I can not for the life of me keep my mind on the task at hand. Jen's voice floats in and out of my mind as if she is some dream like vision and I am about to wake up at any moment.
I am of course thinking of him and him alone. It's unexplainable. I should be thinking of what lies ahead of me tomorrow. Or maybe this is just my head's way of coping with the pending events. Even so I still want him here at my side, holding my hand, telling me that everything will be ok and that he is here for me.
I haven't spoken to him since I kissed him. Which right now I think was a major mistake. As it always has been when either Pacey or myself have kissed in a spur of the moment type way. Times in the past have caused our friendship to falter. And this mistake could only harm our newly restored friendship. After everything that has happened between us, I am so grateful for his friendship. I don't want to jeopardise it in anyway. Maybe I don't really want a relationship with anyone, not even Pacey. With everything that is going on maybe it is the last thing I need.
Slowly Jen's voice drifts back into the forefront of my thoughts and I realise we have in fact finished packing and she is saying her good byes. She promises to pick me up no later than nine thirty and tells me to stay brave. She gives me a final kiss on the cheek and hug before disappearing.
Although she spent hours here with me, helping me pack a bag for the next few days, I have been nothing but alone in my thoughts of him. Most of them regretting the last time I saw him. I wish we hadn't left things between us so
unfinished. We should have talked about what happened. What it meant. Where we want things to go from there. Or should have just laughed it off and put it down to a caught in the moment type thing.
It just wasn't right.