In that first time, I ran from it. The fear of the truth is an overwhelming thing. It holds pain. Don't you want to see the future? Choking on a past that doesn't exist. The blood is still running. What is left for me? Maybe it was too much to ask of myself. It seems like I'm living in a dream. And I wonder if I'll wake up.

Will you stay even if I leave? Will you stand if I fall?

Maybe the truth wasn't meant to be known. I'm taking away everything I knew, like sand falling through my fingers, and crushing it, hating it, loving it. Did you see what I did?

Don't look at me!

Don't open your eyes. It's better if you keep them closed. This is a sick reality I exist in. You shouldn't see it. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. It's not real. Don't try to save me. Give up. Walk away. Turn back. I will kill you.

And the World Falls Apart

By: Blade-kun

First Time: Bloody Pieces

Broken Mirror

How strange. That was the first thing Heero thought when he woke up again. How strange. What was strange? He glanced around. The room was empty. The room was empty. That wasn't too strange. The room was quiet. That wasn't strange either.

He didn't like it. That's what was strange.

But why? Why did it matter? His instincts told him that something important had happened after he fell asleep. What was it?

He stared at the door long and hard. It was calling. Heero could feel it. He needed to go. He needed to leave.

Then the door happened. Surprised eyes met his.

"Heero…you're awake."

"I want to leave."

Trowa frowned ever so slightly. "Leave? What do you mean?"

"I want to leave here. Help me get out."

"Heero…I don't think I can do that. There's too much to be taken into consideration. Quatre--"

"Fuck Quatre. I want out now."

If Trowa took offense to that, he didn't show it.

"Listen, Heero. I can't just let you leave. We're all tired, Heero. We're all at our end with you. We don't know what to do. We just can't take it anymore."

"Then let me leave. Let me disappear like before. If I'm gone, you won't have to worry about it anymore."

Trowa frowned. "That's not the way it works, Heero. If anything, it just makes it worse. When you were gone, we only grew more confused."

"But without me there, you were more able to forget."

Trowa looked surprised.

"Admit it. It's past time." Heero stood and walked to the window. "You can't stand to be near me. When you look at me, it raises questions. Questions you don't know if you want the answers to. None of you can stand it when I'm near because you don't understand. You're afraid. And that is why I won't stay."

"Because of us?"

A nod. "Because of you."

Trowa looked pained. "Heero…we don't mean to drive you away…it's not like that…"

"You misunderstand me, Trowa. When I said I was leaving because of you, I meant I was leaving for you."

Now Trowa looked utterly confused. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. That's why I'm explaining. I'm leaving so you guys won't have to suffer on my behalf."

"Heero, that's ridiculous. Didn't you hear what I said? It was because you left that we were hurt."

"No," Heero shook his head, pulling on a black turtleneck from the rack, "You were just confused. You didn't suffer. If I stay, though, you will. And I'm not willing to do that. I don't want that on my hands."

"Heero, you can't--"

Suddenly there was a gun pointing at his face.

"Can't what?"

Trowa honestly wished he knew where in the world Heero had gotten that gun.

"You underestimate my resources," Heero answered, as though reading his mind. He was now dressed in a pair of black jeans and the turtleneck with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"Heero, please. You're not well," Trowa pleaded, desperate to change his mind.

Heero shrugged. "I'm the perfect soldier, remember?"

Trowa's eyes widened. He began calculating ways to stop Heero, noting the door and the equipment.

"Stop it," Heero said, almost bored sounding, "You won't be able to get around me. If I really have to, I'll shoot both your legs out to make things easier, but seeing as I'm trying to spare you from harm, I'd really rather not. If you move and let me leave quiet, you might be able to contract the others in time. Not that it will matter, but it's your best plan of action."

For one of the few, rare times in his life, Trowa was truly frustrated. He knew Heero would shoot him if he tried something, and right now he really needed his legs. But if he let Heero leave the room, there really might be no way to stop him. He'd have to take a serious gamble.

