Oh gosh… er, I must warn you now THIS IS AN ABUSIVE CHAPTER. If you dislike this kind of stuff… like domestic abuse, major swearing, drugs, and rape (not so graphic, but still…)… please, turn back right now. I should have mentioned this in the summary, but I could not fit any space. Sorry! Please, I really am warning you. I just spilt out my heart and soul describing how difficult Reno's past was like… and I went a little too far, heheheh…. (sweet smile) You can't flame me for not mentioning this. Like I said, this is a very dark story. Be warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Reno, or any of the Final Fantasy series, except for a few characters you will meet much further in the chapters….
Hah. Can't believe I'm actually doing this... writing some stupid fucking journal. I can just picture Tseng and Rude laughin' their asses off at me, but what the hell. They were the ones that actually suggested me doing for the past few months, which really started to piss me off. Guess they would feel proud that I actually gave in… not that they need to know. Damn you, Tseng.

"Tie up your tunic, Reno. You'll catch a cold." How could I possibly forget that? Along with countless other things she would scold me about?

'Reno, eat your soup!'

'Reno! Clean your room!'

'Reno! Give the dog food!'

….It's a mother thing, I guess. No matter how many years go by, I still remember her eloquent words echo in the back of my mind. It's a mother thing, I guess. Even if I was reluctant back then, I still remember what she told me till now.

I guess I'll be the first to say my life wasn't a paradise. I wasn't rich, I didn't have any activites, I was kicked aroud in school, yadda yadda yadda… like some boring drama you've watched before, you might think my life was simple and clean, and predictable.

…You are so wrong.

"Come now, Reno! I said tie it up. Don't make me tell you again, young man." She'd snap at me. Snorting in rotten defeat, I'd give in. I hated going to school with that damn ugly purple tunic… I stood out amongst other kids at school like a sore thumb.

"I look stupid." I retorted, disdained. I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"You look fine, dear." She'd giggle into my ear, which sometimes really irritated me for the reason why. Like she'd care. I sometimes thought to myself. She's not wearing the stupid thing.

"Don't sulk." She'd said sweetly again.

"I'm not sulking!" I'd snap.

She'd heave a long sigh. "Reno… please don't give me a hard time right now."

I didn't answer, but merely looked away. I knew what she went through; she had explained to me in a daily basis that our lives are not like other fortunate people. Dad kicked us out – no, mom wanted out.

Actually, truth be told, it was kind of both.

Dad was a heavy drinker that did not know his limits. He'd just sit their on his ass all day – drinking, drinking, drinking like some deranged brainless lunatic who probably couldn't tell from his thumb from his penis. It was normal for him, to just lie there all day and get wasted in front of the couch. The crystal math, the cocaine, the marijuana… I'm surprised he's been able to live this long.

Mom would try her best to make excuses for him from work in ShinRa, and from those bothersome nosy neighbors that just want to know everything intruding our privacy. Dad, I'll hate to admit, did work hard at times, but he always expected an award after. That would be the drugs overdoses, and forcing my mom into abusing sex. I'm not even going to get in what he does to her. Of course, dad being inebriated with drugs, wouldn't think twice when he got a knife and slit mom in certain… places.

He had no sense of remorse. No sense of love. Nothing. He was an empty, unfeeling bastard. He never appreciated one damn thing mom sacrificed for him. I don't even know why mom got married in the first place. At night after a fight, I'd hear her soft muffled cries,

"…Why…"

Mom didn't have a job. She stayed home, and took care of me and did the chores, and him being a major slob that did not make things any easier. But that did not give dad any damn right, to just treat her like a piece of trash; like a doormat. Walk on her anytime he wants, and wipe his dirt on her. It made me so mad, sometimes, to just sit back in my room and listen to their arguments that often result dad smacking mom, or throwing a vase or something. There were times when I interrupted, and I got hit as well.

Until the night my mom took matters into her own hands.

"You fucking whore!" Dad hollered, snatching mom's wrists and pulled her inches from his face.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH! I WORK DAY AND NIGHT, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET!" He snapped her wrists, and ensue her woeful cries. I could hear him throw her onto the bed severely.

"WHEN I SAY WE FUCK – WE FUCK!" I closed my eyes tightly, plugging my ears, trying to escape reality at the moment. Their screaming penetrated my attempt to shun myself from them –

The sound of clothes getting torn ruthlessly off, and my mom screaming, kicking and crying, trying to avoid him at all costs. Of course, he would win. He would manage to get his way. Fucking bastard. And what am I doing, just sitting here? I recurred myself over and over again, trying to gain the courage. But everytime I heard her cry, my will to charge in there and stab him shattered. I was just a stupid, pathetic kid. I could have done something.

