"So, Kairi," my mother asks in the car. "Are you feeling better now?" I nod, staring out the window. She notices my silence and ends the conversation. I am coming home from the hospital.
Destiny Island doesn't look different, the same sandy beaches, the same blue ocean with the waves crashing along the shore, the same sky. It looks like perfection. Nothing mars its appearance to even hint that not long ago it was cast in shadow when my life changed. The people on the island are oblivious to anything that had happened. It was as if they were all frozen in time and believe the only that had passed was a storm.
"Kairi!" yells a voice outside my window. Selphie waves as Tidus runs along the sidewalk trying to keep up with the vehicle. Wakka stands on a peer, laughing and shaking his head. He always seemed to think he was too mature for us all.
I smile weakly, seeing their efforts to welcome me back. It is more to show than my true feelings. Inside, I am torn apart, worrying for Sora and Riku and restraining my story to myself. I've learned in the hospital that some things are better left unsaid, but the truth tugs at my conscience, pushing to be let out. Part of me hopes that it was all a bad dream, that I'll wake up on the beach with the boys working on the raft, but I know it was real. I will give it some time before I try to convince people the truth once more.
My mother pulls into the driveway and my father opens the door. We are home. Blinking at the sudden sunlight as I step out, my father takes my suitcase from me.
"Welcome home, my rose," Father says, handing me a bouquet of my nickname. The blooms are blood red, beautiful, but some of the buds are closed tight. It will be a couple of days before they open. I can't help thinking that they are like me, clasped in denial of my tale, though soon it will all leak out of me.
"Thank you," I say with a small forced smile. My parents take no notice in my lack of enthusiasm. Laughing, they usher me into the house where my mother takes the flowers to be put in a vase.
"I'll help you unpack, Kairi," my father says, heading up the stairs. I follow, looking around at my home. Like the island, it doesn't seem different. Even my home won't help me prove my story.
The door to my room opens and I am washed in pale blues, lavenders, and pinks. I stand wide-eyed, unable to say anything.
"Do you like it dear?" my father asks, placing my suitcase on my bed, now covered in a pale purple comforter. "Your mother and I remodeled your room while you were in the hospital. Just to cheer you up."
I walk in wordlessly, brushing my hand on the pale walls. My favorite colors. They did this for me?
"Yes," I say, unsure if I like it or hate it. It's so pretty and light-hearted, almost babyish, to take my mind off of things, to forget Sora and Riku. But my parents have tried so hard. They don't show sentimental feelings too often, so this is very big for them.
"I'll leave you to your new room," my father says, forgetting about helping me unpack. Leaving, he shuts the door, and I am left alone to explore my new space.
Sitting in the window seat now decorated with sheer lavender curtain, I stare out onto the beach. I am wrong. There is something different. My best friends in the world aren't there. Everyone seems to have forgotten them, but I haven't.
Getting up, I walk to my bureau to refresh my memories of them. To my horror, the pictures in their handmade frames are gone, replaced by stuffed animals and a porcelain doll with a grotesque smile. My parents have made the room more babyish that I've thought. The doll smiles at me wickedly as if hiding a secret. Hiding where my pictures are. My friends.
"Mom! Dad!" I yell, fleeing from my room. They are busy preparing lunch. Standing at the kitchen door, I am close to crying. "Where are my pictures," I demand. They look at each other as if unsure of what to say. "Where are they!" I yell again.
"They're in a box in the basement, honey," Mother finally says. "We didn't want to upset you with reminders of those two."
"Besides," my father adds. "We always did feel that you should hang out with a better group of friends. I am not there to hear his explanation, already running to the basement.
The dank, musty room is dimly lit from a single dusty bulb as I hurry down the old wooden stairs, ignoring the splinters shoving their way into my flesh from the aged banister. One thing is in my mind: to recover the pictures.
My parents appear at the door, speechless as they watch me furiously search through the boxes holding my old room. They are confused by my actions. I've never been very aggressive, but now I'm ripping through things as if those pictures are my life. In a way, they are.
Finally lifting the cover of one cardboard box, I am greeted with the friendly smiling faces of Sora, Riku, and me, a happy moment captured in a flash forever. Hugging the picture to my chest, I discover that they are all there, everyone of them.
"Kairi dear," my mother begins, but I ignore her. Instead, I replace the picture, and pick up the box, unaware of the weight. My father moves to help me, but I shrug him off.
Carrying my beloved memories back to my room, I toss to stuffed animals and the evil doll to the floor, carefully replacing the frames. My parents don't say a word as they stand at the door and watch me. Each picture I carefully wipe of dust and set it in place.
