Chapter Nine
Bipolar or Not?

Author's Note: Yey! I love those reviews! I always get a good laugh when I read them! I'm glad you guys didn't think the last chapter was pointless, Lol. Yes this story is alternate universe and loosely based on How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (which is where I got a lot of these ideas). Just so you all know I have nothing against people who are bipolar, so don't think I'm a mean, nasty, witch. I'm a witch.. But a nice one... Lol. Riiight. Oh and by the way, thanks to my best friend Kelly for telling me the conversation between her two cousins because that conversation is in here! Here's chapter nine! Hope you like it!

So how is the Bipolar woman? Ron asked, as he shoved a pizza roll into his mouth.

Harry looked at Ron disgustedly, She is not bipolar. Ron said, swallowing the food and taking a sip of beer. She only acts like she's obsessed with you one day, then she hates you, then the next day you two are ready to bang.It's not bang, it's make love! Neville yelled, coming up next to them.

They stared at him for a second, then: Whatever, you guys are ready to bang-MAKE LOVE! Neville roared and everyone at the party turned to look at him.

When everyone turned back to their own conversation Ron said, Anyway, yeah so then you guys are ready to- have fun. My point is she's on and off.It's not that bad, Harry said.

Ron snorted, You just want a good shag.IT'S MAKE LOVE!
...

Hermione took a deep breath, this would be easy, a piece of cake.

She didn't even knock, she just turned the handle and walked in. She was greeted by a loud chatter of the men in the apartment. She closed the door and looked for Harry in the crowd.

As she made her way into the room more, she heard someone yell, Is that the stripper?

She soon found Harry and his eyes widened, What are you doing here?I thought I'd stop by, she smiled at him. You're not mad are you? she pouted.

he replied.

she kissed him lightly.

Harry cast a quick glance at Ron, who mouthed, But yesterday you ran out of here like there was a fire or something, he looked disappointed.

I know, I know, she smiled. But just forget about that. I'm here now right? she patted his chest.

It's a Bachelor party, Ron interjected.

She smiled at him, I know, Harry said he couldn't have dinner tonight because he was throwing Dean a Bachelor party.

Apparently she wasn't getting the hints thrown at her.

Hermione you're the only woman here, Harry leaned in a said in a whisper.

I know, she whispered back. I'm okay with that.

Little did they know she was catching the hints and flat out ignoring them.

As Hermione looked around the room, Harry cast a what the hell do I do?' look at Neville who in turn sent him, You've come this far and she hasn't left you, so let her stay, make her feel special and wanted' all in one knowing look.

Harry nodded quickly and subtly, and turned to Hermione, You want a drink? he offered.

Hermione's thoughts whirred around in her head, I could either get drunk and ruin this party for him and make a fool out of myself... or I could ruin it strategically, and make myself look like a moron.

No thanks, I'm fine.
...

YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS! Hermione heard Lavendar scream into the phone. YOU'RE AT AN FRICKIN' BACHELOR PARTY! I HATE YOU!

Hermione laughed, I'm here to ruin the party, not gawk at guys.Right, and like you aren't already tied up with Hot Ass Harry, she joked.

But Hermione didn't laugh, I'm hanging up now, and before Lavendar could say anything the phone clicked off.

She walked out of the bathroom then stopped and looked around for Harry, she spotted him standing with Neville and Ron, drinking a beer and eating what looked like a Buffalo wings. She laughed and then hurried over to him.

When she came within arm's reach of him, she snatched the beer out of his hand.

What the-! he looked to see who had taken his drink and his face fell slightly.

Ron and Neville watched in silence, waiting for what they knew should be a good show.

Harry began slowly. Can I have my drink back, please? she said firmly. Alcohol ruins your liver and impairs your judgment.Hermione it's a bachelor party, a few beers one night is not going to diminish my liver, he made a reach for the can but she pulled back.

How do you know?How do you know you're liver isn't dwindling between failure and barely functioning? she demanded.

He rolled his eyes, but she let it slide by, Hermione, please- he made a second attempt in reaching for the can.

she said firmly.

He sighed and slouched a little, Fine, I won't drink it. she placed it down on the snack table and watched Harry grab for another Buffalo wing, her lips curved into a smile.

When the wing was inches from his mouth she shrieked,

He jumped slightly and the he smeared the barbeque sauce on the Buffalo wing across his chin.

What is it Hermione? he asked, his patience wearing thin.

You can't eat that! she seized the wing out of his hand and threw it into the nearest wastebasket, she grabbed a napkin from the table, and wiped her fingers clean.

Why not? he demanded.

Because it's bad for you! she then began wiping his chin clean with the napkin.

Ron and Neville sniggered and Harry shot them a screw you' look.

Come with me, I'll get you some healthy food, she tossed the napkin into a wastebasket and then grabbed his hand, dragging him into the kitchen.

As Hermione opened the refrigerator door Harry asked, Hermione, what are you doing? she pulled out an apple and looked at him.

What do you mean?Why are you getting me healthy food? he asked, sounding slightly defeated.

Hermione was hesitant to answer, she gulped, Because I care about you and I don't want you to get sick with yucky, yucky food! she said sweetly and handed him an apple.

he replied. and he walked out of the kitchen.

As he disappeared from view Hermione frowned and slumped into a nearby chair, asking herself, What am I doing! she sighed. Why isn't he running? she whispered.

Then she decided what it was.

I'm not trying hard enough.
...

Hermione lingered in the kitchen a bit longer, upon hearing the doorbell she didn't move, thinking it was another one of Dean's guests but when she heard hooting and whistling she become skeptical. Figuring it was someone with a keg of beer, she hurried into the other room to make sure Harry drank nothing but water and was surprised with what she saw.