But I couldn't.

I was too scared.

I was too fucking scared.

Stop screaming... Please. I'd cry, hiding under my bed sheets in childish hopes it would all end. He pounded against her, hitting the bed edge heavily against the wall, laughing madly.

"You like that, you bitch." He'd laugh, moaning inbetween. Mom just sobbed.

I suddenly heard something shatter. I figured it was the glass vase in mom's room with withered roses. I jerked my head up, heard shattering glass, and water splash all over the place. It was like time stopped. The pounding, the screaming, the moaning… it all stopped.

Gaining courage, I went into the next room cautiously, dreading for what I might encounter.

Blood and glass.

I trembled, backing away. Dad lied there, muttering silently clutching his bleeding head with glass fragment tearing into his skull. Mom managed to get fully dressed before I even peeked into her room, took out her suitcase from the closet and started packing.

I opened my mouth to talk, but then she said,

"Reno, get your things." She beckoned shakily, suffering from the massive blows she endured. "We are leaving." I hesitated. I had mixed emotions when she said that. I was almost… in total bliss, her words echoing many times before I could fully realize what she had just said. Like a runaway. I had always dreamed. We can finally get out – and live a life. Of course, I was also in horror when I saw the blood on her hands, and eyes swollen with tears.

I ran into my room. My head was in complete blank as I took out my stuff, like my favorite toys and precious clothes I had into one heap. It didn't take me long to get all my belongings into one bag.

Not that I had a lot in the first place.

I ran back into the next room, my heap of useless junk hung over my shoulders. I saw mom go into dads wallet, and take A LOT of gil from its delimit.

"Let's go." She told me, and we walked away. I was in absolute horror when dad managed to stand up, but wobbled and fell near the door. I winced, and turned back to look at him. Mom took my head, and gently turn it foreword. She kept a steady pace, determined she was going to leave.

"You bitch…!" He managed to holler loud enough as we walked determined down the street. Where? I don't know. Anywhere but here. In the Slums if we had to.

"Fucking bitch!" He gathered his composure, and bellowed from afar. "See if I care! You go fucking become a slut – and earn your own damn money! You, and that bastard child! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

Now look at us, four years later. I was now eleven. We weren't living in paradise, but at least we escaped purgatory… so I thought. Now, I suffer kids at school. I was small, weak, and an insignificant little kid. Surprised I'm still alive. I looked like a nerd.

That's why I hated my purple tunic. Kids laughed at me.

"Reno, you listening?" Mom snapped her fingers in front of my face.

I dazed into her cerulean blue eyes. Her eyes… they had always been so… lonely; so desolate and isolated, the look of longing for only just a little more. The kind of eyes that meant eternal hardship, but yet with a smile she revealed showed a wrinkle of forlorn happiness. Underneath this sincere demure, she was torn.

I hated her for looking at me like that.

Her eyes, I hated and admired above all else… they still haunt me. Even until now. The kindness she had shown that I have never even bothered to lift a finger and attempt.

In a way, I'm ashamed.

But I tried, and failed.

I really tried.

"O-oh yeah?" I asked, still amiss in my thoughts. Before I could react, she kissed me on the forehead and accompanied me out the door, playfully pushing me forward.

"Try not to think about it." She spoke as though she knew what was going around in my head. I just looked at her innocently.

"About what?"

"What kids say about you…" She bent onto her knees, reaching my height and smiled warmly, stroking my hair. "Who cares what those kids say. You are your own self, Reno. You be what your heart truly yearns for. What anyone else says about you should never waver your heart…" She smiled again. "Okay?"

She always spoke with much wisdom. I was always left speechless.

"…Yeah, okay. I'll do it for you, mom."

"Don't do it for me." She whispered with a serene smile. "Do it for yourself."

I was silent, then I grinned. "I'll do it for both of us, then!"

I couldn't help but notice her eyes watering whenever I said that.

"Promise not to get into any trouble?" She asked with a hug.

I smiled confidently. "…I promise."

"Good. Run along. Be careful not to talk to strangers!"

I waved happily. "Bye mom!"

…I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next.

Omigosh! I never meant this to be…. So dark and depressing… (cry) I'm going to be so shocked if someone isn't going to flame me. I feel terrible… but again, Fanfiction lets us use our imagination with characters already created, so I was just being… "creative"… yeah… I feel better saying it that way…

Anyway, yes, the next chapter might be a bit shocking. I hope I'll make it longer, too. This one is just a basic introductory what Reno's life in his old home was like.