Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Say You Love Me Too

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Lizzie and Ellie got to spend time with Abbey after learning of her condition; Father Cavanaugh urged Jed to start over with Abbey and let her get to know him from the beginning

Summary: Jed is stung by Abbey's reaction; Millie tries to help her friends; Ellie refuses to leave her mother; Confronted with a sweet memory, Abbey softens a little towards Jed

- - -

Jed Bartlet wasn't a man who allowed nerves to dominate his social skills. It wasn't always that way. While in college, for instance, he met Abbey's parents for the first time and his nervousness nearly paralyzed him to the point he was sure he would pass out before the end of the evening. But that awkward young man had grown up and with age and maturity, he had learned to handle practically any situation with confidence and poise.

Practically.

He held the phone in his hands as his eyes glazed over the rotary. This would be a difficult call, not because of what he had to say, but because of how it would be received.

Slowly, he slipped his finger into the holes surrounding the numbers, pausing after every dial until he was finished. As soon as it began to ring, he contemplated hanging up. His conscience wouldn't allow him to. This needed to be done. The sooner the better.

"Hello?"

"Abbey. It's Jed." Not knowing whether or not she would recognize his voice, he introduced himself, then took a spit second to absorb the notion of introducing himself to his own wife.

"Hi."

"Hi. How are the girls?"

"They're good. I'll get them."

"Wait! I want to ask you something first."

"Okay."

"I'm picking them up on Saturday and I was just wondering if maybe I came a little earlier, maybe you and I could go out and get a bite to eat or something?" This was all part of the plan to let her get to know him again. It was what he had to do to win her trust.

Abbey bit down on her lower lip. The past few days had been such a challenge. Her emotions were overwhelmed with fear, and that fear, primarily the fear of the unknown, was sparking anxiety she couldn't control.

"Abbey?"

"I'm here. I'm sorry. Just...not this week." She paused to gather her strength. "Maybe next week?"

The crushing blow was well-disguised. "Yeah, that's fine. Can I talk to the girls?"

He didn't even take a breath as he rapidly changed the subject and simultaneously sank to one of the sofa cushions, his forehead buried in his hand.

He dismissed all the questions he wanted to ask her, his bruised feelings taking precedence over the curiosity inside him. After twelve years of marriage and two children, he never thought he'd have to fight for Abbey's attention. He never dreamed he'd have to wonder if she would ever love him again. But since the attack, that's all he'd been doing.

She wasn't the only one with fears. His own fears kept him awake most nights. He'd toss and turn in his big empty bed, longing for an opportunity to hold his wife next to him, to bridge the distance between them, and find a way to help her win the psychological battle that threatened their love.

And now there was yet another fear. Over the course of the last several days, he had been transformed into a person he didn't even recognize. He had become withdrawn and depressed, barely able to work and unwilling to take control. His talk with Tom Cavanuagh changed all that. Father Cavanaugh initially gave him hope and sparked his optimism. But like water to a flame, that small spark had been extinguished with Abbey's rejection.

He railed against the self-destructive thoughts that had taken hold of him earlier, but he lost that fight. His voice cracking slightly at the sadness that shadowed him, he tried to get off the phone as quickly as possible, fast enough so his daughters wouldn't notice.

One of them didn't. But one of them did.

Lizzie observed the unusual way her father hurried through the conversation. She sensed the mournful tone clearly pronounced in every word he spoke.

Concern setting in, she hung up the receiver and looked to her mother. "I wanna go home."

Abbey set aside the pictures she and Millie were searching through so she could stand up to properly address her daughter. "Is something the matter?"

"I just wanna go home. I wanna see Daddy."

It had been a rocky week for Liz. She was thrown into a situation she didn't completely understand, one that undermined everything she had believed all her life. Suddenly, to her, her mother's love wasn't unconditional. It was very much dependent on her memories of the past.

But Abbey had been drawn to her daughters from the second she was reunited with them. She may not have remembered giving birth, but the mother-daughter bond that had formed at conception was very much alive in her heart. There was something there, some pull that motivated her against curling up into a ball and sheltering herself from even more trauma.

That incomprehensible feeling towards her girls was normal, according to her doctors. It was common in people with this type of amnesia to associate a small portion of their memory bank with a familiarity only their senses could explain.

Even so, Abbey's patience with herself was wearing thin. She swallowed her unhappiness and acquiesced to Lizzie's request. "I'll get Grandpa to take you home. Go get your things."

"Abbey." Millie gently reached out a hand to her friend.