"Kairi," my mother says sadly, but she knows there is nothing she can do. Wordlessly, she picks up the porcelain doll and brushes back its blond curls. In her hand she fingers a small chip, broken off the cheek when I threw it. To her, that is me, a broken doll. With a glance at my father, they both turn around to leave me to my work.
Chapter 5
My shaking knees throb, not even recovered from the day before as I return to scrubbing. I thought the last bathroom was unsanitary, but it doesn't come close to the one assigned today. Once again Anna is alongside of me, completing the task diligently. Today's attendant is an overweight man, reclined in a metal folding chair that threatens to collapse with his bulk.
Anna hasn't said a word to me yet, though she seems to have forgotten about my inquiry yesterday. She just pretends I am obsolete, as if she had never complimented me about not being as insane as the other patients.
Yearning for a conversation, I glance at the attendant. "Is he dead or just asleep?" I ask Anna, genuinely concerned. He hasn't moved since he set us to work. His sunglasses perched on his bloated face prevents me to tell by his eyes.
"Probably just faking it," Anna replies. So she does remember me. I shrug, returning to my task for a moment. A few minutes later, I kneel up again.
"Are you sure? Maybe we should check," I suggest. "We don't want to be blamed for murder if he's dead." I am curious on whether he's still breathing, but there are other things I have planned.
"Go take a look if you want," she says, though now she's sitting up too. Hoping she gets my intentions, I crawl over, careful not to drip water from my hands as I peer under his glasses. His massive body shakes as he mutters something incoherent, though he doesn't wake. Anna's eyes glint as she sees the opportunity
"You know, we should tell someone just in case," she says. I smile. She's picked up on it. "Let's go." Together, we edge toward the door, watching the man intently. Slipping out, we are in the halls, free to roam.
"Didn't know you had it in you," Anna smirks, punching my arm lightly. I give a rare genuine smile. She reminds me a little of my friends. Especially the time Sora convinced me to sneak out of class in first grade to spy on Riku, who was on a field trip with his second grade class.
Glancing around at the white halls, I realize this is my first time without an attendant. "I'm a special case, remember?" I say. "I'd do anything for a little time without an attendant." Anna laughs, taking my arm as she leads me down the hall.
"Then I'll give you a tour," she says. "By the way, why are you an SC?" I look confused for a moment. "A special case," she explains. "Why are you one? It's usually for the non-violent patients who can't socialize well. And you socialize as well as a normal person."
I shrug, wondering the same thing. "I think my parents cared for me enough that they didn't want me to be with other patients but not enough to just keep me at home and send me to a regular psychiatrist." Why did they ever have me isolated? Was it so people can keep an eye on me at all times? Were they hiding something?
"Bummer," Anna says, stopping at one door. "At least you have parents. Mine are dead to me." I don't say anything for a moment, unsure of how to respond.
"I'm sorry," I try.
"It's okay, I usually just forget about them," she says. Opening the door, I see a room similar to mine except with two beds and a closet. I haven't seen anyone else's room before. I've just always assumed everyone was treated just like me.
"Well, this is my room," Anna shows, waving a hand around. I look at her confused.
"Why two beds?" I ask. It didn't make sense.
"Oh, that's my roommate's," she explains. My heart twists with envy. Why could some people have roommates? Knowing there are others less lonely tortures me. I have a room of my own, cut off from everybody. Just walking in the halls is taboo. Why didn't I have the same privileges as Anna?
"Cady never talks or looks at anyone," Anna continues, oblivious to my pained expression. Even a silent companion was still company. She didn't know how hard it was for me.
"Think you can show me some other places?" I interrupt in the middle of her rant about how her roommate was always talking to herself and in her own little world. The sooner I change the subject, the sooner we can leave her room and I can forget about ever being in here.
"Sure," Anna replies, looking a little confused. I don't care. As long as we're leaving. "So where did you want to go?" I shrug. I haven't thought that far ahead.
"Anywhere, I guess," I say. Already the feeling of jealousy and loneliness creeps back from where I pushed it. She nods in understanding, heading out the door. As soon as I step over the threshold, the feeling fades until it is nothing but a small ghost that lingers in the back of my heart.
The few patients wandering the halls barely give us a fleeting glance. So far, no attendants have passed by. I relax a little. Most of them know me, and I'm not ready to be brought back.
"This is the common room, or the recreation room as some call it," Anna says, peering through the window on a door. "The rec room, though most of us patients call it the Wreck Room instead." I smile, seeing the name fit. Everyone inside seems to be doing odd things while the attendants scramble to avoid chaos.
"I've been here before," I tell her.
"Everyone has, so I guess we should move on now," she tells me. I take a last glance in the window, withdrawing my head as one boy looks toward the door.
The tour continues for another half an hour. Anna shows me the cafeteria, the psychiatrists' hall, the room used in group discussions when the doctors try to get patients together to talk of their problems, and the kitchen, the doors locked in case a patient attempted to acquire a knife.
