My parents look at me different now, like they don't recognize me anymore. They wonder what really happened during the few days I was missing. When I walk into a room, worry crosses their face. I ask them about it but they say it is nothing. Are they keeping something from me?
I sit in my room, curled up in the window seat with a pillow in my arms. It is hard to return to normal life. I haven't had the time yet to visit Sora and Riku's families. They've sent flowers, but they don't call. I think they partially blame me for their disappearances. But it's not my fault, is it?
The sun lingers just above the horizon, casting an orange-red glow across the morning sky. I haven't slept much lately. This is the third night in the row I've stayed up. Nightmares haunt my dreams about the dark place I was trapped in and I keep seeing their faces. Sora promised they'd return. Where is he now?
I bury my face in the pillow as if I can sink into its soft surface, cushioned and protected from what is going on. It is all confusing right now. I don't know what to think or believe anymore.
A knock interrupts my thoughts as I shift from my cramped position, looking at the door. My mother enters without me giving permission and sits next to me.
"Kairi, my dear. It's time for your first day back to school," she tells me, stroking my hair, the same reddish brown as hers. "Maybe going back to a normal routine will help you feel better."
"It feels weird," I say, trying pull away. Instead, she grabs a brush sitting on my desk, sliding it through my hair motherly.
"Now, now," she comforts me softly. "It'll be fine. You've been to school before without…well, you know." I know who she almost mentions. She and my father have avoided talking about them, though they've stopped trying to convince me to remove their pictures and move on.
Placing the comb on my lap where I let it fall to the floor carelessly, she crosses my room to my closet, pulling out my favorite outfit. "You'll return to school looking as beautiful as ever," Mother says, dusting off the purple skirt. She doesn't realize it is identical to the outfit I had on when the door between the worlds opened. I look at it sadly, the memories and worries flooding back.
Oblivious at my reaction, she places it on the window seat next to me and leaves the room. Peeking in her head in before she closes the door, she gives me a sad smile that she doesn't think I see. She feels sorry for me. Doesn't everybody? It's getting tiring and all I want is to be left alone. No more 'Poor Kairi' or 'Such a pity.'
Dressing slowly, I look in the mirror, shocked at what I see. It is the same girl as always, yet still different. My reflection shows me, but I seem older, my eyes sadder. The adventure has really changed me. I wonder if everyone else also sees the change.
"There you are, princess," my father greets as I descend the stairs. I cringe at the word. Me being a princess is one of things that caused all this to happen.
"Don't call me princess," I request softly. My father looks worried for a moment but nods. A part of me wonders if they understand, but that feeling disappears as my mother directs me to a chair.
"Eggs or waffles, honey?" she asked. She's never made breakfast for me before, always too busy. She must be trying extra hard now to cheer me up.
"Just toast will be fine," I answer, sipping at orange juice. It is fresh squeezed. Why are they trying so hard suddenly? I've never seen my mother cook, never thought it was possible. And my father idly drinking coffee while reading the paper? It all seems too perfect. They must be trying very hard to make me forget, though it isn't working.
"Actually, I'll walk," I say, getting up from the table. I don't want to be around their falseness any longer. My mother looks reluctant to let me go, but my father gives her a look and she nods. Grabbing my backpack, I head out the door.
Though I am dressed the same as ever, people stare at me. The news of the incident has spread throughout the island. I stare at the ground, trudging along to school when three shadows join me.
"Ready for school?" Selphie asks, her happiness almost oozing. I envy her, always so carefree. Tidus and Wakka are right behind her, arguing something about a duel. With the way Wakka carries his beloved blitz ball under his arm, I have a feeling the conversation is off a duel between them. Most likely who won.
"Is everyone talking about me?" I reply, avoiding her question as a middle-aged couple pass us. The woman stares at me for a moment before whispering to her husband.
"Just ignore them," she answers, glaring at them. She doesn't answer my inquiry and I know it's true.
"Sure miss them," Tidus sighs before Wakka hits him. It is clear who he's talking about. Everyone's talking about them now as if they really are dead. Do I tell them all?
"You three go ahead," I say, stopping suddenly. "I left something at home." Hopefully they understand my hidden intentions to be alone.
"Are you sure?" Selphie asks, sounding more motherly than my mother. "We'll be happy to walk with you to school." I shake my head. The three of them looks at each other, unsure of my decision.
"Go on," I tell them, giving a well practiced fake smile. Lately, I've had to force a lot of smiles and I've gotten good at them. Looking at me one more time, they slowly walk off, leaving me standing there. Turning, I head the opposite way. Instead of returning home, I let my feet guide me. I find myself in the secret place.
