Title: April Showers
Author: suek
Rating: Fiction Rated T
Disclaimer: All characters contained herein belong to Michael Crichton, Amblin, Constant C, NBC and all sorts of other people. I'm just borrowing them!
Spoilers: No episode specific spoilers, set in season 11.
Content Warning: Mild SC.
Neela stormed away from the El train, her demeanour echoing the thunderous downpour that fell all around her. She had absolutely no rational explanation for her behaviour, she just knew that she couldn't stand to be in the apartment for a second longer. She wasn't sure what she was trying to achieve by going to the hospital, but she didn't really have anywhere else to go.
Chicago was covered by a thick blanket of murky grey, violent flashes streaking across the sky intermittently. As she walked away from the shelter of the steps the rain fell on her tousled hair and quickly soaked her coat, and it only took a few steps for her to be completely covered in the water. She didn't care, barely noticing the chaos around her as she walked through the ambulance bay doors on auto-pilot and punching in the code on the triage doors.
It was Pratt who commented first. She didn't even hear what he had said, merely threw him a warning glare as she continued to the lounge. She quickly changed into some scrubs and pulled her hair back, glancing in a mirror as she did so. Seeing her reflection made her hesitate as she knew that she couldn't treat patients in this state. She had to deal with what she was feeling first.
Anger. That was a good start. She'd had it with Ray's antics. As soon as he'd walked in the door she was aware of his presence, listening vaguely through her closed bedroom door as she tried to sleep. She contemplated getting up to see how he was, but gave up on the idea when she found he was talking to someone, his muffled voice unmistakable even through wood. Footsteps were hesitant and clunky, and she heard the definitive sound of someone tripping over. Drunk then, she had surmised. Then there was a high pitched giggle followed by some softly spoken words. Fuming inside, she checked the clock to see that it was coming up to 3am, deciding that any hope of being alert on her shift at 7 was well and truly lost.
It was just so inconsiderate. She never acted like that, always respectful of the fact that he might be trying to sleep. So she never really went out until the early hours, but she was sure that if she did then she would be the ideal roommate. As she heard his bedroom door shut, she threw on some clothes, the first pair of shoes she came across and raced out of her own room. She'd grabbed her coat and slammed the door behind her, walking out into the night and now she found herself here.
Reconsidering things didn't lessen her animosity, but she thought that she would at least be able to keep it in check for work.
-
She'd definitely been busy since she arrived; it seemed that heavy rain brought an endless stream of MVAs even if it was the middle of the night. Having things to do helped keep her mind off of everything, until 7.05am that was.
Maybe coming to work wasn't such a good idea.
He strolled in carrying enough coffee to go around the E.R three times over. The nurses swarmed, smiling sweetly grabbing themselves each a cup before rushing off again to their duties. The mere sight of him irritated her, and she made a point of marching past without even acknowledging his presence, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Unfortunately her plan backfired. Without looking where she was going she was unable to avoid his outstretched arm as it grabbed her shoulder and spun her on the spot.
"Hey roomie, what's going on with you?" he said, brows furrowed in confusion.
She met his gaze defiantly, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he was the reason for her annoyance. If he knew that, he'd try to make it up with her, and she didn't want him to even try. "Nothing... bad day, I suppose" she uttered before backing away and strolling off down the corridor.
Ray mumbled "bad day my ass" to himself as he watched her retreating form, then made his way to the lounge to get ready for his shift, making a mental note to stay out of Neela's way until her fury had subsided.
-
She already knew that her patient had leukaemia, so waiting on the tests to confirm was only a formality. It was a classic presentation, but she just didn't have the heart to tell him yet. He was only eleven years old, he'd collapsed at school and his teachers thought that he just hadn't eaten enough. His parents hadn't arrived yet and she would tell them first, to let them decide how to handle dropping this bombshell.
She sat on the floor in the ambulance bay, under the only shelter that it offered. She was transfixed by the rainfall in front of her, it was the perfect symbol of how things changed. Starting off in the sky as nothing more than vapour it had the potential to clamour down on the streets below, causing havoc everywhere it touched. She couldn't help but liken it to diseases like cancer and leukaemia, how they appeared out of nowhere and spread pain maliciously.