Sighing, or perhaps growling, in defeat, he stepped aside from the door, and Heero brusquely left through it. Trowa was overwhelmed by a sense of complete and utter defeat that froze him in place for the few precious seconds he was sure Heero would need before pressing the com. It took a few seconds to be answered.

Just because there was little chance didn't mean they couldn't try.

"Yes?"

"Get me Quatre."

Quatre was on barely a moment later.

"Trowa? I can sense your distress, what's wrong?"

"Heero's leaving."

"What!" It wasn't just Quatre he heard.

"What do you mean leaving!" Wufei's voice.

"He's trying to leave the building."

"Why didn't you stop him!" Duo this time.

"I couldn't."

"You couldn't stop a wounded, unarmed patient!"

"He wasn't unarmed, and being hurt's never stopped him before."

"Trowa!" Quatre's frantic voice.

"He's leaving, you guys," Trowa frowned, "Stop him."

They didn't need to reply.

Heero heard the alarms. He knew they were coming. But they wouldn't stop him. He wouldn't let them.

Glancing around the corner, he spotted one of the guards running by and whistled. The guard turned in his direction.

"You!" he said.

Before he could blink Heero's fist was embedded in his stomach. He fell to the floor. Heero dragged him back around the corner and glanced over him, taking his gun straps and buckling them unto himself. As an afterthought he undid the man's watch and took that as well. He checked the ammo of both guns before checking the watch and looking up. An exasperated sigh passed over his lips.

'Bad move, Quatre. Sticking me in a hospital I know.'

He snapped his arm out and fired a single bullet into a nearby power box. It ripped through and plunged the floor into darkness.

Quatre looked up as the lights went out and let out a shout of frustration.

"What's wrong, Q?" Duo asked.

"I'm such an idiot!" the blonde cried, "I just…I never thought he…!"

"What are you babbling about!" Wufei snapped, "Just say it!"

"Heero's been in this hospital before! He probably knows the layout like the back of his hand! But I never thought he'd try to run! There's no way we'll stop him in time!"

"It doesn't matter!" Duo argued, "We still have to try!"

"Split up!" Wufei said, "We'll be useless to stop Yuy if he stay together!"

They nodded and rushed into different directions. Duo started to go in one, but abruptly stopped. A look of realization passed over his features before he dashed off in a different one.

'You may know the layout, Heero, but you forgot one thing!' He gritted his teeth and sped up, 'You forgot I know you!'

Heero looked out. He was still several stories up, but he was exactly where he wanted to be. The garage roof was just outside this window. It was a three-story drop. Easy.

He fired a few bullets into the glasses before smashing through it, shielding his face from the splintered glass and landed in a crouch on the roof below. Standing, he dusted himself off and glanced over the side. There was a car not far from the building. It was about a four-story drop this time.

Perfect.

"Heero!"

Heero turned slowly and felt a sense of déjà vu at the sight of Duo, gun trained on him.

"Don't do it!" Duo growled, eyes narrowed, "I swear to God I'll fire a bullet into both your legs if you try!"

Heero almost smirked. He'd made the same threat to Trowa.

"I told you, you don't believe in God."

"Shut up!" Duo shouted, "I won't let you leave!"

"There, Duo, you don't have a choice."

And he toppled over the side.

The gun fired.

Heero twisted his body and landed on the ground so hard the impact created a small crater. He then stood and jumped into the car.

Duo ran to the edge. He watched Heero get in. He fired. He missed. Heero drove away. He lowered the gun, arms falling limply to his sides. He watched him drive away. He watched him get away. Again.

Trembling rage.

"HEEROOOO!"

"Any sign of him!"

"Nothing!"

Quatre bit his lip. Were they too late?

"Winner!"

He turned to see Wufei and Trowa come up to him.

"Did you find him?" he asked frantically.

They shook their heads. "Nothing. He must've tried another route."

"Then that just leaves--"

"GOD DAMMIT!"

