Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Say You Love Me Too

Chapter 13

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: A heated confrontation with Jed, lands Abbey in the emergency room, where they both discover that she's pregnant

Summary: A misunderstanding causes Jed to fear the worst; Abbey struggles to find out what Jed is thinking; a revelation puts Jed's insecurities to rest

- - -

"Abbey, did you know you were pregnant?"

Pregnant?

It was one of those times when a single word could shatter your entire existence. It could steal your comfort and replace it with irrational thoughts, fostered by mounting anxiety, the product of the implications it carried.

Jed's entire body stiffened, his palms burned with a warm sensation, quickly evaporated by a clammy breeze. His eyes were glued to Abbey. She sat motionless in her bed after the initial jarring move to position herself at the shock of the question. Her face paled considerably as the seconds ticked by. Her left brow arched slightly in curiosity. Her emerald eyes twinkled with an expression that held a combination of pain and surprise.

He could answer the question before she had been given a chance. No, she didn't know she was pregnant. It was obvious she had no clue.

"Pregnant?" she finally managed to squeak with her unexpectedly weakened voice. "I'm pregnant?"

Jed touched her gently, his hand rubbing her upper arm with reassurance. "How pregnant is she?"

"About five weeks," Dr. Leland replied.

Five weeks seemed like an eternity now. Time hadn't stood still. Five weeks ago, this nightmare began and the convoluted continuum of time became tired and restless, the hours, days, and weeks all melding into one another like a repetitive scene from a horror movie that just won't end.

It was five weeks ago that Jed stood right outside her hospital room and quizzed Robert Nolan on the injuries to his wife.

"Was she raped?" he had asked.

Suddenly, Nolan's answer seemed more important than it had been even that night. "Based on what Dr. Norton told me, I don't think she was raped," he had said.

It wasn't a conclusive answer, but it was an answer Jed wanted to hear. To his relief, there was no reason to believe that his wife had been sexually assaulted. So he accepted it without a second thought. The amnesia dominated his concentration instead as he worked towards understanding her emotional wounds. To him, the most significant part of her healing hinged on her memories of her husband and her daughters.

Until now.

A baby was growing inside her and his confusion and fear was immediately multiplied. Was this what Abbey had worked so hard to forget? Was this why she blocked out fourteen years of her life? Was she afraid that Jed, the man to whom she pledged her heart, mind, and body, would blame her if he knew she had been raped?

Just the thought of the anguish she must have experienced clouded his vision with tears. With a tight swallow, he turned to the doctor. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

All Abbey could see in Jed's body language was raw devastation. She reached for the hand that was now resting on her elbow. "Jed?"

He didn't respond. "Is the baby okay?" he asked as he stared down at her belly.

"The baby is all right," Leland answered. "But Abbey, you're going to have to watch your stress level. I know this has been a difficult time, but if you don't take care of yourself..."

"Don't worry," Jed interjected as he stroked the top of Abbey's head. "She's going to be fine."

She returned his soft smile with one of her own. "Thank you."

His possessiveness apparent in the way he adoringly stared at his wife, Jed's demeanor transformed abruptly. He wasn't angry. Just determined. "Can I take her home now? I'd like to take her home."

"I think that would be a good idea, provided she promises to see her regular doctor this week, start a course of prenatal care, and avoid the stress that put her here."

The stress of trying to force her to remember that fateful night. That's what put her here. Jed wouldn't let it happen ever again. "I'll make sure she does."

"I'll give you some privacy so you can get dressed. The nurse will be in with some further instructions."

As Dr. Leland left, Abbey watched her husband carefully pick up the folded jogging suit that sat on a chair in the corner of the room. His head hung low as he rumpled the seam, his fingers subconsciously exploring the rich fabric of the burgundy velour.

"Jed?" No response. "Jed?" she asked a little stronger.

"What?"

"We didn't plan this pregnancy, did we?"

"You're in the middle of your residency, Abbey. We have two kids at home who don't see you as much as they want. No, we didn't plan this pregnancy."

She stared down at the foot of the bed, purposely losing eye contact with him. "That's why you're so upset."

Panged by regret, he moved closer to her and covered her hands with his own. "I asked you a question at home. You never answered it."

"We have a lot to talk about."

