"Honey, please!" begged Ned, treading on his angry wife's footsteps.

"Sara Sloane!" Maude grumbled. "Of all the women you could have sinned with! I remember her from such skin flicks as Basic Attraction and Stardust Mammaries."

"I thought I could change her," said Ned.

"She changed you," said Maude. "You're not the man I married."

"Please forgive me, darling," Ned pleaded. "Because if you don't, how can I expect God to?"

"That's between you and him," said Maude sharply. "Now leave me alone."

When she entered the Simpson quarters, Rod and Todd ran to her with cries of delight.

"Mommy's back!" said Rod.

"She looks happy," said Todd.

"She always looks happy," Bart joked. "It's the makeup."

"Get out, Ned," Maude ordered her husband. "I want a moment alone with the boys."

"Okily-dokily," said Ned, hanging his head and turning to leave. Out of the Simpsons, only Lisa chose to follow him.

She found him in the corridor leaning against a wall, his face long. "What's wrong, Mr. Flanders?" she asked.

Ned only mumbled under his breath.

"Your wife's alive again," said Lisa. "You should enjoy it while it lasts."

"Enjoy it?" said Ned incredulously. "Can't you see what's going on? God has raised her from the dead to punish me for my sins. It's like Judgment Day, only too soon."

"All Christians ever talk about is sin and judgment," said Lisa haughtily. "You really should lighten up."

"I did lighten up," said Ned. "And the next thing I knew, I was in the sack with Sara Sloane."

Lisa's mouth fell open.

"I'm sorry," said Ned. "You're too young to know what I'm talking about."

"You had sex with her," Lisa blurted out.

Ned nearly choked on his tongue.

"I may be a kid, but I'm not stupid," said Lisa.

Note to self, she thought. Ask Mom what sex is.

It wasn't long before Ned heard his wife crying bitterly. Hurrying through the door, he saw Marge trying to console the tearful Maude and the morose-looking boys. "Maude, honey?" he called out.

Maude only shot him a dirty glance.

"Have pity on him, Maude," Marge urged the woman.

"You betrayed my memory," Maude snapped at her husband. "You betrayed me."

"I'll make it up to you," Ned promised. "I'll be an even better husband to you than before."

"It's over," said Maude, her voice tinged with sorrow. "As soon as we return to Earth, I'm going to divorce you and take custody of the boys."

"Maude, no!" exclaimed Marge.

Taken aback, Ned could only stand motionlessly. Then a thought struck him.

"You can't do that, Maude," he told his wife. "You have no claim on the boys. You're legally dead."

Maude gasped and put her hands over her mouth.

"You have no identity," said Ned. "As far as the legal system is concerned, you don't exist."

Stung, Maude began to cry again.

Marge gently pushed the couple together. "There's nothing to stop you from getting married again," she observed.

"That's a gosh-diddly-darn good idea, Marge," said Ned.

Maude didn't speak or look up.

Its engines blazing, the shuttle floated through the bay doors into the expanse of outer space. The passengers—Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Ned, Rod, Todd, Maude, and Bleeding Gums—were strapped tightly into the vinyl seats. On Lisa's lap sat a pet cage in which Snowball I slept peacefully.

"We're going back to Earth!" Ned proclaimed to his sons.

"Yaaaay!" cried Rod and Todd.

"First thing I'm gonna do is head to Moe's," said Homer.

"Yeah, right," said Bart. "Like Moe won't be waiting for you at Cape Kennedy with a beer."

"Hey, look!" said Lisa, pointing at the stars. "There's the Horsehead Nebula!"

"You kids want to stop everywhere," Homer grumbled.

Behind him, Ned grinned at his emotionless wife. "Now remember," he advised her, "your name's Millicent Flanders, and you're Maude's long-lost, unknown twin sister."

"Right," said Maude indifferently.

Five light-years later she unbelted herself and walked to the ladies' room. Once she had closed herself inside, a viewscreen materialized in the air before her. The image of a one-eyed, tentacled, green creature appeared.

"Report, Kodos," said the alien being.

"The mission is a success," Maude replied.

THE END