"It's fine. She wants to go home. That's fine."

"Let's take her."

"Us?"

"Yes. I think you need to go back there. I think you need to see your house. It may help."

"No, it won't. Nothing's going to help, Millie." Abbey never dealt well with frustration. Now was no exception.

"Something will."

"How do you know that? I spent the entire morning going through countless photo albums and listening to your memories of what my life was like the past 14 years. And nothing! Scores of pictures of my family and I don't even recognize them! I don't know them!" She picked up a photograph as her bitterness began to escalate. "Look at this! I don't know who that is!"

"It's you," Millie replied, staring at the photo of Abbey in her black graduation cap and gown, Liz by her side and Jed holding seven-month-old Ellie. In Abbey's hand was her degree, awarded as confirmation that she had completed medical school.

"Why can't I remember? I can't practice medicine because I can't remember going to medical school. I can't be a mother to my kids because I can't remember them. I can't even remember getting married. How can you tell me that something will jar my memory when so far, nothing has?"

Millie's eyes followed her as she collapsed onto the couch. "Then I guess you'll just have to accept the fact that this is your life from now on. You'll have to find a new career, unless you want to go through med school all over again. You'll have to find a new family. I hope you can find one as supportive and loving as the one you had. You'll have to start all over."

"It's not going to work."

"What's not going to work?"

"This. Whatever it is you're doing. It's not going to work. I'm angry and I have every right to be angry."

"No one is saying you don't. But unless you do something about it, you're just an angry woman sitting at home praying for wisdom." She took a seat next to her and adopted a softer approach. "Come with me to take Lizzie home?"

"No. I don't want to go back there yet." Emotionally crippled from the terror she experienced, she couldn't risk being drowned in a flood of memories that such a trip could induce.

Reluctantly, Millie relented. She drove Lizzie to New Hampshire out of a desire to see Jed. Over the years, her love for Abbey had grown to include him and her concern had encompassed both since she found out about the attack.

A deeply committed family man, Jed's life had been toppled. His world had crashed around him and his support system was nowhere to be found.

Until now.

Jed drove faster as he approached his driveway and noticed Millie's car parked outside. He jumped from his seat, opening his arms to embrace an excited Lizzie. "What are you doing here, Sweetheart?"

"I wanted to come home."

He kissed his daughter and held her tightly while he took a moment to compose himself. "I'm glad you're home." He took her back then glanced up at Millie. "You didn't have to come all the way up here. I could have driven down to get her."

"It's okay. We had a fun drive. Didn't we, Lizzie?"

"Yeah! Aunt Millie took the back roads so we could see the creeks and streams along the way."

"For part of it anyway."

"Why were you waiting out here? Don't you have your key, Angel?"

"Uh uh. I left it at home."

"Well, don't ever do that again," he teased as he ruffled the top of her hair.

Eager to talk to Millie, he asked Lizzie to unpack her things as they followed him inside.

"How are you?" Millie asked first.

"Ellie didn't want to come home?" Her silence answered his question. "Is she okay?"

"She's good. She does miss you though."

"I'll call her later." He made his way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact as he asked his next question. "How's Abbey?"

"About as good as you look," she replied, taking in his rumpled appearance. "You don't look like someone who just returned from work, so where were you just now?"

"I went for a drive."

"Playing hooky?"

"Just for today." He returned her harmless glare with one of his own. "Have the police been talking to her?"

She tilted her head slightly. "She hasn't been talking to them. She doesn't remember what happened, so she feels it's pointless. And the blood they found, they can't match with anyone already in their database."

"As a doctor, tell me. How bad are her hands?"

"They're still bandaged. She has a hard time bending her fingers, picking things up. She can't hold Ellie unless someone puts her in her lap."

"Did she start physical therapy?"

"Not yet. She's hesitating."

"Why?"

"Same reason you are. She's scared."

With raised brows, he challenged her. "I'm not hesitating."

"You haven't been to see her."

"She doesn't want to see me. I asked."

"On the phone this morning. I know. I was with her. She didn't say she didn't want to see you. She said she doesn't want to go out and have dinner."

"It's the same thing."

"No, it really isn't."

"I don't want to push. She's frightened. I want to let her heal in peace."

It wasn't in his nature to put his feelings ahead of Abbey's in such a serious situation. His love for her far outweighed his love for himself and his desire to save himself the grief that would destroy him if she never returned. For now, he would exercise a virtue with which he had little experience. Just for now, he'd be patient.

Little did he know that patience would pay off for him on Saturday night.

