Part Two

"To tell you the truth I was thinking the same thing."

John's mouth suddenly went dry. "You were?" He managed to croak out, unsure if this way a dream come true or a nightmare.

"Yes." Natalie replied with a reassuring smile. "I get it, John. It's our destiny."

"Destiny?" Panic, full-fledged panic had started to settle around John. Suddenly the room felt too small, and was it hot? John was sure it had suddenly gotten rather warm.

"Yep. It's our punishment for being born first. I get the same way. I look at Matthew and I can't help but remember when Rex was small." Natalie shrugged. "Well before Aunt Corrine came and took him away. I'm the sure it's the same for you. You think of Michael when he was little."

John let out a nervous laugh, trying to release the ball of tension that had settled in his gut. Count on Natalie to see him as a hero, as the caring, nostalgic older brother. If only that were the case. "Yeah. I liked Mickey a lot more when he was younger, ya know before he learned to talk."

"Somehow I think I would have liked him best before he could talk too."

And there it was, they were back to them. John fidgeted slightly under her gaze, all the while wanting to wring his little brother's neck. If he had stayed out of it, if Michael had just kept his trap shut- but no, John knew that was a lie. Maybe it wouldn't have been quite so awkward but it still would have been there, hanging in the air between them, this unnamed thing, this connection, this knowledge that Natalie loved him and that he cared about her. Cared more than he liked to admit.

Natalie, as if sensing the shift in mood, spoke up. Keeping it light, keeping the surface smooth, not able to go there again, wiping away the friction with simple topics. "When Rex was little, ya know, Roxy was never home, so I used to tuck him into bed. And he always used to beg me to let him stay up later or not to brush his teeth or whatever. And you know how persuasive Rex can be..."

John found himself truly grateful to Natalie and played along, smoothing out the ripples. "I can imagine."

"So you can imagine how I would always cave. And then one day I found this little doll left at the playground. She was like one of those mom dolls from a dollhouse. So I brought her home and I told Rex she was the boss, and whatever Mrs. Beasley said was the rule."

"Mrs. Beasley?" John asked with a smile, trying not to think too hard about Natalie growing up. Trying not to wonder if he had ever passed a little red head girl with too many problems and not enough love.

"Hey, don't laugh. It worked. Rex actually started to listen. Kinda wished he still would."

John didn't want to talk about Rex. Rex would only lead to the investigation, and the investigation would only lead to questions, and then he would have to explain yet again why he couldn't tell her what was going on. "So tell me whatever happened to this Mrs. Beasley?"

"I gave it to Rex the day my Aunt Corrine came and took him away." Natalie replied with a shrug. "I didn't want him to be alone."

A little red head, maybe on the pier, maybe outside a casino, sitting alone- the image refused to release its hold on John's mind. How come no one noticed her? How come no one saved her? She had just fallen through the cracks and no one even saw. He didn't want to think what would have become of her if she hadn't found her real family. She could be another one of those cases he had cut his teeth on as a rookie. Another girl marred with bruises brought in for possession or worse, always clinging to some abusive boyfriend, wanting so desperately to be loved.

"Penny." Natalie's voice pulled John from his contemplation.

"What?" He wrinkled his brow.

"For your thoughts. You looked kinda intense over there, I mean, more than usual."

"Just thinking, that's all."

"Uh-oh?" Natalie questioned.

"Nah." John shook his head. "I was just thinking that must have been hard for you." Seeing the color rose on Natalie's cheeks he quickly added. "Giving away Mrs. Beasley." John knew Natalie didn't like to talk about her childhood, didn't like to be pitied or fussed over. Even if she deserved it, even if she would have been praised. It wasn't worth the cost of admission, recounting memories best left undisturbed.

Natalie shrugged. "Not a big deal really. I mean poor Rex was being taken away from his home, from everything he knew." She didn't mention how she had cried to go along, how she had begged and pleaded and prayed every night for almost a year. "It's just what you do when you take care of someone is all. Put there needs first."

And John wondered if she meant that. If she could understand how he was putting her needs first. Better to break her heart now than later, better to have her crying than dead because of him. Because loving him, it killed people. And he wouldn't let it happen, not to her- not to his Natalie. But he didn't say any of that, he just gestured to Matthew with a small smile. "And they act as a pillow?"