The ambulance bay doors swept open. "Neela," it was Chuny, her accent unmistakable, "The Rawlinsons are here, parents of the leukaemia boy."
"Thanks, Chuny, I'll be right there."
Mentally steadying herself, she started walking to the family room where she knew they would be waiting. This news was never easy to give, but it was always that little bit harder when it involved someone so young.
-
Ray had watched her from afar throughout the shift. She seemed incredibly distant from everything around her, concentrating only on the work at hand, and when he saw her sitting out in the rain by herself he was tempted to go over to her and offer some words of comfort or encouragement, whichever it was she needed. But self-preservation kicked in, and he decided the best way he could try and help her would be indirectly, so he set about lightening her load somewhat.
"Hey, Frank, has Neela got any patients that need transferring?" he asked the clerk, aiming to use his charm to talk whatever departments he could into taking any rogue patients off her hands.
"Why do you care?" he huffed, biting into a doughnut.
"Look, just tell me ok?"
"Check yourself, the charts are where they usually are," he said, his mouth wide open as he chewed.
Ray cringed and sidestepped to the chart rack, searching for charts with Neela's name. He picked up a kidney failure patient who had been around for hours and the chart of a boy who would definitely need a bed up in oncology. He swept around the desk and picked up the phone, first calling renal and sweet talking the lady on the other end into letting Mr. Kidney Failure jump the queue. Next he dialled oncology to find he didn't even have to work for this one; they already had a bed open in their children's ward. He told them that he'd bring the patient up himself before too long.
Making his way to exam three, he saw the frail form of Andrew Rawlinson lying in the bed. His test results had just come back confirming that he needed immediate treatment. He nudged the door open slowly and sat down next to the bed, noting the darkness in the room.
"Hi, Andrew, how you doing?"
The young boy turned his head slowly, his eyes red and puffy, and Ray knew he'd been crying.
"I'm ok... my mom and dad went to talk to the doctor lady," he said softly.
"Yeah, Doctor Rasgotra's the best you know... My name's Ray and I'm just here to let you know what's going to happen now,"
He looked up at Ray, confusion evident in his eyes.
"Well, we're going to take you upstairs to a department called oncology. I've got you a bed there, ocean view and room service," he winked at the boy, doing his best to try and lighten the mood.
"Oncology? Isn't that where people with cancer go, Doctor Ray?"
Ray opened his mouth, about to speak, then suddenly realised his incredible mistake. He didn't know. Then why had he been crying? His heart started pounding, and he searched in vain for the right words to say.
"Doctor Ray, do I have cancer?"
"Uh, no, you don't..."
"Then why am I going to the cancer place?"
"Because that's where they also treat people who have what you do." He decided that he couldn't leave the poor kid hanging like this, he was obviously upset enough as it was to be left in complete bewilderment.
His big eyes were on him, expectant.
"What you have... it's called leukaemia. It's a bit like cancer, but it's something that kids get more often than normal cancer most of the time. But kids are tough, and I know you are. You're gonna get through this little guy."
Andrew was silent for a while, obviously trying to absorb the information. "Am I gonna die?"
Kids. Always so direct. "Don't worry, I won't let you." He brushed a hand over the boy's forehead, desperately trying to reassure him. He smiled weakly then stood up, slowly walking out of the room and closing the door carefully behind him.
"What are you doing, Barnett?" Neela spat, obviously furious, standing right in front of him in order to block his path.
Ouch, surname basis. He knew instantly that she had watched the whole thing and that he wouldn't be able to get away with this one.
"Just trying to look after a scared little kid, what's the problem?" Nice choice of words. He knew damn well what the problem was; he'd interfered.
"What's the problem? Do you really respect my ability as a doctor that little? You feel the need to come in and steal my patients so you can reach your 50 dispo's a shift dream? It's bad enough that half the attendings here don't think that I can cut it, but I don't need you on my back too! God Ray, sometimes you are insufferable."
He gaped at her, wondering how she could jump to such an extreme conclusion. She turned on her heel before he even had a chance to reply and she sped off down the corridor, leaving him dumbstruck.
