Review! Now! Or… I suppose you could read it first, it would make more sense… lol
Ahem…
Thankyou reviewers! Sunrise over the tango factory: I'm a bit more than a cream bun short of a picnic… I just didn't wanna scare you lot - I'm two picnics short of a picnic! Reddwarfaddict: dw, nothing ever goes right for long! lol

…..

Kryten was washing his rubber gloves in the sink and sighing.

An awful lot of red stuff filtered down the sink.

"How is he?" asked Rimmer nervously.

"Well… he's stable sir. But I don't think he'll wake up for a while yet. I'm hoping it's just exhaustion."

"You're hoping?"

Kryten sniffed loudly, "Yes sir."

"Can I see him?"

"He's just had a major operation sir! He's lost litres of blood!"

"So?" Rimmer said impatiently.

"Of course you can see him."

…………..

Lister was pale, but not as much so as before. Rimmer smiled a little, taking up a chair and sitting by Lister's bed.

He sat there for a while, trying to think of how he could say what he wanted to.

"I don't know if you're able to hear me, but smeg, you scared the hell out of me Lister!" He paused for a moment, watching Lister's chest rise and fall, rise and fall, as if to reassure himself.

"I … I know we haven't always seen eye to eye… But, I promise, I'll never let you do anything like this again." He swore he saw Lister's mouth curve up a little at the corners. But when he looked again there was nothing. Lister lay peacefully still. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "It was all my fault."

A sudden spasm racked Lister's chest.

"Lister?"

Another one.

Rimmer leapt to his feet in alarm, "Lister – what's wrong!"

It took a while for him to realise what was happening…

Lister was laughing.

He opened his deep coffee-brown eyes - they were sparkling again. Dulled a little by pain, but the sparkle was there, he grinned, "I'm glad I was alive to hear you say that!"

Rimmer was so relieved and angry at the same time he said the first thing that flicked through his brain. "You smegging GOIT!"

Lister grinned, putting on an over the top emotional voice and wiping an tear from his eye, "I never knew you cared so much!"

Rimmer scowled.

"Oh Mr Lister sir! You're awake!" The mechanoid bustled in, ushered Rimmer out of the way, and began fussing over Lister protectively.

Lister propped himself up a little and smiled, "Hi Krytes."

Kryten busied himself by tucking Lister's bed sheets around him more securely, "I must insist that you go back to sleep right away sir!"

Lister groaned, "But Kryten -"

"No buts sir, I insist!" Kryten got out a very-dangerous-and-painfully-sharp-looking needle and began filling it with a clear liquid.

"That's right Listy, you listen to mummy and go back to sleep now, I'll bring your teddy up for you in the morning." Rimmer grinned a smug grin and turned to walk out of the door.

"Oh - Rimmer," Lister said, trying, not very successfully, to keep the amusement from his features.

Rimmer sighed, "Yes Listy?"

Lister cocked his head to the side as if pondering something, "Is there a good reason why you're wearing a pink frilly dress and matching dolly shoes?"

Rimmer looked down at himself in surprise. "What the -"

Lister smirked, snuggling down into the bed sheets. This was going to be good.

"KRYTEN!"

Lister didn't get back to sleep as quickly as they had hoped.

……….

I was gonna leave it there, but I got bored…

About three hours later the argument had finally subsided. Rimmer had finally got bored of his soft light hands falling through everything he tried to pick up and chuck at Kryten. And Kryten had finally figured out how to change Rimmer back to his usual self. Well… almost usual. No one had told Rimmer that he was still wearing the heels.

Lister had laughed so hard that his ribs were aching. Everyone looked so happy. He didn't want to mention he was in pain. He didn't want to mention that the shooting pains, like daggers across his abdomen, made him want to scream.

Then the coughing began. A great hacking cough. He tried to force the air into his lungs. But it just rattled his chest. He gasped. Choking.

That turned a few heads.

"Kry-Kryten!" Rimmer yelled.

"Oh sir!" Kryten picked up the needle, jamming it into Lister's neck. Lister inhaled sharply, his eyes wide.

Two seconds later he had collapsed back onto the pillows.

Kryten and Rimmer looked at each other.

"Oh dear." said Kryten.

Rimmer sighed, "Smeg… why does nothing ever go right for long?"

…………………………………………………………………………..

Review wonderful people who have read this.
You have two options:
Review and confirm my suspicions of this being a load of twoddle.
Or
Review and give me a lovely surprise by saying that you actually like it.

Not reviewing is not an option! YOU HEAR ME?

Thankyou.