It was time. This was the day Ram had been dreading for months. It was time to leave her. He didn't want to, but he had known this was coming. Had known when he'd kissed her the first time, when she'd done a seductive striptease for him in his black room, and when he'd held her through her tears when the other Mallrats had condemned her for loving him. He'd known this day was coming; yet he had done nothing to protect either of them.

One last kiss one only
Then I'll let you go Hard for you
I've fallen
But you can't break my fall
I'm broken don't break me
When I hit the ground

He looked down at her, sleeping so peacefully, her translucent skin glowing with untold mysteries in the streaming moonlight. She was everything he wanted, everything he needed. And everything he didn't deserve. In his head he knew this, but in his heart—he smiled, but it wasn't a joyous smile; his eyes remained untouched. In his heart, he knew they belonged together. As if to emphasize this point, she began to stir, frowning in her slumber, her arms instinctively seeking his body.

Some devil some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

He sat on the bed, leaning over to place a kiss on her lips. A benediction for what they had shared together. Her brows straightened, she stopped fretting; all was once again well in her world. He placed the note where she would be sure to find it, on his pillow right next to her. And with one last look, he was gone.

Too drunk and still drinking
It's just the way I feel
It's alright
Is what you told me
Cause what we had was so beautiful
Feel heavy like floating
At the bottom of the sea

Ram slammed the rock glass down on his desk, jingling the ice inside. "You there, Q, bring me another bottle!"

The tall afro-ed recruit hastened to do Ram's bidding, almost running as he went to fetch another bottle of bourbon.

"Ram, don't you think you've had enough?" Java's voice was seduction personified.

"No, it's not enough, it will never be enough. YOU will never be enough!"

Java's face darkened, furrowing in anger. "I'm worth ten times more than your little Mallrat ever was!"

He looked her up and down slowly, his lip curling. "Java, I'm well aware of just how much you cost. But hey, it's only money and I must commend you and your willingness to do whatever I ask. It's rare these days to see such truth in advertising."

"You bstard!"

"That's not what my birth certificate says. But that's beside the point. Leave me, Java. You weary me."

She stalked out of the room, shoving Q in the doorway and almost causing him to drop the bottle in his hand. He caught it and holding it tightly, carried it over to Ram.

He took the bottle, opening it impatiently and filled his glass almost to the rim. He knocked back half the contents in one swallow, slamming down the glass again, sloshing just a bit of the deep amber liquid.

"Q, you know it's true what they say."

"What they say, Lord Ram?"

"Life's a btch and then you marry one."

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

The drinking changed nothing. It couldn't stop the memories. Neither could degrading Java in the worst ways possible. If anything, that made it worse, particularly when he noticed how much she enjoyed the things he did to her. He smirked; a woman who took pleasure in her work. Even now, with her on her knees before him, He was recalling softer hands, a gentler touch, less sure, less expert, but infinitely more in some indescribable way his head couldn't list, but that his heart recognized immediately.

"Aah." He couldn't stop this small sigh as his body achieved release.

Java looked up at him, wiping her mouth and licking her fingers suggestively. Smugly she said. "I'll bet your little Mallrat couldn't do that as well for you."

He adjusted himself and re-did up his pants. "Java, in the days before the virus, there were professionals who couldn't have done that as well as you. I guess we all have our little talents."

Her brow quirked as if she wasn't sure how to take his statement. But then her natural arrogance re-asserted itself. "It's about time you realized my value It has been six months; you married me, remember?"

"Believe me, Java, there's not a day that goes by that I forget exactly who I'm married to."

Some devil is stuck inside of me
I cannot set it free
I wish, I wish I was dead and you breathing
Just so that you could know
Some angel is stuck inside of me
But I cannot set you free

He watched them walk away, some needing the support of others as they were overcome by their grief. His own eyes remained dry. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't cry. After ten minutes, he made his way down to her grave. It was a simple thing really, no headstone, just a bit of raised earth covered by rocks to keep the scavengers away. He bent down, placing the bunch of wildflowers he'd picked on her grave. They were such a small thing, but they reminded him of her.

She was gone and he might not ever have known if Jay hadn't taken pity on him, sending a message.

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Such a long and lonely time

"You Techno bastard!"

Ram spun around to face an angry Lex, his face twisted and distorted in his rage. He barely had time to register this before the shorter boy swung at him knocking him to the ground. Lex didn't stop, following his body down to the ground, straddling Ram as he hit him again and again. It took Ram a moment to realize that Lex was yelling at him.

"It's all your fault. Sal died because of you, giving birth to your baby, a baby you will never see as long as I live!"

A baby, she'd been pregnant. They had a baby and it still lived.

"What—what wasssit?" He gurgled past the blood in his mouth.

Lex paused a moment, the question throwing him. Then he shook his head. "A baby girl, who's going to grow up loved and happy and untainted by you!" He picked up a rock from the grave, lifting it high over his head.

Ram saw the blow coming and did nothing to stop it. It was no less than what he deserved. And maybe if he was lucky, he would get to be with her again, his beautiful Salene. He watched the rock as it came towards his head. It was going to be a good blow. The one that would set him free.

He had just enough time.

"Thank you."

Stuck inside of me