"So this place is bigger than I thought," I comment, still amazed at what is beyond the walls of my room. The vastness of the place is alluring in a way, the same way Sora, Riku, and I craved to see what else was there besides Destiny Islands, though creepier the more that I know about it. I want to explore some more, but at the same time I don't know what to expect anymore. There could be anything in here. I already learned the hard way what things can hide in the unknown.
Anna opens her mouth to answer, but a beeping sounds over the PA system followed by a voice. "ALL STAFF BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR PATIENTS 113 AND 629, KAIRI AND ANNA.
"Shit," Anna swears under her breath. "Looks like the fat guy woke up." I look frightened for a moment. Ignoring my reaction, Anna grabs my wrist and takes off in a run, dragging me behind her.
"Where are we going?" I ask between gasps. They'll eventually catch us anyways. What's the point of running? "We can't escape. We should go back."
"Why make it easy on them? We deserve a little fun," she calls, rounding a corner abruptly. I throw out a hand to keep crashing into the corner. What is she thinking?
The halls blur together and I no longer know where we are. All I hear is the rhythmic pounding of our feet as we make our way around the building. Along the way she ducks security cameras, pulling me with her.
"Let's just go back," I pant, out of breath. It's been a while since I've been allowed to do anything active. My heart pounds, straining with fatigue.
"And why should we? We can't make it easy. It's just like surrendering to them, and we can't give up without a fight," Anna demands. "We're both not crazy, or so I thought you are. Why do you want to go back?"
"Because!" I say loudly, tugging hard as I stop. "You can't run. I learned that the hard way. It's impossible to stay away forever. Sooner or later they'll catch us." Anna stops to look at me, confusion crossing her face. "Running has never helped me. And neither is fighting. You can only give in." I couldn't avoid telling the truth, and demanding that I wasn't crazy hasn't help. I don't want to succumb to everybody's judgment, but I know I can't do anything about it."
"You're just being weak," Anna accuses. "How do you know fighting won't eventually help if you stop?" I don't say a thing. She is right, but so am I. What do I listen to?
Shadows loom over us as we turn around just as strong arms wrap around us, restraining us. "There you two trouble makers are," says a familiar voice. Why does Mary have to always be around? "You two shouldn't be running around. It's not safe."
Anna kicks and struggles, though the hold on her arms don't lessen. The man behind her seems annoyed for a moment, looking tempted to shoot her with sedatives soon. I don't do anything, ignoring the look of betrayal from Anna. I still need to think about what she had said.
"You two are both getting an extra week of punishment," Mary continues, looking smug. She looks pleased about catching us. "But this time, you won't be put together. Can't have you plotting any more trouble, can we?"
I almost kick her for this. Instead, I look down, hiding my anger. She's taking away something else of mine. I've just found someone to talk to, and she rips my companion away, shoving me back into loneliness deeper than ever. It is harder after what I've needed is waved in my face and pulled away again.
"Besides, Kairi," Mary says, waving a hand down the hall. "You're late for your appointment with Dr. Mason." At the name, Anna stops her struggles.
"You're one of Mason's patients?" she blurts out, but Mary shushes her.
"No time to chat, you naughty girl. Honestly, Kairi, you need to be careful of who you socialize with. The man restraining me shoves me to walk and I obey, confused at Anna's reaction. Was there something wrong with Dr. Mason?
As I am led away, I hear Mary behind me ordering, "Anna, you need a time out. Matt, take her back to her room, will you?"
I ponder about the possibilities of Anna's outburst as I head toward the doctor's office. I know there are quite a few psychiatrists around. Do they each specialize in something? And what does Dr. Mason specialize in?
"In here, kid," the attendant behind me says, pushing me into the office. I sit on the couch where I sat last time.
"My notebook," I remember. "I'm supposed to bring it." The man sighs, pulling out a walkie talkie. Muttering a few words into it as he calls someone to retrieve it from my room, he nods. I relax a bit, planning to doodle while the doctor talks. If she doesn't do anything, why should I? Still, I wonder how I was assigned to her. Maybe I will ask when she arrives.
Author's Notes: Not much for me to say. Um…thanks for the reviews I've been getting. They've been very encouraging. Oh, well. I've got time to waste.
So, I hope the chapters have been meeting expectations. Tell me if I start drifting a little. Criticism is greatly needed, because I'd like to know what I need to work on. Maybe if I write another story it won't be in first person POV, or do more people prefer it? I need to think about it.
Darn, I don't know what else to write. Maybe I'll write more next time. Or go ahead ask questions, any questions, with your reviews and I'll try to answer some of them here. I have way too much free time this summer…