The place looks no different from before except for the absence of the door. Only the designs and shape of it remain, carved into the rock as if by hand. I toss my back pack in the corner, walking slowly to where the door was. Reaching out, my fingers brush the wall, hoping that somehow, I can open it that way. The stone feels cold and lifeless under my hand.
"Open," I plead to the wall. The Princess of Hearts had the power to open Kingdom Hearts. Why couldn't one princess open a single door? "Please, I need to find them." It is tearing me apart to know that I can't be by their side, to help them in any way I can.
Nothing happens, magic or whatever force that controls it ignoring my requests. I fall to my knees, tears sliding down my cheeks. I've kept it up too long, keeping in the secret. I need to tell someone the truth and make them believe. They have it too easy, not here to deal with family and friends. I no longer care about the promise. I am impatient. I want them back here
Sora, find Riku soon and both of you return to me. I know your job is important, but you two always said how important I was. Come back… Pounding on the rock, I ignore the blood dripping from my fist. Pounding, pounding and forgetting everything. Slowly, fatigue overtakes me and I cry myself to sleep.
Chapter 6
"Well, this is all very interesting," Dr. Mason says, flipping though my notebook. I sit quietly with my hands folded in my lap. As she turns the pages, I see glimpses of my writing and sketches I have drawn. "You're a very talented artist, Kairi," she tells me. I think she's just saying that, like when you compliment a preschooler on the marvelous stick figures they draw.
Silence save for the flipping of pages and the hum of the fan overhead fills the room. I debate on how to ask her about how she was assigned to me, but I keep quiet for now.
Dr. Mason skims one of my latest entrees, not looking at me once. "Well, it seems as if your parents were on the right track removing those photos," she says. "You seem to have never gotten over the lost of your friends."
"They're not gone," I tell her, staring at the ground. "They're alive. But no one believes me."
"They're gone, Kairi," she tries to assure me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "They never even found a body." That's because there can't be a body if they're not dead, I think. I don't say it out loud.
Dr. Mason stands, pacing around the room for a moment as if deciding what to do. Occasionally she glances at me, as if recognizing something.
"You know, you remind me a bit of my daughter," she tells me. "A sweet girl, but always getting into trouble too. I heard you've been rampaging around the halls lately." So she did notice why I was late. One of the attendants must have told her.
"Doctor," I say softly, "How did I get assigned to you?" She looks at me surprised. She must not get questions like this much from her patients.
"Because you're special, Kairi," she tells me. "I actually handle patients who hallucinate and patients with mood disorders, or at least the minor ones. The other ones are assigned to one of the other psychiatrists.
So they still think that I hallucinate. No wonder she doesn't listen to me. She must be used to her patients ranting about random stories and learned to ignore them.
I sigh in frustration, accepting my notebook back as she holds it out to me. Immediately I open it to a blank, beginning a sketch of Riku and Sora. In these sessions I am supposed to try and forget them, but I can't. They are all I can think of when I am asked to erase them from my memory.
"Kairi," Dr. Mason says, standing. Walking to her desk, she pulls out a crystal on a chain. "Let's try something new. Now, I don't normally believe in this, but it doesn't hurt to try."
I look up from my drawing to see what she is talking as she approaches the couch. What could she want to try? Light glints off the crystal as she sits in a chair next to me.
"Now, sweetie," she says to me. "Put down your notebook for now. I want you to lie down and try to relax. We're going to try a little hypnosis." I look skeptical, slowly lowering my pen. Hypnosis? I've always thought it was fake, but then again, I never believed it was possible to end up on different worlds. I'd never believed that anything like heartless could be real. But it all had been, so why couldn't hypnosis work? Besides, if Dr. Mason believes that I'll be telling things from the deepest part of my mind, then maybe it will convince her I am telling the truth.
Lying down, I try to relax, hoping that this would work. Maybe there's something I've forgotten myself of what had happened. Perhaps she can uncover the blurred images of when my heart was gone.
"Now watch the crystal. Look into it deeply. Study the flaws and each facet of it," she says softly, releasing the crystal. It begins to swing like a pendulum, light reflecting off of it, flashing once in a while.
"Relax, honey," she continues. I feel my eye lids grow heavy. Is this how it's supposed to feel like. "Don't fight to stay awake. Slip into your subconscious and clear your mind."
A small part of my brain seems to go numb, her voice fading. It sounds far away now. I feel weightless, drifting in a dark void. Unlike the one of the heartless', it is warm and comforting, wrapping around me until I feel bundled up in a blanket of blackness.
