Please note This chapter is marked R for graphic violence. If you're bothered by that, feel free to skip and we'll catch you up in the next chapter!

Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Say You Love Me Too

Chapter 21

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Abbey reached a compromise with Jed to let him call the shots at her therapy session; when a disturbing memory surfaced, Abbey gasped in horror

Summary: Jed is cautiously supportive as Abbey attempts to remember the details of the night of the attack; Abbey stops the therapy session when she's faced with something that frightens her

- - -

Abbey gasped loudly, unprepared for what she remembered next.

"Abbey?" Jed called.

The mental anguish was visible in the lines on her face. Her eyes were small, her brows creased, her jaw virtually clenched shut. She fell silent after her gasp, her mind still grappling with the memories that had drained the color from her skin.

"Abbey?" Susan repeated.

Jed squeezed her hand, expecting some kind of response. "Honey, please talk to me."

She was stiff as a board. No expression. No reaction. She couldn't even blink. He ran his hand over her head in a soothing stroke to remind her of where she was.

Abbey shook her head in an attempt to shrug off whatever was capturing her focus. "I'm okay."

"What happened?" Susan asked.

"I don't know. I just...I don't know."

"Where were you just now? Were you remembering that night? Were you remembering something else?"

"I really don't know. It was in bits and pieces." Her voice was small and broken. "I can't figure it out."

Jed moved himself a little closer to his wife. "Is this too much?"

Abbey turned to face him. His support and comfort was glowing in the warm blue eyes that twinkled with concern. "No, I'm feeling okay. I want to continue."

Against his better judgment, he reluctantly conceded. "Okay. As long as you're sure."

"I am."

Susan leaned forward towards her patient. "Abbey, can you tell me what you just remembered? Describe it to me."

"It wasn't a real memory. It was fear. It was this incredible feeling of fear."

"It's what you were feeling that night." With no verbal or physical response, she added, "You're safe here, Abbey. You're in control. You have to know that before we can continue."

Abbey looked around the room. From the time she began therapy, the neutral carpet and burgundy-stained walls of this office provided her a safe harbor. She could be open here. Fearless. She could talk about her darkest nightmares and her lightest memories, protected by the belief that this place was private and secure.

"I know."

Susan noticed Jed running his free hand furiously through his hair, the other still tightly gripping Abbey's. "Do you guys want a few minutes to readjust?"

"That would be great actually," Jed answered before Abbey could open her mouth.

"I'll be right outside." Susan left as Jed stood to close the door behind her.

He turned back around, nearly startling himself with the sight before him. Abbey was slumped over, crouching in her seat, dwarfed by the brown leather that surrounded her.

"I'm fine." Her whisper was so soft, it was as if she was trying to convince only herself.

"Look at me."

She raised her head towards him. "I don't know what to say."

He kneeled down in front of her, careful not to place a finger over her lips as he used to do. That gesture only frightened her now.

"You don't have to say anything. You don't have to explain anything. Ever."

"I thought I was ready, but it's still so hard."

"You're doing great."

"Sure I am," she sputtered sarcastically.

"You are," he assured her as he tilted his head the same direction as hers. "Abbey, you are the bravest person I know. You're the strongest person I've ever met. I could never do what you're doing here. I'd be way too scared."

"I appreciate you're trying to make me feel better..."

"It isn't about making you feel better. It's the truth." She cocked her head to the opposite side and he followed. "I haven't told you this since the attack and I have no idea if you remember knowing it, but I when I was a kid, my father used to beat me."

She took his hand, sympathetically nodding with closed eyes. "I know."

"If someone asked me to walk them through some of those dark, painful nights, I'd go out of my mind. I wouldn't be able to do it."

"That's not true. You told me those stories."

"Not everything. And the things I did tell you, it was years after it happened. Something like that, Abbey...it's just difficult to talk about. I can't imagine the torment you went through just SIX WEEKS ago. I can't imagine the turmoil you're still in. The fact that you're here, that you're doing this, it speaks volumes about your courage."

"Thank you for saying that." He may have been convinced, but she wasn't. That was obvious.

"I'm serious. You have strength inside of you I never could have imagined. You've already come so far in such a short amount of time. Nothing will change that. If you want to get up and leave right now, just say the word. It won't change anything."

"That isn't what I want." At least her determination hadn't waned.

Jed stood up and slid next to her on the sofa. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes."

"No nausea, no lightheadedness, no pain?"

"No. None at all."

He touched her forehead with the back of his hand and patted her belly lightly. "Then I'll leave it up to you."

"I want to stay. I have to stay. I have to do this."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. This is in your hands. You can stop it whenever you want." After a deep breath, he repeated himself. "Whenever YOU want to, Abbey."

She flashed him a warm smile. "I know."

"I'm right here, okay? No matter what, I'm staying right here. You're safe."

"I know that too," she squeaked as she rested her head against his shoulder and wiped a few newly shed tears from her eyes.

"Should I get Susan?"

Abbey sat back against the cushions, her legs slightly teetering with anxiety. She'd have to start all over again. She knew that. She was prepared for it. This time, she needed to get as far as she could to make sense of the jumbled images that seemed warped and distorted.

Her mind trailed back to that crisp night in May. A light wind breezed through the air. bringing with it just a bit of a seasonal chill. The sun had set and the gorgeous red and purple hues melted into one of a deep navy blue. She took notice of the moonlight that bounced off the cars as she approached her own.

Behind her, a soft sound clicked at her heels. Her defenses were alert and ready as she instinctively spun around. But she saw nothing. She continued walking. She turned once again when she sensed she wasn't alone.

This time, she was right.

