Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Say You Love Me Too

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Lizzie chose to go home to New Hampshire to be with her father; Millie encouraged Jed to see Abbey; Ellie refused to leave her mother; Seeing the care Jed took with Ellie and remembering a smiliar experience with Lizzie, Abbey softened towards Jed and invited him to stay for a bowl of ice cream

Summary: Jed, Ellie, and Abbey share a bowl of ice cream; inadvertently bringing up a former boyfriend, Abbey plays into Jed's insecurities; Jed tries the gentle approach, then loses his temper and patience with Abbey before coming to an understanding

- - -

Ice cream was always a special treat in the Bartlet house. Not a big fan of sugar, Abbey limited how much of it her daughters were allowed to eat. Even with lapses in her memory, her commitment towards health was something engrained so deep in her psyche that she couldn't imagine it any other way.

But this was a special occasion, a need to push herself towards understanding the missing pieces of her past and, in the process, help her get a little closer to knowing the man everyone assured her was the love of her life.

Jed helped Ellie onto a chair at the kitchen table as Abbey reached in the cupboard for three bowls. She paused when she noticed the playful interaction as he moved his head behind the little girl, surprising her over her right shoulder, then tickling her until her giggles led to small hiccups.

He patted her back and had taken his seat by the time he noticed Abbey's stare.

"I'm sorry," she said, lowering her head as a show of embarrassment for the intrusion.

"No, it's okay. There's nothing to be sorry about."

He took the bowls out of her hand and fished out the ice cream from the freezer. When she approached with the scooper held awkwardly in her bandaged palm, he waited for her to ask for help. She never did. She simply tried to curl her fingers around the arm.

Realizing it was a futile attempt, frustration took over. "I can't..."

"It's all right," he interjected before she could finish her statement. "That's why I'm here."

He was unwilling to stomp on her independence, especially at a time when she needed it the most. But when she asked for his assistance, he jumped to his feet.

"Thank you." She flashed him a demure smile and took a seat next to Ellie.

Plain chocolate ice cream. Never before had he scooped out so much of it. Never before had he had an ulterior motive. The more ice cream there was to eat, the more time he'd spend talking to Abbey. These were going to be colossal scoops.

"Now, I assume the whipped cream is in the fridge," he commented after nearly overflowing the bowls. "Do you have sprinkles?"

"Isn't the ice cream enough?"

"Ellie likes sprinkles."

"Oh." She didn't know that. It was her own daughter and she didn't know that. "I don't know if we have any."

"No sprinkles?" Ellie whined.

"I think we have some M&M's," Abbey offered.

"That's perfect!" Like an excited little boy, Jed took the bag of candy from her extended hand. "We always keep M&M's at home for emergencies. Well, I do. You usually just snark and give me a look," he said, taking note of her glare. "Just like that one right there."

"Candy emergencies?"

"They like candy," he replied as he sprinkled a few M&M's over Ellie's ice cream and finished it with a twist of whipped cream.

"You give them too much sugar," she teased.

He would have given anything to be able to argue with her once more over the way he bribed his daughters with sugary treats. But he couldn't. He had to settle for a mere confession. "Yes, I do."

She spooned her ice cream just around the handful of M&M's he dropped over it. "Is that enough?"

"That's plenty. Thanks."

There it was. He saw that glimmer in her eye that had been missing during his visits to the hospital. That same sparkle that she naturally exuded all her life was still there. It was very much a part of her and, just like the night of their first meeting, it drew him in almost completely as he made a conscious effort to memorize every subtle detail.

Her peripheral vision gave her a peek into Jed's intruding glare, but she didn't stop him. She continued to eat her snack without so much as a look of acknowledgment until Ellie tugged on his shirt to get his attention.

"Where's Lizzie?" she wanted to know.

"She's spending the night at Amy's."

"Doesn't she want to spend the night here?"

Abbey looked down at her bowl and absently swirled the tip of her spoon from side to side. Jed noticed immediately. He sensed her uneasiness before. Now he realized why. Abbey was upset that Lizzie didn't choose to stay.

"Lizzie has a lot going on right now and I think she wants to spend some time with her friends. But I know she misses you..." He looked to Abbey as he concluded. "...both of you, very much."

Once again hitting uncomfortable territory, Abbey changed the subject. "Hey, Ellie, do you want ricotta pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Yeah!"

"Ricotta pancakes?" Jed was surprised. "You don't usually make those for the kids."

"I don't usually make them, period. But I made it for Ellie a couple of days ago and she really liked it. The only other person I've ever made them for is my friend Ron."

