With every heartache, we've travelled so far…
Every dark night has a day…
For every tear's sake, we follow a star…
To the shelter of our heart…
Selena sat down, feeling a bit dizzy and distracted.
What had just happened? How on earth could that just have happened?
Without of course being part of an evil plan to embarrass her for life?
'Cause at first, so it seemed. At first, she had felt like dying of shame.
Sirius had offended her, she was pissed of and almost hated him with all her heart, almost…
And then he did something like that to her… Surprised her in a way she could never have imagined.
Maria sat down next to Selena.
'Hi, Selly.' Selena nodded, not aware of her best friend sitting next to her.
Maria sighed. It seemed that yet again Selena was in a bad mood. It had been like this for a month!
Selena being angry about something and reluctant to tell Maria anything about the reason.
For there was a reason, but not one she could understand.
It all had to do with Sirius, her old time - classmate, who was standing about 20 yards away from where the two girls were sitting and staring at them. Selena felt annoyed by this act, but this wasn't the reason for her anger towards him.
No, it was of his offend he had said to her, his latest mistake towards her. She had never felt so ashamed as that day, now precisely a month ago.
Selena silently sighed at the thought of him staring at her again. She would not look up, no sir!
All of her wrath, her anger and her sadness had been rising by this indifference of him during the last few weeks and it had build a pile of rocks, big and rough ones, around her heart, smothering its true feelings towards him.
Maria looked pityingly towards Selena, who was staring away in the distance, as if she were in a trance of her thoughts.
She didn't knew why or how she had became in this terrible mood, but could lay a connection between Sirius and Selena, due to her constant muttering of him being a prick and a stupid arse,…
Suddenly, Maria too felt offended and she stood up.
'Look, Selena, I quite had enough of you and your anger you wrap yourself in! Yes, you lost your parents last year, and yes, He-Who-Mustn't - Be- Named might be after you, but get over it! Jeez!'
Maria stood there, shaking of her anger and the unfairness of it all.
It felt to her as if she was loosing her best friend in some sort of a depression.
'If you're going to be like this for the rest of your life, I don't know if I want to be your friend any longer! Clean up your act and be my best friend again, cause now… You are no use to me. I tried, I failed. I hope you succeed and quick.'
Selena blinked. 'What? I didn't hear you-'
'Yeah, right… You didn't hear - You know what! Stop rolling yourself in your self-pity, cause whatever happened to make you so angry - Oh, just forget it! I'm gone!'
Maria left Selena, sitting there alone.
Though she felt bad about it, she knew she had to take matters into her own hands and do some severe actions.
Selena looked up and saw her friend leave.
'Great,' She muttered. 'Another person who hates me, another one who left me...'
A tear slowly followed her cheek and she felt how her protective wall of anger crumbled away, leaving her heart vulnerable and open for all the feelings she had tried to ignore for a long time.
Sadness, hurt and a love, so strong, hit her and she couldn't take it any longer.
She was about to stand up and leave, maybe even forever a thought told her, when someone sat down next to her and softly, fingers slipped into hers.
A sweet, but firm grip, as if it was to hold her from jumping from a cliff, to pull her back to life and reality.
That feeling of rescue overcame her and she looked up, with shiny green eyes, straight into the piercing brown ones of Sirius.
She gasped softly and unbelievingly.
His eyes asked her what was wrong, but she couldn't answer.
All she could feel, all her heart could digest then, were his fingers caressing hers.
His thumb that stroked her hand, his pink touching her palm.
Sirius wiped a tear away with his other hand, it felt like a summer breeze…
Selena just couldn't believe that he did all those things, that it was him, the reason of it all, who comforted her.
Sirius' lips parted, as if he wanted to ask his question aloud, but Selena was quicker.
No sounds were heard and it seemed like they were the only two persons left on Earth…
When she'd think back to that moment of truth, she would never be able to believe where she got the courage to do it.
To press her lips against his.
For a moment of two, her heart felt like exploding, but then her mind caught up and she pulled away.
One second maybe, were their lips parted. One terrible second, the second where Selena had wished for death to come and release her from her life, filled with fears and mistakes.
