Disclaimer: I still do not own CSI.
A/N: Final chapter. Judy continues to agonize over Nick's burial in Grave Danger.
So I stood and watched until I could no longer see the flashing lights or hear the sirens. Even then, I couldn't manage to move from the spot. I thought of the first time Nick and I really went out. I didn't count the night I had gone to his house with pizza and beer. It had been so confidant and out of character for me. That had been more of a friendly, very friendly, getting to know each other. This had been an honest-to-God date. He had come to my desk and asked me out.
"So, I thought you might like to go out. What about breakfast, this morning?" he said. I looked around to see if anyone heard him. Though I knew we had a great time when I had gone to his house, I had almost expected it to be a one-night event only. I hadn't anticipated that the object of my desperate crush would ask me out. But he did. Of course I said yes.
It had been casual. He had picked me up right after shift. He looked fresh and clean and smelled utterly irresistible. I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face. He took me to a pretty nice café in one of the casinos.
"I figured you might not want eggs or pancakes," he had said. "And this place does it all, and they do it all pretty well." He had flashed that smile at me. Even when I thought about it, I would get warm all over. I could be totally aggravated at him for being in a foul mood after a shift, though I would understand why, and he would flash that smile at me and I would do anything for him.
That breakfast had led to lunches and suppers and quiet mornings lying in a pile of limbs. More and more I thought of his house as my home. That was where I felt drawn to and he was all I needed.
The dread was winning over the hope again.
"Please, please God. I need him to be OK. I need him." I prayed again. I jumped when a voice interrupted my reverie. I turned from the window of the door to the parking lot.
"I need Gil and Catherine's cell phone numbersnow," demanded Hodges. I was confused. "NOW Judy, they are all in grave danger!" he shouted. I ran to my desk to pull the numbers. I shouted Catherine's cell phone number to him as I ran. For some reason I knew it by heart. All those times she had paged Nicky.
"What is it?" I cried. But then I heard Hodges conversation. Explosives were wired to the Plexiglas. "That goddamn son-of-a-bitch," I said. My knees crumpled under me. All of this, and now the coffin was wired with pressure switches? I felt like I would pass out. The little bit of diet Dr. Pepper I had drank earlier revolted in my stomach. I put my hands over my face and breathed gulping, shallow breaths. This was not the answer I had wanted to hear from God.
Hodges knelt beside me. I felt him lift me up from my kneeling position.
"I caught them in time," he said. "Judy, he's going to be OK."
"Not until I get the call from Warrick," I mumbled as he led me back to the break room couch. He wet a paper towel and held it to my head and then on my neck. The urge to vomit was still present, but I wasn't on the verge of hyperventilating. "I've got to get to my desk. Warrick will call," I said and stood up on shaking legs. Hodges helped me by holding my hand as we walked up the hallway. Never had it seemed so long. Never had I felt so unsteady on my own legs. I was making deals with God in my head.
"I will give him up, if you will let him live. He can go back to Texas with his parents and I will never follow if that is what it takes," I offered. "Just give me a sign of what you would have me to do," I promised. God remained silent, but the phone rang. I grabbed it with a grip that would have throttled the handset were it alive. "Yes," I all but yelled into the phone. Hodges still stood by me.
"He's headed to Desert Palms," Warrick said over static. "I'm in the ambulance with him now. Get your ass over there." I didn't answer. I slammed the phone down onto its cradle and pulled Hodges into a fierce hug.
"He's OK," I said, crying again, but this time tears of joy. The hope that had battled my dread was now vindicated. I cried and cried onto Hodges shoulder. Exhausted emotionally and physically, I could no longer contain any of my feelings. It must have been a strange site – Judy the receptionist, her curly hair unkempt, make-up runny, and tears streaming down her face embracing Hodges in a bear hug that threatened to crack his spine.
"I'll drive you," he said. "There's no way you are in any condition to operate large machinery," he added. Hodges was hiding behind his usual acerbic nature, but I would never be able to thank him enough for finding out about the explosives. I would never be able to thank him enough for saving Nick.
It had been tense waiting in the hospital. I could see Sara and Greg giving me odd glances when I had walked in on Hodges arm. Warrick came up and hugged me. Catherine was in the ER, collecting evidence. Nick was a walking crime scene. Except, of course, he wasn't walking anywhere. Grissom walked up as well.
"They've got his room ready. His parents are there, waiting for him. As his next of kin, they will be the only ones to decided who can come in," he said. I was taken aback that he knew about us, but I guess at this point, all of them knew. I sat down beside Warrick, who held my hand. Hodges sat on the other side of me.
He had really rescued me that night. He had driven my car to the hospital and provided me with wet wipes to wipe my face off. It didn't really surprise me that he carried a small pack around with him. It surprised me how calming he was.
"Judy, he's going to be fine. It's nothing but a waiting game," he had said. I had wiped my face, reveling in the cold feel of the wipes. I dug through my glove compartment and found a hairbrush and an elastic band. I pulled my out-of –control hair into a bushy ponytail. I found some moisturizer in my purse.
"You might not be able to see him right away," he continued. "If not, I want you to go home and get some rest."