"Yes, we do." His voice was shaky, not at all reflective of the strength she had seen just moments before. "But right now, I have to know if you trust me."

"Yes. I trust you."

He opened his mouth, believing that the release of his question would relieve his hurt, that she would assure him that she hadn't been raped, that the smidgen of hope that came with the possibility that the life inside her was created the night before she was attacked would be confirmed.

But the chance that it wouldn't, stopped him.

Finding out that someone hurt his wife in the worst way a man could hurt a woman and still let her live, would destroy him. Just the possibility of it filled him with fury so overpowering that it energized him with hate and vengeance. Abbey had pledged her heart, mind, and body to him. And in return, he privately vowed to protect her from the evil of the world. He was the one who broke his promise. Not her. Never her. He had already convinced himself this was his fault.

He wanted her permission to go to Dr. Norton, the one who examined her after her ordeal. He wanted to drive her home and put her to bed so he could rush to the police station and ask if the generic term "assailant" was a synonym for "rapist" in his wife's case. He wanted so many things.

But what he really wanted at that moment in time was to hold Abbey in his arms, break through the self-imposed barriers, and convince her it was okay to remember what happened to her. He longed to force her eyes to lock with his so his powers of persuasion could erase her fears and remind her that she was safe. That she was loved.

He couldn't do that.

He couldn't protect her that night, but he had to protect her now, even if that meant helping her drown out the demons that stole her memory.

Abbey waved a hand in front of him when he seemed to be looking right through her. "Jed?"

"I'm sorry."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Why you're so unhappy about this baby? I mean, I didn't expect you to be elated, given the circumstances, but I also didn't expect you to look mortified about the whole thing."

"I'm not," he said softly. "I'll help you get dressed."

"I can manage." It was a polite way of implying that she wanted her privacy.

"Of course." Unwilling to leave her alone, he walked into the small bathroom and closed the door.

"Two hours ago, you told me that we don't lie to each other," she called out to him.

She wasn't seriously questioning HIS honesty at the end of the day. She couldn't be.

"Yeah."

"So why are you lying to me?" Looks like she was. "What should I know?"

"Abbey."

"Jed, seriously. What should I know?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you should know." At least not yet. He wouldn't burden her with his thoughts until he was certain his concerns weren't rooted in pessimism. If Abbey had been raped, the trauma of remembering it before she was ready, might have been more detrimental than the trauma of living it.

She paused as she looked down at her naked belly. Not even a small bulge. No detectable trace of a pregnancy. Not a cosmetic one anyway. But as her hand cupped her stomach, she couldn't stop the onslaught of memories rushing into her mind. Nor did she want to.

This wasn't her first pregnancy. Logically, she knew that. But now, she was relying on more than just logic. A smile invaded her features as she flashed back to an earlier time, a time when she was measuring her waist every single day, a time when she actually took note of how long it took for a pregnant woman's feet to disappear from her eyesight when looking down with an obstructed view, a time when swollen ankles and morning sickness prompted Jed to pamper her like a queen.

It was all a prelude to her best memory - the day they placed Elizabeth in her arms. And unlike all the others, this memory didn't just vanish in the scope of a few seconds. It lasted far longer. She remembered Jed's hesitation in holding her, the conversation spoken between husband and wife as she encouraged him to take his newborn daughter in his arms.

And then something else happened. She remembered Ellie. She remembered the domineering way Jed took Ellie moments after she was born. Obviously, a lot had changed in those six years. He had become an assertive father, confident in his ability and his love for his daughter.

It intrigued her. Never had she wanted to know more about those six years than she did in that instant. Never had there been a greater desire to remember her husband and learn about his past.

"Are you finished?" Jed asked from behind the closed door.

She shrugged out of her daydream and threw her t-shirt over her head, slipping into her jacket when she was done. "Yeah, but we still have to wait for the nurse so make yourself comfortable."

He peered out from the bathroom to join her. "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?"

She couldn't help but notice the way he was drawn to her stomach, his glance never leaving her midsection. "Do you want another baby?"

It took him several minutes to decide how to approach the subject. "I'm happy about this pregnancy, if that's what you're asking."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Not now, Abbey."

"Why not? I'm trying like hell not to be upset about this, to tell myself it's all going to be okay. Then I look at you and I know it's not."

