There and Back, chapter 9
The next morning Shannon sat at the edge of one of the caves, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, just staring at her feet. She'd sat there most of the night, listening to the waterfall, remembering back to that day when she had run into Sayid's arms. It hadn't been all that long ago, but somehow it felt like ages. Sighing she thought of the picnic on the beach that he had surprised her with, the shoes he had given her, the hundreds of little ways that he had showed he cared. But did he still?
Sun seemed to think so. Just listening to Sun talk about Jin yesterday had affected Shannon. It made her want to run straight over to Sayid, to throw her arms around him, tell him how she felt, tell him she loved him. She wanted to stroke his hair, run her fingers through those soft black curls. She wanted to smell him again, kiss him, feel his arms around her. Just the thought made her dizzy. So what if she couldn't help him with the transceiver? She could do other things. She could listen to him. Massage his shoulders, Make sure he took a break now and then. She could hold him. Dream with him. Love him.
"Dammit" Shannon breathed. "Dammit. What the hell have I done?"
She watched as the camp slowly came to life again. Watched as Sun made her way toward her garden. Stiffly, Shannon stood and followed her.
"Sun," Shannon asked quietly as she watched her plant a seed. "What can I do? I don't know what to do."
Sun turned to face her. "Just go to him, Shannon. Go to him, you'll find what you need once you get there. Look into your heart, the answer is there; you just need to let it see the light."
Still unsure, Shannon turned and headed down the path towards the beach. She had to try. Please let Sun be right, she pleaded, please let Sun be right.
Stepping out on the sand, she was surprised to find she was less nervous than she had been the day before. Didn't make any sense at all, did it, she smiled to herself. She knew where she would find him. Walking towards his shelter she saw him. Sayid. His eyes were focused on the transceiver laid out in front of him, hands teasing a wire into place. Shannon looked around sharply: no Ana. That was something anyway. She told herself to breathe. Silently she said her mantra: you'll be fine, you'll be fine, you'll be fine.
Sayid startled when Shannon approached him and quietly spoke his name.
"Shannon" Sayid looked at her briefly then returned to his task, his hands not quite as steady as they had been.
Suddenly shy, Shannon asked, "Will you take a walk with me?"
"All right." Sayid set down his tools and stood, but he didn't look at her.
Shannon cursed herself. She'd hurt him badly. If he couldn't even look at her, what were the chances he still cared for her?
"Where is Ana?" she asked, trying hard to sound normal as they walked away from the others on the beach.
"She went back to her own camp" Sayid quietly stated.
"Really? You both seemed to be getting so much done. I wonder why she left? Will she be coming ba-"
"Shannon," Sayid interrupted "I asked her to leave."
Shannon's heart skipped. "Why?"
"Shannon, Ana and I were working on the transceiver, that was it. I had no idea you thought something more was going on between us. How could there be when I had you? Or at least I thought I did." Sayid's hand reached out and brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers lightly tracing her cheek.
He continued, uncertainly. "Sun told me you still care for me. If that is not true you need to tell me so now, I cannot go through this anymore."
She hadn't slept last night. She must be dreaming, lost in a wonderful fairytale.
Sayid said her name again. His dark eyes trying to read hers, trying to see into her heart.
Overcome with raw emotion, Shannon couldn't seem to make herself talk. Looking into his eyes - those eyes that held so much, that told her she was important, wonderful, loved- Shannon did the only thing she could think of: she listened to her heart.
"Sayid," she whispered, taking his hand. She closed her eyes and trusted, trusted in herself, in him, in their love. As she kissed him she knew, knew for certain that this was right. As she felt his strong arms wrap around her body, all doubts erased, she knew whatever happened in the future, whether rescue someday came or never did, she was home.