Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Say You Love Me Too

Chapter 14

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Jed and Abbey learned she was five weeks pregnant; Jed feared the worst when he heard about the baby; Abbey convinced Jed she wasn't raped

Summary: Abbey finally opens up and tells Jed the truth then apologizes for misleading him; Jed admits he was hurt by Abbey's lie; Jed tries to get Abbey to take her physical therapy seriously; the consequences of Jed's story surprise them both

- - -

As the door to the master bedroom opened, a feeling of peace washed over Abbey. She didn't expect it. She took a few steps inside and slowed her stride considerably, turning her eyes from corner to corner.

She had avoided this bedroom since she came back to the house. Nestled in the back of the hallway, away from the other rooms, it wasn't difficult to duck the haunting images she assumed she'd see on the other side of the closed door. It was her way of self-preservation, of avoiding a trigger that could propel her down a seemingly endless whirlwind of memories she wasn't ready to retrieve.

But to her surprise, she wasn't confronted with haunting images at all. The room was beautiful. It was comfortable. It was familiar.

Jed stood behind her, his stare transfixed on her facial expressions as she took a hold of the jacquard-woven chenille comforter. Her fingers traced the gold embroidered scrolls and bronze leaf print as her eyes closed. He could tell just by looking at her. She was remembering something.

The dark wood mahogany bed was a favorite of Abbey's. Jed had bought it as a surprise when he found her thumbing through a catalog, repeatedly coming back to that particular style. He hoped that's what was flooding her mind when she suddenly explored the round posts and cresting arches of the frame.

But it wasn't.

She wasn't remembering the night she walked into the bedroom with his hands covering her view. Or the soft, feminine squeal when he finally removed them, revealing the bed she hadn't even asked for, dressed up with a large red bow.

What she was remembering was a bit deeper, a bit further on the timeline. She remembered the nights they spent in that bed. The vision of the two of them cradled in each other's arms, falling asleep together was a happy memory. A safe memory. One she didn't want to end.

But just as with all the others, it did end. The flashback escaped her just as quickly as it came.

"It's a beautiful room," she said as she circled around herself, her eyes glazing over the beige walls and taupe trim, coming to rest on a portrait of her and Jed hanging opposite the closet.

"You decorated it," he replied with a smile. "This is a lot more comfortable than the bed in the den."

"Jed..."

"Don't argue with me. I just brought you home from the hospital. I want you in here where I won't worry about you. I'll sleep in the den."

"I was just going to say..." she paused, allowing for a second of silence. "I was going to say thank you."

"You're welcome. Now get some sleep. The girls will be home in a few hours."

She took a quick step towards him just as he turned towards the door. "Wait!" He turned back with alarm. "Will you stay with me for just a few minutes? Help me get settled?"

"Of course." He helped her slip out of her jacket and untuck her t-shirt. "Do you want me to get you a pair of pajamas?"

"These are fine."

He pulled back the sheets and waited for her to slide underneath before tucking her in. "Are you comfortable?"

"I'm okay. But I'd love it if you'd stay for a little while."

"How about I stay until you fall asleep?" he asked as he sat on the edge of his side of the mattress.

"Tell me a story?"

He chuckled. "What story?"

"The story of how we got pregnant. I want to know about the night we made this baby."

His smile immediately curved. Her request was unexpected. "Now?" He lowered his head as she nodded. "Abbey, why don't you sleep now. It's been a rough day. The girls will be home soon and they're going to want to see you."

He was distant. She didn't have to ask why. She knew why. The unspoken words between them were suddenly deafening with the saddened glance he shot her way. An interrupted confrontation was a confrontation nonetheless. It was painfully obvious the fight that had been postponed by the trip to the emergency room hadn't been resolved, nor forgiven.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "About before. I'm sorry for everything."

She was trying. And had he not been concerned for her health, he wouldn't have tried to stop her. "We don't have to talk about that now."

"Jed, I'm fine. Really. I want to talk about it. I want to tell you all the things I haven't told you yet."

"There are other things?" he suspiciously asked.

Abbey shifted slightly, focusing on the domed chest sneaking up just above the footboard. It was better than facing her husband when she finally admitted the truth.

