Disclaimer: Uh….You know… I wish I did but I don't…don't sue me…sue my parents instead!
Author's Note: Hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all the reviews everyone they really made my day!
Seth galloped Captain Oats across his bed; he was pretending that it was an open field. That's where Marissa had told him that horses liked to play, and well Seth believed her. She said that was why he couldn't have a horse come and stay at their house, and Marissa had her own horse so he believed her. Seth was wondering if maybe Captain Oats should live outside too, the thought heartbreaking to him, when her heard it. It was a loud thud and Seth sat still for a moment, he knew that if it were Ryan soon enough he would hear his cries. But there were no cries to be heard, instead there was utter and complete silence. Seth wrinkled his nose in confusion and walked out of the room, careful to leave captain oats on the bed so he could enjoy his pretend field. Walking towards the steps he tired to figure out what the sound was. He saw what is was as he got halfway down the stairs.
"Mommy?" he cried his voice panicky, as he sat down on the steps too afraid to see her. He wasn't sure what to make of her sitting on the floor. He had seen her angry at him plenty of times, had seen her frustrated, had seen her happy, had even seen her cry once when she got that phone call from grandma, but he had never seen her helpless. Because laying there on the floor, that's exactly what she looked liked. There was no answer and Seth felt himself panicking. "Mommy? Mommy?"
"Seth?" a quiet voice answered barley above a whisper
"Mommy?" Seth cried running down the rest of the stairs. He hugged Kirsten unsure of what was wrong, but knowing that he had to comfort her. She barley reacted, just leaned into him. "Are you…okay?"
"I…" Kirsten was about to say that she wasn't but she then failed because in reality she didn't know how she was. She could see Seth's wide eyes, could feel the thin envelope still in her hand, and could practically hear her quick heartbeat. Seth just kept his arms around her and they sat there for a long time. It wasn't until Ryan walked down that Kirsten was finally brought out of her state of mind.
"Mommy? Seth?" he called down wondering why the house was so quiet. Kirsten closed her eyes, he was her child not Dawn's. Dawn had no meaning to Ryan and she was just the person that brought him into the world. Kirsten, was his mother, Dawn was his carrier.
"Yes sweetie? We're down here," Kirsten answered finding her voice.
"Okay, can I have juice?"
"Sure do you want me to get it for you?" Kirsten asked picking up Seth as she stood up and dropping the letter. She left it on the floor, there was no reason for her to pick it up now, she and Sandy would deal with it when he got home.
"Okay," Ryan said and then stopped eyeing her suspiciously "Why were you on the floor?"
"Mommy was just feeling a little sad sweetheart," Kirsten said leaning down and kissing Ryan's forehead. "Come on lets go get something," she said and the three of them headed into the kitchen. Between getting Ryan and Seth to nap, preparing dinner (otherwise known as ordering pizza) and calling her mom to get a daily update, Kirsten basically forgot about the letter. In fact it wasn't until Sandy arrived home and found it that she remembered. Ryan and Seth were playing with their toys in the living room while Kirsten set the table, when Sandy walked in his face visibly upset.
"What's wrong Sandy?"
"Honey, what's this?" he asked his voice panicky, holding out the white envelope.
"Oh god," Kirsten answered her face paling two shades.
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I didn't know what to make of it, I just wanted it to go away,"
"Come on Kirsten you use to see her when you went walking with the boys in Berkley!"
"Yes but we never talked this is different Sandy,"
"Kirsten's she's Ryan's…" Sandy stopped suddenly afraid that Ryan or Seth might hear. He didn't finish his sentence.
"No I'm his mother," Kirsten said her voice low and shaking.
"Yes but…"
"No buts, give it to me," Kirsten said grabbing it out of his hand and forcefully opening it. The letter fell on the table and they both grabbed for it. Kirsten was quicker and opened it, scanning it quickly.
Dear Sandy and Kirsten,
It's probably coming as a shock to hear from me now, especially after so many years of nothing. I've had your address forever and for some reason I felt compelled the other day to drive by your house. I didn't realize until later that it was the day I found out I was pregnant with Ryan. There were other people in the house and when one came out I got up the courage to ask about you. I figured that if they said you lived there I didn't have to do anything about. The man said that you had moved, and was nice enough to give me your address. I'm leaving Berkley at the end of this year, and heading home, wherever that is. I miss seeing Ryan around town, I was wondering if at some point you could write me a letter about how he's doing and send a picture. If you don't want to I understand, but after I leave it will be the only way I will ever remember him. I hope that this isn't upsetting you too much. I'm sure you guys are much better parents than Roger and I ever would have been.
DAWN ATWOODKirsten sighed in relief. That wasn't as bad as she would have thought, and she even smiled a little bit as she passed it to Sandy. Sandy wasn't so sure.
"Kirsten she knows where we live! She can come back at any time!"
"So? She has nothing on us, we're his parent's Sandy!"
"I'm not worried about them taking him away, I'm worried about the truth," Sandy screamed, then lowered his voice "Unless you want everyone to know?" Kirsten's eyes widened
"Sandy! No! Of course not!"
