Thanks to everyone one who has reviewed so far!

….*makes a sign that says "Purified Darkness, Best Angst writer in the Universe" and hangs it in the middle of fanfiction.net*
~Mijuju

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT REVIEW MIJUJU! MY WHOLE DAY HAS BEEN CRAPPY AND THAT MADE ME SMILE! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

*

AN: I need some ideas, so if anyone has any please post them in your review or e-mail me, purified_darkness@yahoo.com !

Thanks again!

~*~*~*~

Pony, Soda and Darry arrived home

~*~*~*~

Well, to say it lightly, I scared the hell out of my brothers …honestly I didn't care anymore. I'm not going to care about anyone.

Not about what little friends I had

Not about my family

And sure as hell not about me!

What was there to care about? I'm a freak to them! To all of them!

You ARE a freak…

I sighed and sunk down into the couch.

The house was quiet and I hated it…Soda was sitting beside me reading some of the papers that the doctor had given him and Darry. His hands were shaking…I knew it was my fault.

But, I didn't care.

I looked over at Darry who had his eyes shut tightly mumbling "What did I do wrong?" over and over.

I should've felt guilty but I didn't.

I sighed, and popped my knuckles.

"You're sittin' there like you don't care."

I looked at Darry, he had opened his eyes and was staring at me with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"Care about what?"

"They're thinkin' about takin' you away, and you have nothin' to say about it? She said, if you don't enter in a therapy group or a hospital. The government will take you away from Soda and me."

"Why should I care?"

"What!" It was Soda's turn to get upset. "You don't care if they take you away from us?"

I shrugged, "No point to, not like you guys care."

"Not like we care…?" Darry's voice was quivering. I didn't know if it was from surprise, anger, shock, or tiredness.

Maybe it was all of it.

"Not like we fuckin' care? So, we've been takin' your crap for almost months now, and you're sayin' we don't care? You're sayin' that Soda and I have been stickin' by you, tryin' to help you because we don't care?"

I was silent…was I really being a fool?

All of a sudden both sides of my face were grabbed and I was looking into Darry's eyes.

But, they weren't angry…

Why?

"Tell me. Honestly. Do you really want to die?"

I stared into his eyes, was this a trick question? If I said yes, were they going to throw me into the crazy house, lock me in a padded cell and throw away the key?

You know that they will Ponyboy…

"Yes…"

"Why?" Simple question.

"Because…" But, I couldn't give a simple answer…not one that they would understand. All of a sudden the hands disappeared from my face and Darry was gone. He came back moments later and placed down a hand full of pill bottles, a knife, and a gun that he kept in the back room.

"Darry…don't." Soda's was obviously scared.

"No Soda, if Pony can give me a good answer to why he wants to die so bad. Then he can do it." He turned to me, "I have rope in the truck if you want to hang yourself." He said as tears rolled down his face, but he kept a stern and angry look plastered on his face. "But, you have to give me an answer first."

"I killed them…I killed everyone!" I screamed at him, why was everyone doing this to me!…or was I doing this to myself?

No! Ponyboy, everyone is upsetting you! Make it stop now! Pick up the gun…its loaded. C'mon now Kid. Do it! You know you want to!

"Pony, who did you kill? Johnny? So you burn him…did you pour gas on him and lit a match and set him on fire? Hm? And you just used to church burnin' as a cover up? You killed Dally? So you were the police that night? So you shot him? You even killed Bob? Mom and Dad?"

"Yes…its all my fault some way or another."

"How Pony…?" Soda grabbed my hand. that's when I realized I was shaking…I was even making his whole arm shake.

"If I didn't run away from you guys…"

"Then, it was all my fault. I hit you Pony…I was the reason you ran away!" Darry crouched in front of me, and placed his hands on my knees. "Its all my fault then…"

"No! I made Johnny come with me!"

"Then you would've been all alone it the park that night Pony!" Soda cried grasping my hands tighter. "You could've been killed that night…think about it baby! Johnny, Dally, Mom and Dad…what are they thinkin' right now?"

"That I'm one messed up freak…"

"No, that they love you! We love you! We love you more then anythin' …anythin' …" Soda broke down then and brought my hands to his face. "Please…please…"

"Don't cry Soda…please?"

"Baby, " My attention went back to Darry. "I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in some way…"

"Darry you didn't…"

"I just want to know why! You didn't kill anyone!"

HE'S LYING OF COURSE YOU DID!

I pulled my hands from Soda and covered my ears…someone was screaming.

YOU KILLED THEM…!

Who is screaming?…someone make them stop!

YOU'RE A MURDERER!

Please…I can't take it anymore.

"Pony stop!"

HURT YOURSELF…DO IT NOW!

I dug whatever was left of my finger nails into the flesh behind my ears and jerks them violently away…I stared at my fingers tips…they were bloody.

A nice crimson color.

"Fuck Pony! Stop it!"

The screaming had stopped and it turned into mad laughter…as I dug my fingers into the semi-healing cuts on my arms.

YES, YES…GOOD PONY…HURT YOUR SELF MORE…

"I'm sorry…I have to do what they tell me." The laughter stopped for a moment and I stared at my brothers who was looking at me with sheer horror. "The voices are always here. They told me I killed my friends…and parents. And their right…"

"Pony, c'mon. Lets call Dr. Dawn and get you some help…alright?" Soda's voice tried to soothed me, but I just dug my fingers deeper into my flesh.

You don't need help…you don't want it…

"Nope, voices are telling me that I don't need help."

"No honey, don't listen to the voices." Darry was trying to pry my fingers from my flesh.

"I have to…"

"No you don't! What do YOU want! What does PONYBOY CURTIS want!"

You don't want anything! WE tell you what you want!

"I don't know…"

"Yes you do…" Soda voice was quivering with fear.

"I don't want to die you guys…" I stared down at me lap the blood from my arms were starting the ooze out on my jeans.

Yes you do…

"We know you don't…But what do you want…"

You're a bad boy Pony…bad boy…

"Help…" I looked at my brothers, "I want help…please?"

~*~*~

Angsty and emotional…wowz! Anyway, this chapter is the effect of finding out that your girlfriend of a year has been cheating on you for half that time. Oh well…hope she dies. ^.^ everyone have a good day!