Disclaimer: erm not mine…
Lister settled into the cockpit chair with a sigh. Great. How come it was always him who had to volunteer?how could they simply volunteerhimto do something so stupid asthis, would friends do that?
lister sighed, "Holly? You got a lock on those rockets yet?"
Holly's head fizzled onto starbug's screen, "no, and even if we did, we don't have any weapons."
Lister nearly choked on the can of beer he'd just opened, "What? You said I would be the distraction while you knocked those smeggers outta the sky!"
Holly smiled her baffled oh yeah, I forgot smile, "oh yeah, I forgot."
"Well what the smeg am I supposed to do now?" Lister pulled his leather jacket closer and shivered. Something wasn't right. Lister had a strange feeling in his stomach and it wasn't this morning's vindaloo.
Rimmer's head and shoulder's replaced Holly on the screen, "Listy, Listy, you're still the distraction, just lure them to the nearest planet and then get the smeg out of there."
"Oh that's nice Rimmer; don't offer to do it yourself or anything."
"I'm a soft light hologram you gimp, how am I supposed to steer Starbug?"
"If I may interrupt sir, Mr Lister is right; it is completely unorthodox to allow a human to go on a mission as ridiculous as this. I beg you to reconsider!" Kryten's head appeared in the background with as close a look of regret as you can get on a mechanoid's face.
Rimmer tried to elbow Kryten out of the way, which proved rather difficult as it happened, "just smeg off will you, if Lister doesn't go we'll all be killed. It's his fault in the first place; I told him that GELF would get angry if we forced the toaster on it."
"I just don't feel right about this man - I've got this gut feeling that I'm gonna get smashed up again."
"Just do it." Rimmer's image disappeared from the screen. Lister pulled the thrusters forward holding back another shiver. Soft light hologram or not, Rimmer was still a complete git.
Back on red dwarf Cat was having his mid noon snooze and was rudely catapulted out of his chair when something hit the side of the ship.
"Do you mind? I am trying to nap here!"
"Holly? Damage report?" Rimmer said brushing the nonexistent dust from his uniform.
Holly shook her tangled blond locks away from her face, "Get it yourself; I'm a bit preoccupied at the moment."
"Holly!"
She blew the hair out of her eyes grumpily, "It's all right for you; you've got hands,"
"Yes but they're made out of light!"
She sighed, "All right, hang on," her head disappeared briefly then flickered back on, "not too bad, bit of damage to the cargo bays –oh wait, what's that?"
"What, what is it?" Rimmer panicked.
She gasped, "It's horrible!"
"What!"
"Oh it's alright; someone must have sneezed on the camera in corridor 6 again."
Rimmer flared his nostrils, "You really are one stupid computer Holly."
Unfortunately, that was no sneeze on the camera at all…
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