It was strange being at home.

I sat on the edge of Soda and my bed, refolding my t-shirts and putting them in the drawer. Darry was in the room hanging up my pants and things in the closet. Something we normally did anyway…helping each other put away clothes and stuff.

The strange thing was that the house was quiet.

I sighed and if on queue Darry turned to me, "You okay?"

I nodded, not saying a word. Saying things lead to convocation and convocation lead to questions. I hated questions, cause it meant they wanted to know more about stuff.

Stuff they already knew some about.

They knew about the voices, and my cutting…

I looked at the bags on the floor, they were all empty…

Empty like you…

Yes, empty like me.

"Is there any chocolate cake Darry?" I asked, surprising him. During my hospital stay I didn't really eat anything…

"Course Pony." He went out and I followed hi to the kitchen. "Soda made at least one every time he came home from visiting you…"

I felt guilty once again.

As he took out the cake, I opened the drawer that the knives usually were.

Nothing…

I opened another.

Only spoons were in that one.

"The hell…?" I said the myself quietly. I heard the door of the fridge shut.

All of the drawers were empty…a few can openers and spoons were around…but that was it. No knives or forks!

"Darry? Where are the forks and stuff?" I didn't want to put 'knife' first…I turned but he wasn't there.

"Darry?" At the moment he came back through the door holding a knife and a box of plastic forks.

"Trying to…um, save of the water bill."

He was a lousy liar.

They are hiding them from you Ponyboy…they don't trust you.

My stomach became upset, "I don't want any anymore…" I mumbled and brushed past him.

He called out my name, but I rushed inside my room and I slammed the door, that's when I notice the lock was gone.

Their trust is gone…

I checked the bathroom…the lock was gone from there too! I looked in the cabinet, the razors and other sharp stuff were gone..

Am I right, or am I just right?

I sighed in defeat and went back into my and Soda's bed room where I began crying.

Stupid fool. What were you expecting anyway?

I was expecting things to be normal…just to be normal.

It's your fault

Yes, I know that.

Darry came into the room a few minutes later and sat on the edge of the bed. "Baby, you gotta eat something." He said and placed his hand on my head.

"Not hungry."

"Pon, c'mon you haven't eaten since yesterday."

"I said, I'm not hungry." I didn't look at him, I wasn't crying but my eyes were red and puffy. "When Soda getting off?"

He sighed, "He'll be here and a few."

Good. Soda would be home soon and he won't treat me differently. Would he?

At that moment the front door opened and slammed shut

Two-bit…he always slammed the door.

I had to look up then, and Darry looked at me…"You've been crying."

Duh! I sighed and got up when Two-Bit started yelling "Any Curtis's alive in here!"

Darry winced and I knew why, his baby brother tried to kill himself. I didn't say a word to him, I bolted out of the room, gaining energy all of a sudden, and jumped on Two-Bits back. "Hey!" Golly I missed HIM something awful!

"Hey Hey! Ponyboy Curtis, back from the dead, hm?" I jumped off his back, he could make a joke out of almost anything, and I liked that.

"You could say that." He then draped is arm over my shoulder, and pulled me in close as if he was about to tell me a secret. "You doin' okay?" All humor left his face…and he went into serious mode…wow, Two-Bit serious…that doesn't fit.

Oh no, not him too!

"Yea, m'okay." I turned and looked out the screen door when I heard foot steps running to the door. Soda whipped open the door, almost hitting Steve who was directly behind him, and he then ran to me pulling me into a tight hug.

"Urg, I missed you too Soda, lighten up some please?" He let me go and stared at me. His eyes searching my eyes for something then his frown deepened when he didn't find anything.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I am fine." I didn't want to see him or any of them now….

Things are different.

My happiness faded away and I dropped unto the couch with a -huff-. "Why happened to the forks, knifes and the locks?" I asked all of s sudden, surprising them and myself.

"We um…" Soda was searching for the right words in his head.

"We are watching after you, is all." Darry spoke up, "Dr. Turner suggested that you'd be placed under some watch program called 24-7."

"Ah."

What could I say? No? No, I don't want that?

"Ich bin fein." I mumbled.

"What?" They gave my that look again….Ponyboy grew two heads!

Yea, that's smart speak to them in German!

"I said I'm fine…"

"You're fine?" Darry crossed his arms. "You tried to commit suicide and you say you're fine?"

"I was under a lot of stress, t seemed like the right thing to do."

"Right thing to do?" Soda gasped. "How can suicide seem like the right thing to do. You almost DIED Pony!"

Yea…almost. I really wished I had. The continued to talk to me, I wasn't listening. My mind was on one thing.

Cutting.

I wanted to cut…I wanted to hurt myself somehow…

That's when Two-Bit lit a cigarette and stood to smoke it outside, not wanting to hear the argument.

Fire…heat…flames…sparks…fire…fire…fire.

"Well?"

"Hm?" I blinked and looked at Darry. What the hell was he saying?

"Promise you won't cut again…and if you need to, come and speak to one of us. Okay?"

I looked and him and I gave me my _honest_ smile. "I promise Darry." Of course I won't cut…There's other things.

Voices inside my head started to snicker, thing a much deeper voice spoke up…one that I hadn't heard before. Good boy. Very, very good and smart boy.

~*~*~*~

SORRY FOR ERRORS I HAD TO UPDATE. SO, YET. HAPPY NEW YEAR!