CHAPTER 2: A NORMAL DAY
"Honestly, Harry, black AGAIN? People are going to get ideas..." Ron shook his head as he and Harry walked down to the Great Hall. Ron walked in white slip ons, wearing tweed pants and an orange Polo imitation. Harry was wearing a black shirt, black cargo pants, and sunglasses that caused him to randomly, but frequently, run into things.
"Shut the hell up. The world is black. Black engulfs me." Harry recited, straight out of his poetry book.
"Well, maybe if you let some pink LIGHT in, that would help things." Ron sighed, and pushed open the doors. It was like every morning: Dumbledore playing his guitar, the students screaming and clapping along while alcoholic beverages and nacho's were sold by good-looking waitresses.
"School's out for summer!" Dumbledore sang into the microphone. He was very, very, very old, and obviously suffered from magical memory loss. McGonnagal started rocking her bass and Snape picked up the tempo on his drums when Ron grabbed some nacho's for him and Harry.
"I don't think leather is a good look for the old man." Ron said sadly, as if Dumbledore were forced to wear the small leather shirt and thong-like shorts he was wearing. A chain hung from a stud in his nose, and his hair was gone, so he had a tattoo of a dragon there instead.
"What leather?" Harry squinted in the wrong direction as he collided with a waitress carrying a large mug of beer, which spilled all over his clothes. "Argh! Damn it!" He screamed, ripped off the sunglasses, and stalked out of the room.
"Ron, my brother! Over here!" Hermione waved at him, and Ron made his way through the crowd towards her. She had found a corner where only a drunk Lavender sat, mumbling incoherent things under her breath. "Nacho's?" Hermione grabbed some and stuffed them into her mouth. "Nofing like food from da Earf." she sighed. Ron decided not to point out that the cheese was processed and high in saturated fats and calories, and the chips were made from about 2 corn and fillers made up everything else. She swallowed her gulp, and Ron wiped his hands obsessively with a napkin.
"I think they should do more with the mood of this place. What's the theme?" Ron mused, to no one in particular.
"Uh, rock. Even you should know that." Ron looked around him and had to agree. Stage lights, posters of wizarding and muggle rock bands, and speakers lined the walls and ceilings of the room. On his first day at Hogwarts, Ron had learned never to look at the floor. He had passed out the first time he did. Trash. Food. Other..things. No one bothered to clean it up. Filch was a lazy ass and his cat, Mrs. Norris, sat and cleaned herself all day.
Dumbledore spent his time polishing the Sorting Microphone, which simply sang out the house you were assigned to, along with a few choice words of advice. For example:
Hufflepuff: "Keep your fat ass off a broom, you dumbass."
Slytherin: "For the love of God, get AWAY!"
Gryffindor: "Oh joy. Another Gryffindor. Well, what am I supposed to do, clap? Get out of here!"
Ravenclaw: "CoughSMARTASSCough"
"Well. Ms. Granger? Would you tell us the answer? If you get it right, you can have a fresh-baked cookie!" Snape beamed at her and held up a tray of chocolate chip cookies.
"Whatever." Hermione answered, making the peace sign before turning back to her knitting.
"Hm. Well, I can see that you tried, so you can have a cookie anyway!" He placed a cookie with a red icing heart on her desk, and Hermione quietly passed it to Ron.
"Oh, fabulous! Thank you, Hermione!" Ron beamed at the cheerful-looking cookie and started eating it bit by bit.
"Oh my frickin God." Harry hissed, and started banging his head against his desk.
"Harry, stop that. You're going to hurt yourself, and we don't want that. Why don't you skip the homework tonight? We don't want you do get a headache!"
Harry glared at Snape through his sunglasses. Snape's bright green smock would have definitely hurt his eyes if he had been able to see it.
"Ooh, I just ADORE that apron! It clashes with the room...in a good way!" Ron said giddily, and started taking pictures of the room and Snape's apron with a small camera. The green did indeed clash with the red of the cushions and the brown of the polished wooden tables all around the room. It even clashed, yet matched the blue tea set that sat on each table.
Suddenly Snape looked at the clock. "Oh, shucks. It looks as though we didn't get any work done AGAIN! That's too bad. But it doesn't matter! I hope you all enjoy your free time!" Snape handed out cookies at the door as each student left. Ron ate his slowly, Hermione pulled something green out of her pocket and sprinkled hers with it before she ate it, and Harry dropped his and crushed it with his foot.
"That spot from the icing may never come out of his carpet, Harry." Ron scolded. "I hope he has some baking soda on hand..."
"For God's sake you KNOW he does, the man's a fucking PANSY." Harry said darkly, before running into a pillar and knocking a vase over on his head. "DAMN IT!" He screamed, and crushed his sunglasses under his foot. "ARGH! THE LIGHT! MY EYES!" He clamped his eyes shut and felt the ground for his sunglasses. Once he found them, he stuttered "Arculous Repairo!" and shoved them stiffly over his eyes.
"Harry, you could damage your corneas that way. You could go blind."
"I don't give a rat's ass."
"Save the rats!" Hermione screamed, and held up a sign that read Save the Rats in red paint.
"You want rats, go to the Great Hall, moron." Harry tried to push her in that direction, but succeeded only in tipping a large suit of armor over on himself.
"ARGH! DAMN THESE SUNGLASSES!" Harry screamed, but kept them over his eyes.
In the mean time, Hermione sped off to the Great Hall, and started collecting rats as a sign of protest. Ron showered, brushed his teeth, and ironed and folded his clothes for the next day. Hermione and Ron both forgot about Harry, who spent the night crashing into things and finally ending up falling asleep in Mute Myrtle's bathroom.