A lighthearted look at what might go through the mind of our beloved snarky git if he came upon Fanfiction Dot Net.
"Why are all these women throwing themselves at me? I'm repulsive!"
"Why are all these women throwing themselves at me? I'm gay!"
"Why are all these men throwing themselves at me? I'm repulsive!"
"Why am I throwing myself at ANYONE? Who needs love when I have my potions?"
"When did I have time to learn to Tango? Do they think Voldemort gave us finishing lessons?"
"I'm pregnant? Oooooooookay."
"Why do these folks think I'm just lonely, or just afraid to let anyone get close to me? I'm a prick. That's it. It don't go no deeper than that!"
"WHY would I have had a schoolboy fling with Sirius OR Remus OR James? Or, Merlin forbid, ALL THREE AT ONCE? I hated them!"
"I'm a woman? Boggles the mind."
"I'm pregnant AGAIN? Did nobody take Health 101 in school?"
"Why is it always ME who gets kidnapped and tortured to within an inch of my life? Can't they give Black a turn?"
"And why is it always POTTER who saves me? That boy's had an Avada Kedavra with my name on it for years, now."
"WHY AM I IN BED WITH POTTER? "
"Me...and...Granger... Someone has missed their daily medicinal potion."
"ALL RIGHT... I AM A MAN, I CANNOT #bleep#ING GET PREGNANT!"