- - -

Jed arrived right on time to pick up Ellie. Initially, the little girl was thrilled to see him. She ran into his arms. Her small hands wrapped around his frame.

"You ready to go?"

"I have to get Mimi." Mimi - the raggedy stuffed bunny Ellie couldn't sleep without.

"Okay, you go get Mimi and I'll wait right here."

As she scurried out of the room, Jed casually rested his eyes on Abbey. She was as beautiful as always. The bruises on her face were slowly vanishing. Aside from the bandages on her hands, there was little cosmetic evidence of the violence that scarred her internally.

"How's Lizzie?" she asked.

"She's fine. She's at Amy's..." He corrected himself immediately when he realized she wouldn't know who Amy is. "...a friend's house tonight and she has something with her Girl Scout troop most of the day tomorrow."

Lizzie was adjusting just fine, she thought to herself. Well enough, at least, to be with her friends. Abbey didn't admit to the hurt feelings that came from that realization. She wanted both her daughters to be happy, but the detachment she felt from Liz, nurtured her insecurities.

She took a breath before responding. "I'm glad she's doing well."

He may be able to fool her because of her lack of memory, but she was never good at fooling him. Not even now. She was upset and he knew it. He struggled with the urge to press the issue, but the decision was out of his hands when Ellie skipped towards him, ready to go home.

"Are we ready now?"

"We're ready!"

"You wanna say bye to your mom?"

Abbey kneeled in front of her and took her into a hug. "I'm going to miss you."

"You're not coming?" Ellie asked, genuinely surprised.

"No, Sweetie, I'm not."

The little girl looked to her father, then back to her mother, confused and unsure. "I don't wanna go."

"Ellie, you'll get to see your mother again in a few days. I promise."

"Noooo," she whined.

Jed bent down to pick her up as her protests became louder. "It's okay. We're going to go home and have some ice cream," he assured her in a failed effort to calm her tantrum.

"NOOOO!" she screamed at him as she kicked her feet against his body.

"Eleanor, STOP it!" he scolded regrettably. She settled only slightly, allowing tears to take over as she looked over his shoulder at Abbey. Jed began to walk towards the door, but he couldn't bring himself to ignore Ellie's sobs. He tightened his grip and pressed his lips to her cheek to kiss her as she cried. "You wanna stay with Mommy?"

"Uh huh," she said, a gasp of air breaking the phrase.

He turned to face his wife with a few tears of his own. "Is that okay?"

"Of course." Abbey kept a stiff upper lip as she tried to prevent herself from falling apart at the anguish she witnessed in front of her.

"Okay." After lowering her to the ground, he pulled a tissue out of his pocket and dabbed at the wetness around the four-year-old's eyes. "Is that better?"

Ellie nodded, still donning a frown that took over the bottom half of her face. "Can I still have ice cream?"

As she watched the gentle care he took with their young daughter, affection engulfed Abbey's heart. It wasn't just affection towards Ellie. This was about Jed.

A distant, almost fuzzy and faded image grabbed her attention. She and Jed barreled into a room where a little girl with a skinned knee stood crying. She was a brunette, probably a younger Lizzie, she deduced. Jed scooped her up into his arms and comforted her the way only a father could.

He was sweet and loving, the way he rubbed soothing circles across her back to calm her. Suddenly, she saw herself approaching the pair with a small, damp washcloth, a medicine dropper, and a band-aid.

Was it a memory or just her imagination, she wondered. But there wasn't much time to figure it out.

"That's up to your mom."

"Mommy?"

"What?" Abbey shrugged herself out of her daze. "Yeah. We can have ice cream."

"Well, I'll leave that to the two of you," Jed offered. "Ellie, can I have a hug?"

"I want you to stay here."

"I can't, Sweetheart. But I love you and I'll see you soon. Maybe I'll bring Lizzie down after school on Tuesday."

"You know," Abbey interrupted. "You could join us for quick bowl of ice cream." Her instincts took over. "If you want to, that is."

There was still apprehension in her voice, but at least she was taking the first step. Jed couldn't refuse her. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. She wants you to and it would be nice to have some company."

She wouldn't have imagined it a few hours ago, but the same feeling that pushed her towards her daughters was now pushing Abbey to Jed. It was a lighter shove, but it was a shove nonetheless. Other than the flash of a scene with Lizzie's skinned knee, she didn't remember anything about him.

But sometimes, complex emotions generated out of love go beyond your memory and are forever engraved in your soul.

TBC