ONE SHREK TO BRING THEM ALL
Chapter Two – Settling Over a Pint
"An Ogre!" shouted Boromir. "Grab your torch and pitchforks!"
The Ogre put his hands up and offered, "Can't we just settle this over a pint?"
At that, Merry and Pippin disengaged themselves from Elrond's legs. "Wait!" Merry said, putting his hands up. "Maybe the Ogre is friendly!"
"Yeah!" agreed Pippin. "A lot of things are better after a pint." To Merry, he whispered, "It comes in pints?"
Sam spoke up, "In my opinion, you were better off not knowing that, Pippin." Pippin stuck his tongue out at Sam.
"There will be no drinking!" Elrond looked severely at Merry and Pippin, who shrank back.
"Heh, what about that little stash of yours in the Study, Elrond?" Gimli put in. "Don't think we don't know about that miruvor!"
"That's for medicinal purposes only!" Elrond disagreed.
"Hmmph. Sure it is," Gimli winked at Gandalf, who snickered.
Elrond turned the Evil Eye on both of them and they got really quiet. He turned to the visitor. "You. Ogre. Have you a name?"
"Um…Shrek," the Ogre replied hesitantly.
"Can I say something?" a voice came from behind the Ogre. Shrek stepped aside and everyone could see a small donkey standing there.
"The donkey talks?" Boromir asked, unbelievingly. "That was a trick! The Ogre is trying to distract us so he can take the Ring!"
"That's right, fool!" the donkey replied. "I'm a talking donkey! And if I do say so," he continued to Elrond, "This is a very beautiful place you've got here. Just lovely. You must tell me who your decorator is. It almost reminds me of that place where I –"
Shrek clapped his hand over the donkey's mouth. "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the real trick."
"Indeed." Elrond stood up and pointed to the Ring, which was still on the stump. "Ogre, would you be willing to go on a quest for me?"