Then Sirius grabbed her head and heart and pressed his lips to hers.
He kissed her and almost she wanted to fight him of, but Sirius held her on tight, as if he never wanted to let her go, ever.
Seconds lasted centuries and Selena felt how her miserable wish for death changed to one of purity and peace.
If she had died then, in his arms, his lips kissing hers, she knew she would've died the happiest dead ever.
Not even Voldemort would've taken that one from her!
Suddenly they parted and the fantasy was over.
Sounds returned and Selena noticed how her hands were shaking around Sirius' neck, how her bottom lip quivered of the leftovers from the kiss…
Sirius' eyes found hers and they told her that he loved her.
That he had made the biggest mistake in his life by saying all those horrible things and that he loved her, with his heart and his soul.
All she could do was returning the looks he gave her.
He kissed her again, while whispering that he loved her and would never leave her.
They parted once more and the words he said were barely audible, but to Selena they were deafening.
'Will you be mine, now, tomorrow, always?'
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, except this based on - story, Maria and Selena.
The song-lyrics at the beginning are from the song Shelter by Natalia. A very good female artist from Belgium, who you must listen to. Download it or so, cause it's a very touching song and it's beautiful.
Than prologue or after-word, or whatever this is called:
This story is based on a dream I had last night…
I'm Selena, I always use this pseudo in my stories (Sell Yazz,…) and I base her actions and memories on mine. She is some kind of a psychiatric aid for all my problems in life. I write about it in her life and she helps me to e.g. forget about the suicide of my uncle,…, she's just a fiction person, based on my life and my hopes, fears and this time; dreams.
My dream wasn't of course about Sirius (though, might be a nice dream too - ), nor Voldemort and his actions towards my dream-life, but my secret love was in it.
I too have loved him for ages and he too offended me, about a month ago, in such a horrible way, I really sometimes feel like hating him. They say: it's a thin line men walk between love and hate…
It's true.
I doubted my feelings towards him for a couple of weeks and I thought I had figured it all out.
"I don't love him anymore, I can just stand him to be in my surroundings long enough to nod a good-day…"
Well, this morning, after my dream, I knew my theory had been wrong.
Cause I believe, and always will believe that in your dreams, you see what your heart or your fears really feels like.
In reality, I still love him, though my mind doesn't want me too.
Sadly, my heart and mind don't really co-operate on this matter, so I'm back to my doubting-period.
It was just a click I suddenly had, a realisation that came to me.
I don't believe in God and all that , nor do I think now it's because of Him that the truth came to me, no…
But I do believe in myself and my true feelings and that something or somewhere, someone clicked that.
Whether it was my heart, myself, my mind or anything, I don't know…
I have a theory about it, but it's a non-proven one.
Maybe, in some weird way, I went to another level of existence, another dimension, similar to ours, and the events really happened there. Cause I swear on my own life that I felt his lips truly, that I heard him say those words…
It was real and I felt my heart taking leaps when his lips touched mine. Even when I think back now, I feel it as if it just has happened.
I can't explain it really how that's possible, maybe there even isn't an explanation about it at all, but I do hope you recognise these feelings I had and that you will once have a dream like that, cause it's a real…
I can't explain it, there are no real words to describe it.
Imagine it as being reborn and loved so much by a person, that even the biggest evil in the world (in my story/dream was it Voldemort/dead) wouldn't be able to lessen it one bit.
A moment of that feeling, is enough to go on for always.
It's filled with so much love, so much hope and so much reason and truth, that you are overwhelmed and you feel like dying and being reborn over and over, just in his arms, with his lips kissing yours.
Yes, that about says it. I hope that whoever reads this, can imagine this feeling and once in his or her life feel it, even if it was only in a dream… Cause you will feel so complete, you can't believe it.
It's a long after-word, but I felt like sharing this and I truly hope that, even if it's only one person in the whole world, that at least that person will ever feel something like that.
It's more than you see in films, read in books, more than you'll ever experience in your wildest dreams or fantasies…
It's like the oldest magic there exists…
Ps: don't flame me because of this, cause than you are just wasting your and my time, in regret for others who might do understand what I'm talking about.