"I'm sorry." Jed wrapped an arm around her shoulder, hesitant to take her into a full embrace without provocation from her. A wise move since she pulled away rather quickly.

"Is it the timing? Is it that my being pregnant now is bad for my career or your career or Lizzie and Ellie?"

"It's not the timing of the pregnancy." He struggled to bite his tongue before blurting out it was the timing of conception.

"Then what?"

A little misdirection was needed. "How can you ask that? Just a few hours ago, you threatened to walk out on me. Now we find out you're pregnant and you're wondering why I'm not shouting it from the rooftops?"

"I shouldn't have said that I would leave you. It was unfair."

He nodded in agreement. "I love you. And I love this baby because it's part of you. Why can't that be enough? Just for now?"

'Part of you,' he said. Not 'part of us.' She noticed.

"Five weeks," she reminded him. "That would put it right around the night..."

"I've already done the math," he replied.

"Dr. Leland said the baby isn't showing any signs of distress."

"I heard her."

"I just meant that isn't what you're upset about. I mean, it did occur to me that maybe he or she was injured that night, but, thankfully, that's not the case. So I have another question." Abbey turned from him slightly as she finally realized what was going on. "What did they tell you about that night?"

"Who?"

"The doctors. The police. What did they tell you?"

"Why does that matter?"

She returned to her spot directly in front of him. "I want to know."

It was a clear invitation to open up to her. But he resisted. Determined to get his answers from her doctors or the police instead of risking her health, he avoided the question, as well as her. "They take forever to sign you out of this place, don't they?"

She extended her hand to spin him back around so they were face-to-face. "They told you I wasn't raped, right?" The words jolted him. "Right?"

He stood frozen, unable to move from her grasp, unable to give a clear answer. "They...Robert...he said...I don't know, Abbey. It was a long night."

"For all of us."

He could see the sincerity in her eyes. She looked vulnerable and afraid, but at least she was adamant about what she was saying. Perplexed and unsure, he was initially silent.

After several small breaths, he continued. "He said he didn't know for sure. He said he didn't think...but then I never followed through. We found out you couldn't even remember me, let alone what happened that night. I was so scared that I'd lose you that I never went back to make absolutely, positively sure that Robert was right. I didn't ask. I let it go."

"So ask me."

A tricky request. He squinted and shook his head in confusion.

"No."

If he didn't ask, then she couldn't change the answer she had already given.

"I'll answer anyway. I wasn't raped, Jed." She took a step closer to him, framed his face in the palm of her hands, and repeated herself. "I was not raped."

He railed against the possibility of letting go of his rage to contemplate the facts. Her facts. "You know that?"

"Don't you think it's the first thing they checked at the hospital? I may not remember what happened, but I was there during the exam. I wasn't raped." He stared at her blankly, unwilling to show much emotion. "I know I lied to you before. I'm telling you the truth now. If you want to check with the doctor..."

There it went. Now, he could allow a tiny bit of anger to melt. He was still a fury-driven husband who wanted to avenge his wife's attack, but there was one less obstacle to overcome. The bastard that hurt her hadn't sexually violated her. The baby inside her hadn't been conceived out of hate.

He didn't need confirmation this time. Memory or not, Abbey would never be less than completely honest about this. "I believe you."

She wasn't sure she deserved his blind faith, but she'd certainly accept it. This time, she was the one who reached out to him. Her hands slipped from his face to grasp each other as they circled his neck. That was the provocation he wanted. He looped his arms around her waist and enveloped her in a hug so close, he could feel his pent-up emotions rising to the surface.

"If you had been...it wouldn't have changed anything. I was just upset at the news, not at you. You know that, don't you?" His voice sullied with unshed tears, the words were broken and barely coherent.

But she understood. More importantly, she didn't have to. She already knew. The man standing in front of her was decent and loving. It would have been impossible for him to turn his back on her. She knew him. She knew his heart. She knew his soul. Some things even amnesia couldn't take away.

She answered with a quick peck on his lips as she pushed herself back into his embrace. He stroked her hair softly while it dawned on him he hadn't solved the mystery after all. He hadn't found the reason behind her memory lapse. But right now, that didn't matter. With his eyes closed, he inhaled deeply.

Pregnant. Abbey was pregnant. And it was the best news he had heard in five weeks.

TBC