Shimmering Darkness

By: starblaze

A/n: a Sirius fic. Plays around with a concept that's been running through my head. Helps me explain to myself, and maybe you the reader, why Sirius hated (well not including during school, afterwards) Regulus. I dunno, I wasn't going to do this fic, the girl has some grey shade to her. R/R and let me know if you like her or not!

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize from the Harry Potter Books belongs to J.K. Rowling. Everything you do not recognize, including my character Polaris.

Summary: Sirius had the girl of his dreams: beautiful, smart, and extremely ambitious. Two years later, he can't believe she's gone. Lost to the two people he hates most: Regulus and Voldemort.

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Lazing around Diagon Alley two weeks before all the little kids went back to Hogwarts was the last thing I would've liked to do. I had taken a seat at Florean Fortestcue's Ice Cream Parlor and was in the process of devouring a peanut butter fudge ice cream and polishing off one of my favorite books, Along Came a Spider when I spotted him.

What can I say? I have a knack for being attracted to insanely good-looking men. It's a curse in disguise I tell you. There he was, his absolutely sparkling brown hair, which was straight and extremely elegant looking. It fell into his ice-cold blue, and they must've been really blue because I could see them from here, eyes. His mouth was anything but short of exquisite, and was currently in a smirk. He looked confident, not over twenty years of age. The exact type of man I always find myself drawn to, and get hurt by. His eyes, as gorgeous as they were, were a trap that many girls had fallen into. The fact that he appeared to not have a single care in the world was actually just a tactic for him to get girls. I knew everything about him and I hadn't even met him. He was still a good fifteen feet away.

He broke away from his conversation with a man whose back was to me and looked around casually. Ah, there it was: the pretend-to-be-looking-at-everything-around you-but-really-just-look-for-women look. His eyes wandered over to me and his smirk got bigger. I made a face to myself.

Smirk-y guys are never good. I tried to remind myself. Oh crap, now he was coming over to where I sat. This is NOT good.

"Can I sit here?" his voice, a lovely, rich, and smooth voice. I felt my head go lightheaded.

No, no, no! You are not supposed to be doing this! I was shouting at myself. But all that came out of my mouth was, "Umm, sure."

"Hi," he began. Ooh, his voice was deeper and richer than before. More confident. He knew he was getting somewhere.

"Hello, May I help you with something?" I asked, while screaming to myself: Oh Lord, I sounded like a receptionist! Stupid brain! TURN ON! TURN ON!

He looked a bit surprised. "I know you, don't I?" He had cocked his head to a side. Absolutely Adorable.

"Umm, I don't think so." I said shaking my head.

"Yes I do. We went to Hogwarts together didn't we?" He asked, a look of apprehension on his face.

"Excuse me?" I asked. "I already graduated. Last year actually."

He looked downcast for a minute. Then he flashed me an actual smile. I felt myself gasp. It was such a beautiful smile.

"I remember you! You were that really pretty girl in the year below us!"

Now it was my turn, and the memories were not that hard to figure out. "You're Sirius Black, aren't you?"

He grinned. Almost cocky, but his voice still stayed polite. "Yes, I am. And you, you are…ummm, Polaris. Right?"

I was stunned. He remembered my name. Impressive Mr. Black.

"Nice to see you again," I said smiling.

"You too," he replied, looking a bit disgruntled that I wasn't at his feet yet, beginning for his love.

"Say, what are you reading?" he asked, his mood switching, fast as lightening, into a happy and comfortable one.

I held the book up for him to read.

"Isn't this the one with the serial killer and kidnapper who kidnaps those two really rich kids and then at the end you realize that the Secret Service Agents had taken the kid away from the kidnapper and had asked for the ransom?" He asked.

No words of utter shock could come out of my mouth. Sirius Black had read a book? Sirius Black, the pureblood and was famous for never stepping foot in a library, had read this muggle book?

My shock must have come off a little differently to him as he turned a slight shade of red and muttered, "Oh so sorry, I thought you'd already read the book. My mistake."

I shook my head, "No, no. I have already read the book. Its one of my favorites actually."

He looked greatly relieved. "Oh okay then. I know how frustrating it can be when someone ruins an amazing book's ending for you. Wait, you actually liked that miserable book?"

I laughed, "Firstly I wasn't aware Sirius Black read books, and secondly, yes I do like it."

"Why though? Its so, well, evil. You know, when I read it I was immediately reminded of Voldemort-" he stopped as I flinched, "-because even though they aren't exactly alike, Voldemort-" another flinch, "likes to kill hundreds of people too, and lives with the thought that he is the smartest man alive, well if you call what he does living, and will never be caught."

