Chapter Three: Deep Longing

They were whispering again.

Connor sighed and leaned back against the pillow on his bed.

He knew the routine: a few moments of whispering, Fred trying to convince Gunn to go in the room with her. Gunn trying to convince Fred that it was a bad idea. And then Fred would come in, by herself.

He didn't get along with Gunn. The man was suspicious by nature and considering what Connor had done, it put him on edge.

Fred was a different story.

When Angel first disappeared, she'd done everything she could to reassure him that his father would return. Connor had been somewhat proud of the fact that he'd fooled her so completely.

Fred always tried to put on a positive face when she was around him but as time wore on and Angel and Cordy didn't return, Connor started feeling less and less proud of his ability to trick her.

Not that he was sorry he'd done it, he assured himself. But, mis-guided as it was, Fred loved Angel and, by extension, she loved Connor too.

It hurt him that she was upset by this.

"Hi Connor." She said brightly as the door opened.

Connor smiled.

"I brought you a sandwich."

Connor's smile widened. She always said it like it was supposed to be a big gift. Oddly enough, he always felt like it was.

She smiled and ruffled his hair. "You have to eat the carrot sticks too."

"Awww." Connor mumbled. He didn't like vegetables. Plants in the Quor'toth were few and far between and the ones that were there were carnivorous.

"Come on now." Fred said. "They aren't bad. In fact they're good, which is the farthest thing from bad."

Sometimes Fred said the strangest things but at least she cared. It was a simple thing really but it meant so much.

"I know. I'll… try." He told her.

"Good." She wandered over to the window and stared out at the city for a few moments. Her smiled faded and Connor knew she was thinking about Angel.

"Cordy too." Fred said softly and Connor felt a chill go through him.

"What?" he said.

Fred shook her head. "I was just thinking about Angel and Cordy." There was a catch in her voice as she turned to look at him.

Connor looked away, suddenly unable to meet her gaze. "What about them?" he said taking a bite of his sandwich. "I told you before, they could be together." He said from around his mouthful.

The truth was that he was more than a little concerned about Cordelia. His relief that she hadn't met up with Angel that night at the ocean had quickly turned to worry when he found out that no one knew where she was.

In his panic after sinking Angel, he had offered the idea that they had run away together… once it was out there; he didn't know how to change it so he'd stuck with it. Fred and Gunn didn't even consider it though, and he was relieved that they hadn't stopped looking for her.

"And I told you before, they wouldn't have done that." Fred was saying. She smiled sympathetically at Connor. "I'm sure that your Dad is ok though- and if Cordy is with him, she's safe as houses." She paused a moment. "I don't really get that phrase entirely but it's a good thing- honestly."

"Are we going out again?" he asked, taking another big bite from his sandwich. "I heard Gunn talking about a vamp nest down by the docks."

Fred frowned slightly. "Don't talk with your mouth full. And yes we are but you shouldn't be eavesdropping."

Connor rolled his eyes and pretended to be interested in the carrot sticks on his plate. He was nervous about being near the docks with them. There wasn't any reason to be more nervous there than anywhere else really. After all, it wasn't like he thought Angel was going to rise up out of the water and come after him like the monster in that silly movie Fred made him watch with her the other night.

Still, he didn't like being near the scene of his…

Crime? The voice in his head asked.

No, not crime! Connor answered the thought. I didn't do anything wrong. Angel got what he deserved.

"So do you deserve some too?" Fred was staring at him.

Connor felt all the muscles in his body stiffen, ready to run. "What?" he managed to whisper.

"Ice cream. I said that I deserve some ice cream for finishing my lunch. Do you?" she cocked her head to the side. "Honey, are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine. I… yes I want ice cream." He said.

"Did someone say something about ice cream?" Gunn said from the doorway.

He met Connor's gaze and gave him a halfhearted smile.

He does try, sometimes. Connor thought and returned the smile with a grin. "Yeh, she did."

"Well alright then. Let's hustle people."

Fred rolled her eyes. "Oh sure, ask him to put his shoes away, he can't hear me. Mention ice cream and he's got ears like a-"

"Vampire?" Connor asked and wrinkled his nose up at her.

Laughing, Fred swatted his shoulder. "Like a bat, smarty. Now hurry up with that sandwich."

Connor watched her leave the room and realized he was still smiling.

He felt good.

He felt like he belonged.

Eventually they would give up searching for Angel and, once they found Cordy, things would be fine.

Nodding to himself, Connor finished his sandwich and followed Fred downstairs.