Chapter 32

How It Goes With Christian

Sunday, 10:27 AM.

Two days, sixteen hours, twenty three minutes, and thirteen seconds. That's how long it's been.

Since what?

I think you can guess.

Christian is due back late tonight, but I probably won't see him until Ancient Classics tomorrow. I still have a lot of time to fill. So far, I've spent most of it worrying, especially with this terrible new Jen news. The only good news I can think of is that I might finally have the chance to be the bigger person here: if Christian is in love with Jen I am going to let him tell me.

And that will be my one great sacrifice. After that I will cease to associate with either of them, as it will be just too painful. A girl can only do so much.

Right now I am sitting on the park bench outside of the English building at school. I came over to the library today, figuring I should try to get some studying in. That way when Christian gets back and confirms the likely fact that he's in love with Jen I won't have to feel guilty about spending the rest of my week moping, because I will have accomplished something before hand.

Thinking ahead, baby.

However when I opened my text books to study, I found that my mental distraction had been such during Ancient Classics on Friday that I could not remember a word Dr. McClarty said. Thus, I headed across campus to the English building, as Dr. McClarty is a workaholic and is always here no matter the day or time, to find out what actually did go on in class.

But I didn't make it inside. I got waylaid at the park bench in front of the building. It's been raining nonstop since five o'clock last night, and the duck pond is starting to flood. So I'm sitting here with my back to the path, watching that happen. I don't have an umbrella. I'm getting soaked. But it's somehow calming.

"What are you doing?"

To my credit, I do not jump visibly at the sound of Christian's voice. Although my heart does tumble to somewhere below my stomach. What is he doing here?

"The duck pond is flooding," I say, not moving at all and definitely not looking at him. Right now I'm looking rather like shredded wheat after it's been in a bowl of milk too long. This is a problem. Of course Christian has seen me in worse conditions than this—like once him and West and Taylor dragged me camping. But I was hoping that upon our reunion I would look at the very least presentable.

"Uh-huh," Christian says skeptically. He sits down on the bench beside me. The rain is slowing to a drizzle. I can't look at Christian's face right now, but I sneak a glance at his arm. He's wearing the backpacking jacket.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, finally bringing my eyes to his face.

"I just got back. I stopped by your house but you weren't there so I came over to see what I missed in Ancient Classics. But seeing as I found you first, you can fill me in, huh?"

My answer is a shrug. What I actually meant by that question was what is he doing back early. I'm wondering whether to rephrase and try again when Christian asks, "Are you okay, Becka?" He sounds generally concerned that I might not be. I don't know why he would have any reason to think I'm not okay. But then, I am staring at a slowly-flooding duck pond.

"No," I say jokingly, keeping my tone light and playful. "I'm too hungry to be okay. Let's go eat something."

Ice cream. The solution to all of my problems.

After a bit of dialogue we decide to take my car, which is parked by the library on the other side of campus. We fall into step with each other and also into silence. I'm inwardly panicking. Christian breaks the quiet first.

"Becka," he says, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

Okay, I know I said that I would let him tell me, but now that we're a sentence away from Jen I just can't do it. I'm sorry, I can't.

"Oh, oh, me first," I rush in, again with the plastic cheerfulness. "I have the weirdest news."

Christian studies me sideways while I keep my eyes plastered on the ground in front of me. "Good weird or bad weird?" he asks.

"I dunno," I shrug, looking back up at him. "Weird weird. Good weird I guess. I think I get to be a bridesmaid."

"If you mean Chase and Sophie, I already know," Christian breaks in quietly.

What? How does he know? My surprise is obviously apparent on my face, because Christian hurries to explain.

"West called me last night."

Dammit, West, for stealing my thunder on that one. That was my best stalling maneuver and now it's been trumped. I say, "I bet you weren't surprised." There's a slight edge to my voice. Okay, so I'm still a little bitter. Just that I didn't figure it out.

Christian shrugs, looking almost embarrassed. "Not really," he admits sheepishly. I think he feels bad for me. My suspicions are confirmed as he slings his arm around my shoulder in sort of a side-hug (Gaah! Physical contact!) and says, "You're going to be alright, Becka Hanson."

I stop in my tracks. Christian walks a few steps and turns around to look at me when he realizes I am no longer moving.

"I am alright," I say, very seriously. It's time to set the record straight.

Christian looks at me like he's trying to figure out just what I'm saying here. He opens his mouth to say something then closes it and continues studying me. "How alright?" he finally asks.

"Wanna hear a secret?" I ask, remembering how I almost told him the day after Thanksgiving. "I haven't actually liked Chase in a wanting-to-date-him sort of way for a long time. And I also knew he wasn't going date me, even though he pretended like he was considering it. So yeah. I'm very okay. A little pissed off and humiliated maybe, but not broken-hearted or anything."

Christian stares at me dumfounded. Then one of those little light bulbs appears above his head as he also remembers our after-Thanksgiving conversation. "You were going to tell me," he says dumbly.

I nod, now feeling a little sheepish myself. "But I probably should have told you a lot sooner."

His eyebrows go up. "How long have you not liked him?"

I think about it and answer, "Since he went to New Hampshire."

"Wow. Okay," Christian stammers, falling onto the half wall we've been standing beside. I'm getting a really weird reaction from him here, and it's starting to worry me.

"Christian?" I ask unsurely, sitting down beside him.

"Yeah. I'm just… refiguring everything," he says.

And what is that supposed to mean? I let him refigure while I sit beside him trying to figure things out myself. Finally Christian begins again with, "Chase is a jackass."

I have to chuckle at that, glad for a little comic relief in this emotionally intense conversation. "All that refiguring and that's what you came up with? I mean, we already knew that."