Jed's utensil clashed against the glass as he dropped it. "Ron?"

That lit his fire.

Ron Ehrlich. A blast from the past better left forgotten.

Abbey was living in May 1965. She didn't begin dating Ron until September of that year, so there was a high probability their romantic relationship had also fallen victim to her memory loss. But she remembered the friendship that sparked it, and for that reason, Jed's feelings of inadequacy were suddenly revived.

The shock and jealousy that pulsated through him more than a decade ago when he realized the woman of his dreams was already taken, was now back in a different form. Now, he was simply jealous that a psychological glitch had wiped out her life with him, but it hadn't wiped out her early memories of Ron.

It was just another blow to Jed's fragile state of mind.

"Did I say something wrong?" Abbey asked, alarmed by his expression.

Of course she didn't. Not intentionally. "No. No, you didn't."

The room fell silent as even Ellie chose to ignore the awkwardness that resulted. His own defense mechanisms gearing up for a discussion, Jed avoided eye contact with Abbey until Ellie was put to bed.

- - -

Jed sat in the family room to wait for Abbey as his mind raced with options. He vowed to be patient. He vowed to be understanding. But it had been a week and his patience and understanding were leading to more confusion for his daughters and more heartbreak for him.

He took a deep breath just before Abbey joined him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Is she asleep?"

"Soundly."

"Where are your parents?"

"They went to dinner. They should be back soon."

He looked to her hands. It was the perfect place to start. "So what if you needed help with Ellie tonight? What would you have done?"

"What kind of help?"

"You couldn't have had ice cream with her because you had trouble with the scooper. You couldn't have picked her up if she was hurt. How do you manage?"

"I manage," she replied a bit defensively.

Every instinct he had told him not to touch her. He didn't listen. He gently took her hand and turned her palm up towards the ceiling while he ran a finger over the creases in the bandage. "When do you start physical therapy?"

She snapped harshly out of his grasp. "I don't know. I'll make an appointment eventually."

"Abbey, you have to do it soon. You can't go on with your life...with your career until you find out how extensive the damage is."

"The wounds haven't even healed yet. There's nothing a therapist can do right now." She inched further away from him, clearly agitated and ready to return to her comfort zone. "Tell me about Elizabeth," she requested in a milder tone.

If there was ever a way to make Jed Bartlet beam, it was by bringing up one of his kids. "She's wonderful. They both are."

"What about..." She hesitated briefly. "...my relationship with her. What's that like?"

"It's good. It's very good. You have a strong mother-daughter bond. She loves you a great deal."

"I don't feel connected to her. I mean, I feel...I feel love, but the entire time she was here, it was like she was avoiding me, like she was angry." Her eyes fixated randomly across the room as she asked softly, "I'm not mean to her, am I? I wasn't ever mean, was I?"

"No, no, Abbey, never. Of course not. You're a spectacular mother. Lizzie's confused and upset right now. She won't talk to me either, even though I tried to bring it up several times since she's been home."

"I feel like she should be here. I want to spend time with her."

Okay. She's the one who went in that direction. She opened the discussion. It was time for Jed to make the next move. "Have you thought about coming back to live at the house? Our house? In New Hampshire?"

With a shake of her head, Abbey stood up. "I'm not ready to do that."

He crowded her with his body as he followed her lead. "But we could all live there together. And if you're not comfortable with me, your mom could stay with us for as long as you want." He was filled with hope as he stood directly behind her. "I just think if you're there, if all of us are back together, it can only help."

"No." The answer even surprised her. She wanted so badly to give in to her instincts, to accept Jed's offer and try to reunite her family, but her heart wasn't the organ making the decisions. That job had been delegated to her brain. "Not now."

Frustration seeping inside, he turned away sharply and greeted her with silence for several more minutes. "Lizzie's recital is next week," he finally said, his tone more hostile now. "If you want to reach out to her, you should try to go."

"What kind of recital?"

His eyes closed at the realization that this was so new, he'd forgotten she didn't know even the basics of their life as a family. "Sorry. Ballet."

Ballet. That was it. Of course, it was ballet. A quick flash infiltrated Abbey's thoughts. She could see a little girl turning on the tips of her toes while calling out to her sister. "This is called a pirouette, Ellie."

And just like that. It was gone. It disappeared just as quickly as it came.

"Abbey?" Jed tried to get her attention.

"Yeah?"

"What was that?"

"What?"

"That. You were just thinking about something." His excitement spilled out. "Did you remember something? What's going on?"

"No, it was nothing. I thought..." It would be so easy to tell him. Maybe he could even help complete that one particular memory. "It was nothing," she answered instead as she continued to shelter herself.