"When I was in the hospital...that night...after..." As her voice broke softly, he rubbed her arm for reassurance. "I didn't want you to touch me. I didn't want to talk to you."

"Yeah," he replied, his tone somber yet curious.

"Afterwards, the only thing I was interested in remembering was the girls. I wanted to know everything about my daughters and nothing about you." She looked to him to gauge his reaction. "I know I hurt you."

He couldn't deny the pain, but he wanted to relieve her guilt. "You were scared. I understand that."

"No, you don't. You don't because I don't even understand. I'm ashamed to admit it, Jed, but I was afraid...of you."

"Of what I'd think?"

"No. Just of you."

It was his turn to inhale deeply and, in the process, try to hide the sharp sting that burned his heart. How could Abbey ever be afraid of him, he wondered. He wasn't a violent man. He wasn't an abusive man. He believed that no amount of trauma could ever rip away her basic human instincts about the man to whom she committed her entire life. He was wrong.

"Of me?"

"My parents, Millie, everyone kept telling me about this wonderful marriage we had. I didn't believe it. I don't know why, but I didn't. That's not true. I do know why. I guess it was easier to admit that I didn't remember you because we weren't so close. It was all a facade. I mean, if we really were soul mates, I'd have to be mentally disturbed not to remember."

"No, Abbey. It's not your fault you didn't remember."

"Let me finish. I fought against the fairytale everyone tried to convince me was true and, while I was doing that, part of me wondered if maybe you were involved..."

Upset by her revelation, he stood up forcefully. "The police cleared me. That night, they cleared me!"

"I know they did," she insisted, shocked and remorseful at the same time. "Jed, please. I just want to explain this to you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm discovering how very wrong I was and I want you to understand." She extended her hand across the bed, hoping he'd take it. "Please?"

Her plea didn't go unanswered. "I've never..." he began as he joined her. "I've never laid an angry hand on you. I would never hurt you. I'd rather die than to ever hurt you."

"I know," she interrupted. "I'm so ashamed for even thinking it. I was on such an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't know what to believe."

It was a hard truth to hear, but when the momentary outrage passed, it left in its wake a twinge of sympathy for the turmoil that had gripped Abbey's senses. He wanted to blame her for her suspicions, to ask her how she could ever doubt his love, to force her to look so deep inside herself that she couldn't help but instinctively know that he would never, ever harm her in any way.

But he couldn't do that. None of this was her fault. To her, he was a stranger, ranting through the hospital corridors looking for answers that night. Of course she was frightened.

He calmed himself before addressing her. "If I ask you something, will you be honest?"

"Yes."

His heart raced as he forced the words to leave his mouth. "How do you feel about me now?"

Her grin reflected the unmistakable warmth inside her. "That night you came to pick up Ellie, I felt something I couldn't remember ever feeling before. I couldn't even comprehend it at the time. I just knew that I wanted to talk to you, to spend time with you."

"That's why you invited me to stay and have ice cream."

She allowed a moment to pass before confirming with a nod. "Now I know what it was."

"What what was?"

"The feeling. I know what it was I was feeling. I didn't remember ever feeling it before because I'm not sure I ever had felt it before the day we met."

"What was it?"

"Love." He struggled to keep his composure and prevent himself from softening too quickly when her hand reached his. "I know it because I felt it again when you were braiding Lizzie's hair the night of her recital. I felt it today when you carried me into the ER, when you told me that you'd love this baby because it was a part of me even though you had doubts about whether or not it was a part of you."

Fighting back any tears of joy that may have been lurking under his skeptical glare, he moved away from her touch. "Don't tell me this."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hear it," he reluctantly confessed.

She knew what he refused to say was that he didn't want to be lied to. But she deserved it. His wounds were still raw, his emotions still vulnerable.

She conceded quickly as she rolled her body away from him. "Okay."

"Abbey."

"I said it was okay."

"Can you blame me?"

"Am I blaming you?" she asked with her head twisted to face him.

"You're upset."

She flipped back around so fiercely, it caused the bed to bounce with the motion. "I am upset. You're absolutely right."