-
She had to leave, quickly, unable to continue arguing with him. She felt the tears coming and flew out into the ambulance bay, rushing to the other side. The rain hit her again, but she didn't care. It washed her tears away as she shivered in the cold, settling on the nearby bench.
How could he do this to her? How had everything gone so wrong in less than 12 hours? Yesterday he was just Ray, slightly annoying sometimes sure but always there when she needed him. Now he had turned against her, bringing home some groupie in the middle of the night causing her to storm out so that she didn't need to listen to them. Now he was acting just like Pratt, second guessing her every move and making her feel like she wasn't good enough.
And now here he was again, her shield of torrential rain obviously not strong enough to keep him away. She turned her face away from him so that he couldn't see her eyes.
"Look, Neela, this isn't over" he said, but his voice wasn't angry, "I want to know what's going on."
"I told you what's bloody going on, you're the one not listening" she snapped, her voice faltering.
"No, you accused me of stealing your patient, that all I cared about was treating and streeting them. I was trying to help! I didn't know the boy didn't know, he'd been crying Neela, crying a lot, because no one was telling him what was going on. I let it slip by accident that he had leukaemia, I thought he already knew because he was so upset. I was just trying to lighten your load." his voice raised as he spoke, but the last thing he said was done softly, trying to make her see that she'd got it all wrong.
He'd been trying to help her, and she realised how much she had over-reacted to his actions. Desperate to continue venting her anger she struggled for reasons to genuinely be mad at him, other than the one that was aching in the back of her mind.
"Well, it's not just that anyway!" She replied lamely, still doing her best to convey her sense of anger. "It's everything Ray! Coming home late at night, keeping me awake, making a mess of the place and not even sparing a thought for those of us who might actually be trying to sleep, I mean I know you can survive on less than two hours a night but some of us aren't quite that lucky! I knew moving in with you would be a mistake!" she turned to look at him now, not caring that he would be able to see the tears falling down her face.
"Don't say that, Neela... you've done so much for me, I wouldn't still be a doctor now if it weren't for you." He wasn't used to revealing so much, but he was trying so hard to calm her down that he thought leaving himself open might ease her anger.
"Yeah well, fat lot of good that's done me" she grumbled.
"What?" It seemed there was no end to her irritation. He knew at some point it had to come to a head, he'd made his way through a considerable amount of her frustration but was yet to reach the underlying cause."
"Well great, I've given you so much, but what have you given me, Ray? Absolutely bugger all."
"That's not true, you know that" Up till now he'd been looking at anything but her face. The rain may have been hiding her tears but he could hear her sadness in her voice, so he'd been doing all he could to avoid looking into her eyes, knowing that if he did he would be lost in the sensation to make her sorrow disappear. But he couldn't help it any longer. He looked deep into her eyes, "I've always been there for you, Neela, always, right from the beginning, I would always tell you how good a doctor you were because I always believed it."
He was right, of course. He'd never ignored her. She pressed on anyway "What about last night Ray? I needed you last night. I had an awful day, and I couldn't sleep thinking about it. I was waiting for you to come home, waiting for hours, but then in you swept with some bimbo and I had nowhere to turn but this damn hospital. Where were you then, Ray? With her." Her sudden admission surprised her, not even realising herself that that was her true issue, so she tried to recover quickly, searching for anything that she could continue ranting about.
"Neela, that was Ben's girlfriend...the three of us were nearby so.." he trailed off when he realised that she wasn't hearing a word he was saying, having broken eye contact to count off all manner of things on her fingers that irritated her about him. The rain continued to hammer down around them, and as he regarded her he noticed droplets which followed the contours of her face. Her scrubs were completely soaked, and he knew she must be absolutely freezing.
"You leave wet towels everywhere..."
He was pleased to see that her tears had stopped now as she listed his faults, the only water on her face that of the storm around them. Inwardly he breathed a sigh of relief as he had finally got to the bottom of this insanity. More than that though, he was overcome inside by the shock that consumed him as her words sunk in. She was jealous. Jealous without any need to be, of course, but still jealous. That meant she must have feelings for him.