Her voice is just a faint whisper in the distance now as what looks like colors appear and swirl in front of my eyes. I barely hear her ask my name to see if I am fully in the trance, and my mouth moves to respond. "I am Kairi," I say in an emotionless tone, my words sounding foreign now. It is as if I am out of my body, deep in my mind.
"Tell me what happened that night they disappeared," Dr. Mason's voice says in my head. To me, it sounds mumbled, but some part of my mind hears and answers.
"A light appeared in my bedroom, a portal," I say, my tone flat and barely above a whisper. "A man stepped out. A small black figure next to him." I remember that night clearly, sitting up in bed and watching out my window as thunder crackled through the sky. It was as if it was forewarning of something sinister.
"Did you recognize the man?" she continues. Again, my voice answers before I can control the answer.
"No. He wore a hood. And the dark figure looked like a bug," I say. I had been terrified, my scream caught in my throat. The yellow eyes on the heartless had watched me hungrily, looking ready to devour my soul.
"Interesting," she mutters. I don't answer anything, my mind sensing it not a question. "Now, let's go deeper," Dr. Mason suggests. "When I snap my fingers, can you go back to that night and tell me everything that happened?"
For a moment, I try to protest, but I am not connected to my mind and body no longer. I thrash in my position against the thick darkness encompassing me. I don't want to return to that night. Please don't make me. My pleas don't reach her and a click is heard. I hear my self gasp as suddenly I'm pulled back to the night the heartless came…
"Come with me," says the deep voice, the hooded man holding out his hand. I shake my head without a word, pulling my blanket close. My shoes feel uncomfortable on the mattress. I was fully dressed having planned a moment ago to go out and check on the raft. Now, I don't want to leave my room.
"My dear, you are a Princess of Heart," he says, taking a step forward. I cringe and close my eyes as he brushes a cold hand on my cheek. What does he want from me? I look at him, terrified and confused. My voice betrays me as I attempt to call my parents. Then I remember they aren't home anyways. They are away at a dinner. I am alone.
"What do you want," I whisper, close to crying. "What are you doing in my room?" I warily watch the shadow figure circling me, the coldness surrounding it. The fresh rose that I always keep on my dresser is gray, the petals falling. Watching it wilt before my eyes, a shiver runs down my back. It must be a bad omen, warning me that these two are evil.
"You are a key to opening the door," the stranger says. "Do not be afraid. You are special. I have been watching you." I shudder at that thought, wanting more than anything to wake up from this nightmare. How can this be possible?
"Your friend will be with you too," he continues. I notice he says friend. Is it Sora or Riku? What can that mean? Many questions flow into my mind as I look out the window, half expecting one of them to be running up toward my house.
"Are they with you?" I ask, worried. Strength momentarily flows into my voice as I think about my friends. "Who do you have? What have you done to them?"
"He is fine. He will soon accept the darkness. Just as you will as well." I don't like the sounds of those words. As I open my mouth to ask how, a pain rips through my chest, flowing through my body. The little shadow figure stands on my bed in front of me, a beam of light flowing from me into it.
"It is called a heartless, a shadow to be exact," the stranger says in a cold voice. "Don't fight it. Your heart, your soul will soon be mine. The first I need to open the door."
Fire lances through my body as a scream, feeling the heartless clawing inside my body to take my heart. Why is he doing this? It hurts so much. I can feel myself threatening to pass out with the pain, wanting to get away from it, but I struggle. I don't want to be taken. I have to tell someone.
Slowly I feel myself separating from my body, my heart in the grasp of the shadow heartless. It will be easier for me to succumb to the darkness and let them take me, but I think about my friends. Sora and Riku. In a final struggle using almost all of the strength I have left, I pull away from the heartless's hold just as my heart separates from my body. I now hover near the ceiling, staring at the empty shell that used to be me.
"Now, give me her heart," the stranger orders the shadow. The creature opens its claws to emptiness. This angers the man.
"You lost her?" he yells, an icy cold light surrounding him. Pulling out a sword, he slashes at the defenseless shadow and it dissipates. He glances around the room as I dodge towards the window, invisible.
"I'll find her later," he mutters to himself. "But first, the boy." He seems to be confident that it will be easy to find me. Waving his hand, a portal once again opens, a rip through the air. He scoops up my body as if I weighed nothing. "I can still use her to lure the boy into following my orders," he says, looking at my quiet figure. Stepping through the portal, he disappears.
Scared, I can think of only two people who might be able to help me. But where can they be? I pass through the window, ghostlike as I float above the island. Below me, more of the heartless rampage the island. They are chasing someone. Sora?