"No," I had said. "I can't until I see him." Now that I knew he was alive, I could focus. I could feel the strength returning to me. He was alive, and I could do anything required. If I had to wait one hundred years to see him, I would. I was all resolve and steel. I looked at David Hodges and smiled a shaky smile. "I'm OK now," I said.
"I can see that," Hodges said, his brow furrowed. "You are a lot tougher than you look, Judy." That made me snort.
"After I cried a river on your shoulder? I couldn't even stand on my own two feet," I said. Now that I had strength again, I couldn't believe how badly I had fallen apart. The panic gripped my heart again, momentarily, as if to remind me that I was totally and utterly fallible.
Hodges shook his head at me.
"Anyone else would have lain in the break room or had to be sedated. You kept doing your damn job, the whole time," he said. His voice was almost awestruck, if Hodges could be awestruck by anything other than Mia.
I looked at him as we sat in the waiting room. Hodges, the nice guy, was my new friend. I took his hand. It was funny, really. Warrick was cradling my right hand and Hodges was passively holding my left. Eat your heart out Mia.
We continued to wait. I found myself drowsy. I couldn't believe my body had the nerve to be sleepy. I thought about all the things I would do for Nick after this. If I did nothing else, I would tell him how much I loved him. We had avoided the words, as if actually saying them would make our magic time together disappear. I hoped he felt the same about me, but ultimately, it didn't matter.
I woke with a start. I was slumped awkwardly against Warrick. He was cradling me gingerly. I bolted upright, remembering where I was.
"Anything yet?" I asked. "Where's David?" Hodges was no longer beside me.
"I sent Hodges home. Nick's doing great. He is in the room with his parents. He's not conscious now," Warrick informed me. I must have looked anxious at the mention of unconsciousness. "Don't worry. It's the medication. They've given him a lot of antihistamines for the ant bites. He's dehydrated, and he has someabrasions and a cracked rib or two. Physically, he's actually doing very well."
"It's the mental we've got to worry about now," I said. Warrick only nodded.
"Grissom and Catherine have gone to speak with Nick's parents. Then the rest of us will probably head home," Sara said as she and Greg walked up. They each had a cup of coffee. Sara had a diet Dr. Pepper in her hand.
"I knew I had never seen you drink coffee," Greg said. "So, Sara brought you one of these." I accepted the canned drink and thanked them both.
"So, you and Nick?" said Sara. She gave me an appraising look. "This has been very hush, hush for a lab that thrives on gossip," she said, and smiled. She looked tired. They all did. It made me feelgood knowing that they all loved Nick the way they did.
"Well, not anymore, I guess," I said. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. I would shout it from the pinnacle of the Luxor if it would make a difference.
"You knew?" Greg said to Warrick, who nodded. Sara gave him a small, friendly shove. Now that we all knew he was OK physically, a giddy euphoria was setting in. I could see the exhaustion in all of their faces. These folks needed a break.
Grissom walked into the waiting room.
"He's in good condition, physically. They expect him to sleep for a while, so everyone needs to go home. His parents are here with him, so there's really no more we can do." The crew nodded their heads. I could see Catherine and Jim Brass outside the waiting room doors. Catherine had her kit by her side. They all walked toward the door. Suddenly, I felt very alone. I eyed the couch on the other side of the waiting room. I wondered if one of the nurse's would let me have a pillow and a blanket. I figured I would ask them to relay a message to Nick's parents that I was there.
Warrick had reached the door and turned to me.
"You should go home and get some rest," he said. "I'll drive you." I shook my head.
"I'll stay here until I can talk to his parents." At that moment, Grissom came back through the waiting room doors from where he had been talking with Brass.
"Judy," he said. I looked at him expectantly. "Nick's mother wanted me to bring you up to the room."
We walked up the hallway. I glanced back at Nick's friends. They had known him longer. I wondered if they were jealous. I would have been, but right now, I wouldn't have given this up for anything. I felt inexplicably nervous about seeing his parents again, but the tantalizing thought of seeing Nick held fast.
"How did she know I was here?" I asked Grissom. He smiled at me. I had never noticed how blue his eyes were before.
"She just knew. She said to send you up here, because Nick would want that," he said. "If you would like, I'll go ahead and put you down for a few days vacation. I am sure Conrad wouldn't mind," he offered. They were all so nice.
We arrived at the room. Grissom took my hand into both of his. He didn't say anything, just patted my hand and opened the door for me.
There was my beautiful Nick, swelled and red all over from the ant bites. His lips were dry and cracked. All in all, he looked as if a touch would break him into a thousand pieces. IV's and monitor lines seemed to run out everywhere. Another passage from the Song of Solomon hit me.
"O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you - if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love."
Nick's father met me and put his arm around my shoulders. His mother stood up and embraced me. When she let go, I walked over to the side of Nick's bed. It even looked like he had ant bites on his eyelids. I leaned down and kissed him on the side of the face. I whispered in his ear. I promised I would tell him everyday from now on.
My beloved is mine, and I am his.
A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Song of Solomon quotes are from the New International Version of the Bible. Not quite as lyrical as the King James, but easily understood.
Anushka: Maybe you could just pretend it's Sara? Thanks for reading even when it isn't N/S.