"Well don't you think that's a little out of line? I'm the one who has a right to be pissed."

"I didn't say I was pissed. I said I was upset. I'm frustrated."

"Really? Because you sound pissed."

"I'm not pissed," she snapped a bit more forcefully than she intended. Husband and wife stared at one another, silence lingering between them in the few agonizing seconds that passed. Abbey finally looked away to fluff her pillow behind her and she muttered, "Jackass."

Jackass. She called him a jackass. "You haven't said that in a while."

"What?"

"You haven't called me a jackass." She didn't look surprised that she had done it just now. "Do you remember calling me a jackass?" With her brows creased, her eyes pierced into him speechlessly. "Abbey?"

"Yes, I remember," she acknowledged somewhat quietly before continuing with an adamant edge to her voice. "And yes, I'm telling you the truth."

"Maybe we just shouldn't discuss this now. I don't want you so upset."

Ignoring the conversation, even temporarily, wouldn't make it go away. It would simply make it more intense when they finally decided to work towards closing the gaping rift between them. She wouldn't allow that to happen.

"I was afraid."

Jarred by her second confession of the night, he dismissed the topic. "You've already given this speech. You were afraid of me. I don't need to hear it again."

"No. I mean after. I lied to you about my memory because I was afraid."

His gaze changed slightly. She was opening up. At least, she was starting to. "Of what?"

"Of the memories. That night we had dinner, I did remember us...at first. I remembered our trip to Martha's Vineyard, I remembered proposing to you, then you proposing to me. I remembered that, I swear."

"Okay."

"But then, I remembered him...the person who did this." She swallowed hard as she recounted the memory. "He was on top of me, whispering some things in my ear. I don't know what. But he was so heavy, he was nearly suffocating me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't scream. I was so scared."

"Abbey."

"It terrified me. I wasn't ready. So I stopped myself. I intentionally stopped my mind from thinking about the past and instead, I focused on stray objects at the restaurant - the tablecloth, the napkin, a glass, anything but what you were saying - and I just nodded politely every time you made a reference to our wedding and to London and to our life together."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I would have helped you. I would have taken you home and we would have worked it out together."

"You would have told me not to fight it, that I needed to remember." Even in a state of amnesia, she knew him so well. "I didn't want to."

"Why would you remember him when you're thinking of me?"

"There is no reason. The memories aren't connected. It just means my mind is ready to remember everything."

"So why are you fighting it?"

"Because my heart isn't," she answered quickly. "I just want you to know that it isn't you I don't want to remember. I do. I just don't know how."

His stare held compassion laced with love. "I'll never push you again. I won't make you remember anything you don't want to."

Her fingers slid between his as she took his hand in hers. "I'm so sorry I lied to you."

"You've already apologized. You don't have to do it again."

"I do. Because I'm just now seeing how much I hurt you. And I'm realizing how much your hurt hurts me. "

It finally happened. A single, abandoned tear made its way slowly down Jed's cheek. In the past five weeks, she had seen his eyes shine with tears, but this was the first time he made no effort to stop it. And that was because, for the first time, he had his old Abbey back and overwhelming relief had finally escaped from the shadow of fear.

She reached up gently, placing her hands on his face, her fingers curled towards his head, her thumb positioned precisely under his eye as she swept it across, tenderly removing another drop before it could fall to his chin.

He covered her hand with his, bringing it down to his lips where he kissed it softly then noticed the pale scratches that were marred with blue and purple spots. "Are you afraid of this too?"

Surprised, she abruptly jerked from his hold. "Don't."

"I'm sorry. I just...you were opening up. I just thought we could talk about everything." She bit down on her bottom lip as she apprehensively placed her hand back in his palm. "You've been skipping out on your physical therapy."

"Yeah."

"You and I both know you've never shied away from physical pain. What is it about the physical therapy that has you running the other way?"

"Jed."

"Abbey, you're finally telling me everything. Don't stop now. Please don't shut me out."

"It isn't getting any better."

"It's going to take time."

"I've given it time. I'm helpless."

"No, you're not. Don't ever say that. You just have to try harder."

She let out a sarcastic laugh. "As opposed to not trying at all? It's not working."