I cry out his name, trying to reach for him to help him as he runs toward the island with the paopu tree. There stands Riku. It is the darkness flowing under his feet that attempts to draw me in. I pull away, watching as Sora approaches him. From this distance, I can't here them, but any closer and I will be sucked in.
The dark matter swirls as Riku suddenly sinks under, Sora grasping for him but misses. In that moment a flash surrounds him, something appearing in his hand. More heartless approach him, but my energy is draining. Unable to watch, I flee to the only place I feel safe. The secret place.
Standing in the cave, I feel faint, staring at the door that has appeared. What is it doing here? It has baffled me since I was a child. I look at the carvings on the walls for a long time, running now solid looking fingers across them. By me and my friends. But Riku has been taken now. There is only one other of us who can help now. Brushing my hand along a picture of his face, I here footsteps approaching.
"Kairi!" Sora calls, looking surprised. Worry crosses his face as he sees my weary form. I need to tell him what has happened, but I barely have the strength to stand now.
The door suddenly swings open, but by that time, I am too weak to notice. I can't survive very long without a body.
"Sora…" I whisper, falling. He throws his arms out to catch me, but I pass right through him. I am inside of him now, in his heart. There, sleep envelopes me as I slip into unconsciousness.
Hands are shaking me now as a scream fills the room. Voices are surrounding me now. I thrash unknowingly, resisting the hold.
"Kairi!" a familiar voice says. "Calm down! You're fine now!" It is Dr. Mason. I am out of the trance. It takes me a moment to figure out the screams are from me. The hands are from attendants who rushed in to restrain me.
"Don't inject her with anything!" the doctor orders. "She's been through enough!" She seems frazzled, nothing like the librarian like figure I thought she reminded me of. In a soothing voice as if she is talking to a baby, she says, "It's okay, Kairi. You're safe now." Somehow it works, and I settle down, sobbing now.
"Don't ever make me go back again," I whisper through gasps. I am soaked in perspiration, the memory of the pain as my heart was taken out faint but still lingering, resurfaced from the hypnosis.
"It's okay," she tells me, holding me. With a gesture, she waves the attendants away for a moment. They stand by a wall in case anything happens again.
My cries eventually fade, and I slowly pull myself away from Dr. Mason. The memory was so vivid. It was as if I was relieving it all over again.
"You said some very interesting things, my dear," the doctor tells me, collecting herself now. "You described everything so vividly. But I don't understand what happened. None of what you said seems possible."
"It is and it was," I whisper, my voice hoarse from the screams. I pull my knees to my chest, quietly accepting a cup of water she hands me.
"Maybe we've done enough for today," she tells me. "You should rest and I'll evaluate everything for out next meeting." She seems eager to get rid of me, almost scared. Like everyone else. I only nod, finding myself too weak to say anything else.
"John, can you carry her back to her room and make sure she gets some sleep?" she asks one man. He hesitates then moves from the wall, scooping me up like a child. For once without drugs, I don't resist being carried. I just want to sleep, to put everything back into the past where memories belong. I don't want to relive the pains once more. As he leaves the office, I am too tired to notice the trip back to my room. Only my pillow as my head lays on it and I slip into a dark dreamless sleep.
Author's notes: Eh…My friend told me I need more emotion in my notes. I thought I showed plenty of emotions already, but she's never satisfied cough Eki cough
So I finally finished the sixth chapter. Took me longer than the others that's for sure. And I'm sorry the next one might take about two weeks to come out. I'm going on a cruise this weekend for a week and I'm not sure if I can bring my labtop. Now, let's see what I had to say about the reviews, um…thanks, don't worry, I hate Mary too, there's more to Dr. Mason and Anna, but I plan to hold that off for a little bit longer, thanks Aliasfan for that highly recommended thing!
Nanashi: didn't I tell you to stop calling me that? You're the only one who still uses that! No one's called me that since kindergarten!
Ud the Imp: um…split personalities? lol, not sure to take your review as a compliment or insult. Don't worry, I don't plan to keep Kairi in the place forever. And you're not the only one who hates Mary. I have a feeling there's enough of you Mary-haters to start a club.
I really can't write a reply to all the reviews, but I can write, thanks a lot! I'll try to keep it up, and if I don't, feel free flame so I know what to fix, and I'm not sure the hypnosis idea was such a good idea, but I couldn't think of anything else. And it was just how I imagined how Kairi got in Sora and stuff. Now it's about lunch time here, so I've got to go now, see ya'all when I finish the next chapter!
p.s. happy now, Eki? More emotion! I need food…