Christian blows past that comment and continues along his original train of thought. "He got exactly what he wanted at no expense to himself but with a lot of expense to everyone else." He pauses. Then he shrugs and adds, while staring at his hands, "But he did get what he wanted."

"You sound a little jealous there," I tease.

"I am a little jealous," Christian says seriously, looking straight at me again.

Shit. Now I've unintentionally brought us back around to Jen. Oh crap. I can't come up with any more good stalling mechanisms. I must brace myself for the horror about to come. I find I can't look at Christian anymore. I stare at me feet.

"You won't ask me why I'm jealous." I can feel him still looking at me.

Damn right I won't ask him. I find that I am just not cut out to be the bigger person. I don't want to hear that he's in love with Jen.

Seeing that I have no intention of responding to that, Christian says quietly, "Smart girl." I think that's the end of it there, and I'm just about to let out a good sigh of relief when he starts up again.

"But I think I'm going to have to tell you anyway. Even though the minute I do I'll probably wish I hadn't but—"

"Then don't say it!" I break in. The words come out a little more passionately then I expected them too. "Don't say anything if we're both going to wish you hadn't."

Christian blinks. He blinks again. Then he stutters, "Right. Yes. Thank you." Then he stands up and starts walking again, but in the other direction. Back towards the English building where his car is parked.

Oh God. That was not good.

I know I have to go after him. I know I have to let him tell me about Jen. Just give me second to muster my strength.

Alright. I'm going now.

"Christian!" I huff as I jog after me. He turns around, his hands in his pockets, and watches me approach. He looks so glum right now it kind of makes me want to cry.

"I'm sorry," I say, slowing to a walk as I've pretty much caught up now. "Sorry, that was rude. You're my best friend, and whatever you want to say to me I'll listen to. As a friend."

He laughs a little ironically. "As a friend, Becka," he sighs, shaking his head and smiling sadly.

Oh God. Things are a lot worse than I thought.

"You have to be my friend, Christian," I begin, starting to panic. "I know I do stupid things, but trust me I'm a lot stupider when you aren't around and—"

"That's not what I mean, Becka," Christian interrupts.

"Then what did you mean?" I moan.

I can tell by his look Christian isn't sure whether to be frustrated or amused by my denseness. He runs his fingers through his hair and then begins on a new track to try to explain things to me. "Why do you think I never liked Everhart?" he asks.

Really don't know where you're going with this one, love.

"Because he's immature and self-absorbed?" I guess.

"Well yeah. I mean, but no."

Ah, very articulate.

"I mean like before he even got here I didn't like him. Why do you think that was?"

I really always wondered that myself. It was rather un-Christian-like. Since I obviously don't have an answer for that, Christian proceeds to tell me exactly why he never liked Chase.

"It's because I always knew he was supposed to be with you."

Holy shit. Is Christian saying what I think he's saying? I keep my mouth shut in fear saying something stupid and ruining this. Christian continues.

"You think we can just be friends like this forever. And don't get me wrong, it's not that it's not great or anything and if that's it for us then I'll take what I can get. But I just can't stop hoping that we can be more than that. More than friends."

He stops talking and looks at me earnestly, waiting for some kind of responds. I'm kind of in a state of shock here. Happy shock, though. Very happy shock.

"Becka, please says something," Christian begs.

Honestly, I really can't say anything. Trust me, I try. I'm too surprised. And happy. Ecstatic. All other words meaning the same thing.

Christian loves me.

The poor boy still thinks I don't reciprocate. "You're repulsed, aren't you?" he says miserably.

Still can't say anything. But I do what I can. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. Full on the mouth. It takes him a second to respond, but trust me, he does. Mmm, yes. He responds.

When we break off he shakes his head, laughing. And he says, "I'm going to take that as a no."

- - - - - - - - -

Christian and I are on the couch watching television, I'm all wrapped up in his arms, when Jeremy gets home. He stares at us for a second. Then he says dully, "I should probably be surprised but somehow I'm not."

I think that's how we're all feeling right now.

A/N: Wow. After thirty one chapter of romantic uncertainty Christian and Becka are FINALLY together, and I'm expecting some pretty excited reviews. Anyone who's been holding out on me, this is your chance. Review now!

There will be one more chapter, just so y'all know. Just to finish things off nicely.

Donna: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I really didn't mean for it to take that long, but the summer mental lethargy has set in and I'm doing everything slower these days.

Radiant: Huh. I didn't even know that was in The Emperor's New Groove. I haven't seen that movie for like five years. But maybe that line was somewhere in the back of my subconscious when I was writing. Gaah! Now I've plagiarized! Oh well. It was unintentional. Fortunately, you don't have to like this chapter against your will, because there was definitely plenty of Christian in there.

Huntress of the Stars: I'm really not creative enough to keep it going. Thirty two chapters was a long way for me. Seriously, usually I don't finish things.

schokolade: Yay! Thank you. Glad you like it. It's been fun.

Sage32: Oh, you rock. I'm a real music person (it's like my biggest thing other than writing) so I like to randomly interject band/artist names into my stories when at all possible. Lol. I love it when ppl like my same music. Hurray!

justcallmebubba: Yay, he's back!

bow2thehippogriff: One more chapter. Kind of sad… sniff.

Jill: Time for my awards ceremony. Best reviews ever is going to have to go to you, hands down.

And to the rest of you: Rosa Cotton, Satan's Advocate, trixareforkids, annie, ohshocking, BeyondtheSea, WhiteCamellia, CharlyB, and fell4adeadguy: much love and much thanks.

Since I'm not going to get many more chance to say this, I just want to let you guys know how much I appreciate your reviews. Ever last on of 'em. They really make my day. Seriously, you guys are the best. I'm glad everyone's enjoyed this story so much. It's been fun.