be a wonderful person because of it. I'll know when the time comes that I have to give it up for him, and I won't hesitate one bit. I won't ask Matt to stop wrestling when Matthew needs to go to school, needs someone to be home with him. I couldn't, Matt would do it to, give it all up, and wouldn't regret it once.

My main goal in life was to give my children the things I never had. I didn't have much growing up, and Matthew had everything. He had more love than he could ever need, though, there is no such thing as too much love. Despite everything that I was feeling, about myself and Jay, all of the worries, I looked around the room and felt completely safe and fine. I saw men and a woman who loved me and my child. I saw people who would give their lives for a child that's not there's, though I've said that Matthew is like everyone's son. I believe that. With our careers, I knew being a mother would be hard. I always had help. I thought about dropping out for good to stay at home with him, but I was convinced by everyone that having Matthew around would be helpful. He made everyone feel good. When the baby was in the room, no matter what was going on, everything seemed better. Matthew may only have one mother and one father, but there have been five other "fathers" for him and one other "mother". Well, four other "fathers" and a "grandfather" , if you want to get technical.

Before we knew it, it was two in the morning. Matthew was asleep in his father's arms. Stephanie had fallen asleep on Paul's shoulder. Chris was playing cards with Jeff, and Paul was looking off out the window. I wanted them to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. I knew they wouldn't. I wanted to hear from Adam, to know how Jay was. The shock of what happened wore off, and everything seemed to be ok. The shock of the matches, the shock of our injuries, it all, it was gone. I was still nervous about this surgery, about Jay.

"Paul," I said. "Do you think Jay's ok?"

"I don't know, hun," he answered. "I know something's not right, I saw it on his face the whole match. I don't know how to explain it really. He looked distant, pale. It was weird. I mean, all of us were on the edge of our seats, twice. It's hard to handle seeing two people you care about get the shit kicked out of them. Jay almost looked like you when you saw Jeff's match, but worse."

"Oh," I said.

"You know what it's like, you watched Jeff. I was scared beyond belief. I couldn't have my baby girl not come out of that match, and you barely made it out. It's just not easy."

"I know," I replied.

"Do you want us to stay here tonight?"

"I'd rather you go home and get some real sleep," I answered.

"You think any of us are going to sleep? Please," Paul said with a smile. His smile faded. "I was scared when you first hurt your back, I'm more scared now."

"You said it yourself, I'll be fine, right?"

"Of course, I know you will be. I'm talking about when it happened. I never heard that scream before in my life, and I never want to again."

"You weren't here when I gave birth," I said.

"I doubt I would have heard that. That, that scream was sheer pain and terror. I felt it go right through my heart. I thought it actually stopped beating for a second."

"It just came out," I said.

"Well, shortly you will have the surgery and everything will be ok," Paul told me.

"Yeah," I said uncertain.

"I know you're scared," Paul said. "But, the outcome out weighs the nerves. I know you don't want the other alternative."

"I don't," I said. "Not at all."

Paul's ring tone made me jump. He had to step outside to answer it. He gently let Stephanie down. Matt, Chris, and Jeff all looked at him when he left. We all knew who it was.

"I wonder how it's going," Jeff said.

Chris gathered the cards together. "Hopefully well," he said.

No one said anything until Paul came back. Paul gently lifted Stephanie back up and put her head on his shoulder. We all looked at him. I couldn't read his face. He looked at all of us and then began to speak.

"Jay's not ok," Paul said. "Adam said the whole way back to the hotel Jay's hands were shaking. When they got to the room, Adam tried to get Jay to open up, but Jay hasn't said anything. He told Adam he wouldn't understand and is locked in the bathroom."
"What's gotten into him?" Matt asked. "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"Well, that's what Adam's trying to find out," Paul said.

"Des, don't you live with Jay?" Matt asked. "That's where you're going after the surgery, right? Maybe on his off days you'll be able to find out what's wrong."

"Yeah, I live with him," I answered. "I don't know, I don't want to pry."

"Maybe tomorrow he'll be alright. Maybe this whole thing is just too much for him," Chris said.

Everyone had decided they were staying in our room for the night. They could have went home. They should have. But there they were, sleeping in chairs. Matthew was in my bed. Jeff and I were the only ones awake.

"Scared?" Jeff asked me.

"Very," I answered. "So much at once, you know?"

"I do. Before the match, the match itself, what happened with the three of us, Jay, it's weird," he said.

"Well, what happened with the three of us was something else."

