Thanks to sunrise over the tango factory!
I might not be able to update for a bit, it being the holidays and everything… ah well, I'll try anyway.
I know it's steadily getting crapper- (is that even a word?)- But I would still love some reviews! Please please please! I'm practically begging! Hell… I am begging! Please!

Just hit the review button, it's not hard…

…

It was Kryten's worst nightmare. He had practically given up now. Every time he ironed the clothes the creases deepened. He heaved a great mechanoid sob, and tried once again to smooth down a pair of kecks that once were white and now resembled Lister's stinking yellowed crusty boxers. "How can you be so cruel!" Kryten yelled at the ceiling.

…

"Guys!" Lister stopped, gasping for breath, "… are you… in here?" he walked to the door and looked through the glass with a pained expression.

"Hey! Chipmunk cheeks is finally here!"

"Well don't just stand their get us out!"

"Yeah another second with broccoli boy is gonna drive me insane!"

Lister closed his eyes for a moment with a grimace as a fresh spasm of pain racked his chest, making him sway on his feet.

"What's wrong bud?"

Lister opened his eyes with a strained grin, "I'm all right man…"

Rimmer laughed, "is this an 'I've just drunk 50 cans of beer - so if you see the magic pixie tell her I've got her sherbet ' fine or an 'I'm about to keel over and die' fine?"

"Yeah! I don't want you spewing all over my precious shoes!"

"Look I'm fine! I'm just not feeling… too good, that's all."

"You don't look too good either," Rimmer pointed out with contempt. It was true. Lister looked like he'd been dragged repeatedly through a demented, manic, chainsaw-wielding hedge backwards and forwards.

"Thanks Rimmer… good to see that you're still a repugnant smug git."

He smirked, "Nice to see you too."

"I don't wanna break up your lovely little conversation, but my stunningly gorgeous suits are waiting for their stunningly gorgeous owner! If I don't get them back before that lump of snot gobs all over them I'll go crazy!"

"All right… how do I get you out?"

Cat jumped back into despair mode: "You can't! We're all gonna die - and I don't even have a chance to change!"

Rimmer folded his arms with a sigh, "Just open the door you goit, it's a one-way system."

Lister opened the door, smearing blood all over the handle, not that he cared at all. Cat and Rimmer shoved their way out, while Lister leaned heavily on the wall for support.

"Where's Kryten?" he gasped.

"That barmy no-fashion GELF took him."

Lister rested his head on the coolness of the wall, "Oh smeg."

…

The GELF growled, splattering everything within a 2 foot radius with oozing green gunk. So the smelly little human had come eh? Good. Human pain's a personal favourite. Had that tangy irresistible flavour that just rests nicely in your flab… mmm…

…

Lister rounded a corner, "Kryten?"

"Novelty condom head?"

"Kryten, where are you man? Can you hear us?"

Rimmer stepped ahead lightly, clearly enjoying the fact that Lister was in a lot of pain and Kryten was being held captive by an insane gob of snot. "Don't worry; he's probably off doing some lovely ironing."

"You really haven't got a heart have ya Rimmer? How could you stand by and let him go like that?"

"It's in his programming."

The Cat tutted loudly, "How can you be so selfish bud? The only reason I didn't go was because of my amazing tastefully stylish suits! Can you imagine what would happen if they were all alone? No stunning body to style? No gorgeous ass to show off? It makes me physically sick!"

"Yes… well-"

"Bloogleflobb!" something squelched from behind them.

…

"That's it sir, I've had enough!" Kryten yelled – well tried to anyway. He flung the pants, that now looked like a flimsy piece of elephant skin, at the wall with a 'Hurrumph!'

…

The posse spun around to face their doom. Towering above them was the GELF, like a 7ft gargantuan mound of rotting brussel sprouts and mushy peas.

Lister said the only thing you could say in a situation like this: "Oh Smeg!"

Then came the despair after a minute pause: "Can't you just leave us alone for 10 smegging minutes!"

The enormous GELF pondered this for a moment, chewing its blubbery emerald-green lip with a sticky sucking sound. After much consideration it said: "no."

"Fine, I suggest that I get my beautiful ass out of here ASAP."

"Good idea," Lister whispered, "LEG IT!"