Natalie sighed, looking down at her sleeping cousin in her lap, not too long ago it had been Rex, not too long ago she and Cristian had been planning on a family of their own. "I was gonna move him once he fell asleep, but he's a lot heavier than he looks."

"Here let me." John offered, standing.

"No, really, it's okay. I'm fine here."

"Natalie." John said her name slowly, making sure he had her full attention as sapphire locked on to sapphire. "Let me help." He insisted.

Natalie bit her tongue, wanting to offer more resistance but knowing it was futile. Didn't John know it was better not to let others help? To stand on your own feet? If you never relied on anyone, then they never let you down.

John took Natalie's silence as acceptance and he quickly crossed the distance between them, bending to scoop Matthew into his strong arms. His hands brushing against Natalie's thing as he did so, causing her to hold her breath. His face so very close to her that he could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo. His breath hitched as he looked down at Matthew, trying to avert his eyes from Natalie's cleavage. Finally John lifted to boy from Natalie's lap and stood up.

Natalie stood, smoothing down her skirt as she did so. "Nora brought over a bag of his stuff. If you can carry him upstairs, I'll change him."

"Don't worry about it. I'll do it." John volunteered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just point me to the right room. That way you can go get some sleep."

Natalie led John to the foyer. "Actually I'm not tired anymore. Must have gotten my second wind or something."

"Must be nice." John commented dryly.

"Tired?" Natalie asked, concern evident as John followed her up the sitars and stood in the hallway, a sleeping Matthew in his arms.

"Haven't gotten much sleep lately." John admitted. He was relieved when Natalie didn't ask why. He didn't really want to lie to her but telling her how he kept having nightmare about her dying would have been far worse.

"In here." Natalie opened a door and quickly moved the duffel bag off of the dark green bedspread so John could lie Matthew down. John set the slumbering boy down gently. "You sure you don't want me to do it?" Natalie asked again, holding onto the duffel bag.

"What?" John asked with a tease in his voice. "Don't think I can handle it? I mean you're not the only one with a little brother."

"And look how well Michael turned out." Natalie replied with playful sarcasm.

"And Rex is citizen of the year?"

"Well I'm not the one spending all my time with him lately. I would think with all the time you two have clocked together working on this Cramer case that you would be swapping friendship bracelets by now."

"Don't even go there, Natalie." John warned. The case was off limits.

Natalie raised her chin in challenge but John's pointed look made her groan and roll her eyes. "Fine. I'll drop it." She caved. "For now."

"Was that so hard?" John teased.

Natalie muttered, "Yes." Before sighing heavily and passing the duffel bag to John, trying not to react to the tiny sparks of electricity that sparked as her hand grazed his. "Hey, I have this really good idea."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Natalie smacked John impishly. "Like I was saying- I have this great idea. After you put Matthew to bed you can come down stairs and I'll make you a snack."

John shook his head. "Natalie, you really don't have to do that."

"I know. I want to. Besides maybe it will wake you up. I would hate to have to tell everyone at work that you fell asleep at your post."

John couldn't help but return Natalie's smile. Quickly, too quickly in John's opinion, Natalie had won the hearts of most of the LPD. She had an enthusiastic smile, could make a killer pot of coffee, never forgot the names of each officer's kids, and remembered to bring pastries every Monday morning. And as John overheard once too often in the break room, she was hot- like he needed a reminder. "Okay. But only if you promise to go to sleep afterwards."

Natalie grinned triumphantly, lingering in the doorway as John sat on the bed and pulled off Matthew's shoes. "Gonna just stand there and watch?" John asked, feeling her eyes bore into him. That was the problem, Evangeline was numbing, cooling and Natalie was a fire that consumed.

"Sorry." Natalie replied sheepishly. "It's just your good at that." She didn't admit that for a brief second she was pretending that it was their child, that they were a family. Dreams she had promised to let go but never quite could. Fantasies that were just out of reach.

"Good at what? Taking off shoes?"

"No. Taking care of people. I'm- I'm gonna go change." And with that Natalie slipped out across the hall and into her room.

"You're good at it too, Natalie." John said softly as he heard her door click shut.

TBC