With little physical space between them, the strong, masculine stranger's glove-covered hands pulled her hair, curled her fingers around her keys, then held her helpless in his arms as he ran. The adrenaline coursed through her veins. Those few seconds seemed like an endless battle for her life. For her sanity. A battle she eventually lost.

She struggled to find her breath as he pressed her head deeper into his body to stifle the screams. The feeling of suffocation was overwhelming, even in her memories. Her body's fight-or-flight mechanism had been thrown out of whack and she drowned in the paralyzing response to the sudden abduction and violence.

Pictures exploded in her head and she couldn't stop the onslaught of emotions that accompanied the faces of her loved ones - Jed, Elizabeth, and Ellie taking center stage from the start.

She stopped the memory abruptly with yet another gasp.

"Abbey?" Susan reached her hand out to hers.

"I'm sorry," Abbey replied with a shrug.

"You were doing great. Can you continue?"

"I don't think she can," Jed interjected.

"Yes, I can," Abbey insisted.

He let out a frustrated breath. "Remember what we talked about? You said I would have a say in this."

"You do." She gently glided her nail over his thumb as he lovingly stroked her hair.

"Are you sure you're all right?" He cupped her chin to force her head up. "Are you absolutely positive?"

Her eyes still grounded, she nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay," Jed replied with hesitation.

Susan led her back to that night. "What happened next?"

Abbey allowed a long pause to muster the mental strength to continue. "He was running so fast and my mouth kept hitting his shoulder. It felt like my teeth were cutting through my lips."

"Where did he take you?"

"I don't know," she answered quickly, desperate to shut down the memory before it could take root in her present mind.

"Think about it, Abbey. You can do this."

He dropped her flat on her back onto a clear patch of grass blocks away from the hospital. The blow knocked the wind right out of her. She struggled against the domineering hold on her wrist, the latex gloves irritating her skin.

"He was wearing those gloves."

"What kind of gloves?"

"Latex gloves. Just like the ones we have at the hospital."

She twisted herself in hopes of getting out from underneath him, but her futile attempts were met with the back of his hand. He smacked her cheek so hard, her head snapped to the other side. Then, another slap bounced off her lip. The taste of blood repulsed her and involuntary tears stung her eyes.

He took his thumb to her wet lashes, abrasively scraping the delicate skin. She pushed herself hard into the ground, hopelessly trying to escape the confrontation with the shiny silver blade that came dangerously close to her neck and skirted contact by a mere inch. She watched attentively, horrified when he dropped it to her breasts and sliced her shirt and bra in one quick motion.

"Abbey?" Susan noticed her shorter breaths. "Stay with me. Take a second to calm yourself down."

"He said something."

"What did he say?"

"'She left.' He said 'she left.'"

"Who was he talking about? Who left?"

"That's what I asked him."

"And what did he say?"

He didn't say anything. He only strengthened his grip on her body, holding her so tight her fingers began to tingle. With her free hand, she reached towards him as he stared down at her, his lips mumbling something she couldn't hear. She tried to grab the handle of the knife, but missed when he jerked it violently from her grasp, cutting the flesh on her hand with the blade. He ran the weapon over the blood, teasing her with the threat of another slice.

He let go of her other wrist. His temper becoming more pronounced, his movements were erratic. She presented her arms to shield her body. He slashed her other hand with one stroke, but she didn't relinquish the fight. Hormones invaded her bloodstream. The adrenaline was unyielding. Her knees locked and strongly struck him from behind. Her injured palms were winding around his wrist as he leaned forward to hit her. He twirled the knife between their bodies and suddenly, his chest dropped onto the blade and a flow of blood covered them both.

Her gaze followed his down to the stream that dripped from his body onto the grass. He cut himself. He gasped in pain, his eyes widening with the realization. She pulled her arms around and pushed his frozen frame off to the side, then crawled to her knees, her cuts burning as she leaned forward to help herself up. He grabbed her ankle and turned her back around.

"Oh God." Jed spoke softly as he gave his wife's fingers a tight squeeze of support.

"What happened next, Abbey?"

Next was the most terrifying part, the part where she surrendered.

She had been fighting for her life, but now, the fight was gone. The pain was overwhelming and her energy had been zapped. She moaned in agony as he sat on top of her, once again teasing her with the knife. His own breath ragged and his body starting to go into shock, he whispered something more she couldn't understand.

"Please don't this," she had pleaded, her only hope of saving her life.

"Shut up!" he screamed, visibly losing strength as he did.

"I have two little girls who need me," she cried.

Abbey abruptly buckled in her seat, bringing herself back to the present with a powerful jolt. At first, Jed was caught off-guard, but recovered almost immediately to close the gap of distance between them.

"ABBEY!" he shouted. His arms stretched to gather her in an embrace.

"I want to stop. I want to stop now."

"Okay, we can stop."

"Abbey, what happened?" Susan asked. "What did he do?"

"I can't..."

"You don't have to remember it again. Just tell me what it was you remembered. Can you do that?"

"She said she wants to stop!" Jed exploded.

"She can stop. That's fine. But unless we want to lose everything we accomplished here today, she needs to tell us what it was that scared her so badly just now." Susan softened her voice and adopted a more gentle approach. "Abbey, can you tell me about the last thing you remember?"

"You don't have to, Honey," Jed added. "If it's too upsetting, you don't have to."

Abbey rested her head against his chest, a tearless tremble emphasizing her vulnerability. "It wasn't me. It wasn't just me he wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"When he was on top of me, when I was trying to talk to him, I saw..."

Susan leaned forward, straining to hear Abbey's quiet voice. "What?"

"I don't know how this happened. I remember that it wasn't me he was hurting. It wasn't me he was after."

Jed pulled himself back slightly to look down at her face. "Who was it?"

"Lizzie."

TBC