Title: Eyes That Never Blink
Author: Count Phwee
Rating: PG-13
Paring: Zell/Squall/Seifer (kind of)
Notes: A cute story about Zell, why he is what he is, and his closest friend, the one with the eyes that never blink, their past and thoughts on the future.
Ever since I can remember Zell HAD always talked, as long as I have known him I have always listened.
I know all of Zell's deepest secret's, all of his deepest fears, I know of his hidden desires. There was nothing he could hide from me, nothing he ever tried to hide. One of the sweetest boys on the planet Zell is and I find myself wishing day after day that I could be the one to make him happy but I know I cannot; …it just isn't meant to be. So I listen, I never talk back; just listen to his problems listen to how he tells me what he wants; who he wants and I can only listen and wish that person were smart enough to see that Zell was the best person in the whole world. He is my whole world…
Lately all he can talk of are his upcoming seeD tests, I feel bad for him; there is something, something that will go wrong, I feel it. If I could I would take him away cradle him like the precious gem he is and keep him away from anything that could hurt his soul. That would never work; even if I could, Zell has a little problem; monophobia, big word simple problem, but that's why I'm here, always have been as far as I'm concerned. Mono means one, phobia is the fear of, Zell is scared of being alone; he pushes himself so hard to try and be perfect, so people will like him and he wont be alone.
As I said that is why I am here, I give my love and he takes it up scaring away the shadows that are normally kept at bay by other people, people that can't help him once he is in his room; walls closing in; no help. I'm here for that; I keep his fear at bay, and in return he gives me the love he can, without knowing it maybe? A simple touch here and there and I'm content for he next couple of weeks or so.
He is back; walking around his room looking for the work I knew he forgot here earlier, it's in the top drawer on the left. Not that I would tell him it's so fun to watch him tear the place apart looking for it. My how he has grown, it brings tears to my eyes really it does, I knew him when he was still wearing cute little footie pyjamas, little stars on them. I remember even if he doesn't I remember how he clung to me for dear life as the thunder crashed around us, I remember when he tried to feed me; I got covered in jam that wouldn't wash out for weeks. Over the years I watched as he began to sleep in boxers; as he began to train, fragile child's body being pushed into that of a fighters. I wish I could have stopped him, I wish I could have taken away his pain the pain that drove him to his limits and started his fear in the beginning. I first came to him when he was a little under a year old.
She had looked at me her brilliant blue eyes sparkling; she took me home with her, long blonde hair braided as the small child liked to try and grab the brilliant strands. The child had been small, even then, smaller then all the other but his face shone with passion, curiosity and a knowledge that all he had to do was see what was around the next bend and his life would be better. Chyrsanthello had been his name then, long as it was; to this day even I never think of him as that; he grew into his new better then he would have any other name; even one given by his birth mother. They lived happily together, both parents dotting on their first child, then the attack came wave after wave of invasion; I remember her screams when she died, thoughts of her now dead soul mate and the young life of their child. I think on some level Zell remembers this, somewhere he knew she had left him all alone in this world, nothing no one- only me. A passing mercenary had found him; amidst all the wreckage of the little village he heard the calls of a hungry child he fed the baby and took him away from the view of his lifeless mother, she stared vacantly ahead, her head missing a chunk from the top, eyes blood shot filmed over starting at the blanket she had wrapped him in before the attack.
Zell had traveled as far as the next safe village with this mysterious man, I traveled with them I wasn't about to leave my charge. As his soul left his body I felt the father's voice cry out, not in the way anyone else can hear it but in a way that a soul cries for it's fallen body; he cried out to protect his wife, to protect his son. I could do nothing for the woman she was doomed but I wasn't going to leave the boy. He was left in an over populated orphanage, he was cared for there, but barely he receive no nurturing; there were just too many kids and the priority was the keep them alive. Zell was left all alone till he was three, fed, learned to speak, but little else, he cried easily and frequently making him the annoyance of most the other children. He only cried when they left though, that when the wailing would start, he did it to bring them back; so they wouldn't leave him alone again. At this point I wasn't his shield I wasn't the one to keep him safe he had no faith in me. A woman named Matron would later change that but for now he was all alone.
An accident happened next, something that was mean to blow up a military house, not the orphanage; a horrible horrible mistake. Something that was later written off as just a technical error and nothing more was done. 20 kids and 4 adults dead in the blink of and eye 3 more to die of injuries later. Zell was one of two to get away unharmed, he had me no one could hurt him, well I wish anyways, he escaped death by pure luck. He was dragged away crying by one of the nurses that survived, the town was under siege and there was nothing she could do. She escaped, and fled as far from the front as she could get; almost on her last breath she stumbled on a little house, right beside a light house on the edge of the sea, cradling the three year old she knocked on the door, a woman with beautiful long swaying black hair and skin the colour of the moon on a cold night answered.
Zell was put to rest in one of the rooms, Edea sent for medical help but it was no use she died before anyone could help her. Edea wandered into the room soon after that she looked at me and smiled, then she sat down beside the bundle of blond hair.
"My poor child" she said softly running her long fingers through Zell's down fine hair. "Poor poor child," it was the next day she decided that it was lonely in this house all alone while Cid was away trying to build the gardens; then was when Matron's orphanage was opened.
