Title: Losing Voice (1 of ?)

Pairing: Claire/Charlie

Spoilers: Up until "Homecoming"

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.

A/N: I've been trying to ignore this ship for weeks now… I ran, but my muse was faster, caught up with me and tripped me. Here's what I got: 874 words. Journal entries are in Italics.

000

Claire sat back against a tree, trying to find a comfortable position. She opened her journal and went back a few pages, going over her mindless scribbling. She longed to have a nice warm shower, to shave her legs, to have a proper place to pee, a comfortable bed and, above all, a safe place to give birth to her baby. The mention of peanut butter came up as well…

Skimming over her writing, she stopped at parts that were much more profound and meaningful.

Charlie just wants to be a friend, to be a confident. I know he probably thinks he'd be of more help than you are – you're just a book - but I know deep down I want it to be something more and I'm scared. He said he liked me, but Thomas did too. He said he'd be there for me, that he wouldn't leave me…

I guess I'm still stuck on the pain Thomas caused me.

Biting her lip, she revisited the moment…

FLASHBACK

"No, it's not over! Thomas!" she yelled, tears welling up in her pure blue eyes. He was gone. She wanted nothing more than fall to the floor, but she already felt like she was crashing to the floor, her heart shattering to pieces. She was alone, once again. All the men in her life ended up leaving her.

END OF FLASHBACK

Claire blinked back tears and continued to go further back in her journal…

I loved Thomas and he left me. I have to be strong for the baby because I promised that I wouldn't let myself go weak, that I wouldn't give up for the sake of the life growing in me -That's why I decided to keep him. I'll raise my child and make sure he never ends up alone.

Claire turned back to where her page holder was, went back a few pages and read on…
I'm so sick of everyone telling me what to do. I don't need to be rescued! I believed Charlie when he said nothing was going on, but he lied to me. Are they all liars?

Claire turned the page and picked up her pen. Grasping it, she rolled it around between her fingers unsure what to write. Finally, after a moment, she leaned over the blank page and it was as if her pen moved on its own…

Dear Diary,

I'm slowly starting to remember bits and pieces of the past few weeks that we've been stuck here on this island…

I remember Charlie's shocked expression when I first felt my contractions starting. He told me he'd take care of me and, truly, he did. I'm glad he was there.

He told me we were friends, but from what I wrote you about him, I think that I may actually be in love with him. I know; it's ridiculous! I barely know him! Especially since I can't remember much; not even the crash. I'd be lying if I were to say that I didn't appreciate him wanting to protect me. When I decided to help the others get Ethan by posing as bait, through the rain, I could have sworn Charlie had possessive eyes zeroing down on me – like I was his to take care of. Still, I belong to no one. In spite of that, he killed him - Killed whoever Ethan was and, frankly, it made me much less anxious about being here, very pregnant, in this strange place surrounded by unfamiliar faces.

I want to trust him because, from everything I know, he's a good person and -

"Hey," a voice made Claire look up.

"Oh, um, hi," she quickly closed her diary. Speak of the devil… it was Charlie.

"You feeling alright?" Charlie asked, eyes fixed on her.

"Yeah, fine." Her lilting Australian accent came out clearly. "How are you?"

Charlie smiled, "I'm not the one who's pregnant."

"No," she held back a laugh, "I know that…"

"Then, why do you ask?" He thought that maybe she was remembering things… perhaps about them. "Are memories coming back to you?"

"Sort of, yeah. Like I know you told me you were a drug addict."

'She really remembered the good about me', he thought.

"Only because I had no reason to stay clean." You could be my reason, he added silently in his head.

"Well," she smiled, "now you have no choice, seeing as there aren't any toxic chemicals lying around here."

"Things would have turned out differently if we all had made it to Los Angeles," Charlie said almost wistfully.

"I know. I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm glad we met. I mean, we probably wouldn't have gotten to know one another like this if…"

If the plane hadn't crashed…

Charlie nodded.

His eyes focused on her, he tentatively started, "Claire, there's something I need to tell

you -"

"Okay…" She looked at him weirdly.

"I, ah, I…"

"You what?" she was interested now, smiling at his uneasiness.

The words wouldn't come.

"I can't say it," he shook his head.

"Sure you can," she touched his arm.

His gaze fell to her small delicate ringed fingers lying on his rough-looking dirty hand. Now, he had lost his voice.

TBC…