Dr. Mason said I could write anything in here, but I also want to see where people started to think I was crazy. It was a few weeks ago when I returned to Destiny Island. The last of the storm clouds were clearing as I woke up on the beach, coughing up water. Sitting up, I could see Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka running toward me.
"Kairi!" Selphie calls. I am dripping water from the sea when it had washed over my unconscious body, awakening me. "Kairi! I'm glad you're okay!"
"Ya. We though you'd drowned as well," Wakka says, supporting me before I sank to my knees. "Everyone's looking for you."
"For me?" I manage weakly. Tidus just nods and looks out to the water.
"Riku's, Sora's, and your boats were missing. Your raft disappeared too," he tells me. "We thought you'd all gone and actually went through with your plans to see other worlds."
"We did!" I tell them. "There were all these shadows and they covered the island and everything!"
"You must have hit your head, Kairi," Wakka says, shaking his head. "There was a storm. All three of you have been missing for the past few days. It's a miracle we've found you alive at all."
I sit there for a moment, letting his words sink in. What had happened? Maybe the boys could convince them. "Riku and Sora!" I say. "Where are they?"
All three of them are silent, looking at the floor. "We haven't found their bodies," Selphie says quietly. "We were hoping you could tell us what happened."
I sit down again, pulling away from Wakka. "They aren't here? I know they're alive," I tell them. "Sora saved me from the heartless and Riku's in Kingdom Hearts. They're alive and coming back. I know it."
"You're just delusional right now," Tidus says. "There's no such thing as heartless. We have no idea what you're talking about."
"But it's true!" I say, my head down as I dig my fingers into the sand. "It has to be." I sit there and sob as Selphie wraps a blanket around my shoulders.
"There, there," she coos motherly. To Tidus, she says, "Go get the rescuers. She needs to get to the hospital."
Wakka gets up as he looks down the beach. "I'm going to check down there a little further. Maybe the other two have washed up as well."
Selphie nods, holding my shoulders as I cover my face in my hands and cry. What was going on? I no longer knew.
Chapter 3
Even in a crowded room I feel out of place. The common room is where they expect me to socialize and is the only place all the patients are allowed to be together. Still, I sit on the floor against the wall, absently folding a paper crane. In my mind, I imagine it coming to life large enough that it can carry me out of here.
"That's pretty Kairi," an attendant says with a smile that reminds me of airplane stewardesses . "You're very creative." I crumble the bird in one fist, looking down. People like her make me sick. They always act as if everything is all sweet and sugar coated. I am pleased as I notice her smile fade as she watches me destroy my creation.
"It's okay. You can start again if you want to." She says as if I had wrapped my hand around the figure and squeezed the life out of it accidentally.
"I don't," I say shortly. She looks startled. I've received a reputation for rarely speaking, and when I do, it is usually to yell.
"Well, do you want to paint?" I shake my head, hugging my knees to my chest. That is the third time she's asked me that today. I really wish they didn't assign people to be "buddies" to the patients. My "buddy" seems to be the one who really needs to be in my place. The blond ball of fluff seems to have less brains than the man who believes he is a dog. Before she can ask another question, I am saved by the same dog-man who apparently is trying to mark a corner as if it is a fire hydrant.
Once she leaves, I slowly unfold the crumpled bird and looks at the paper. It is a drawing of the island I did, black and white. One thing about being alone all day is that I have a lot of time to practice drawing. It is a picture I drew in my first week, showing the waterfall and the dock as seen from the papou tree.
Looking at it, I wonder if I'd ever be allowed to return to the beach. The asylum is situated far inland and I doubt it. Most likely I'll be in here for the rest of my life, eventually actually going crazy and becoming one of the other mental patients around here.
"Kairi, you have visitors," someone tells me. I look up, hastily stuffing the drawing back in her pocket. Who could it be? Not even my parents have dropped by. They're too busy with their own lives. Of all the people who I thought would've supported my story, they haven't. They don't tell me where we lived before moving here even when I say I already know we came from Hollow Bastion. Are they hiding something?
"Kairi, it's time to go to the visitor's room now," a man says. Taking my arm, he makes me stand, though I shuffle my feet as I am lead out of the room.
Coming into a sunny looking room, I blink from the brightness, unused to seeing outside. The room has a window with pale blue curtains, the walls a soft blue as well. There is a table and chairs in the middle of the room, though sofas and couches line the wall. They must have this room so visitors don't see what it is really like in the rest of the asylum.
Leading me to a chair, the man beckons me to sit while he goes to another door and opens it to admit three people.