"Then what do you want to do?"
"Maybe we should send her what she wants and ask her to leave us alone,"
"I don't know honey, is that too much of a risk? What about just ignoring it?"
"That's too much of a risk! I can't deal with this now, I'm going out!" Kirsten cried getting more agitated by the moment. "You can get the boys dinner" she called back and without a backwards glance she slammed the front door on her way out. Fishing the keys out of her pocket Kirsten got in the car, she needed some time to think.
Sandy let out a muffled scream and buried his face in his hands. He wanted to run away too, but when he looked at the two little boys staring up at him their faces a mixture of confusion and innocence, he knew that at the moment only one of them was aloud to act like a child.
"So boys who feels like pizza?" he asked mustering up as much enthusiasm as possible.
"Are you and mommy fighting?" Ryan asked sticking his thumb in his mouth while he said the words. "Are you getting a divorce?" Sandy wasn't sure which was scarier, the fact that he could actually understand what Ryan was saying or the fact they thought that he and Kirsten were getting a divorce.
"No mommy and I were just arguing, don't you and Seth argue sometimes?"
"Yes, but we're twins we can't get divorced," Ryan said. Sandy smiled down at him; this kid was way to smart for his age.
"True but you mom and I don't want a divorce"
"I wish I could divorce Ryan," Seth said sticking out his tongue at his brother. Ryan just rolled his eyes.
"We can't stupid!"
"So!"
"Boys stop it, come on eat this," Sandy interrupted placing two plates of pizza in front of them. "You guys are brothers, brother's don't fight!"
"Then why do Uncle Charlie and you always yell at each other?" Ryan asked taking his thumb out of his mouth to eat.
"Because Uncle Charlie is a stupid head!" Seth cried and they burst out laughing. Sandy just rolled his eyes and ignored them He grabbed the phone and dialed Kirsten, like he expected there was no answer. He watched as Ryan and Seth laughed together, flicking parts of their pizza at each other. Sandy couldn't imagine that Ryan was an Atwood; he was one hundred percent Cohen. If he hadn't been there when Seth was born and seen that it was only him then even he would have trouble believing that they weren't twins.
That night as Sandy got the boys to bed he kept checking his watch, watching the minutes pass by he wondered if Kirsten was even going to come home tonight. Sandy was at a total loss for what to do as he climbed into bed. He was going to at least try and sleep, it was nearly midnight and he had to be up for work at five. That is if Kirsten came back, otherwise he would have to figure out something to do with them. Sand swallowed the lump in his throat; she wouldn't leave without saying good-bye to the boys or taking them with her. Even if she hated him, and he still wasn't sure why, she would always adore the boys. Sandy didn't know how it was possible but at some point he actually fell asleep.
"Sandy?" a quiet voice said and Sandy jerked awake. As he flipped on the light he noticed the time, three a.m. "Sandy?" Kirsten asked crawling into bed beside him and snuggling up to him. Sandy yawned and turned the light back off.
"Mmmhhhm?"
"I think we should send her a letter, ask her to leave us alone but send it to her,"
"Kirsten are you sure?" Sandy asked wide-awake now
"He's our son, but she's part of him and maybe she needs to know what a wonderful kid she created,"
"Okay, but only because I love you,"
"Me too,"
"You love yourself?"
"Sandy!" she cried slapping him in the chest. He groaned and kissed her forehead and the top of her head.
"I love you," he said and leaned back into the pillow and fell asleep. He would let Kirsten take care of all the things to do with Dawn. For now he was just going to be happy not knowing.
There had been no response to Kirsten's two letters, and still two years later there was no Dawn Atwood in the Cohen's life. Instead the only thing that they had cared about was planning the boy's sixth birthday party. Caleb had insisted that it be a huge party, even though Kirsten knew that the kids would never remember. But she was happy to comply, her mother had died last month and they all needed a distraction. In the last hours of her life Kirsten had confessed to her mother about Ryan. She needed her mother to know, it made it so much easier to let her go, knowing that she wasn't still lying to her. But Kirsten as much as she wasn't ready to move on, was doing well. She owed that all to Seth and Ryan.
They didn't understand but they kept her going. Made sure that she got out of bed, even if it was only to make them a peanut-butter sandwich. If she hadn't had them she probably would have still been in bed drowning in self-pity. Instead she was mingling in the backyard on their birthday.
"Kiki!" a voice boomed behind her and Kirsten sighed knowing there was only one person in the world who called her that.
"Hello Dad,"
"Great party, the boys are having fun," Caleb said putting his arm around her and pointing at where all the kids were playing on the blow-up slide, moon bounce and other things that the DJ had brought.
"Well they should be, it's their party after all"
"Your mom would be proud of you,"
"Probably she would be saying it should be bigger,"
"Probably," Caleb said throwing his head back in laughter. They sat for a few minutes watching the kids play until Sandy came rushing over to them.
"Honey, we've got to get the cake done," Sandy said "Hello Cal,"
"Hello Sandman," Caleb said his eyes narrowing at his son-in-law.