"It will happen. And if it doesn't, surgery is still an option."

"No." She tried to pull away again only to have him strengthen his hold on her wrist.

"Abbey."

"I don't want surgery."

"You doctors really are your own worst patients."

"You're just discovering that now?"

She cocked her head to the side in that stubborn way that usually stopped him in his tracks. The hand surgery would be a relatively safe procedure, more than likely repairing all the damage and opening the door for her career as a surgeon. If only she'd allow it.

"Once upon a time, there was this beautiful queen named Abigail."

"What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted a story. I'm telling you a story."

"You're setting me up."

With his index finger delicately pressed against her forehead, he pushed her back against her pillow. "Lay down and be quiet." She rolled her eyes, but acquiesced pretty quickly. "Abigail grew up in this bustling village named..." he paused to gather his thoughts. "...Absville, where she was taught that anything she wanted, she could have as long as she worked for it."

"Absville?" she laughed.

"Absville. And everyone outside of Absville wanted to live in Absville because they knew that's where Queen Abigail lived, where she was raised with aspirations that outweighed all the other female Ableteers."

Her hands popped up in front of her as she teased him. "Okay, you have to stop. Ableteers?"

"Most of them wanted families, some wanted careers, but our Abigail didn't just want one or the other. She wanted to get married and raise little princesses and, at the same time, become a world-renowned surgeon."

Abbey looked at him lovingly, as entranced in his story as she'd expect Lizzie and Ellie to be. "Are you an 'Ableteer' too?"

"Shhh. Anyway, when our fair Queen graduated college, she married King Josiah, a pretty handsome fellow - I've seen the pictures."

"And lived happily ever after?"

"Not quite. She and the King had a little princess they named Elizabeth. And while Josiah went off to graduate school, our kind and loving Queen sacrificed her own educational ambition to stay home with Princess Elizabeth."

"I already know this," she whispered.

"I'm getting to the good part," he replied. "Finally, when it was the family's turn to make Abigail's dream come true, something happened. Abigail had been a model student throughout her undergraduate years and even her first two years of medical school. Part of that was thanks to her manipulation skills at hoodwinking our considerate King."

"I hoodwinked you?"

Jed nodded profusely. "There were times when King Josiah was sitting on the sofa, reading a book and within a matter of minutes, he'd be naked and spread eagle on the bed, as Abigail played Pin The Muscle or Nerve on the Torso for her Anatomy class."

Abbey couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry, just the thought of that..."

He shot her a slightly less-than-amused stare and continued. "But in her third year, Abigail was targeted by this mean and evil gargoyle."

"The gargoyle went to medical school?"

"Who's telling this story?" he asked rhetorically as he broke character.

"How about I just be quiet?"

"So this gargoyle - we'll call him Kyle the Beast - thought that Abigail's goals should better reflect those of her fellow Ableteers. So he harassed her, humiliated her, even brought her to tears. He didn't know our Abigail. He thought she was fragile and insecure. She wasn't. Abigail wasn't a shrinking violet. She was a fighter."

"Jed." Abbey's humorous exterior had faded. She squirmed under the covers to pull herself to a sitting position.

Realizing that she was catching on to the diversion, he hurried through the rest of the story. "She didn't quit. She came home and she studied and she prepared herself for all those hospital rotations and eventually, she outshined all the other students and even Kyle the Beast and graduated at the top of her class."

"Jed, that isn't true," she declared in a very serious tone. "I didn't do it. You made me do it. You stayed up with me night after night studying. You read to me when I was so exhausted from reading the textbook that my eyes were closing involuntarily. You and Lizzie quizzed me every single night to get me ready for the boards."

The only sound in the room was that of the shallow breaths they both exchanged. "How did you know all that?"

The memories of the USMLE study sessions had taken root in her mind days earlier, but something was different now. They were clearer, crisper. She stared straight ahead as she made another request.

"Tell me the story of the night we conceived this baby. Now."

"Wait a minute, Abbey..."

"Right now!" she demanded without turning to face him.

"What is it?"

She finally looked to him, confused yet excited at the same time. "I think I remember."

TBC