Visibly deflated, he took a step back and adopted a more honest approach. "Look, I don't know what I'm supposed to do for you."

"Do for me? There's nothing you can do."

"Don't tell me that!" It wasn't anger that caused his temper to flare. It was the impotence that had been building inside him all week. "I CAN help you! You won't let me! You've put up this barrier between us and it's so unnecessary, Abbey. It's so unnecessary. Why can't you see that?"

He wanted to get through to her. Instead, his shouting only succeded in alienating her a little more.

"I think we're done for tonight," she replied coolly.

Nothing stung more than that declaration. She was closing herself off to him and his desperation wouldn't allow him to let it go without a fight.

"No, we're not. We're not done just because you say so. This is not finished! I want you to go upstairs. I want you to pack your things! I want to take you home RIGHT NOW!"

Did he actually say those words, he thought. Had his exhaustion and frustration pushed him so far that he didn't even sound like himself anymore? Had he really thought strong-arming her would work? He answered himself with a resounding "no."

Her eyes squinted in his direction, she paused for a moment to give him time to calm himself. It only took seconds. Exasperated, he collapsed back on the couch. Giving her an order was a useless move. Even he couldn't deny that.

In so many ways, Abbey felt like she had just met Jed. In so many others, she felt a connection so deep that her heart ached for the misery bestowed upon him. In order to prevent the argument from escalating, it was her turn to lull the tension.

She gathered her thoughts and sat beside him. "So in the twelve years that we've been married, has that chauvinistic, do-what-I-say attitude ever worked with me?"

"No," he admitted quietly. "You usually tell me off when I do that."

Another minute passed. He knew she would say it. He sensed she would say it. He held his breath waiting for her to say it.

She nodded and replied, "Good."

Predictable.

Jed couldn't help but deliver a small smile. No traumatic injury was enough to change the essence of Abbey. Just as big a smartass as her husband, it was her feisty, spunky nature that attracted him first and kept him spellbound all these years later.

He shifted his body to face her. More seriously this time, he began. "I just want to help you. Please let me help you." It wasn't a question. It was a plea.

Abbey absorbed the pain so obviously displayed on his face before she answered. His crystal blue eyes were shining with tears, his brows furrowed only to the point of expressing his deep-seeded anguish. His bottom lip even trembled slightly. Well, before he was aware of it anyway.

It took every ounce of strength and courage he could muster up to say those words. She couldn't disappoint him with an insincere reply. She wouldn't do that to him.

"I want to," she responded weakly.

But she didn't trust him. Not yet. He couldn't imagine the trauma she had endured to cause this type of damage. He didn't want to imagine it and if he didn't want to imagine it, there was no way he could rationalize forcing her to remember it.

This was about Abbey, not about him, he reminded himself. He was sacrificing his own peace of mind out of respect for hers.

"It'll take time." He didn't know if it was fear or apprehension towards him that kept her quiet. "So it's a good thing I have time."

Her parents were right. Millie was right. Jed Bartlet was a good, decent man. The evidence of that was in his body language, clearly defined by a mixture fatigue and sorrow. His life was turned upside down, his future possibly destroyed and a few outbursts notwithstanding, he was still being patient and loving.

"Thank you," she whispered.

With another deep breath, he plastered a phony smile on his face. "So I've been told that I'm the only one who can teach you about our life together. I went to the library and did some research on how to do that."

All these days she shut him out. She expected him to be resentful. She expected anger, not concern. She expected betrayal, not undying devotion. He had been doing research. And she had been caught by surprise.

"And?" She returned his cheerful mood. "Do you want to get into this?"

"If you'll let me."

Accepting his offer, she let out a sigh of relief. "Tell me about the girls first?"

"Well, from what I read, we should start from the earliest time you've blocked out and work our way to the most recent."

"But I want to know about my daughters. Please."

"Okay." He conceded without a second thought. If that's what would motivate her, so be it. "Lizzie was born in London."

"Millie told me that. I saw her picture as a newborn in one of the albums."

"She was a beautiful baby. When they placed her on your chest, the first thing you said to me was that God had just blessed us with his very own special angel. That's what we call her, even now."

Abbey smiled at the tingling sensation that was a direct result of the way he spoke of Lizzie. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. The next few years, you were the one who stayed home with her while I worked on my doctorate..."

And so it began. They sat side-by-side as he recounted snippets of their life together. Overwhelmed by the happy anecdotes he shared, she didn't mind that he chose to leave out the unhappier times. For now, the joyful memories were enough to start her on the journey towards recovery.

TBC