A/N: Thanks to all the really nice reviewers! A few I'd like to respond to, and then the 15th chapter of the story will begin.

Misty Glow: Thanks for reviewing me! Your story about Gilraen is awesome, and I hope you get to update soon!

Lady Emmi: Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'm always glad to get it, and I'm not being sarcastic, LOL. Sorry, I know that the story has been too canon-ish in these past chapters. It gets better, I promise. I wanted Shrek to experience the things the Fellowship did; that was the whole point of writing this. I'll get rid of the movie script…except for the parts the story can't live without. This chappie is far from canon, as you'll see. Please stay with me, I would like to keep hearing your opinions!

p0pptartt: I'm trying to keep Fiona from getting on everyone's last nerve. She got on my nerves in the first Shrek movie, with all the griping and complaining (that's why Donkey's so much quieter too if you didn't notice. ) so I'm making her a little lower key in this story. She'll have a "moment" though, when they encounter Robin Hood and his Merry Men in a future chappie. Keep reading!

Electric Fire: Glad to see you're still keeping up with me, LOL. That's a good idea about "War of the Accents". You'll just have to wait and see what happens!

hotdogfish: Puss is on his way! Stay tuned to future chappies, his entrance is the best one yet.

Chapter Fifteen: Saruman Gets Sacked

Meanwhile, back at Orthanc, Saruman was very unhappy. It seemed that his "college buddies" had taken over the evil-doing, and had left him out in the cold.

Literally. At this very moment, Saruman the White was mopping the top of his tower in the freezing cold wind. His tower, and he was the one cleaning up. What was wrong with this picture? Let's backtrack a bit.

After Saruman had bombarded our heroes on the mountainside with ice, high winds and avalanches, he had been very pleased with himself and had decided to call it a day. He yawned and scratched as he padded back down the stairs to the bottom level of his tower. By the time he entered the room where the palantir rested on its obsidian pedestal, his eyes were all but closed. The sight that greeted him was enough to shock him awake.

"How's it going, Sar?" laughed Farquad. He was sitting sideways on Saruman's high-backed, black throne, his short legs dangling over the right armrest. In his hand was a long pipe, with smoke rising and curling from the larger end. "Look what we found!"

"Yeah…" came a voice from the Palantir. Sauron's fiery eye was half closed and appeared to be a bit bloodshot (hard to tell with all the flames). Grima was leaning on the palantir, also holding a long, smoking pipe, and was grinning like an idiot.

Saruman's jaw dropped to the floor. "What are you all doing?"

Farquad took a long drag on his pipe, and giggled again. "Your man-servant was very kind to show us where the Southfarthing pipe-weed was kept."

"Indeed." Saruman turned to Grima, hands clenched in fists at his sides. "Grima? What have you to say for yourself?"

Grima exploded into laughter, and held the pipe up to the palantir. Saruman watched, traumatized, as Sauron's eye seemed to engulf the tiny end of the pipe, with an odd sucking sound. Then Sauron burst into giggles himself, and smoke rose from the palantir, as though it had been exhaled.

"Grima Wormtongue! Stop that right this instant!" Saruman stamped his foot.

The other three laughed until their sides (and corneas) hurt. Farquad composed himself first. "Your little friend here is not as stupid as you think him."

Grima turned to Saruman, a mock-angry look on his face. "Stupid? You told them I was stupid?" Then, unable to keep his expression straight, he giggled again, and set off the other two a second time. "Mellow out, man…take a hit of this." He proffered the pipe to his master.

Saruman wanted to, oh how he wanted to smoke some of his favorite pipe-weed, but something told him he had to stand his ground. He had to remain the master of the situation. "Certainly not!" he said with some difficulty. "I have no wish to lose my faculties with this insane smoking."

Farquad stood, shakily, "Grima, do you think we need to teach this old bat a lesson?"

"Old bat?" Saruman fumed. "Now listen here, you…"

"SILENCE!" thundered Sauron from the palantir. His eye appeared to be concentrating really hard on the Wizard's staff. Suddenly, the staff was ripped from Saruman's grasp, and flew towards the palantir, where it smacked Sauron right in the eye. "Ouch!"

Saruman looked cowed. Grima nodded eagerly. "That'd be fun! He's so mean to me!"

"Indeed." Farquad imitated Saruman, and sent the other two into fits of giggles. "Saruman, the five of us-"

"Three of us," corrected Grima.

"That's what I said, the three of us," Farquad laughed, "are taking over Orthanc. You are hereby downgraded to…" Farquad paused for effect. "Maid."

"WHAT?!" Saruman exploded with anger. "You can't do this to me! I own this tower, and I worked hard to make it the den of evil that it is! Do you have any IDEA how hard obsidian is to come by? In such large amounts too."

"Oh," replied Sauron's eye, "I'm sure you can find plenty of igneous rock…in MOUNT DOOM!"

"You wouldn't dare!" sneered the Wizard.

"Oh, wouldn't we?" Farquad challenged back. He approached the Wizard slowly. "You always cheated off my tests in school, and made fun of my height in gym class! So now I'm going to pay you back!" He whistled to Grima. "Quick! The mop and bucket!"

"What?" asked Saruman, weakly.

Grima appeared from a nearby closet marked "Janitor" in Elvish runes, holding a mop in one hand and a galvanized bucket in the other. He shoved them at Saruman, who knew he had no choice but to take them.

"Now," said Farquad, taking another drag from his over-sized pipe. "Go clean up something."

"Why don't you start with the top of this tower, where you were keeping that Grey Wizard captive?" suggested Sauron. "It still stinks of wholesome goodness."

Saruman the White decided then and there, that the next time there was a little voice telling him to do something, he was going to kill it. He muttered so under his breath as he climbed the long, winding stairway back to the top of the tower. Behind him, he heard Farquad say to the other two:

"Is anyone else starving? I've suddenly got the munchies…"

A/N: Better? R/R! :)