Things got better from there; Zell began to heal, smiling for the caring woman every now and then. It was her who gave him the name Zell she said it fit him and he smiled at her. Four months past, Zell turned four and on one rainy day another boy showed up, he had chocolate brown hair and look about a half a year older then my Zell. He was dropped off and the person disappeared into the night again, swallowed by the storm raging outside.
"What is your name?" She asked him, a shy head poking out from behind her dress, Zell's small hands bunched in her skirt. "Come out and say hello Zell" She smiled and gently pried the small boy from her and motioned towards the newcomer.
"Hi, my name is Zell, how are you"
"…" The other boy just looked at Zell haunting eyes the same shade as a summer storm, a mix of blue and grey.
"Will you tell me your name?" Zell pressed, the boy scared him but he had learned from Matron that everyone needed a friend, even a scary boy who had showed up out of nowhere.
"I don't have one," he said at last.
"Then we can give you one!"
Zell and the boy and Edea eventually chose the name Squall –for it was a great storm outside when he came to us- and then on Squall lived at the house with Zell and Matron. Next showed up a boy that was a year older then Zell, short blond hair and a scowl on his face he was left at the orphanage. Poor Zell, this by named Seifer teased him all the time; I could do nothing to stop it. Eventually it began to fill up an older girl came about five years older then Zell, she came with a blond girl that was only two years older. Then two more, a brown haired boy and girl they had come holding hands the girl had smiled and waved at them all cheerfully telling them that their momma and papa went far far away so they had to stay here.
They were a family even when they didn't act like it; everyone loved each other no matter what they said. It was on one of those nights when the thunder crashed ion the sky and make the house tremble from its mighty force. During nights like this Zell would curl up in a little ball and make a whining sound, he was scared of the loud noise and didn't want it to come for him. Well that is what he told Matron when she found him one night.
"Shhhh Zell it's okay" She pulled him into a hug and cradled him softly,
"I don't want you to leave" Zell sniffled, he couldn't remember when his other homes had been destroyed but he did have faint traces of a loud bang. He loved it here too much to watch it vanish.
"I'm not going to leave you Zell," She cooed softly and petted the other boy's hair. "I'll never leave you, and neither will he" she indicated that it was me she was talking about and I almost glowed with pride, that was right there was no way I was ever leaving his side. "He will stay with you forever and ever, so cherish him" at that point in time I would like to point out that Matron was my favourite person in the whole world.
That was a long time ago, he was four then almost five, making it about eleven years now, I kind of miss the old days. It gets my stomach in knots when he talks about Squall or Seifer, I know who they are but he doesn't seem to know any of it. How he forgot someone he helped name I do not know, I know he sure as hell doesn't think of them like brothers like before. In fact his thoughts of late have been drastically less innocent, he blushed when he told me he liked Squall. I haven't seen Squall since we left the orphanage, so I do not know what he looks like but whenever Zell says his name I still think of that little boy who showed up in the middle of a storm and wouldn't talk. He must have grown, oh the way he blushed when he told about this dream he was having; it was funny, cute, and made me want to cherish Zell even more. If only I could. I know he is a virgin and I want to keep him that way, but I can't.
Maybe he will give it up to Squall? Maybe, he talked for a long time once about all the things he liked about the other boy; small things like his eyes, his hair, his lips. All of it he explained to me, but my Zell isn't shallow, there is more to it; Zell once told me that Squall has this air about him that was like tasting raw power, crackling like energy. Zell was a natural follower and Squall was like his flame he wanted to be led, Squall seemed like a nice sturdy pillar and Zell wanted not only to tie himself to it but also to help hold it up.
His love for Squall he told me many times was undying, that was until he woke gasping on night a completely different name on his lips. Zell had wandered around confused for days, blushing like mad whenever see saw one of two people, it was difficult to ignore people in your class you know, he told me so. Eventually he spilled it all to me, he had dreamed that he had submitted himself in different ways to both Squall and Seifer; he had blushed so badly when he said that I was worried for a moment. Eventually he convinced himself it was a passing thing.
To this day he often finds himself awakened at night, one of two names fresh on his lips. I feel bad for him I do, poor thing so confused, I still wish I could be the one to hold him but maybe he will find his comfort in the strong arms of the boy who tormented him or the icy grasp of the boy who ignores him. Why Zell must you always go for what it hardest to obtain…
Even when choosing a weapon he chose the gloves, he was smaller then all the other boys in his class, he seemed weak fragile. He trained for three months straight and refused to take anything else till he was ready to become a glove master. His hands, feet, face, shoulders, he was covered in bruises after it all, and still he went back to training with a fever; he was going to do this and no one was going to stop him. I love that about him, he reaches for the stars with all he has, he is going to give me a heart attack soon, after all what if he falls?
He found his paper and is on his way out again, he shuts off the light and I want to laugh and I want to cry he is growing up so fast. I want to hug him again, I want to he able to hold him, I want to shed real tears. You see, I am what I have always been, I am called Choco –he used to call me Ko Ko when he was small when he couldn't make the proper sound- I sit on a shelf watching him go on about his life, I am and always have been a stuffed chocobo, but still I watch over him.