Whatever I had held as a stereotype for him vanished as I stared with deep awe at Sirius.

He shrugged, "Okay, now that I've weirded you out with how my mind works in strange ways, would you like to go with me for coffee?"

I gaped; Sirius Black was asking me out? "Umm, Sure?" I offered.

That's how it had all started. I had the world in my hand after that. I was dating Sirius Black, and I had just landed an amazing job at Witch Weekly-a marketing and sales executive position-my ideal job. I was on cloud nine. Not only that, but my cloud was made out of silver and gold. I was flying.

And then;

And then I met him. He showed me what I could not see before. And my life suddenly turned. Just like that.

8:15 A.M. –London

Sirius Black was awoken by a most horrifying nightmare. Drops of sweat had formed on his forehead. What had actually awoken him wasn't the dream itself rather than a sound. The sound was still reverberating in his head, or was it his ears? He couldn't tell. It was a sound he'd been hearing for the past six months. A scream. A very familiar scream.

It's her. He thought to himself. She's in pain.

Sirius got out of his bed and stretched. He made his way to the bathroom and turned the faucet on. He splashed the cold water onto his face and tried to clear his thoughts.

If she's screaming, she probably deserved it. The thoughts were angry, harsh and held bitter resentment. I hope she screams that way until he just kills her. I hope she feels that pain forever.

He grabbed a towel and wiped his face. He remembered their first meeting. A sarcastic smile appeared on his face.

Ah, Polaris. You left me and put me through that misery, now what you're going through is what you deserve.

He could remember Dumbledore's exact words when he had explained why Sirius had these dreams where he could feel others' pain. He had said, "When people who we love dearly leave us, or we leave them, its not as if they are truly gone. They are there, within our own souls, where we can sense them, and they can sense us."

But why did she have to do this? Why me? I loved her…I love her.

Sirius sat back down on his bed and looked at the cherry oak nightstand next to his matching cherry oak bed. A small, silver picture frame, which had been carelessly pushed to the back of the table, seemed to take on an eerie glow. Sirius picked it up. His blue eyes searched the picture, as they had many times before, looking for a sign, or maybe a clue he had missed while looking at it earlier, to see if he could find any possible hint that she hadn't been happy, or if something was troubling her. The tall blonde, whose eyes were hidden behind a pair of designer sunglasses, had her arms around a man. That man, Sirius could barely recognize anymore as himself. They had been so happy when this picture was taken. Or had they been? Sirius always blamed the sunglasses. They had been hiding her true pain, he had pleaded many times to his friends. Even now, he knew that she had been too good an actress for anyone to tell, including himself.

Polaris, why?

He suddenly felt the anger rising up. It boiled in his stomach and gurgled in his throat. It steamed through his chest and ears, and finally erupted as he took the picture from his hands and hurled it across the room. He heard the satisfactory smashing of metal and glass as the picture frame exploded against the wall.

Why?

He got up and got dressed. He had to be at work before nine. He slowly put on his black dress pants and red silk shirt. He grabbed his matching black jacket and black and red tie. He hobbled into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, extra strong as usual. He grabbed his bag and stuffed his wand into his jacket packet. As he turned to reach for the door, he heard a loud ringing.

He stopped. He didn't have time to pick it up. If he did and it was some nitwit girl asking him out for tonight he'd probably murder someone. He smirked at the thought of whom he'd murder too.

That no-good, lousy, traitor of a- but he stopped short when he heard the voice on the answering machine.

"Sirius? Its me mate. I'm here with James and Lily," the voice of Remus Lupin rang out. "You…you better get over here quick mate. You have to see this…"

Sirius stopped listening, he didn't care about it anymore. Great deal they had done for him. They hadn't even been able to tell him where Polaris had gone.

"Sirius I know you're mad at us," Remus begged, "But you have to see this. Its-it's a threat for you…and it involves her."

Sirius, now facing the door with his back to the answering machine, stopped with his hand holding the keys to his apartment.

"Please, mate," It was James who was talking now, "Listen to this message, it's really important that you be a part of this. Regulus and Polaris…Look, just meet us at the headquarters at a quarter past nine, ok?"

BEEP. The message was over. But somehow the words still hung in the air. "Regulus and Polaris…" Sirius fingered the keys lightly.

"…you be a part of this…" Sirius repeated. He let out a snort. He was going to murder that guy. Sirius was going to do whatever it took, but he was going to be the one to murder him. If had so much as touched a hair of Polaris's head, Sirius was going to kill him. And Sirius suddenly was taken aback, as he realized, he Sirius Black, was going to be the one responsible for killing his own brother.