"Kairi!" a familiar voice squeals. It is Selphie. Tidus and Wakka stand behind me. They each come and wrap their arms around me in a hug, though I can tell they are a little afraid. The man watches the show of affection they bring and smiles before leaving. We are alone.
"Hey," Tidus greets, taking a seat in one of the chairs opposite of the table. Wakka and Selphie does the same.
"Hello," I say softly, unused to this. It has been a while since I've talked to people who weren't trying to make me take medication or wasn't crazy. Silence drifts around the room as I watch them shift in their seats. They are wary of me. They must believe I really am a bit insane.
"So," Selphie tries cheerfully, "What have you been up to all this time?" I don't answer. "Okay," she says slowly. She can see it is a bad question. "Well, we all miss you back home."
"Ya," Wakka agrees. "It's been strange without you there." He doesn't mention Sora and Riku.
"Very boring," Tidus nods. He always did find everything not exciting enough.
"Boring?" Selphie laughs. "He's barely around anymore. Too busy hanging around with the new girl Yuna," she teases. "They're the sweetest couple ever."
"We're just friends!" the blond boy protests, his cheeks turning red. "She just showed up in class and I offered to show her around!"
I smile a little. They seem to be easing up a bit, Selphie and Tidus beginning one of their usual arguments.
"Very cute, that girl," Wakka says then sings, "Tidus and Yuna, kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N…ow!" Tidus has slapped him on the arm. It is nice to see that some things haven't changed.
"Sounds better than here," I say bitterly, envying their freedom. "I'm not crazy, and nobody believes me."
"Oh, Kairi, we believe you," Selphie says. Do I trust her? "We've been trying to convince people that as hard to believe your story is, it must be true."
I watch her carefully, unsure if she is just saying this to make me feel better or if it is true. "Then get me out of here," I ask. "I don't belong here. I want to go home."
"All of us want you home, girl," Wakka assures me. "And you can too. All you have to do is stop telling stories."
"I'm not telling stories!" I yell, standing up abruptly. So they do think I'm lying. Disappointed, I turn my back at them. "And I thought you guys believed me."
"Kairi…" Tidus says, but I cut him off.
"No more Kairi. Kairi doesn't exist. To me, you don't exist." I am close to crying with rage, though I am out of tears from all the other past times I've wept. They don't deserve my tears.
"We have to get her out of here," I here Selphie whisper as if I wasn't there.
"Ya, man. If she wasn't crazy, she is now. This place is driving her insane," Wakka says. That is the first time I've agreed with anything one of them has said.
"Don't worry Kairi," Tidus comes behind me and comforts me, a hand on my shoulder. "Everything will be alright." He's always been like a brother to me, almost as close as Sora and Riku. All of them have felt like siblings, but now, they feel like I don't know them. Complete strangers.
"It doesn't seem like that," I say softly. I don't here anything behind me. Turning around, I catch them all looking at the ground ashamed. They're the only friends I have left, and I can't rely on them. They know that and don't look at me.
"Why don't you just go," I tell them coldly. I want them to stay, so I don't have to go back to the white halls and I have someone to talk to, but I see they are uncomfortable.
They don't say a word as they get up, turning toward the exit. I don't look them in the eyes. One by one they each take a last sorrowful look at me, as if pitying me. Last to leave is Selphie.
"We'll get you out of here," she whispers then walks out. The door closes with a soft click and I am alone again.
I stand there silently, my eyes burning from lack of tears. Everyone leaves. Immediately I regret sending them away, but I know there is no way they can stay. I just want to sink into the floor and disappear.
The other door behind me opens as the attendant enters once more. "Wasn't that visit nice?" he says, obviously not having heard the conversation. Once again my quietness returns.
"Do you want to go back to the common room now?" he asks. I shake my head, for once wanting to actually be by myself for once.
Leading me back to my quarters, he shuts me in, leaving me sitting on my bed. I stare at the blank wall, my anger and pain simmering inside of me. What did my friends know anyways? They're not the one locked up.
Frustrated, I get up, grabbing the chair. I bash it against the glass door. The surface spider webs across the reinforced glass. Even the walls are against me. I continue bashing, cursing Wakka. Cursing Tidus and Selphie. Cursing my parents and the staff. I even curse Sora and Riku.
Men come running to the my door as I finally let out the tears I've held in pour out. I sob, sinking to my knees as someone grabs the chair away. A needle pierces my arm, but I no longer care. I welcome the drug to let me drift from my pain.
Strong arms pick me up, carrying me out. I am moved to another room until they can repair the door. Sobbing as I am strapped down, my cry softens as my mind numbs. Slowly, I fall into the black abyss of the drug, one darker than heartless. There, even the pain of my wounded heart ebbs away as it numbs from all my sadness.