The shuttle's thrusters belched flame as the small craft settled onto the docking platform. Once the bay doors had closed and the breathable atmosphere had been reestablished, three figures emerged from the ship, each wearing a NASA uniform. One was Ned Flanders, a grinning man with spectacles and a bushy moustache. The others were his tousled-haired boys, Rod and Todd.
"Are we in space now, Daddy?" Todd asked his father.
"We're always in space, Toddy," said Ned sagely. "No matter where you go, you can't get out of space. It's everywhere."
"Like God," Rod reflected.
"Is space God, Daddy?" asked Todd.
"No more questions, boys," said Ned, leading his sons toward a doorway.
"I'm hungry," said Rod.
"So am I, Roddy," said Ned. "I can't wait to sink my teeth into a packet of dehydrated liver and onions."
"Yaaaay!" said Rod and Todd expectantly.
They wandered along a drab corridor punctuated only by an occasional service door. "Daddy, where are the windows?" asked Todd.
"NASA must've forgotten to put them in," Ned mused.
They walked on through the dim light. "It's quiet," said Rod. "Too quiet."
"AAAARRGH!" Todd shrieked.
Ned whirled. "What is it, Toddy?"
"It was too quiet," said Todd with a grin.
A few yards later, the Flanders were unexpectedly met by a pair of familiar faces—Homer and Marge Simpson.
"Hey-diddly-ho, neighborinos," Ned greeted them.
But Marge and Homer only gaped in astonishment. After a moment, Homer rushed into a nearby room and emerged with a laser pistol in one hand. "I can't take any more of this!" he ranted, waving the gun at Ned. "Die, phony Flanders!"
"Homer, what if he's really Ned?" said Marge.
"Die, real Flanders!" Homer growled.
While Marge tried to wrest the gun from her husband, Bart and Lisa appeared around a bend in the hallway. "What's with all the noise?" asked Lisa.
"Hey, what's Flanders doing here?" said Bart curiously.
"Dying, if I have anything to do with it," said Homer angrily.
"Now don't get your knickers in a knot, Homer," said the unflappable Ned. "NASA sent me here to help you."
"Help us?" said Homer, calming down. "How?"
"I was hoping you'd tell me," said Ned.
"We did request assistance from NASA," said Marge. "But why would they send you, Ned?"
"They chose me at random, just like they chose you. They used the same system that airports use to screen people at security gates."
The Simpsons led Flanders and his son into their makeshift living room, which was furnished with a couch, a dining table, a large-screen TV, and an assortment of videos. Maggie's crib sat in a far corner, and she lay inside, fondling a mobile of rockets on strings.
"You've got yourself one diddly of a winter home," Ned remarked.
"You don't know the half of it," said Bart. Motioning to Rod and Todd, he added, "Watch this, guys."
As the Flanders boys stood by, Bart bent over and passed wind loudly. A compartment in the ceiling immediately opened, and a vacuum hose descended, sucking up the air immediately around Bart's posterior.
"Daddy, Bart poodled," said Todd.
"You have no way of proving that," said Bart as he straightened up.
"Dad, I'm sure Mr. Flanders would like to know all about the weird occurrences," said Lisa.
"Indeedly I would," said Ned.
"Fine," said Homer grumpily. "Though I don't know what you can do about it, seeing that you're not a scientist."
"Well, you're not an astronaut either," said Ned.
Homer and Flanders left the room and made their way through several corridors, soon arriving at a doorway with a wheel attached. A sign posted on the door warned them, SPACE HATCH—DO NOT OPEN.
"What exactly should I be looking at, Homer?" Ned asked.
"Wait for it," said Homer.
Half a minute passed, and then a man in a buttoned shirt and glasses entered from a side hallway. He looked at Homer and sneered derisively.
"Er, hi-diddly…" Ned began to say.
"See this sign?" said the man in a bitter tone of voice. "It says DO NOT OPEN. That's because the hatch leads into space. But I don't need to pay attention to warning signs, because I'm Homer Simpson!"
"RUN!" cried Homer.
As he and Ned hastened away, the bespectacled man grasped the wheel and turned it counter-clockwise.
A klaxon began to sound. A mere three feet behind Homer and Ned, a metal barrier slammed down and cut them off from the man, who was now screaming faintly.
"We're safe," said Homer, slowing down and leaning against a wall.
"We've got to go back!" Ned exclaimed. "That man could be dead!"
"He is dead," said Homer solemnly. "He was dead before you saw him, and he'll be dead again."
"What the heck-diddly-eck are you saying?" said the confused Ned. "Who is he?"
"Frank Grimes," Homer replied. "He worked in my sector at the power plant—until he was killed in an accident."
TBC