I went to the hospital alone to collect me results. I could not expect Pacey to take another day off work for me. The journey there seemed to take forever, and it felt like I was sat in the waiting room for an age. But once in the doctor's office time flew by. Everything sped past me and I could hardly make sense of it all.
I walk in to my dorm, still a little dazed by the morning's revelations. I expect Audrey will have finally found her way back to our dorm and I prepare to tell her the past week's events. But when I walk in the door she is not there. But there is a note this time.
i"Hey Bunny.
Sorry I haven't been around.
Missing you. Be home soon.
Aud xxx"/i
Well at least I know she is safe. She is probably making it up to Pacey right now. Which crosses two people off my hit list of people to tell, for now at least. Strangely I want to tell Pacey last. I feel I wouldn't have to explain why to him but I would have to explain my odd behaviour to our friends. So it makes sense to tell them first.
Bessie is the first person I have to tell. It seems only right. I call and hang up a number of times before I get the guts to talk to her over the phone. Something I don't think is right but jumping a train home doesn't seem sensible right now. Her reaction is of disbelief, pain and of guilt. She says it should be her in this position. That this disease should not have skipped a generation. I had to get off the phone to her quickly, promising to call again later. If I stayed on the phone I would have cried and wouldn't have managed to tell the others.
Dawson could not believe it. It took him a while to accept it. But he remained the optimist, saying everything will be ok, I'll be fine. Jack of course was supporting, even having to comfort Jen as I told them both. After Bessie, Jen was the one I dreaded telling. She had after all had had to deal with this once before.
I get a taxi back home and as soon as I'm in with my shoes kicked off I fall back on to my bed. I am too exhausted to do anything. But oddly I feel happier than I did this morning. Telling all of my friends is like a weight has been lifted off me. And it is like there not just two of us in this situation now. There is all of us, helping each other in so many ways.
Just as feel like I'm dropping off to sleep there is a knock at my door. I wasn't expecting anyone, although Dawson is the type to jump on the next plane, I open the door and see a weary looking Pacey before me. I let him in and we both drop down on to my bed where we curl. I don't even need to give him the bad news, I think he's already guessed by looking at me. And for the first time today I cry. Curled up safely in his arms I release the tears that should have fallen hours ago.
"Thank you Pacey. For being here for me." My eyesight is blurred through the tears and an overwhelming desire to kiss him takes over me.