A woman was traipsing about the living room and Hermione couldn't help but notice Harry looked thoroughly entertained. Her gaze turned to the woman around the room, she was blonde, clad in a white button-up shirt with the top buttons undone, a skimpy plaid schoolgirl skirt, and fake, horn-rimmed glassed.

Well, it definitely wasn't beer.

Hermione stood with her mouth agape, she just couldn't believe that she hadn't realized a stripper would be coming sooner.

The woman went around the room, teasing the guests in different ways.

Time for some damage control, Hermione thought as she hurried over to Harry before little Miss Schoolgirl could get to him.

Hermione snuck up behind Harry and covered his eyes with her hands.

She felt him sigh deeply and he asked, Hermione, what are you doing?You shouldn't be seeing this kind of stuff, she said airily.

He took hold of her hands and pulled them off his eyes, he turned to look at her and said, Hermione, I appreciate the concern but I'm a grown man, and I've seen worse.

Hermione rose an eyebrow, Have you really? Where?

He half laughed, half sighed, saying, Look I'm not a baby, I know what's good and what's not good for me. Thank you for worrying about me, but don't worry so much over it. I've taken care of myself for awhile, I'm pretty sure I can still do it, he turned back to the show' for lack of a better word.

Hermione pressed her lips together to prevent laughter from escaping, she quickly forced her chin to quiver and asked, D-Do you mean that you want me to leave you alone?

He turned quickly to her, No that's not what I'm saying! I meant I want you to be there for me, helping me, but don't over do it, okay?Are you saying I over do it? she demanded. Are you saying I have to do all the work?

He sighed heavily as he heard Ron say, Bipolar!' through a cough.

Hermione, no that's not what I meant-

She began to sob loudly and disappeared into the bathroom.

Harry sighed again and followed her, he knocked on the door and said, Hermione please, can we just... Talk?No! Just leave me alone! she wailed.

he scoffed and stomped back into the living room.
...

When Harry sat down Ron immediately shot at him, I told you she was nuts.Shut it, Ron. I'm not in the mood, he snapped.

Oooh, touchy, he smirked. Maybe she can loosen you up, and he pointed to the blonde woman who was indeed coming his way.
...

After a few minutes Hermione took a deep breath, opened the bathroom door, and made her way to the living room; as soon as she was in there she froze.

Harry was still sitting in a chair near Ron and Neville but this time, the big-boobed bimbo was sitting on his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist.

Hermione's mouth hung open, she was powerless, and barely breathing.

The woman leaned down and nibbled on his ear and Hermione debated whether or not to break down and cry or to bitchslap the woman that was sitting on her her Harry.

Hermione regained strength and stomped over to Harry and the blonde. She lightly tapped her on the shoulder and she stopped attempting to kiss Harry and turned to Hermione.

Can I help you? she asked in an annoyed voice.

Yeah, can you get off my boyfriend? Hermione heard a wave of whispers from the men who had fallen almost silent.

Harry looked a little startled, partly because he was surprised she called him her boyfriend, and also because he was kinda scared of her.

I'm sorry does he have your name on his ass? she turned to him seductively. That oh so fine ass, and she leaned in to kiss him again, the woots' echoing from the men in the room.

Hey, hey, hey! Hermione grabbed the woman's shoulder and pulled her back forcefully.

The woman almost fell off Harry's lap but her legs stayed securely fastened around his waist(surprise, surprise!).

Watch it! she shrieked.

No, if you don't get off him right now I swear you will be eating food through a tube! she shouted.

The woman looked blankly at her, Was that supposed to be a threat or something?

Hermione rolled her eyes, Wow, I think you're actually catching on.

After a few seconds of silence she responded, Are you saying I'm stupid or something?

Hermione stifled a laugh, Oh well spotted, she paused. Now get off of him.

The woman reluctantly got off of him and looked angrily at Hermione.

Now go, Hermione pushed her toward the door. Get some decent clothes, and go read a book, educate yourself quickly! and she pushed her out the door and closed it.

She turned to all the men who were staring at her, Oh shit, I just got rid of the stripper.

Harry began and stood up.

I know, I know, I'm sorry! she said quickly, turning to leave.

No, Hermione wait! he called, but she was already out of the apartment.

He hurried out into the hallway where she was about to run away.

Hermione, wait! he grabbed her wrist and stopped her from going any further as he closed the door to his apartment.

She turned to him and looked at him sadly, I know, I got rid of the stripper, I'm sorry, I didn't-Hermione, it's okay, he stopped her.

No, I ruined Dean's Bachelor Party, I didn't mean to, she wasn't even acting anymore.

No, Hermione they don't need her-What the hell! Call for another one! they heard someone shout inside.

They laughed, and Hermione looked up at him.

What happened in there wasn't your fault, it was mine-But Harry-Let me finish, she closed her mouth. I shouldn't of let her do that, considering our current status, he said awkwardly. You had every right to throw her out.You sure you're not mad? she asked.

Mad? You should be mad at me! Why are you giving her ideas? That's why tomorrow we're going to spend the whole day together, doing whatever you want, my treat. He's bloody mad, the little voice in the back of his had kept saying.

Hermione smiled,

He grinned, Oh yay! This is going to be so much fun! she kissed him softly and said. I'm gonna go start planning it right now! and she hurried toward the elevator.

When she was out of ear shot Harry groaned, What have I gotten myself into?

Author's Note: Thanks for reading, I can tell the next chapter's gonna be fun to write! I got the idea for it when I was at a nail salon, so I'm sure you can all do the math, although I can't because my math teacher sucks! Lol. Sorry anyway, thanks for reading! The more reviews! The more cookies you get! Lol. Love always, pottersweetie