"Yes, that it was. I'm glad though, I was so sick of everything else," Jeff said. "I tried to be the hurt pissed off one for too long, I hated who I was. When I told you what I told you the other day, I wanted to go out and take it all back. I heard Matt leave, I knew what he was going to do, and, in a way, it bothered me. I don't know why, but it did. He came back and beat me up pretty good, he was always good at that," Jeff laughed. "I deserved it, usually do. It dawned on me then, fully, that I didn't want to be this person anymore. When you yelled at us, yelled at me, I saw how ugly I was on the inside, and I hated it. I want to move on."

"Me too," I said. "I always did. I'm glad all of us are finally on the same page, able to work through this, together. It's impossible to do alone."

Jeff laid back in his bed.

"Going to bed?" I asked.

"No, no of course not," he answered yawning.

"Goodnight, Jeff," I told him.

I didn't sleep much that night, at all. I couldn't really move to much without getting that sharp pain, and my leg felt as if it were asleep. I thought about Jay and what could have made him so worked up. Most of all, I was thinking about my surgery. I hate hospitals, not that I've ever met someone that likes them. Machines beep and something drips, it's impossible to find any sense of clarity there. So I gave up really trying.

The next time I looked at the clock it was five in the morning. A doctor had come in to check me out. He made a comment about everyone in the room and I laughed. My surgery was scheduled for eight that morning, three hours. Pre-op would be starting by at least six, seven the latest. The nerves were setting in once again. This time I had no one to tell.

I watched the clock as the next hour drained by. Chris was the first one awake, at six. He looked around and saw that I was the only one awake. He smiled at me and sat up.

"When's your surgery?" he asked.

"Two hours," I answered.

"Better wake everyone up then. If they don't say good luck and all of that they'll be pissed."

"Then you can be the one to do it," I smiled. "I'm already going in for a surgery, I don't want to have to go in for another one."

"Fine, fine," he said.

One by one Chris woke everyone up, except my baby, who was still asleep in my bed. There wasn't much to be said. Everyone was nervous and a bit worried, but didn't want to show it. More so for me than anything else. I had been checked on by several doctors, and was told I'd be going up for pre-op shortly. My biggest concern was Adam and Jay not being there.

"They'll show," Matt told me. "They will."

"We're going to be right here when you come out," Paul told me. He went to me and held my hand. "When you get out of recovery, you will see us."

"I know," I replied. "I know."

The surgeon came in to begin taking me up. I looked Matthew in his beautiful eyes and held him tight. I began to cry. One by one everyone hugged me and said good luck. And one by one it became harder to let go of everyone. Jeff couldn't come to me, and I couldn't come to him, but he told me anyway.

"You'll be fine," he said. "They'll have you on the good drugs in no time. But, seriously, I'll be sitting here worried about you ever second you're in there, and hoping for you to come back soon. I will pray for you."

I smiled and thanked him. Paul was the last to talk to me.

"He's right, you know, about the drugs," he said with a smile and a laugh. "He's also right about us being worried every moment you're gone and be thankful when you return. He's also right when he said that you're going to be fine."

"Thank you, thank you everyone.," I said.

Just as I was about to be wheeled out, Adam and Jay came in. We all looked at Jay. He had his sunglasses on, so we couldn't see his eyes. But he looked fine, he was dressed fine, his hair was neat. He didn't show any expression, but not many in that room did.

"I guess we're just in time, huh?" Adam asked.

"Yup, I'm going up," I answered. "It's very nice to see you, Jay."

He nodded.

"I'm really glad I made it," Adam told me. He hugged me. "You're going to be just fine, I know it. And when it's all said and done, I'm going to be right here, waiting for you."

"I can't wait," I said.

Jay didn't say a word, and they began to wheel me out the door. Then, Jay grabbed at the handles on my bed and they stopped. I still couldn't see his eyes because of the sunglasses. It looked as if he was looking straight out. He bent down at me and met me face to face. He lifted his sunglasses up and looked me right in the eyes. I saw something in his eyes I only saw once before, when I moved into his house. When certain boundaries in our friendship were tested and pushed. That encounter when hormones took over any rational thought.

"Jay?" I asked softly.

He didn't answer me. He just looked at me. He leaned in more, and before I knew it, he was kissing me. His soft lips met mine, and I was very surprised, but didn't pull away. I took it. It wasn't a tongue down your throat prono kiss, but a soft beautiful kiss. When he pulled away, I was wheeled out of the room before I could say anything. But it stayed with me.

They say it's best to have a clear head when you go in for surgery. Yeah, I'd like to see those people try it. It's impossible, and any shot I had at that was now gone. I couldn't believe it. I never saw it coming. Perhaps I was too preoccupied with this match to notice. I didn't know what to think about it. I didn't know if it was good or bad, or what it was. I knew I liked it. But why? Why did he do that? How long did he feel that? What made him do that? Questions ran through my head as the began to put me under. And, as they asked me to count back from 100, the kiss was the last thing on my mind.