"Always a pleasure to see you," Sandy said rolling his eyes as he led Kirsten away. "Can you get all the kids together?" he asked the DJ motioning to the tables set up for the kids. "We need to do the cake"
"All you kids, do you want cake?" the DJ cried and the sound of little kids running towards the table was the only answer they needed. Sandy grinned wrapping his arms around his wife as they headed up towards the tables.
"Okay, you ready to make a wish?" Kirsten asked as they led out two giant cakes. They put each one in front of the appropriate boy. Seth's had a picture in icing on him riding captain oats and Ryan's had a picture of fire trucks and cars.
"Yey!" Seth cried his eyes getting to be twice their size. As Sandy lit the candles Kirsten got out her camera and snapped pictures. She knew they were only young once and that this day had to be remembered.
"Okay everyone on the count of three let's start singing," Sandy cried as he lit the last candle "One…Two…. Three…Happy Birthday to you…" Kirsten sang as she took pictures she wasn't sure what she was going to do with all them, but she felt it would be important for some reason. The song came to an end and with a loud whoosh they blew out the candles.
"What did you wish for?" Marissa asked loudly in her six-year old boss voice to her two best boy friends.
"A horse!" Seth cried and everyone laughed. It had been all Seth had talked about for a long time, a horse. Like they had actually expected him to want something else. Ryan didn't say anything just laughed and took his finger and smudged his name. Then leaned over and plopped is first on Seth's nose, then Marissa's, then Luke's, his semi-friend from school, and finally on his own.
"Ryan, sweetie!" Kirsten groaned putting down the camera and sighing. According to some of the mother's this was what everyone did at the parties, smeared their name and put it on people's noses. She just wished it wasn't so disgusting a habit and that they had longer names. Everyone was crowded around Seth waiting for him to smear his name. Kirsten knew that people's feelings were going to get hurt, she motioned for the caterer to come to her.
"You don't happen to have any extra icing do you?"
"Actually I think I do," the man said smiling as he watched Seth smear his name "should I be worried about the cake?"
"Probably"
"Maybe they should move it?" he asked motioning to the other caterers
"Good idea," Kirsten said laughing, the man nodded at the others and they rushed in to take the cakes away. Kirsten watched the kids devour the icing, pushing it onto their own as well as other people's noses. She laughed out loud.
"Kiki, I told you this was a good party," a voice behind her said and Kirsten groaned again, her dad never seemed to leave her alone anymore. She took a deep breath, she reminded herself to be nice.
"Yes Dad, you were right,"
"As usual," he said with a grin
"Right, as usual," she said half headedly. This response seemed satisfy him and he grinned kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
The caterers were perfect, getting the pieces of cake out just before it got to out of control. What Kirsten noticed the most was that her dad was right all the kids seemed to agree it was a good party, but it was Ryan and Seth that made it true for her. The two of them had huge grins on their faces and their eyes were shinning. She had seen them happy before, but this kind of happiness was something new. Something that she wished she could see more in them. She knew that it was worth the trouble that she had gone through to plan the party.
Kirsten was son involved in her thoughts, that she like everyone else didn't notice what happened just before the candles of the cakes were lit. No one noticed that a young lady with too bleached blonde hair and definitely not up too Newport standards in the clothing departments slipped in. No one noticed that the lady's eyes never left the little blonde birthday boy. They didn't notice her as she sat down at one of the empty tables fingering a small gift wrapped box that was in her left hand. No one noticed her as she took the piece of cake and ate it, no one noticed as she dropped the box on top of the massive pile of presents on the Ryan table. No one noticed her as she got up to leave.
No one noticed her until she left, and then the only person that could actually recognize her did. Kirsten noticed the hair as it walked towards the driveway. Her breath caught in her throat but it didn't stop her from walking towards it. Dawn was walking down the driveway when Kirsten finally found her.
"Dawn!" Kirsten cried both angry and scared at the same time. She didn't know what she was going to say to this lady but she needed to talk to her.
"Kirsten don't" Dawn said running down the rest of the driveway.
"You can't keep coming back into our lives whenever you want to! This isn't your choice!"
"And how are you going to stop me?"
"I…I don't know," Kirsten said truthfully
"Well think about it. I'll be back eventually,"
"For Ryan?" Kirsten asked her voice catching in her throat.
"One never knows, oh and two things,"
"Yes?"
"Number one stop sending me letters,"
"But…"
"Number two tell Ryan happy birthday,"
"He doesn't know who you are,"
"Then tell him," Dawn said and got into the car.
"Never!" Kirsten screamed tears running down her cheeks.
"Fine, but someone will have to tell him!"
"No, and don't even think about telling him,"
"Whatever. Good-bye Kirsten," Dawn said getting into the car and speeding away.
Author's Note: Yes it's kind of weird. And an interesting ending I guess. I know it took me a while to update but I'm going to try and get one out a week. I know that I made them grow up quickly but I promise I'll slow it down a little bit. Please Review they totally totally make my day. Hope you liked it!