They all started.

"--Duo?"

When they reached the braided boy, they were shocked at the sight. Duo was throwing himself at the walls in a animal rage, beating and pounding with his fists, and violently lashing out at anyone who got to close.

"Step back!" Trowa called to the guards trying to calm the hysterical pilot.

Quatre stepped forward. "Duo--"

"He's gone, dammit! He got away AGAIN!" Duo slammed into the wall, "SON OF A BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING---ARRGGGHH!"

Duo let out a roar of anger as he battered the walls, cracks snaking out all over the abused area. Another guard foolishly came forward, and Duo whipped around and bashed him in the face, all the while swearing and cursing the ex-Wing Zero pilot.

Wufei had had enough.

In a flash he grabbed Duo from behind, struggling to hold him in place.

"LET ME GO, WUFEI!" Duo snarled. "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM! THAT FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Maxwell, shut up and calm down!" Wufei snarled back, "Yuy's gone, damn you! Inflicting massive property damage won't change that! You're acting like even more of a fool than he is! Calm DOWN, damn you!"

Duo continued to thrash wildly. Trowa came forward and grabbed him as well.

"Duo, please!" Quatre begged, "We can still find Heero! But not if you continue to act like this! Don't fight us, Duo! We're not your enemies!" He looked down and then back up, eyes full of sorrow, "Heero's not your enemy!"

Duo froze and his mad struggling ceased.

"Heero's not your enemy!"

And then he fell limp in the arms of his friends, head bowed. Wufei and Trowa looked down at him, eyes a mix of confusion and concern.

"Yes, he is," Duo said softly, "He's a traitor."

"Sir!"

Quatre turned.

"It's been confirmed! Heero Yuy has escaped in one of the medical vehicles!"

Quatre bowed his head. "Heero…"

Duo clenched his teeth, eyes obscured.

'Traitor.'

Heero panted slightly. He was exhausted from the effort and now a safe distance from the hospital. The car swerved to the side and he stopped it, opening the door and stumbling out. Blood dripped from his arm.

Duo's bullet may have missed, but his old injuries were returning with a vengeance. What a bitch.

Heero held his shoulder, hissing, as he began to walk away from the car.

'Is running away all I ever do?'

He moaned, faces flashing in his mind. Duo's burned through to the front, and Heero now studied the strange look it had. Betrayal, pain, sorrow, frustration, anger, and weariness. There was something else there though. Something Heero didn't recognize. Resignation?

He snorted. Duo knew it was hopeless. And he tried anyway.

"Just as I said…chasing a fucking dream."

And a cold rain began to fall.

It was cold. Why is it so cold?

'This is my life…'

Quiet footsteps in the empty silence. A breath that is swallowed.

'This is everything I've ever been and done.'

The face turns. Looking away because it can't stand to see.

'I continue to run away.'

The truth is too much. And the choice is too terrible. Tightening.

'I have no choice but to run away.'

A squeeze around the heart like a hand. It feels as though it will burst.

'I can't stay. I can't live in that world anymore.'

There is only pain. Nothing else exists.

'When the war ended, I thought I'd finally be able to.'

Blood falls. A cold touch on the cheek. A lingering memory.

'But then…that dirty little secret…I have nothing now.'

Trembling. Falling. Who is there to catch him?

'I am empty.'

And suddenly it's so clear. There is no one. There is nothing to save.

'I have finally become what J always wanted.'

And he can't breathe anymore.

'A machine.'

END PART THREE

And there's chapter 3. Things are slowly clearing up. Don't worry. It will all make sense at the end.

PREVIEW: The Reflection in my Soul isn't Me

It's blank. It isn't there anymore. I don't recognize the face. It isn't me. I want to scream. Please, wake me from this nightmare. It's not the same anymore. It's all so false. I am fake. I can't live anymore. But then…I don't know if I was ever really alive to begin with. Because the picture isn't real. And you can't see anymore.