"...always expecting me to do the washing up..."He wasn't even listening anymore, only reacting to her inadvertent revelation as his heart began to pound incessantly in his chest. Unable to trust his voice, he crouched down in front of her, leaning forward and quickly capturing her mouth with his own.She was caught completely off guard, somewhere in between "grocery shopping" and "playing loud music". As soon as she was aware of what was happening she instinctively pushed both hands out, making contact with his chest and forcibly pushing him away.
"What on earth do you think you're playing at?" her gaze locked with his, eyes sharp. He seemed to refuse to let her be angry with him as she so desperately wanted to be, finding any excuses she could. What on earth was she playing at?
He stared at her, thoroughly confused. "I.. well, I thought it was obvious..." Had he really got it so wrong? Idly, he flicked a hand through his hair in an attempt to rid it of some of the water it had accumulated.
She took a brief moment to contemplate what had just happened, replaying their conversation in her head, a vague mention of someone being someone's girlfriend. She dismissed it as wishful thinking and stood up suddenly, wanting to escape this and get back to the safety net of the E.R, not to mention the warm and dry.
He pushed an arm out, stopping her instantly in her tracks.
"Ray, let me go," she demanded weakly, feeling a sudden flush in her cheeks at his closeness.
He bent his head down so that he could whisper in her ear, his voice low, heavy with lust. "No."
She shivered, unable to move her legs, and turned her head to look up at him, their faces only a few centimetres apart.
"Hasn't today taught you anything?" he began, tracing a finger down her cheek, brushing the streaks of rain away, "if you don't confront things...they only get worse, more powerful... until it's unbearable and you explode..."
She couldn't stand this. The man she had pushed away only a few moments ago was now standing so close to her that she could barely breathe, his presence intoxicating. It made no sense to her how not long ago she couldn't stand being around him, but now the thought of being anywhere else terrified her. But he had hurt or, or so she'd thought.
He was about to speak again, but it was her who made the first move, forcefully pulling his head down to her lips. As soon as she did so the ambulance bay disappeared, replaced by the sensation of his kiss as it combined with the unrelenting rainfall. Thunder crackled above them, eliciting an instantaneous response from Ray as he pushed her closer to him, his hand finding the small of her back. He swept his labcoat around her in an unmistakably possessive gesture. She slipped her hands inside it, feeling for any skin she could find, tugging at the hem of his shirt. She found her goal, running a hand as high up his back as she could reach. He arched toward her, obviously feeling the effects of her cold hands, and for the briefest of moments his hips pressed into her. She could do nothing to suppress the gasp on her lips, breaking their kiss for a moment.
Breathing heavily, heart beating fast, he hunched over her, wrapping his arms around her and placing his mouth near her ear. His breathe combined with the streaks of water made her tremble, and he was barely able to keep from kissing her again. "Neela, " he rasped, "we should stop, we've still got two hours to go... if we carry on like this..." he let the words hang in the air, leaving her to imagine the possibilities.
"You're right... absolutely right." As sensibility began to sink in again, she remembered where they were - outside the E.R in the pouring rain, with jobs to do. She had a sick little boy to take care of, but by the end of the shift she would have someone else to see to, and she briefly wondered if they would actually be able to make it home with all this pent up passion. "We should get back inside, before they call Weaver on us.."
He was utterly transfixed, unable to believe the events of the past few hours. He'd wanted to do this for so long and it was the last thing that he expected after the events of last night and this morning. "Mmm-hmm," he replied, his eyes now focussing intently on her lips, forgetting why he called a stop to things as he leaned forward.
She lifted a hand to stop him, knowing that they should really get back inside.
"Ok, ok you win Rasgotra. I'll behave," he grinned, lessening his grip on her and sliding an arm around her waist as they made their way back to the doors, "but only if you let me help you get out of those wet clothes..."
She was ready to playfully scold him, but instead boldness took over and she moved away from him, causing him to stop in his tracks. She turned so that she was facing him, his eyes filled with wonder. She kissed him again, full of passion, pressing her tongue to his lips so that he would open them. It only lasted seconds before she pulled away, leaving him breathless and wanting more. "Later," she said, teasingly, as she left him standing in the rain dripping onto the concrete.