This is an automated psychic message sent to all ascended beings.
We the grand council of eternity would like to apologise for stopping time, but a new important event has occurred that you must all be informed about.
As you should all know the ancient alliance standardised language into the basic elements, but after ten thousand years of deliberation discussion and FHM reading we finally realised we have no physical form, thus not everyone has the same elements thus the language is flawed and not universal.
Using a discarded T.U.R.D. we have gone through existence to find the one thing that all forms of life share and have realigned history to coincide with this new discovery. All language will now be set to this one form through time in the ancient alliance and all television broadcasts will be set to the new language.
We are pleased to announce the universal language for life is called "Orgasmic groans". After all the years of reading FHM and seeing the mortals of all existence going at it we finally realised after filling the room with whitewash that everything groans orgasmicley!
This may leave some with the problem of not knowing what to do in bed. Sexual innuendo will now be replaced with light conversation followed by tea consisting of crumpets, scones with a nice little bit of strawberry jam, some nice bourbon biscuits (the Sainsbury's ones not the dirty Tesco's rip off imitations ones) and a good old cuppa.
Now as you may notice all language is now being pressed as normal but are infact orgasmic groans. This means that in every beings perception nothing has changed, thus this was a total and complete waste of time.
We would like to give a shout out to Pope shikhan-boo-boo the 19'th for the look on his 27'th wife's face when we resume time.
This was an automated broadcast by the "Sex before discharge party"